Hello Helprejected 🙂
Hope you had a lovely holiday season.

So sorry that she is so still in denial and even more manipulative than a year ago.

Have you thought of any contingency plans for when the house does sell?
Is there room enough in her house to just shove all that stuff willy-nilly in there?
I know that would make her house even worse but you must be able to move on with your own life.

Hoarders in denial are their own worst enemies.
By trying to hold on to everything they will always lose everything.
Including their independence and often their lives.

Her worrying about getting into a quality nursing home yet still bleeding money to store unneeded possessions will end up putting her in the poorhouse.

I am glad you put your foot down and refuse to rummage through the boxes just to let her know what's in them.
What a stupid waste of your time that would be.

You stand firm and take good care of yourself and your needs. ((((HUG))))

Hello Tillie, Seasons Greetings

Well sos, she's called a few times I think just to see 'is it time yet' to move her stuff. I will say she makes it a point to keep the calls much shorter now.

I even found a storage unit facility that lets one register over the internet-nope "I must see how she would get packages in and out" Along with ingratiating herself with the staff for favors and help with her stuff. Yet she says little or no change with health that supposedly prevents just going to a storage unit office to sign a lease. As we get closer to a sale and moving they'll be less time to assist her.

And she still wants us to unpack some of her stuff to see what's there, not to take it or bring it to her just so she knows. I refused and she'll probably cry she didn't have access to her stuff(even though she says getting into her car is an ordeal) but organizing etc is her responsibility. They're just boxes as far as I'm concerned. She doesn't get that. I'll pull it if she will take it but that's part of the problem of the volume of stuff she has which has to be packed/stored with other stuff in mind, not enough space to give her stuff it's very own 24/7 accessible space. Her stuff isn't co mingled but we've put other stuff in front of it so we can access and use it.

And the save money for the nursing home she can't afford now keeps coming up. But her stuff is her responsibility regards of any present or future personal expenses. Her desire to keep the stuff so she needs to pay for it.

It's over year now since her place was condemned and she was declared a hoarder in by social services yet she still cannot make a simple statement when talking about it-She can't say 'they think I'm a hoarder', she cannot or will not use the hoarder. I'm not talking about admitting to being one but she literally will not use the word hoarder.

Anyway new year and better results I hope.

Hi Helprejected 🙂
Good to "see" you.

I don't think that even when she's told the house has been sold that she will remove her stuff.
Probably try to talk the new owners into allowing her to keep her stuff there.
LOL 😀

She obviously has no intention of signing a lease for a storage unit.
She thinks if she procrastinates long enough she will get exactly what she wants.
I guess she wants a free storage unit, someone other than herself to sign the agreement, then somebody to sort, organize and box up the items she would store there.
Then they would have to organize all the boxes in storage in a way that makes it easy for her to locate anything at a moments notice.

That is impossible and unreasonable.
I think she knows it but is using this as an excuse to not do what needs to be done.

Unfortunately for you it is frustrating and holding you back from moving on with your own life.
So unfair really.

How much square feet of her stuff is stored in the sale house?
Would she possibly be able to buy/rent a "pod" and have it placed on her property to hold that stuff?
U-Haul has these portable storage sheds.
House near me has about 6 of them in their yard.
I think they are remodeling the inside of their house and store their household things in them while the work is being done.
I believe you rent them for as long as needed, paying a monthly fee.

When a person who has a bad hoarding problem who does not want to change or work on the problems, they won't.
They will do whatever it takes to keep everything just as it is.
Unfortunately it often takes city/county officials to get them to comply, as you know.
Then when the heat is off they return to hoarding/squalor.

Hope you are having a lovely December.
My wish for you is that this will all be resolved first thing in the new year. (((hug)))

The house hasn't sold yet and it's obvious now the hoarder is waiting for that word "sold". And they made another half baked insincere offer of money/a loan so I can buyout the others involved in the sale so her stuff won't have to be moved. And this from someone who doesn't want to pay $1200 a year for storage or is worried about hundreds of thousands for a private nursing home. But will part with 10s of thousands of dollars to have to not deal with her stuff. After I told I don't want the house period. Funny thing she jumped/forced that offer into the conversation like what the heck let's try a bribe. But she dropped the subject as soon as she could.

Also delays and excuses continue with finding a new storage unit including she wants to know the office staff will help if needed but that's not their job to help customers move their stuff. She also lost contact with a storage unit employee that was going to help her through the sign up and move in process. And this from a person who declares themselves independent but wants to use the obvious handicap for sympathy and free labor.

Good Morning Helprejected 🙂

Please, no matter what she says do NOT get any storage in your name for her.
That would just turn into a disaster down the road.

Is there a family member of her's you could contact who would keep it a secret that you contacted them?
They could say they called you or just showed up on their own?
It would be fantastic if you had some reinforcements there to help you.

Bet her family members don't want to inherit her stuff and don't want the obligation to have to dispose of it either should she pass away.

One of my biggest fears is if Steven dies first leaving me to have to deal with his hoard. ;p

Not sure which area of the country you live in but with Winter coming soon it will be even harder to move things into storage.
You also have your own life to live and I'm sure you have other plans too during the holidays.

Maybe make up a schedule of your time and hand it to her.
Make it even more filled up with obligations than your days will actually be just to make a point.
Your time is valuable and she needs to use it better, more wisely.

She needs to sign a storage rental contract so you can move her stuff before she loses your time and her stuff.

Take care Helprejected (((HUG)))

Good Day Tillie

The hoarder isn't sure she wants to go in on a unit with her new found friend but seems to forget she was asking us to go in on a unit with her when we decided to move/started emptying the house. Apparently independent wasn't a priority a year ago.

She's also flinging just about anything now in order to get us to get her a unit on our name. She now says she has new health developments which will affect even further. It's bait to have us jump in a say "Oh don't worry about it we'll take care of it". She's been doing that a lot lately. This while talking about getting a new car yet can't make to a storage unit office to sign a lease. And still has plans to empty it in less than a year.

Still have some options including calling her family which she's forbid me to do yet she says they will get alot of her stuff.

Hi Helprejected 🙂

Well she knew the lower fee storage unit offer was only for a limited time only.

Yes, so true. Having a house properly "staged" is important to get serious offers.
With too much stuff, storage, clutter, etc. people can't envision themselves living in there.

Wish there was something you could do without always having your hands tied.

Fingers crossed she accepts that other offer and stops pretending she's so independent. ;D

Hello Tillie

You got that right with delaying decisions. And it cost her apparently. New rates at her desired storage unit location in which she never signed for the unit only reserving it. "Oh what am I supposed to do". You would think someone just scammed her out of a million dollars. Starts crying about how unfair it is. She's gotten free storage over the decades for her stuff and now is complaining she has to pay and at the same time won't accept help or hire someone to clean up her place to get more in there.

She still has a cheaper option but can't accept the fact beggers can't be choosers. And the person asking her to go in with her could pull stuff for her anytime she wants but we're back to the 'I'm independent' schtick. This her best option now and will spin it including even if she had gotten a unit she wanted the rents still would've increased and would have had to change or accept it.

The problem here is although only selling the house as-is several don't think were serious or close to moving because of the volume of stuff in several areas much of which is hers. She won't say it but wants to wait until the house is sold. Others in the family not willing to push her yet because of potential consequences.

Hi Helprejected 🙂

The root of a LOT of hoarding is because of delaying decisions.

They won't toss/donate/recycle something today.They set it aside and say they will make the decision on it later.

You and I know that that later never comes.
Then after decades of indecision the place becomes unlivable.

She needs to be given a FIRM date to have stuff removed from that house.
If she finds even the smallest bit of "wiggle room" she will exploit it.

People who hoard tend to worry about "what ifs?".
What if some day I really need this and I don't have it?
What if I donate this and someday I could have/should have sold it to keep myself out of the poorhouse?
What if the Zombie apocalypse happens or space aliens invade? All this stuff would come in handy to help save the human race???

When actually, having so much stuff can put you into the poorhouse, destroy your house and your health.

Maybe you could lie?
Tell her the house is sold.
She must remove her stuff before the closing, tell her a specific date.
Then after her stuff is out tell her the house sale fell through/people backed out at the last moment.
???
I know, I hate lying too.
But sometimes "push comes to shove!"

Hope you are enjoying the Autumn.
🙂

Hello Tillie

Unfortunately only 'tricks' here. The hoarder still hasn't signed for or gotten a storage unit yet. She now claims just getting in and out of her car could cause permanent damage.

That being said talked to her new found friend from the potential storage unit. The new friend is on to her after only knowing her less than a month. They said she was there multiple times and had trouble making up her mind as to what to get. But they see right through her. Also they will have access to a truck/vehicle to help move her which is all meaningless until she actually gets a storage unit to transport her stuff to. She tries to deflect by complaining on the house sale progress and strategy ie until the house is sold she's probably not going to budge. I told her the home sale is not her worry. She doesn't get it's not just about getting her stuff out because the house is being sold but it's time period to get her stuff out of another's home.

This from a disabled senior women who boasts they're independent. Once the stuff is out of here this will be the first time in her entire life she will be totally responsible for herself. Along with independence comes responsibility including the fiscal responsibility of storing one's own possessions. This is also the first time she will have to make a decision about her stuff. Even if she decides to pay to store it the fact she had to make the decision is probably what's setting her off.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 😀

WAY TO GO!!!
That's fantastic that you are decluttering as you pack up!
Great that you won't be moving excess unnecessary things to your new place! 😀

She sure is exasperating...
An excuse/reason why she can not do anything easily.

OK, so she refuses to be wheeled in a chair.
Bet if you spoke to the person in the storage rental office
they would allow her to fill in the rental agreement while she sat in the car.
Then they could take the form and her picture ID back inside and make their copies etc. and get her a receipt.

But I bet she will find a hundred reasons why that won't work either. ;p

Whatever you do, DO NOT rent the storage in your name.
No matter how much she pressures you to.

Really hoping she takes advantage of that move-in special.

As always, GOOD LUCK and BEST WISHES 😀

Correction

She implies and am pressuring

Should read she implies that I'm pressuring her to get a unit but I did tell the sooner the better...

Note she's known we'd be moving for almost a year.

Good Morning Tillie

Understood

As far as getting her into a car and wheeling her in. She refuses wheel chairs and got into an argument with urgent care staff who then noted her as uncooperative.

She 'says' she has a new found friend/employee from her storage place of choice to the point where she gave them money for a deposit/administrative fee(if administrative fee paid how is it unit is not in her name, I checked). She 'says' this friend will help them.

She implies and I'm pressuring her to get unit but told her the sooner the better because once sold we have our stuff to do and don't know how a long period we can stay in home. Other family is afraid of pressuring into legal action or accusations to social workers/police.

She is absolutely dragging her feet fighting getting her stuff out. She's also trying to put the ball in my court hoping I just cave and sign in my name. I've noticed when she's silent(rare) that's her way of attempting/force a decision on you.But she's worried about losing a move-in special expiring at end of month so hopefully that is a motivator.

And yes while cleaning/packing up my stuff I am suprised how much and how easily I donated,recycled or threw out. I keep winding up with empty boxes & containers so Im doing something right.

Dear Helprejected

I only went into such detail to let you know that I really, really do understand what you are dealing with there.
I really know what it is like trying to work with a hard core hoarder in a hard core hoard.
It's insane and illogical trying to maneuver around the stuff AND the person.

There is nothing hard to understand about her needing to rent the storage space and that you will rent a truck and move all the stuff.
You have made her part in this so very easy for her.
She just wants to fight having her stuff removed from the house.
Give her a firm deadline and don't back down.
Even drive her to the storage facility and wheel her into the office to sign the paperwork.
We both know she will never do any of this on her own and the house needs to be sold so you can move on with your own life.

I bet that like me, you are now becoming a minimalist with your own possessions.
Not willing to put up with any clutter of your own. ;D

Tillie, apologies if I gave the wrong impression or brought up the obvious(dumb me). I wish I could give you useful/helpful suggestions, hints etc. You're deeper than me. Tell me anything if I'm blowing wind and shut the heck up. I appreciate every post you make which helps me and hopefully gives information to others.

The cars yikes. I had an old car sit starting it few times a year for several years. Wasn't enough to keep the rubbers and plastic expanded, moist. some of metal started going and even kept it waxed . Sold it for scrap once it developed a fuel line leak in the worst location possible. And my cost would've been 30% of scrap sale value. I will say if he ever gets close to getting rid of them there are two types of scrappers on that will pluck every last thing for individual sale(usually junk yards) and just buyers frequently tow truck drivers who will buy it for scrap/resale to a junker(not best deal)

She called again today testing the waters even left a message saying just trying to see where we stand. She called later with the same old. I bit my tongue and responded as best I could. But the call lead again to her health but she realizes she has to get her stuff out. Told her we'll get it into a storage unit but she has to sign for it. We'll take care of transportation. She almost went off when the subject of a truck rental came up. She started acting as though she would take care of it then got upset when I told she has to show her drivers license but harped she might not even be able to get out of the car. It took her several minutes to calm down after she finally realized I would rent the truck. She's trying to act like she wants to take care of it but it's a show. It soothed her a bit when I said I need to rent one anyway for my use. I will rent the truck or even hire movers, I don't get whats' so hard to understand.

Again Tillie I appreciate your time and effort with these posts because they are helpful to me and hopefully others. Call me out if I say something stupid. And keep on posting

Thanks Again.

He refuses to give up complete control of the finances because then he would not have all the money to spend for buying more clutter.
He spends the money on crap we do not need and refuses to spend it on anything for home maintenance and repairs.

The front of the property is filled with derelict vehicles that haven't run in decades.
I would have to take the car and leave to make room for the workman's truck.
But that's alright.
There are a few areas where ladders can be put up to access the roof.

He has the huge garage completely packed full from floor to ceiling, the 3 car carport and most of the driveway hoarded.
The farthest out roof portion of the carport has collapsed and is hanging dangerously down covering up all his clutter stacked in there.
All around the property are big heaps of assorted clutter.
It's all big heavy stuff with sharp edges that rip my clothes and flesh if I venture out there.

I do not allow him to clutter inside the house except his bedroom and that's real bad too.
He is very bitter that I won't allow clutter in the house.
Says it's ALL my fault he can't organize his hoard because I won't let him put any of it in the house.

The garage is larger than the inside of the house and even has a second story, the house is very tiny.

Periodically I will ask him if he has a certain item out in his hoard.
Last time it was for a refrigerator light bulb and it took him days to finally find one.
Many times he just gives up looking.
He is always misplacing things that are important.
He loses his keys, eye glasses, wallet, etc. often.
Then he blames me, says I moved his stuff or threw it away.
I never touch his stuff.

It's real scary to go into the garage.
It smells terrible.
There is a lot of yucky stuff deep on the floor.
Bins & boxes stacked to the ceiling but are leaning/teetering over likely to fall at any time.
You have very narrow little paths to walk through the clutter down the center of the garage with so much stuff heaped up on either side you can not see the walls.
Then the little path ends and there are things you must step over to get to a corner where he sits in his chair at his TV and eats his food.
All around that area he has bottles perched everywhere that are filled with urine.
There are rats and mice and snakes in there.
And he thinks there is nothing wrong with any of this and that I am just an unreasonable B#%&H for wanting it cleaned up.

So yeah, I do really, really understand what you have been dealing with.
(((((HUGS))))) 🙂

I understand your frustration. Those financial records or any records could become an issue.

Can't set a boundary or house rule that all important papers go in one spot? Even if you could get them into one room.

Here you ask to find a working pen she's goes into a tizzy it's so bad. Or ask her to find a current bill which winds up on the bottom of pile in hours. Retrieval of anything becomes a string/game of dominoes. Then she finds it but now must spend 15 minutes going through a pile she knocked down or messed up looking for it. The amount of items handled twice or tasks repeated in ridiculous.

Ugh the repairs. Will the stuff prevent a roof repair or it's just money & time. How about the outside can ladders be set up or trucks parked close enough so contractors have access to their tools?

The amount stuff she has in the garage here has made repair time consuming. Even changing the lights in the center because it takes a 1/2 day to unpack and repack, should be 15 minutes but it's a morning or afternoon. Repairs were made when a new door probably should've been installed-this was right before the housing bubble in which many home improvements were cheaper. After many a household repair at least doubled.

I guess she feels like she will live to be 500 and that there will be time enough to do all this later.

Steven keeps talking about all his plans for all the things in his hoard.
I keep asking him how long does he think he will live?
Wouldn't you rather spend your time doing something/anything more enjoyable than tending to this massive hoard?

I keep asking him about the finances and all things financial so in case he's in the hospital for a month like last time I can pay the bills.

My biggest fear is that he will die and leave me to clean up this mess all by myself without the funds to hire help and repairmen.

It's not like him dying isn't something that will be unexpected.
His health is terrible and he does not live his life right.

Our roof has had a leak for over a year now. Not too bad since we are experiencing a drought but that still needs to be fixed.
He insists he will hire the roofer but he hasn't and he won't allow me to.

I wish there was a magic word you and I could speak to get them both to listen to the reality of the situation and let us help fix these problems.

Hello Tillie

Her fear of winding up in 'a' nursing home is supposedly her biggest motivator not to spend money ie mooching storage off whom ever she can. And every now and then she blurts out some of her financial numbers. I don't think she has enough to get in a private one or get a private room. But even then what would she do with all her stuff if given a choice but mandate to go into a home?

I try to tell her it would be cheaper to clean up her place ALOT and just be resigned to the fact that she'd have to pay for somekind of regular home care. If she could get a nurse visit 3 times a week along with a helper cleaner 2 times that might get her by. Paying $10-15K a year for help is cheaper than a $250,000K room in a home. She'd have to cash in so many of her investments the left overs wouldn't produce enough money. If she strategically invests/sells assets she could very easily get another 10 years in her home. And her finances are a mess too because she tried to do everything herself(now deceased family did it for her).

She complains that the free tax preparers at the senior centers are costing her money. They're not equipped for some of her investments. She won't even pay for just one investing or tax consult. Even close friends begged her to consult a lawyer on her hoarding citation/possible eviction. She refused. We told her just one consult, don't have to use them. She refused because $ 150-300 is simply too much money for someone eye balling 1/4 million dollar nursing homes.

She over whelms herself by not taking any action even if getting information and options.

Good Morning Helprejected

Well, I guess you just can't argue with her since she has so much recent knowledge of medicine.
LOL ;D

With so many people abusing pain pills many doctors don't even prescribe them any longer.
They worry about being sued if someone over doses or becomes addicted to them.
She would need to consult a pain management specialist and keep all her appointments.

With her age and her not taking preventative care she may soon have a medical problem that she can't just brush off and make up excuses for not getting it treated.
She may end up in a nursing home unable to ever return home.

I have known many people who after high school thought they knew everything.
No matter how many years passed they felt they never needed to learn anything more and there was no way anybody could convince them differently.

At her age she will not change.
Sad but true.

Good Morning Tillie

You are absolutely right about the self diagnosis. She says her experience as a social worker and hospital volunteer over 50 years ago gave her knowledge. Throw in the internet, trouble. It's that same social worker job, not decades long career she uses to profile people. But she can't read people. She is so out of it with current terminology, slang, sayings, behaviors etc it's like she hasn't added to her knowledge since high school or college. Same for current events, it's like she's stuck in her youth in the 40s & 50s. Slow or obstinate don't begin to describe it.

Then she's always complaining about the lack of prescription pain killers. Her old doctor retired new ones won't prescribe but this is over 6 years ago. She's brings them up every time you see her at least once a conversation. I was thinking not only did they kill pain but they probably mellowed her out a little, she is/has been always been on the nasty/ pretentious side but her outbursts have been much more frequent over the last 6 plus years. I agree she has the right to them but she's barely tries recommended substitutes-excuses.

She also uses excuses not seek treatment for poor treatment or incidents in local hospitals a quarter century ago. Try to tell her things change including staff/people.

All of this is stalling and procrastination.

Hi Helprejected

That's what night blindness is, lights from the oncoming cars blinds you.
You can see well enough as long as there are no other cars on the roads.
I have a cataract developing in my right eye and I won't drive at night any more at all just to be safe.

I am pretty positive that once she gets her stuff into a storage unit she will never deal with any of it.
So really worrying about fires and broken elevators is just a smoke screen to keep from renting that space. LOL ;D

That's funny she's saying it's all your fault she hasn't taken care of her medical issues because you need her to move her stuff out of your house.

Also, a person who self diagnoses has a fool for a doctor, themselves.
Having a medical background myself I know what all goes into making a PROPER diagnosis and it's a lot more than what she can find in a book.
There is also a lot of misinformation on line there days.
Tell her that without a proper diagnosis from a real medical doctor with xrays and tests to back it up it's all just speculation.

Good Day Tillie

She says she has cataracts and will get them addressed. Says glare from on coming cars are her issue. In the meantime if her day doesn't start until between 3-5 in the afternoon she will wind up doing stuff in the dark. I think this is why she likes going to the store after 8-9 PM because evening rush is over and she is frequently the only one driving on her 1/2 mile or so trip.

But the cataract excuse is just the tip of the iceberg. What she likes to do is self diagnose so she likes to explain her condition in gory detail as to pretend she has it figured out and will eventually get around to it. But she won't. Nor does she always have it right. In the meantime you get long angry descriptions/complaints about her health. She doesn't like explaining her self but she doesn't mind using it as a deflection tactic.

She is planning on getting eye, back & shoulder surgery. So even if she's in a rehab for a year she'll come out a senior in her mid 80s. I don't think she' be raring to go move boxes etc. And she tries to guilt trip you by saying I should be taking of myself/issues but I have to get the stuff out of your house first. Well you had almost one year notice and have been saying the samething the entire time. Could've signed up for a storage unit months ago. Ooops forget those extra few months storage rent would've kept her out of a private nursing home. Even better she could have addressed these issues years ago when they first appeared.

On her potential storage unit. She now is expressing fear of being a crime victim and the elevator not working because her unit will be on an upper floor. She wonders what she'll do in a fire. Part of expressing those 'fears' are to generate sympathy but I'm not buying. Also at issue since her day does start late that means she'll be in there the second half the day including night. Maybe this will motivate getting up earlier. And more important just getting rid of her stuff. I'm not playing body guard. But once the stuff is in there(hopefully) I doubt she'll visit it much no matter how much she wants to sell it. But again there is the option of more ideal settings but that's precious private nursing home money.

Good Morning Helprejected 🙂

Selling the house "as is" makes a lot of financial sense.
When it would cost too much to make repairs than you would get out of selling it.
She just doesn't want to lose her free storage there.

From what you have written all along here she most definitely is a charity case and keeps demanding people give her even more charity.
She has her hand out but then makes even more demands of people's time and resources to try getting it all done her way.
She needs to learn that "beggars can't be choosers" and accept the help she's offered gratefully.

I honestly believe that you will have to take the lawyer's advice about giving her written notice about her stuff getting out and then you will have to toss it out for the property sale to go through.

It is extremely concerning that she was driving at night knowing she has night blindness.
All the responsible people I know who develop night blindness due to aging never drive at night.
Just one of the facts of life we face when getting older.

It really does help if you can find a place of "inner calm".
No matter what is going all around you, you can draw strength from it.
Meditation helps to achieve this.
I see chaos all around me but yet I can mentally take a step back from it, detach mentally and emotionally from the insanity.
Then deal with the situation from a better perspective.
But this doesn't mean I surrender, I fight back but with sound reason and logic.

Hello again Tillie

Sorry you have to experience verbal abuse of some kind. I don't how you do it because I read your posts and see a person from a place of calm.

And yes the constant diatribes, rants, vents etc. I'm not an expert but she should be telling alot of the stuff she tells me to therapists and doctors. Rude is right. And ignorant.

Today she started her first phone call like a child who just came home from school anxious to tell me about their day. She was impressed & happy somebody helped at the store. Then later she harps can't rely on charity, she isn't a charity case etc yet it's been people voluntarily helping her that have kept in her home, frequently fed and helped with numerous other issues that would've cost her more than money if ignored.

The lawyer said in a way I'd be helping her and public by calling social services because she would taken off the streets/prevented from driving. Got to admit I had to guide her half way home one night because she says she can't see too well at night and amazingly didn't know the area she's lived with in 10 miles of her entire life. We're talking major highway. Sorta shows how much she's stayed in her own world. And this from a person who considers herself worldly.

Then she complains well YOU want my stuff out now. I didn't beat around the bush and I said yes. You can't wait to the very end. It will be too kaotic and we will be doing other things. But it's that sense of entitlement she feels to wait until the last minute like she lives there. We're selling as-is with cash which means a faster close/settlement. Doesn't like our strategy either.

All this behavior is from an 80 plus year who has had a lifetime to deal with and accept her health issues. And supposedly considers herself worldly yet acts like a child who isn't getting what they want. Class act or dignified should not be part of her legacy. I now see why people say things like they were a class act to the end, never complained etc. Here it's the opposite.

Hi Helprejected

Glad you talked to an attorney.

I am concerned about selling the house where she has things stored.
It is not fair that she is keeping the potential sale at a stand still.

So relieved that you are refusing to rent the storage unit in YOUR name.
That would be a huge mistake you would regret.
If only she would just rent the space and let you get on with trying to help her.

Also sounds like her living situation is deteriorating pretty badly.
Like she is no longer able to take care of herself all on her own.
Maybe all her health excuses will be the final straw to force the authorities to take action.
Maybe she would stop making excuses if she knew her claims of being so sickly and crippled could/would cause her to be put in a home against her will for her own safety.
I don't know what the adult protective services in your area do when they find someone so unable to function on their own.
But maybe you could mention this to her to maybe get her to stop making so many health related excuses?

I guess she just wants you to listen to her complaints, no comments at all.
That's pretty anti social and extremely rude.
Would be better if you could just listen to some music while she goes on and on but she would probably hate that. 😉

I know it's not easy to face verbal abuse and it's not easy to let it all roll off you.
Please do not take anything she says to heart.
It's not true.
It is only said to hurt you and make you comply to her wishes.
I know, I face it often here.
It's not the truth ((((HUG))))

Hello Tillie

As usual helpful again.

Spoke to a lawyer said since I have no criminal history things will look better for me. Also said contact social services tell them what's going especially talk of death suicide and by her own admission is pooping in bed that could be enough. Wouldn't stop a civil suit.

She called with an update intended to buy time for her saying her health is so bad and even going to/getting into car could makes things worse. Also suggested that I rent the storage unit in my name. I told her no and they wanted too much personal info including drivers license and picture. She actually backed off that suggestion and all of sudden wants to try making to her car over the next week.

The issue is still her stuff. Today she harped on items she insists she knows that are there but cannot be found. I asked do you know what box they're in since many have an inventory and labeling(20 plus years old). She insists it's here yet she has entire spare bedroom full of unopened boxes from moving day around 20 years ago. I think I mentioned she also still blames the movers for conditions.

She also went off again today like a wild banchee she didn't like a casual comment about an issue she kept dwelling on.I should've known better because it's eggshells to the umpth degree around her. If she would drop the subjects she can't do anything about instead continuing complaining about them everyone would be much better off. If a subject isn't dropped or brought up I assume a person wants some input or opinion it.Nope.

Lawyer said if things get bad he would start writing written notices informing her the stuff must be out by a certain date. If she doesn't respond basically he stuff would be thrown out. I'm trying to avoid that for now because there will many loud booms after that and one only knows what that would trigger her to do.

Hi Helprejected

Difference between delusion & lying is that the delusional actually believe it but if someone lies for long enough it becomes real to them.

Yes please get an attorney to help protect yourself.
If she gets rattled up enough you have no idea what harm she may cause you as retaliation.

Right now the market is flooded with glass, collectables, antiques and other items that people believe are valuable but are not.
With all the online shopping sites now you can find almost anything for pennies.
It's very rare when someone sells something for a huge profit.

An attorney can help you cover your bases so she would not have a legal leg to stand on if she tries to sue or damages or falsely claim elder abuse.
Documentation of her past actions with witnesses would help.
Counter her delusions/lies with proof of the truth.

Best wishes as always (((HUG)))

Hello Tillie

Another family talked to a lawyer acquaintance and said keep her off the property. But she has to get her stuff. I don't want to escalate or trip her into a boom or story. They said pay to have someone remove it.

I want to consult a lawyer to protect myself not the property. Also she says a lot of stupid stuff, frequently gets confused or conflates things and talks trash in her own way. But the fact she spoke in more formal terms is different. Almost seems like she's being coached.

As all this is going on the hoarder says they befriended someone that might be able to help them move it. She met this person while shopping storage units and supposedly this new friend has gotten one for her(another story?). She does wonder why she didn't have to sign a lease.Sounds like one was reserved for her, not rented.

She did concede myself or others would be doing all the work. To me the biggest issue will be broken stuff if any. There alot of different size boxes which could make transport tricky as far as packing them together to prevent movement. She noted antique glasses but crystal or colored glass isn't what it was. It's not just age.

And still has plans to get the stuff up for sale/consigned.

My personal choice is de escalate just enough to get the stuff out. I'll cover my butt. I'm thinking about paying the lawyer to consult and find options other than the courts. Problem is no matter what happens as soon as a disabled senior formally claims somekind of abuse unproven the accused is screwed. She also has accused town inspectors of rummaging through drawers and stuff while there. And the hospital using extra staff to intimidate her when the nurses were taken care of her standing by in an intimidating manner. There is somekind paranoia,misinterpretation along with lying and delusion.

But what is the difference between delusion and lying.