| Reader66 | Posted: 08 March 2015 - 04:31 PM |
hello, Inspired by the "please post if you are a reader" topic, I want to say hello, and maybe get some advice. I would say I am not an "active hoarder" but I have the mindset to hoard. I was a single mother, very poor with a bunch of little kids and the only thing that saved me was hoarding things like toilet paper, paper towels, feminine products, and food for a couple months before my husband left. I think that is where it started. Now, my home is relatively neat. You can come into my front door, into a very neat uncluttered living room, dining, room, and kitchen. The kitchen and bathrooms are clean. No hoards there. Kids rooms are fine. Hallways fine. Here is the problem. My two car garage is packed to the hilt with boxes and bags. I have gone through all of them and there is nothing I want to part with. My office is stacked with boxes of things that belonged to my parents and grandparents, all deceased, so I feel I need to keep all the items. My bedroom has boxes and rubbermaid tubs all over the place, full of stuff. I have gotten rid of so much stuff to goodwill and the dump and what is left I think I have to keep. But it takes up my whole bedroom, garage, office, half the family room, all the closets and the guest room. I can't find anything and want to fix this but get stuck every time I try. What is in the stash that I think I have to keep: clothing for both me and my youngest (I keep thinking about being poor, saving the clothes just in case, and saving her outgrown things to re-sell on ebay if we become poor again) tons of cords, batteries, chargers, electronics parts that all go to SOMETHING but not sure what goes to what lots of photos that I intend to scan and save and put into books Things that were my children's when they were little that remind me of them Baby toys, baby books, stuffed animals, high chairs, play pens etc because I bought all new for my youngest, and may have grandkids in 5 years or so and think I can use them for grandbabies. All in nice condition. Appliances that don't fit in my small kitchen but that I used a couple times a year (food processor, mini blender, juicer, bread maker, crock pot, pans, etc etc) Toys my kids outgrew but I think they will want them someday Random things like candles, markers, school supplies, photo frames, trinkets given to me or from my childhood, camping gear, fishing poles, sports gear my kids might use, old computer disks with files on them I need to copy, lotions, vitamins, dog treats and toys, toys I bought to give as presents for parties, extra socks and underwear, greeting cards, cleaning supplies (lots of dusters, brushes, mop heads etc), fitness equipment... gosh there is a ton of stuff. Tricycles, scooters, bike tires... everything. When I think of selling things I get overwhelmed. When I think of giving things away I get worried I will need them (Oh yeah this is what that cord was for!) or running out of money. I have so many boxes and when I try to go through I do not know where anything goes, and I do not have room to set up a sorting space or room to store stuff. Can anyone give me a starting point? How to get over it and do something? I watch Hoaders and try to get sorting and end up getting nowhere. | |
Replies (77)
| Reader66 | Posted: 27 March 2015 - 04:28 PM |
Thanks! Somehow coming here and reporting in is helping me. It's good to know there are people who understand and don't just think I am lame. I have not done more, but I went to the store today and bought 2 rubbermaid tubs and some removable label stickers and a sharpie. I have some kind of rubbermaid tub addiction so I did try to stop buying them a long time ago. I made a rule that if I needed a tub I had to empty one I already had full of stuff. But now I have pared those things down and needed two tubs to put specific "keep" items in, until they are needed. I forced myself not to buy six tubs but only two. I have two boxes of things I am keeping in the playroom (in cardboard) so I will move those things into the tubs, label them and put them neatly away and toss out the cardboard. Whatever cannot fit in the two tubs has to go. | |
| Tatoulia | Posted: 25 March 2015 - 09:31 PM |
Beautiful work! How nice to have a moment of clarity as you did today. Try to find a way to also put the donated things into a "no worry zone" in your brain--anything to avoid revisiting your decisions until you have a chance to drop off at goodwill. Tonight I started on another bag of stuff. Just poked around my bedroom closet. I found a pair of white leather sneakers, still white, that i will never wear again and don't remember when I ever did. I also found another pair of shoes to donate and I can't remember what they were and I'm not going to go check to remind myself. I put in DVDs and a book I couldn't part with nine months ago but today have no feelings for. Found some tights I could donate too. They are brand new and pretty, but I've put on weight. my rule is once I've put it in the donation bag/box/pile, it's done. No going back. As though it's locked up! I tell myself, I've made the tough decision, don't make it even harder. Congratulations on your excellent decisions today! You've created space in your home, peace in your mind, and future happiness for the next owner of those things! Please let us know how you are doing! And be sure to eat well and stay hydrated! You need to take good care of yourself!, | |
| Reader66 | Posted: 25 March 2015 - 06:12 PM |
Thanks for the encouragement! For weeks I have been looking at the stuff in the playroom, paralyzed to do anything with it. Every time I went in there to start I would feel overwhelmed and walk back out. But today it felt different. I went in, got my trash bag and Goodwill box and a Keep box and started right in. I got about halfway through, and I now have a bag and a box almost full for Goodwill. On top of that I came across a closed box that had "girl clothes size 8" written on top. I decided instead of opening it and sorting it to just take the closed box and donate it. Easier. | |
| Tatoulia | Posted: 22 March 2015 - 09:00 PM |
Great work, Reader! I am so proud of you. That is exactly how I started. I too couldn't keep anything to sell because it was going to get in my way of freedom and space. I donated it all. Good for you! I am so proud of you, you have no idea. I am as happy as if I'd been the one with the van filled with donations! I got rid of one bag of clothes at goodwill over the weekend, including some dresses--one of which still had the price tag on. Goodbye, dresses, go make someone happy, you were making me miserable! Keep up the good work and be sure to check in! The What Are You Doing Today thread is a good place to read for inspiration and to post for commaraderie! | |
| Reader66 | Posted: 22 March 2015 - 07:12 PM |
hi Dave and all, I got real busy but wanted to tell you how I did today. Today I put in the van a bunch of large toddler toys, a bag of clothes, a couple of books and a movie, an old guitar with some missing strings, a glass pot lid for a pot I never had, a small BBQ grill, a box of small toys and other random bits of things, some Easter baskets, a giant pinwheel, a scarf, and two pairs of kids' boots. I took it all to goodwill. I feel so much lighter! I was waiting and waiting with this stuff thinking I would sell it some day, but this feels great. I hope to sort some more this week and take some more things to goodwill. | |
| dave | Posted: 16 March 2015 - 08:19 AM |
Just a hello. Hope that you are able to continue with discarding in some way or another this week among your other obligations. | |
| dave | Posted: 14 March 2015 - 01:36 PM |
So I'm trying to get stuff from a garden shed into the garage. First dealing with some debris in the garage. I open a sack in a box from my pickup. It contains a plastic spatula, probably from a rice cooker. It cost a quarter. If a rice cooker spatula gets lost, It will cost considerably more than that to replace it. It also contains a butter knife. The butter knife almost matches Mrs Dave's silverware pattern and I left a butter knife in the thrift store last week. I'm keeping the butter knife. I ask my son if this looks like a rice cooker spatula. He says yes. Now I'm all excited. There is a kitchen drawer I can put it in. (Although that drawer is rather crowded.) (The receipt for the knife and spatula is also in the bag.) I ask my son if I should keep it, also mentioning that it has been in my truck since 2010. He contemplates a bit (probably for my benefit) and then allows as how I have been doing without, he would recommend discarding it! Now if that would have been your spatula .... 🙂 | |
| Tatoulia | Posted: 12 March 2015 - 05:42 PM |
Congratulations! Great work! Keep it up but don't forget to take time to eat, stay hydrated and relax! I know both the satisfaction and the agony of cleaning out. Great work!! | |
| dave | Posted: 12 March 2015 - 04:01 PM |
You're doing great. | |
| Reader66 | Posted: 12 March 2015 - 03:16 PM |
update. Today I freed myself of about 3 dozen magazines (trash), a drinking glass with a nick in it that has sat on my counter for 2 months (trash), a book and a screen protector brand new (Goodwill). Little bits at a time, right? | |
| Reader66 | Posted: 12 March 2015 - 01:25 PM |
Thanks Roxie. One huge blessing is I am not adding anything anymore. Aside from the baby items and clothes that I've had since I had my last child, all the other "stuff" is like, 10+ years old. A lot of it is 20 or more years old, sitting in boxes. I got rid of a lot of the newer, non-sentimental junk early on. My issue isn't buying/adding things, it is more KEEPING everything from when I was a teen to now. A few years ago I got real motivated and went through the whole garage and ditched a bunch of stuff. I felt good about it but now if I start thinking about some of those things, I regret getting rid of them. This is going to sound so stupid but for 20 years I kept the little topper from my first wedding cake. I finally thought a few years ago, "this is stupid, my kids don't want it, it is junky, we've been divorced over a decade... toss it!" and I did. And now I wish I could get it out and hold it in my hands and "go back in time" to that happy wedding day. Somehow holding an object from an event makes it more real in my memory, or sometime. So that makes me hesitate to get rid of things now. In case in the future I wish I hadn't. But this is all mental work and I know bottom line is, space is important, the play room is important, more important than stuff. So if I want to keep some of the emotional sentimental stuff then the other stuff has to go. I can only keep so much. | |
| Roxie | Posted: 12 March 2015 - 12:43 PM |
Oops, I mean I put receipts, warranties and instruction manuals in the binder. | |
| Roxie | Posted: 12 March 2015 - 12:42 PM |
Reader66, just reading this posting and came up with a couple of thoughts, for what they are worth. My experience has been that in "saving valuable things" they ended up being compromised so that they had to be thrown out. That was horrible. I'm talking oriental rugs, paintings, etc. So unless you can maintain something in great condition, sell them now, not later. In the process of getting rid of things and making space, one has to learn to stop their own hoarding tendencies. If you are a garage sale addict, don't go to garage sales, or put on your thinking cap and question in every way WHY you NEED the thing and where it will go. Most of the time we don't need it. We just love getting bags of things "so cheap." I bought a thick three ring binder and those plastic sleeves that go into it. Now when I buy an item or "find" one in the house, I put it in the binder so I always know where to look for them. Labelling your cords is a similar idea. Baby steps forward. You may be amazed at what you can accomplish if you only handle something once. And congrats on maintaining clutter-free rooms! | |
| dave | Posted: 11 March 2015 - 08:58 PM |
Reader66 You don't hear me talk about selling much because it is not something I do well. For me, it just turns into a different way to keep something-and now also I've hit a point in my life where I can't use a tax deduction either. Although I may get an exception this time as I think I have a neighbor who is going to have a garage sale in the next 3-4 weeks. He's into moving merchandise, not getting money, so if we give him some stuff, it may not get us a lot, but maybe a little. I wish you the best with the Craigslist thing. I think my brotherinlaw uses it sucessfully for both buying and selling. Good idea. I hope you can build the repair fund. | |
| Reader66 | Posted: 11 March 2015 - 07:44 PM |
huh, not sure what happened here. Anyway, I am making an effort to get rid of something every day whether donating, throwing out or selling on Craigslist. I decided to take all the big toys that take up so much space, take a photo and sell them as a lot on craigslist for $50. If I didn't need the money I would just donate, but I do need it for some home repairs I am saving for. However if it does not sell in 3 days I will take the whole lot and donate them to a children's charity who can use them and hope at least that gets me some good karma. I am also working on the photo/frames/art situation. I do like the curator idea for the art. I won't be getting rid of the family photos though, I do want to frame and hang those (I have a bunch of kids so lots of photos). I appreciate the encouragement. I am going to get things done this time. I am thinking of SPACE as an "item" that is worth more than the junk filling it. | |
| b | Posted: 11 March 2015 - 11:51 AM |
u obviously miss the point | |
| T | Posted: 11 March 2015 - 11:08 AM |
you have made up your mind to put a negative spin on everything I say so I will say no more | |
| b | Posted: 11 March 2015 - 10:38 AM |
a waste of life at the end of life turns into a wasted life | |
| Tillie | Posted: 11 March 2015 - 09:49 AM |
I said "such a waste of life". | |
| bitsy | Posted: 11 March 2015 - 01:29 AM |
. "the REALITY of our lives as they exist NOW, and look at the items in that light, We will be able to much more easily make decisions we cannot make when driven by emotions of FEARS." O MY! | |
| dave | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 11:00 PM |
The meditation piece of the 3 items. Your mind will just give you absolute hell while you are trying to do this stuff. You will find past "failures" to grieve and have pity parties about. There is tremendous headache generating pressure changing your mindsets and doing keep or go, at least as you start. Considering items leads you into the emotional fear and attachment issues. Sometimes you just need to get the mind out of gear and let it rest. When you are sitting in a chair focused on breathing those other things don't matter because they are not relevant to sitting in a chair breathing. The book I use is likely not for everyone, but it works for me. Like Tillie's cat Scooter, I have the attention span of a gnat. It is difficult for me to absorb and remember things. Bright-Fey's little meditation plan is uncomplicated, easy to use and I have finally been able to remember it. It works for me right now. I have really lost my way the last few months and I need to get back into things in those books that work for me, including this meditation practice. I hope that you can accomplish the changes you want to make in your life. | |
| dave | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 10:42 PM |
SPACE IS AN ITEM!!!!!!! Is the object I am retaining because of fear of some future event or condition worth the emotional trauma experienced by me and my family due to the loss of the space within which the object is contained? The volume of a house is space. I am a hoarder. I use those things as containers. Not conducive to good living conditions. Mrs Dave tells me that the stuff is crazy making and will drive her to a heart attack. She has no peaceful place to rest her eyes and mind. Is the stuff you moved out of your bedroom more valuable than your daughter having a playroom? Is a facade for your public more important than your daughter having a playroom and being able to have friends over? Are all the things in the garage more valuable than the things you moved out of your bedroom? In the event you think those are harsh things to ask, consider that I have had to ask myself questions like that at least once a week, particularly on holidays and anniversaries, for the last 15 to 18 months. Probably at least once a month for a considerable time before that. I have had to think about my stuff, my fears and my family and make choices. I have used the 3 resources I told you about to help me keep some kind of forward cleaning momentum over the last year. My kids are not as separated from the family as some that post here but the childhood home situation was not pleasant for them. I know your garage. I am pretty sure that somewhere it contains a major block for you changing your mindset as long as you keep it. I am absolutely sure your situation is going downhill from here unless you get rid of some things as well as sorting and organizing things in the house. You will soon be stacking things in the goat paths. You will be risking the life of your daughter's caregiver everytime you change a lightbulb because the only way you can reach the lightbulb is to lean the ladder against an unstable pile of stuff. You will be moving things from one goat path to another to reach things you want. 8' or 9' high piles of boxes will fall on you. You will fall screaming in a little narrow alleyway between box piles when you trip. If you are fortunate, you will not have twisted your ankle. Hopefully there will not be a large pile of mouse poo under your face. At twenty years of age your house also has the potential to need a garage door replacement for some reason or another. If that happens, you will face an emergency partial cleanout for which you will be ill prepared. I will leave it to your imagination to know how I might be able to predict such things. You are a fortunate young woman. You can see and change your future. | |
| dave | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 02:30 PM |
You are a discriminating and knowledgeable art curator. Christies and Sothebys are competing to hire you at a 6 figure salary. As a test, you are getting an all expense paid art buying trip for one of their clients to ..... your house! You may "buy" 6 framed pictures and 6 empty frames. The remaining framed pictures and empty frames are not of a quality worthy of the client (you) and should be removed from the premises. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 01:57 PM |
A lot of people get hung up with perfection. | |
| Reader66 | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 01:45 PM |
Have some further thoughts swirling in my head. There are no pictures on my walls, no art, nothing. Instead I have in the office, 2 boxes of framed photos covered in dust All of this overwhelms me so much that I have been in this house 20 years and have never hung a thing. I would free up a huge amount of floor space just by framing and hanging all the pictures. But when I go to start I have no space to gather them, and I think I need to figure out exactly which thing goes on what wall... it is crazy. Maybe I should just do it. Randomly put things in the frames they fit in. Dust the ones that are already framed. Just hang them somewhere, in some room, and if there are things I really don't want to hang, get rid of them. Maybe a good goal is "no frames or things-to-hang left unhung." | |
| Reader66 | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 01:19 PM |
I kind of am partway through the "vision" I want for my bedroom. Last week I took all the boxes and tubs out except for the photos and what's in the closet and wow, my bedroom looks so big and spacious! I sleep better in there now. I donated one trash bag of things to Goodwill from there and threw away one trash bag full. Now I go in and stare at it and feel stuck. I will keep re-reading this thread and figuring it out. I do want the space. I know I get stuck on processes. For example. my son gave me a big jewelry box cabinet that hangs on the wall. I wanted it as a place to keep my jewelry but instead it sits on the floor empty. Why? Because it has photo frames on the front and I "need" to put the photos in. The photos are digital and I have to pick ones to use and order them. I also need someone to hang the thing. So it has sat for years... makes me sad. So the problem being I moved all the junk out of my room and into the playroom. And now I think "I should move it all back into my bedroom so my child can have her playroom." Ugh. I did one helpful thing today, I ordered cord labels. When I get them I will label all the cords and chargers and then keep them all together, and discard any that don't go to anything (probably half the cords I have no idea what they are for). I watch Hoarders and it makes me throw things out. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 12:58 PM |
Excellent post Dave! 😀 | |
| dave | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 12:37 PM |
Note: Mrs Dave's maxim for the hoarder. "It's nice to share". I now need to apply that to the measuring spoons I took off the rack and put in the basement instead of the Goodwill bag. I am condemned by my own advice! | |
| dave | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 12:23 PM |
Tillie, (You and Diane have been giving me "ouch" moments today.) | |
| dave | Posted: 10 March 2015 - 12:17 PM |
Why do you need to have a yard sale? Think very carefully about your reasons. I have had a house. How about enough-things that are really useful-including SPACE-each with its own place in your current home. The life snapshot you see above is a picture that tells you "As long as you live with the I can stash it in the garage mentality, you will never, ever, ever, ever have enough room or a place for everything." There is a lady who used to post here who has more material things than I will ever have who would second that statement from her point of view of having the bigger and newer house. "...hundreds of "little things" that go somewhere but I don't know where." A goodwill bag is a very good place for a lot of those things. Mrs Dave has been very helpful to me in that regard. The pencils go in the bag. the box of staples goes in the bag. the scratch pads go in the bag. the hair ties go in the bag. The McDonalds cars or unicorns go in the bag. Last year's Goodwill sweaters that shrank go in the bag. The socks that are too tight go in the bag. 49 extra pairs of shoelaces go in the bag. 5 boxes of nails you've no idea what to do with go in the bag. A bunch of the books you wanted to save last year are no longer important this year. They go in the bag. Since you no longer do scrapbooking, the (expensive) scrapbooking supplies go in the bag. When your kids are 14 and up, the tricycle goes with the bag. You MUST have space to work and to live. I am a very very long ways from perfect in that regard but I understand the principle and it haunts me every day of my life. Not only do we try to control things while we have them, we try to control things after we have them. Garage sale or I will get rid of this, but only if I can give it to ...... And so on. Big mistake. Keep it and use it or let it go. Your kids will likely not want 98% of what you save for them. DAV is going to separate your phone and its power cord anyway. Your friends, neighbors and casual acquaintances do not want the "valuable" or "useful" stuff you are saving for them. And so on. That is cold, brutal and real life which is happening around the fairy tales we construct about our stuff. | |