Hi McKenzie:

I agree in that you cannot control the room mate. She sees no value in changing and does not see things your way. You have already drawn the line in the sand. If you cannot handle her behavior then ask her to leave. You can explain your concerns but they should have nothing to do with her failure to obey your directives and should focus on her well being. You can explain that you are concerned about her willingness to live in an apartment with x, y and z conditions.

If she moves on and continues to hoard that is her life. She will need to deal with her habits with other people as well. If she gives someone your name as a reference you could tell them about the housekeeping differences but it is not about following your rules.

Hello Mackenzie,

Sorry you are in this situation.
We can not change others, we can only change ourselves.
Your friend obviously does not want to change and it seems you have gone way out of your way to try to help motivate her.
You should not have to live this way because she will not change.
She refuses to seek help, refuses to clean up.
If I were in your shoes I would give her eviction notice and stand firm when she cries, threatens, delays acting on finding other accommodations.
Look to your family and other friends to help back you up and give you support during this very trying time.

Good luck and best wishes, Tillie

Does anyone have advice on how I can help my friend and roommate who is a hoarder?

I've tried to help her with cleaning, made up weekly chore sheets, told her if she didn't clean up I would have to evict her, tried to teach her how to clean properly and tried to give her different, reasonable deadlines for when I want things to be cleaned and taken care of.

Nothing has worked. She often gets mad at me, says I'm threatening her and she would rather move out than deal with me.

Last April I finally got her agree to see a therapist and that would be the only way I would be ok with us rooming together another year. I went home for the summer in May and it's now September and she hasn't made any effort to make an apt.

After getting home I've cleaned up trash, old and rotting food, mold and maggots to name a few and I can not keep doing this anymore. I'm at the every end of my rope. I know she needs help and I've tried to give it to her and direct her to people who can but the issue is she listens but never does anything about it

It's gotten to the point where I'm going to tell her she has to clean her room 100% every Monday or I'm giving her a 4 week notice AND she needs to see a psychologist and pay for a monthly cleaning lady. I know she is going to be mad. I want her to change but I truthfully don't believe in her anymore. Think she'll just move out and keep hoarding in her new place and I know other roommates will not be as supportive about it as me and will probably get her in trouble with her new landlord where I've covered for her from the landlord here and both our parents for the past year.

She isn't happy. I want her to be happy. I want her to take pride in herself and her living space. Most of all I want to come out of this still friends. I don't know what else I can do for her anymore and I want to give up on her because I don't know what else to do. Please, if anyone has any advice on how to move forward and help her please let me know