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Shayla,
I TOTALLY understand! My mom is the exact same way. It breaks my heart and makes me so angry at the same time. Our house has been a wreck for as long as I can remember, and she immediately gets mad at us when we try to clean! I even have memories of my brother and sister fighting and screaming at her over it when I was growing up. Nothing we tried helped. If anything what we did (and the WAY we did it) only made her worse. I was so jealous when I would go to my friends houses and saw how they lived. I have never met anyone who's house looks anywhere near as bad as ours. It feels like trying to live in the city dump. I grew up disgusted and ashamed of myself for living like this but my mom never cared. It doesn't bother her at all. My sister and brother both moved out of the house the minute they were old enough to.
3 years ago our mom had surgery and spent a week in the hospital. I talked my sister into coming over and helping me clean up while she was gone. We thought that if she came home to a clean house she would be happy. OMG we were wrong! She totally freaked out and threw me out of the house. (I was only 16) By then I was already spending most of my time at my sisters apartment anyway, so physically it wasn't that big of a deal that she kicked me out. You would think that I should have been used to the idea by then, but for some reason it still crushed me hard that she would choose garbage over me. Over us... her own kids. It was easier for her to throw her own child away then it was for her to throw out anything else. It broke my heart. Again. And that wasn't even the worst part.... after all of our hard work the house was full again in less than a year. :(
The good thing is that my sister started taking me to counceling. Eventually witht he help of our therapist we got our mom to agree to sit in on our sessions with us... to make a long story short, our mom is now seeing a professional therapist herself - AND IT'S HELPING! :) She has just started taking out small bags of trash a little bit at a time. That may not seem like a big deal to most people but it is something she has NEVER done before on her own, so it really is a major change in her world!
So to answer your question about where to begin: FIND A THERAPIST!
Even if you start going to sessions first and then bring your mom in later... She has lived a long time in the hoard, she can survive a little longer. Don't focus on the mess right now. Removing the stuff won't cure the disorder. The first step is to find her help to treat the mental issues that are causing the mess. When she's ready and able to deal with that, then it will be much easier to help her tackle the cleaning!
I hope that at least you know you are NOT alone! Please keep in touch and keep posting.
Reanna
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