~☆~Good morning, all!~☆~
SubC, my best laugh so far this morning was your comment on how youre doing your best to stay away from the other teachers' trash cans! You are so cute! I love your enthusiast commitment!
CM, this may sound like a hoarderish suggestion, but if you cant get much money for your van, maybe you could convert it to something useful?
Tillie, i hope youre enjoying your time to yourself?! I also wonder if Steven will feel a shift from being away, once he returns. That happens to me when ive been away & come back & see my mess.
Tatoulia, im so glad this process with your sibling is happening. I think it will be good for all of you. It is strange the co-worker has gotten mean. Im sorry, that makes things so much more unpleasant.
Porter, i did some adobe test blocks, of combos of dirt, water, sand & straw. I want to do earthbags mainly, but i love the blocks, too! The earthbags are a mix, depending on the dirt i have here, dirt, clay, sand & Portland cememnt. My adobe test blocks are kind of a test on my dirt, too. This method makes so much sense for building! It doesnt take special skills, tools, killing forests, materials from other places, power blades flying around, math equations, etc. One of my favorite things that to me in God/Nature saying, 'This is a building method!', is the way the blocks pull away from the wooden form once they dry. The form can just be lifted right off! The main center for earthbag building is in CA called Cal-earth, if you want to check it out. Thats where the lady who teaches it in my area learned.
The catlady job is going well! This may sound weird, but after seeing how dirty it is, i felt much better about initiating a barter deal with her caring for my cats, if i need to go away. She even said she knows shes bad about keeping stuff & not having things immaculate, etc. I can feel it will help me clean my place, by doing hers. Theres a food bank there today, which im hoping will help lower my food spending costs?! Their center is really exciting! I love being part of it!
I cant believe how many people have wanted to come help build my mudhut(earthbag house). Ive tried for years to get help, with pay, in cleaning my yucky place, but for some reason(sarcasm!), no one was as enthused about doing that, as they seem to be about building the earthbag house...ha ha
~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~☆♡☆~

CM, I hope you find a good resolution. The last two cars I drove went for scrap metal.

Tatoulia, I hope you feel better.

Tillie, I am very happy to hear how Steven packed for his trip. If the car is already full, he can't bring back new things! I hope You enjoy your peace and quiet.

I have my morning at home and then I am going to graduation for my students. I am so increadibly proud of this batch, and I will miss them so much!

Next week is the last week of school and we will be doing classroom clean out. Some of us have already started. I am working on staying away from other teachers' trash cans.

I need to spend some time in my studio dealing with things I have brought home.

CM! So good to hear from you. You are doing a good job keeping it together despite these terrible problems with the van. I'm sure you can't wait til these problems are in your rear-view mirror (YOU STARTED THIS).

I know I listed my brother's car on Craigslist as a parts car and it sold immediately. I was able to enlist BF to help meet with the guy so I wasn't alone. You might be able to leave it st mechanic's and part it out from there.

Listen, whatever you do, I believe you will feel a weight off of your shoulders when you are MOVING ON to another vehicle.

Tillie my dear. He took some hoard with him! Oh my.

Sibling has been in touch with my BF and BF is giving him a ride somewhere late tmr afternoon. it's so nice to be free. My grief never leaves but it's a sad situation. And no reason for his mental illness to ruin my life too. I've done what I could for as long as I could.

No cleaning today other than kitty's box and getting garbage and recycling out. And that was early this AM.

Week ended better than it started. And I'm grateful for that.

All I can do is keep praying this never ends. I keep falling in love not just with her , but the path god has put before me.
It's hard at times, but with this companion , no work seems endless . I'm nothing without god.

I fell asleep at my house by accident. I was sleeping in my homemade foam mattress about 7:30 ,
I woke about 2:30 am two hours early for work.
I could smell alcohol , Marcie drinks at night, I didn't know she's alcoholic , but she does drink after 9pm.

I woke up smelling that alcohol like she was sweating it. She got between me and the Wall , spooning me but with her face on my back. I could feel her breathing on my skin.

After about ten minutes , I just began to start whispering a un ceasing prayer thanking god for Marcie being my companion.

But kept being mindful that if it is god that brought us together that I keep vigilant for what his will is an serve god together.
That I'm not sure about yet. Right now I'm fully engaged in bonding with her.
I mean. This woman came and looked for me, miles from her routine. Laid down so quietly that I was unaware of her presence. We spent two hours just whispering to each ear with the windows open , listening to spring. In the city. Chilly , dark, and a bit wet. She put her eye on me hard , and I felt her blink on my cheek. She amazes me.
She's so church girl by day, but so boozy floozy by night.
But the mornings come when we're so alone. No sex, no nothing else. Just lying there together, no mess to go clean, nothing in the house to upset about or ashamed of.
Nothing to do, just filling eachothers senses, with the sounds of sweet whispers, warmth of each others skin, the taste of her lips, the blue in her eyes, and the intoxicating smell of the vodka, .

I don't drink. Can't, doctors orders.
But my mind set is so different now than in years past.
There's nothing she or I need to do when we wake up. Just focus on each other.

I mostly skip cooking in the morning.
I almost always eat grain berry honey nut O's with walnuts and blueberries, strawberries, banana chips, and cherries.
Right out of a baggie.
So I never step foot in the kitchen unless I'm committed to cleaning it before going to bed at night. But that takes time away from bathing each other and other things we do.
Marcie loves that I wash her hair and make her favorite ice cream in a mug. Mudslide in mug.
I can't drink , but oh god her kissing is so intoxicating I simply just don't complain. I'm not perfect either.

So thankful , like I've taken a direct hit from Cupid.

Hi CriticalMass 🙂
I'm happy you have been doing a LOT of soul searching and have come up with a plan you are willing to undertake.
Sometimes car "junk yards" buy non-running vehicles and sell their parts to customers.
First chance I get that's who I am calling and asking about them possibly taking the derelict vehicles laying around here, and hopefully paying me a tiny pittance too.
Cory Chalmers probably has better info on what we can do with non-functioning vehicles too.
It is sad when something that has been with us through all life's ups & downs is finally laid to rest by the roadside. (((HUGS)))

Hi everyone

Sorry for not much but van saga this whole year, but I think not much longer and the chapter will be closed and a new chapter will begin - and hopefully it will be a better one.

Today I told my mechanic definitively not to do another thing to the old one. Getting it driveable is an exercise in futility and frustration. When he gets it almost done and another thing immediately breaks, and this happens TWICE, I am going to take it as a sign that God is telling me that door must be completely closed before He can open the window to bless me with something better.

And there is a plan afoot (no pun intended) for the something better. That's all I can say at this time. Tomorrow I shift (again no pun intended) my efforts toward cleaning out the old one and finding out how one goes about parting it out instead of selling it as a running vehicle.

Talk about a huge lesson in detachment. I tend to give my cars and computers and things personalities and that's why it's painful; I want to keep them on life support when maybe it's time to pull the plug.

This is a complicated process. But we've turned a corner (what IS it with these driving metaphors?!). I look forward to a time when my brain is not 90% preoccupied with the van and I can string coherent thoughts together.

It is so weird already when I ride places with others - the city changes, buildings are torn down and others go up. I think I may feel like Rip van (!) Winkle waking up the first time I drive around on my own again.

Good Morning 🙂

Clear skies until late afternoon when there may be some rain.
So, I am doing laundry. 🙂

He completely filled the car trunk, back seat, passenger seat and all smaller compartments with miscellaneous and assorted "stuff".
For just a few days away he feels the need to take a mobile hoard along with him. ;P HaHaHa

Good Morning Everyone 🙂
"Clink!"

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
WTG! buying such pretty tops for your Mom. ;D
That will be enjoyable, spending time with your friend and her precocious children.
Hope your tummy issues are all better now (((hugs)))

Another day with a good chance of rain later this afternoon.
I'm loving all this blessed rain.
Laundry is piling up a bit but that's OK
I'd rather have the rain.

I didn't get any cleaning done today other than laundry. That's okay.

I'm going to go to bed now. I'm tired. I hope my belly ache doesn't return. I bought the tablets and some ginger ale at the grocery store.

I'm getting together with a girlfriend and her two kids this weekend. I think her husband's out of town and she just wants to hang out in the city. She suggested it and I said sure, anytime Saturday (after the royal wedding) will work for me/I no longer see sibling. And she said, I'm sorry. Then she said, that's good?

She has a drug addicted mother and an alcoholic sister. She's had to make a lot of hard choices to keep her family safe. It will be good to see her. We won't be able to talk about any of this (that's okay) since her eldest is brilliant. In fact, last time BF and I had dinner at their house, the five year old was spelling out words as though we wouldn't understand! And he spelled dessert correctly too.

I'll see mom on Sunday.

Ok goodnight dear friends.

Dinner sounds fantastic, Tillie! I'm about to run to store to buy myself something for dinner. I went to visit BF at lunch and I had a ginger ale and some crackers. Feeling much improved.

I'm going to stop by mom's first. I bought her a few casual tops the other day. Something to wear with her summer skirts. One is white cotton and one is a lavender cotton. Very pretty.

Going to run out--feels like rain here too Tillie!

Hi Tatoulia 🙂

Weather forecast has now changed to 90% chance of rain.
It's very dark & cloudy at 2:00pm and there is now some light wind.

Steven has reality issues too.
Last several years he has started installing cameras and alarms around outside.
There are times he accuses me of things that I didn't do, like one morning he thought I was not home all the night before.
But I was here ALL night long.
He has this fantasy world in his head and I can not convince him otherwise.
He also has conspiracy issues about where he works.
He gets angry at me for imaginary things...

YEA! for clean Kitty sheets! ;D
Bye bye bathrobe, your time has passed.

Took a shower & washed my hair.
Then washed & cut up fresh veggies.
Assembled all the components for bean burritos.
Most all the food I eat is what I learned to make and eat growing up in Southern Arizona.
Heavy on the Mexico influence. 😀

Thank you for the advice Tillie. I am still feeling nausea today but not like last night. I hope to do some sort of shopping today and will pick up the bismuth tablets. I too hope that there is a wake up call for sibling. I would like his life to be easier and less angry and even happy. Unfortunately his mental illness, which has greatly morphed over the years, is especially awful right now. There's something that he's hiding from most people right now and while the details aren't important, he has a vastly different understanding of reality right now and his place in it. There are large conspiracies and intrigues etc. very sad. But I am willing to go through the grieving process. I've done it before. We once went three years with no contact and I worried all the time. My mother, the poor thing, had to go it alone with him. Back then he was difficult to get out of bed and he smelled and was unkempt. He lived in squalor. Right now he lives in a beautiful apt and he showers, dresses nicely and is nicely groomed. So I wont have to worry about him. He has good, nice neighbors. So with your help I'll navigate the grief. I can't put it off any longer, can I? I cannot.

So laundry is done. Kitty sheets are done. She's sleeping in her pod so I'm hoping to vacuum the couch before putting down a clean sheet.

I am "decommissioning" a bathrobe. After I washed it I started having second thoughts. It's time.

Enjoy the lush plants and tell Scooter I say hello!!

Good Morning Everybody 🙂

Hi Subclinical 🙂
I'm sure you'll do a good job using up all that bread.
Try taking a half day or a whole day off from life
a time to not feel guilty about not doing anything.
You've been extremely busy the last weeks and really need some down time. (((hug)))

Hi Porter 🙂
Anonymoniker has been very busy learning all about making "Earth Bag" homes.
Now she is learning how to make "Adobe" bricks to make a home with.
I grew up in an adobe brick house and can tell you that the 12 inch wide bricks were excellent insulation against heat & cold.
There was no need whatsoever for any wall insulation between the adobe brick walls and the interior sheetrock.

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
Sorry that man at work is being mean (((HUGS)))
When stresses make my stomach feel bad, I have found that chewing a bismuth tablet helps settle it down.
Poor Kitty! Wish she didn't get all freaked out by storms. (((HUGS KITTY)))
I am truly hoping that you not being there will be the wake up call sibling needs to straighten up and do the changes that desperately need doing.
Stay strong (((HUGS)))

Another day with 80% chance of rain.
Had some early evening sprinkles yesterday.
All the rain has made the plants all grow big & green & healthy.
Scooter can almost hide completely when he scrunches down in the grass.
Only plan I have for today is to do some food prep.
I bought lots of nice fresh veggies that need to be cleaned & cut up. 🙂

Hi SubC. Please don't beat yourself up over too much bread. You've been managing really well and this isn't something to feel terrible about. Plus the chickens are really happy.

I'm sorry about the sadness of the breakup. It is very hard to see someone going through a difficult time.

I too had a terrible day yesterday. I saw something on my way to work that made me think of sibling in better times and I cried all day. I just remember him as a little boy and it's so sad to see what had happened. There's nothing to be done about it, I'll just wend my way through the grieving process.
Oh and the person directly above me at work is difficult on a regular basis but he's taken it to a whole new level. He's added a touch of meanness, which I've never seen before. He's tough and picky and inflexible but this meanness is new. Im willing to say that it's his stuff and not mine.

Ok now to figure out what I can do today to make my home nicer. I think I'll start by making a cup of coffee.

Tillie you are going to have some time to yourself!!! Woohoo! I'm glad you got the supplies! I love living alone. So great.

We had giant storms move through last night and when I got home I couldn't find the kitty. I looked a bit but then decided to just leave her be. She came out for a second, walking really low, then pretty much hid til the storms had passed. I was feeling terrible with a stomach ache and a headache so I just tried to take a nap. My stomach feels a bit better today.

I did not come back to report that I brought home way too much bread from the food bank. Trying to manage it - things with less preservatives go to chickens first.

I am in "not doing anything because I have too much to do" mode.

Also emotionally tired - adjusting to dd2 moving back in and just found out heartdaughter is breaking up with her gf. Gf is not wife only because she is opposed to the heteronormative concept of marriage 🙄. So the legal stuff is easier - house is in heartdaughter's name. But emotionally, she's leaving her wife. It's been a long time coming - infidelity and lying. And I want to go all mama bear but am trying to respect her space.

OMG!
Details. Not deaths !

Test test

ANONY
HAVE I MISSED something.
What is the earth house project ?

So often I get so far behind on reading . I just pop in a drive by .
Without reading what's going on . Earthen home ?

Can you give an update.with as many deaths,s as you're comfortable sharing. Your priorities on the do's and donts.

Hello Everybody 🙂

Hi tajzers 🙂

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
I love new white cotton sheets! 😀
Happy you have been putting on PJs and having restful evenings. (((hugs)))

Been busy today...
Last night when I was in bed Steven came in and informed me that he would be taking the car later this week and I would not get it back until early next week.
He says he is going over to the S.F. bay area for some kind of class reunion.
He told me to go stock up on whatever me & the cats would be needing.
I went to the water depot and filled the two empty bottles, went to the thrift shop, went to the bank and got out cash to have on hand just in case I need cash for something.
Then I went and got kitty litter & cat snax and groceries.
Beautiful day today with some sprinkles this afternoon.
Anyways, looking forward to MY vacation here at home. ;D
Will be nice to clean the bathroom, vacuum and wash the floors and have them stay clean.
When he's here they only stay clean until he comes inside. ;P

test

That is very interesting about the new lava/old lava Tillie. I'll look for some of those videos on YouTube! New lava is the deeper stuff. You'd have to be crazy to roast marshmallows due to the fear of falling in. Plus no taunting the gods/goddesses at a time like this.

I ended up vacuuming my bedroom. Then I went to mom's to change her sheets. Nice new white cotton percale sheets. I changed out to her summer coverlet and her bed looked so pretty.

Just took garbage out. In between all of this BF met me at mom's and we did a bit of shopping then stopped for dinner.

I'm ready to put on pjs and watch Antiques Roadshow.

Goodnight dear friends.

Hello 🙂
Cold lemon water "Clink!"

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
Those "To Keep Or Not To Keep" decisions on things that have emotional/sentimental are the hardest to make.
That's where many people flail in their attempts to declutter.
This is why we say to start with the easiest things to decide on and then work your way up to harder and harder items.
About the evaporative cooler maintenance...
Periodically throughout the Summer I pour some bleach into the water reservoir to help keep it sanitary.
Makes my well water the same as chemically treated city water, minus any fluoride.

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
WTG! for maintenance! 😀
Good decision making on the two unneeded bowls.
Plus we know that now you have that special thank you pewter bowl to use and enjoy now. ;D
Hold on tight to that free and happier feeling (((HUGS)))
Your bathroom sink doesn't stand a chance HaHaHa

Ate some lunch and am resting.
Been watching a series on Netflix that I didn't think I would like based on the short summary.
I'm finding it very entertaining, a thumb up^
"Imposters"

Also been following updates on the Hawaiian volcano eruptions.
Youtube has been having a lot of beautiful footage.
Learned that it's against the law to remove any lava rocks.
It offends the Lava Goddess.
Also offends her if you roast/toast hotdogs or marshmallows etc. by the heat of the lava.
I have also learned more interesting things about volcanos too.
Like there is "old" and "new" lava.
The new lava is lava that has just recently come up from the deeper depths of the earth. ;P

Good for you to take it all in stride, Anony! It's found time, after all!

Tillie well you could knock me over with a feather--I did not think he'd finish the filter replacement task! So pleased that you won't have those pollutants (and aggravation) in your life right now.

I am running dishwasher and have cleaned up kitty's food area and her litter area. Shredding my mail and otherwise thinking about things. I've realized that I have two bowls that I won't be using again. I used to have five of them; I donated three. Ready to bid a fond adieu to the last two.

I hope sibling's happiness in being away from me will last. Because I feel different and free. I have more energy and hope. And may he find the same.

Okay look out bathroom sink, I'm coming for you.

~☆~Iced green tea clinks!~☆~
Tatoulia, i had a similar thing, where my catlady job wont start today after all, so i may do errands. Your decision to remove that reminder on the wall sounds fantastic! And his reaction to you being 'done' sounds wonderful, too! 😀
SubC, i hope your Mothers Day relaxing was nice! I keep thinking of what you said about about others' opinions & what im proud of & not proud of, etc.
Tillie, my whole house is filled with mixed-emotion-memories! I struggle to decifer the main feelings from things in it & its very tricky. I hope the roof wont leak & the cooler will be ok? Id probably pour hydrogen peroxide on as much of it as i could reach?
~☆♡☆~Have a wonderful day, everyone!~☆♡☆~

Good Morning Everybody 🙂
"Clink!"

So wonderful to read all your posts! 😀

Hi Porter 🙂
Makes me happy to know you are moving forward making your life wonderful (((hugs)))

Hi Subclinical 🙂
Have a good day at the food bank! ;D
I'm glad you have such a good attitude about what other people may think of you and that you have true friends in your life. (((HUGS)))

Hi Anonymoniker 🙂
All of us here on this message board are very proud of you.
You have been trying so very hard to fix things around your home and have done a LOT to make things better.
(((HUGS)))

Hi CriticalMass 🙂

Hi Tatoulia 🙂
Happy you replaced that drawing with something else.
None of us need constant daily reminders around our homes of unpleasantness.
When decluttering, I always tell people that no matter how valuable, antique/collectable or useful an item is
if it dredges up any bad feelings at all, sadness, anger etc.
then you really should not keep it around your home.
Put that drawing out of sight (((HUGS)))
Glad you had a fun time at the shower! 😀

Steven did take five minutes to change out that dirty nasty old evaporative cooler pad. ;D
The pads are made of excelsior. When new they are a very light pale color.
These old ones are all nasty dark colored of black and green mold and algae.
They were used all last Summer and he left them in the unit all Winter to ripen.
Plus we have a well so the water is not treated with any chemicals like chlorine to prevent biological entities from thriving.
The rain was so wonderful and made me so happy and content feeling inside.
May still have 30% chance of more today.
Kept up with cat chores and dishes but nothing else.
Spent the last few days watching the rain & stuff on Netflix and doing some beading.
It was good. 🙂

P.S. Kept getting up on the step stool to feel the hallway and my room ceilings for moisture.
So far, there has been none!
So maybe he fixed that roof leak properly?
But with this rain there was no driving winds to push the water through?
I will continue to wait a little longer before I do all the hard work of repairing the damage.

Hello everyone! I was up and dressed early today for something that ended up being a crossed wires situation. But with that I've already had a good day at work. Plus I've washed my towels and I've done a separate load of new sheets I bought for mom. I'll head up to her house at some point and put them on her bed for her.

I infrequently go to baby showers and I have to say, this was a great deal of fun. Maybe 20, 25 people and only two of us were non-family members. It was held in a restaurant and the food just kept coming. There was no "down time". It was very nicely done and the family was very friendly. The food was delicious. So I had a great time.

Anony I am trying to separate what I consider maintenance and what I consider cleaning. And I'm trying to move more things into the maintenance column! I want more things to be second nature, the way they were years ago before I felt too battered and tired to clean. With your help, I am getting there.

Oh! Mom heard from sibling yesterday and he wished her a happy Mother's Day. He asked her if I am "done with him" and she said "yes," and he said "good". In my house, I have taken down a framed drawing that he did when he was a little boy and I'vs have hung an etching in its place. Psychologically I felt it would damage me to look at it every day.

Well back to work. It's garbage night so I'm scurrying around!

What are you doing today?

~☆~Good Morning!~☆~
Tillie, im so sorry about what you go through with Steven to get simple things done. He sounds so much like my handyman, that i half wonder if he isnt his secret twin? I hope we get some of those good storms this summer, too!
SubC, i agree about baby showers, theyve always seemed exhausting to me. I figured it was just cuz im not a human baby enthusiast...ha ha
Tatoulia, i had to re-read your post cuz you said you didnt clean, then listed enough cleaning activities, that idve considered bragging about if itd been me! ha ha
Today ill become a professional catlady! ha ha
~☆♡☆~ =^-^= =^-^= =^-^= ~☆♡☆~

So Tillie, did shooting down his excuses mean he changed the other filter?

Tatoulia, any day I had to go to a baby shower, that would be enough for one day.

I need to change our sheets.

Today I go back to the food bank. That is my big thing for the day.

Quick drive by--a lot of posts to catch up and on.

Well this weekend I had tons of fun but no cleaning. Did minimal maintenance of clean sheets, dishes, few loads of laundry. Had a lot of fun but no time with BF. hopefully tmr. It's just I'm so tired. I was exhausted after meal with mom yesterday and today after baby shower he and I quick did mom's grocery shopping and then I came home to nap.

tomorrow is another day.

I'm sorry about the filters, Tillie. That is lousy.

Hi Everybody 🙂

Still been raining off & on all last night and today.
Sometimes gently misting and sometimes a real downpour with lightening and thunder.

Been laying low and avoiding the muther day and Steven.
He replaced 3 of the 4 moldy dusty old cooler pads and called it "good enough".
I explained to him that that one nasty pad would contaminate the 3 new ones the first time I turned the cooler on.
He started giving me a bunch of mealy mouth pathetically lame excuses as to why he couldn't do it...
I easily shot every one of his excused down.
He's always doing everything half azzed and then wonders why things don't work out right.

Anyways... 🙂

Im generally quite outspoken, eccentric & bold about being my weird self. Im much more comfortable with that than most people. The condition of my home is quite a different situation. Its also not a true reflection of me(i certainly hope it isnt?!!?) Im not sure why, cuz ive try to pinpoint it, but the other catladies i hope to meet on this catlady job, im not as concerned with seeing my place, because one of my intentions is to find a trusty pet care person so i can leave for more than overnight if i need to. Ive needed this for many years! Most women are always on the lookoutfor a good man, but for me, its a trusty pet care person! Id just lock up the trailer & have the food preparing area outside on the table under the awning. Im hoping to make connections for, or at least towards that, with this job. I guess the community of earth building people is tied in with too many people i know already. Im not sure, but it doesnt seem as necessary as getting a pet care person, tho i havent even started with a mudhouse, so i may change my mind about doing it mostly myself?