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Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : WE LOVE THRIFT STORES! HELP WANTED!
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WE LOVE THRIFT STORES! HELP WANTED!
   

dave
Posted: 12 March 2015 - 08:37 AM
I have learned it's not my fault. I am a victim of the cosmic powers.

Driving by a liquor store (whose owner seems to enjoy creating signs)

My friend David has lost his ID, now we call him DAV. There's a facebook page too.

Like to like. Dav drawn to DAV.

:)
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dave
Posted: 12 February 2015 - 10:05 PM
It comes down to letting go of extra stuff and only buying things I need and will use.

Way to go Diane. I thought I was missing somebody at Goodwill last week.

(Although I did see the "old you" checking out. A basket half full of stuff including a WWE display stand (NIP!). Funny story there when I can gather energy and time to write it.)
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Dave
Posted: 16 October 2014 - 09:08 AM
Aargh!
I'm still unemployed but Goodwill has raised clothing prices 50 cents a garment. Built in shopping control!
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Dave
Posted: 02 July 2014 - 01:08 PM
"If you find yourself trapped under the influence of "whys,' stand up, walk over and pick up ' something. Feel it in your fingers. Think, 'If this was food, would I want to eat it?' See the job, do the job, and stay out of the misery."
Brooks Palmer in his July 1 2014 blog post.

so yesterday afternoon when I was in a thrift store after dropping off some donations, I had two clothing items in my hands and asked "If this was food, would I eat it?" The answer was pretty much no, so I left them. (You have to understand that Mrs Dave has been known to remark in the past, on why it is that I don't eat some things in the refrigerator until she gets ready to throw them away. :) )
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Dave
Posted: 14 March 2014 - 09:52 AM
Actually rather funny.

I am dealing right now with a result of precisely that situation! I think Barb's words are a very close approximation of my thoughts when I bought the item. I think I will have to discard or redonate the item because I am unable to clean it to my satisfaction and unwilling to spend much more time on it.
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Dave
Posted: 14 March 2014 - 09:45 AM
This is a post by Barb in the quote of the day section. (with one annotation by Dave.) It contains two quotes I think are useful.

Zig Ziglar

Barb with dave's annotation for this thread


Here is my quote for the day from Zig Ziglar:

"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now."


I am feeling the urge to shop today. Then I saw this quote. I don't need anything more. I just like the feeling I get of choosing and purchasing something that is pretty and new.(to me.(for thrift store shoppers))

Once I am out shopping, I go from store to store and avoid going home. I am procrastinating.
But what I want most is a neat, clean, comfortable house. That is more important than the "fix" I get from shopping.
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Barb
Posted: 11 March 2014 - 01:56 PM
Ooops, I meant Dianne. Sorry.
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Barb
Posted: 11 March 2014 - 01:55 PM
Hi Diane and Dave,
Ah-h-h, books. I am an eclectic reader and I love books. In the old house we had huge floor to 12 foot ceiling bookcases on either side of the fireplace. I never did fill all the shelves. We purged and purged when we moved to this little house, but there are still too many.
I was given a Kindle for Christmas 2 years ago and when I got my new phone, I downloaded all my ebooks to the phone.
I thought i would never be comfortable reading this way but have found it very useful for 2 reasons. (1) previewing sample chapters of books to see if they are really worth purchasing to buy (2) storing quick reads or books I will only enjoy once.
For books that I want to return to and read portions again, have complicated charts and graphs, or that I want to make margin notes in, I still prefer the real thing. The technology for note taking in ebooks still needs improving.
My library has a fund raising book sale 4 times a year. That helps in keeping the number of books manageable.
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Dianne
Posted: 11 March 2014 - 08:12 AM
Hey Dave,

I started a spirituality as it relates to hoarding thread in the Daily Chat. I don't want it to turn into a personal blog for me so after two posts I'll hold back for awhile.

It's good that you recognize your limitations with books. I have more difficulty remembering what I've read also which may be one reason I hang onto them.

It's been helpful for me to donate small amounts of books to specific places. Older fiction and history to assisted living, religious books to seminaries, animal magazines and picture books to shelter or emergency vet waiting areas. That way I feel like the books will be appreciated and used. Since purging the hoard is so much about feelings I'm trying to use a win/win approach.
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Dave
Posted: 10 March 2014 - 07:52 PM
I'll have to see about spirituality thread.

I am a slow reader and have difficulty remembering things I've read.

After opening box after box of moldy books, it is evident to me that I do not have a good storage environment for large quantities of books. I don't think I have the money or temperament for it either. I have observed people crying as they sell or attempt to sell books they treasure. going forward I'm going to have to be more careful about what and how much I buy.

My readily accessible shelves are almost filled up again-another culling pass is going to be even more difficult than the last one.
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Dave
Posted: 10 March 2014 - 07:43 PM
Did not buy anything until after 9 Tues morning.
Had some purchases after that.
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Dianne
Posted: 08 March 2014 - 08:50 AM
Dave ~

First of all ~ Abebooks!!! Oh dear. Oh my. Beautiful. Collectible. Books. The 25 Collectible Dogs and Cats section is exquisite. I could go on but...

There's so much I want to address in your posts here about spirituality. I'd love to start a new thread on it and get people's opinions. To me spirituality and hoarding have a unique relationship.

I just looked at the topic description in the Daily Chat ~ Welcome one and all to the Daily Chat :D A place to gather with friends and talk about any and everything under the sun. Here we can encourage each other, give helpful advice and cheer every accomplishment. A place to sit down & catch up while taking a break. Hope you all enjoy it here. :)

Want to join me there?


Henri Nouwen was a favorite of mine. I need to revisit him.

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diane
Posted: 07 March 2014 - 08:13 PM
Dave, how have you been doing? You mentioned being grateful for the good stuff people give to thrift stores--did you mean what you gave or what you bought?
I haven't left home so no problem shopping. Hope you are doing well and have made progress in garage.
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Dave
Posted: 02 March 2014 - 05:05 PM
Dianne,
I liked your story very much. It presented the essence of what I wanted to say. I thought you spoke very well about developing awareness of your decisions in deciding about what stuff to have.

There are two things in your comments that are challenging me and I am having to think about and come back to.

One is the rebelling thing. I need to do some work with that for me because I suspect that is yet another piece of my issues with stuff which I need to deal with.

The other thing is the weight on your hand you described in an earlier post. I don't think that is wierd. I think that is the edge of message about a deeper effect of stuff on us that we have not hit in discussions. And something I need to think about.
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Dave
Posted: 02 March 2014 - 03:18 PM
Re: Stephen Levine books:
If library or used bookstore doesn't work, you can find most of his books on ABEBOOKS in at least good condition for under $4 including shipping.

I need to make a comment here too.

I think that Stephen Levine's approach to life (buddhist) could be considered antithetical to an evangelical christian approach.

the bible says something like: (Jesus) I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the father except by me.

I'm not sure I have this right, but best I can do at the moment is to say I think that Levine's objective of meditation is that we rest in an awareness of what is.

Mrs Dave read me something from a book by Henri Nouwen the other day that included the words you can't forgive yourself. Particularly in his counsel to the dying, Levine discusses forgiveness, including self-forgiveness as a very important part of the last work the dying have to do.

I do not wish to lead anyone down a path they consider to be incorrect. Please make your own considered choices about that.
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Dave
Posted: 02 March 2014 - 02:57 PM
Mrs Dave and I were at the grocery store a few weeks ago. We went to the bargain shelf.

"BIG score" There were a bunch of bottles of Tide detergent marked way down. They were the two kinds that Mrs Dave uses. Some weren't the "right" smell, but she said at that price it didn't matter. (You also have to know that over the few weeks preceding that visit, I had bought several small bottles of tide to take advantage of some sales.)

So Mrs Dave says that's a good price and those will keep. (A year ago I would have just dumped it all in the cart.) I started putting things in the cart, considering as I went, and when I was done, there were still some bottles on the shelf. Mrs Dave made some remark I can't remember and put the rest of the bottles in the cart. Mr Dave said, "But we don't need them and the storage spot is filled up." Long pause. Then Mrs Dave said "It's nice to share. You choose what we should get." So Mr Dave put some bottles back on the shelf.

A little later, after really realizing how good the price was, Mr Dave said "That was a good price and I can figure out a way to store them if you want to get the rest." Mrs Dave said "No it's nice to share." and we left the extras.

Dianne and Mrs Dave have a vision of other people being able to use things on the shelf. Mr Dave is not there yet. He's pretty self focused.
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Dave
Posted: 02 March 2014 - 02:41 PM
So I say to Mrs Dave,

Dianne with two n's went to the store, sat down in the middle of traffic and looked at stuff, and finally bought one thing. The CBT therapists would probably be upset with me for saying she did well on an "exposure" shopping trip.

Mrs Dave says, The best thing is to not go to the store, but if you do, the best thing is to buy gently.

Mr Dave says, Well Dianne with two n's and I are alike there.

Mrs Daves asks, How's that?

Mr Dave, well, we rebel. When Mrs Dave and diane with one n and Tillie tell us not to go to the store, we say we are going anyway.

Mrs Dave gives me the hoity toity "oew!" And then: "I've noticed that!"

:) :) :)
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Dianne
Posted: 02 March 2014 - 12:39 PM
Whoa, I can't believe that all came up! :)
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Dianne
Posted: 02 March 2014 - 12:37 PM
Wow Dave, so much to digest there!

First I would LOVE to see your book collection! For a time I was very much into visualization and becoming more self-aware. Shakti Gawain, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Melody Beattie, Hazelden books, Pema Chodron, so many others. I wish my practical application of the advice had been as passionate as my reading of everything I could get my hands on. Now I'm going to have to check out Stephen Levine. :)

I do use a well-entrenched visualization for anxiety and fear at night. I can see thru your examples that a similar type of visualization can work with eyes wide open in a public place ~ if I can get my buy/crazy high self, reined a little bit. The only way I seem to have accomplished that so far is just not go into a store at all.

So yesterday I did a little experiment. I had been working hard all day and needed to switch things up a bit with some fresh air. Instead of a romp with the dogs I asked Laura if she wanted to check out a new toy store with me. It's right next to Petsmart and never seemed to be open when I drove by. They had a lovely, large stuffed elephant covered in bright, psychedelic flowers (so VERY pretty) in the window. He had been calling to me for some time and I felt like I needed a cheery, colorful reward for getting thru the winter, or a reward for getting so much work done, or a reward for not buying for a while, or whatever excuse ~ I WANTED him.

I walked in the store with Laura and you and diane, and Laura and I were all over that sucker! It turned out to be quite a tiny place of high-end toys. Oh, we were like, "Look at this; Laura, over here; Mom, check it out....!!!!" All the great stuff I bought for my kids when they were little and the things I, of course, indulged myself in that I couldn't have as a little girl. Calico Critters (the real deal not imitators), Breyer horses (OMG!), Gund stuffed animals, Melissa and Dave stuffed animals and educational toys, and tiny to small animals (domestic, farm, wildlife, exotic) made in England. Those have little tags around the legs with the price in pounds and pence. It makes me so happy just thinking about them!

My elephant was just as lovely in my hands as from outside the window. But there were so many other distractions ~ like a crocodile covered in blue, yellow and green peace signs, a soft, pastel-colored rainbow unicorn, a giant panda bear.... It was all too much and I literally sat on the floor thinking if I could just pick ONE thing, what would it be? Instead of soft maybe the shadow box with a dozen little Breyer horses prancing over beautiful backgrounds. Or maybe a family of little Border Collies in cute little clothes. With the English animal figurines (SO realistic!) I whispered to Laura to move the crocodiles with the open mouths and sharp teeth away from the African elephants who looked ready to run away. I said, "Put the scary ones next to the dinosaurs." She said, "Mom, you're weird."

In the meantime Dave and diane stood by the door with arms crossed, frowns and tapping their feet. You wouldn't even come in and see all the magical, wonderful, buyable stuff. You had convinced me to leave me credit cards in my purse in the trunk of the car. As a compromise you allowed me to bring in a little cash (see how I'm preparing to shift the blame here >:D ~~ Kidding!). I couldn't even calm down enough to give you one reason for something in my hands or one reason against or whatever it was that I had planned to discuss with you ~ all sense went right out the window. I was walking and sitting, walking and sitting, while Moms and children walked around me. Finally I decided I didn't want to ask Dave or diane; my little kid self, wanted to rebel against them like the kid whose Mom was dragging him out of the store by the arm. I had to be accountable to just me.

So I said to me ~ I have plenty of stuffed animals; I even have a very soft cute froggy that is bright yellow and green. I have a huge collection of Breyer horses, regular size, displayed on shelves at home. I have all my kids' old Calico Critter families, minus a few arms and legs courtesy of Dakota; but that just gives them character, like The Velveteen Rabbit. I have lots of dogs, cats, horses, sheep, rabbits, ducklings, chicks, bears, wolves, elk, white tailed deer, fawns from the English collection. I very nearly bought the magnificent male African elephant with the beautifully detailed, wrinkled skin and the big tusks in action mode ready to fight off enemies. I even thought about going back for that one this morning. But I chose one thing ~ a small, Atlantic Bottle Nosed Dolphin ~ the kind I love to watch from my balcony at the beach. For me he represents the kind of carefree, leaping, playful spirit that makes living joyous.
Since Laura wasn't aware of this exposure/non-buying experiment I told her she could buy what she wanted. To her very great credit she chose one small, brown, stuffed bear. There were two and normally she (and I) would want the *twins* so they wouldn't be separated in the store. After some deliberation she chose the one who was speaking to her heart.

Although we left with one purchase each I considered the experiment to be a success. The store was highly stimulating, MUCH more so than I thought it would be. I remembered lovingly what I had at home, I saw lots of little kids in whose hands those toys would eventually be played with, I thoroughly enjoyed the visual and tactile sensations without needing to grasp it for my very own, and most importantly I realized that ~ for me ~ accountability has to be to my own self. Anything less and my strong-willed little inner child will rebel and get what she wants in some other way. I think so much of my resentment has come from when it seems that others have the most influence over my behavior. It took so many years to realize my choice, my consequence, good or bad. That the little kid inside can now trust that the adult in her life (the grown-up me) knows, values and respects her needs and will take good care of her.

Boy, that took a lot of inner work! I think I'll go buy a toy for a reward ~~ >;) haha
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Dave
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 04:45 PM

Stephen Levine.
Turning Toward the Mystery; a seeker's journey

A quote from the book on the inside back jacket flap.

"We have a will toward mystery, a yearning, greater even than our will to live. And lucky too, because our will to live, our grasping at life, is killing us. The will toward mystery is our homesickness for God."

A David rewrite for his issues.

We have a will toward spaciousness, a yearning greater even than our desire for stuff. And lucky too, because our desire for stuff, our grasping at more and more things, is killing us. The will toward no-stuff is our homesickness for God.
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Dave
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 04:04 PM
Dave - although this is more focused on dealing with physical pain from illness, I think there is relevance for dealing with hoarding behavior too.

Levine - Meditations book

P 182
"Resistance is an unwillingness to go further. It is a reaction ( as opposed to response) to pain, metal or physical. Left uninvestigated, it stops us in our tracks."

(Dave unwillingness to go further, person unwilling to change hoarder behavior= resistance)

skipping a lot relevant discussion

P184
" In order to enter directly this resistance, it may necessary at first to use a visulization meditation. This may allow one to approach and make contact with resistance at levels not previously available. It is a powerful focus for the mind which has been withdrawn from its pain, and thus the world, by deeply conditioned resistance."

again skip a bit

p 185
"This technique of healing resistance is based on the recognition that to see clearly the nature of our grasping we need open our hands. Running for a bus or train, holding to our luggage "for all we're worth," when at last, we sink to our seat, we may find it difficult to open the hand back into its natural spaciousness. It has become clamped closed. We may even have to peel the fingers back one by one. this returning to openness may at times be a painful process. Our mind, like the hand of a sleeping baby, is by its original nature open and soft, but it has become rigor-mortised around desire and fear. Clearly desire and fear are not the problem. It is our identification and grasping that cause suffering. Letting go is the cure."

Perhaps you can see some influence on David's thoughts here.
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Dave
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 01:06 PM
So now, It's a beautiful spring day. diane has had a good night's sleep and is bouncing around like Jess. Thrift store, Thrift store; Yes, yes; I'll be there soon!

So you've gotten to the store and dumped half the craft section in your cart. These are such good deals you can't even look at anything else. You've got to get the things out of the store before they realize their mistakes and mark everything up!

The reason you can't move is not because of the chewing gum on the soles of your shoes. It is because Dianne and I are standing on your feet. Before we will let you leave, you must give us one reason for each item you want to take home. If you are unwilling to do that, you can't take it home.

If you give us a reason, you need to listen to the reason you give to us. And you need to pretend that you are on Sunday night chat, d and T talking to Dave. Your bullshit meter is actively engaged. Listen to the reason you just gave Dianne and me and then think if Dave said that to me and Tillie on Sunday night, what would my bullshit meter say? Act accordingly!
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Dave
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 12:46 PM
"I was able to put things back out of my cart, when I remembered people posting that they filled cart then just left the store. I came home with very little."

You are doing well. You are growing. you are learning. You are changing.

Something you could try doing to continue to develop that habit of awareness of you in the thrift store. (And if you think this is harmful don't do it because I won't know how to bail you out of the problems.)

Sit down, close your eyes and go back to the store. I'm sure you've been there enough you can imagine the basket area, the check out lane and at least some of the aisles. You've got your cart now, just start reviewing the trip. Think about something you picked up. Then tell Dianne and me one reason you picked it up to take home. Just in your imagination, no need to write it here. AND I don't wanna here woulda, coulda, shoulda. Just one reason you liked it, wanted it. "Just the facts ma'am." Repeat and repeat and repeat. Then are there certain kinds of desires for things or feelings about things that seem to repeat themselves? If so then maybe you can develop thought patterns to attend to those desires and feelings.

Same thing for when you put something back. Tell us one reason you put it back and see if some useful patterns emerge.

This is not an excercise for regret and guilt. Dianne and I are not judging you. We are just listening so you can talk and see if those observations can help you build awareness and question habits to help you.

I do this with Brooks Palmer. So ok Brooks, what do I do with this super soaker.
"Well sit it down in a chair and talk to it." (A suggestion in his book.
I did and it suggested I wasn't using it and it might be happier next door. (Where there are four kids.) I asked dad and it went next door.

Hey Brooks, what about this coffee cup?
"Are you using it?
"Do you like it?"
Well I just got another one I like better.

Just another one of my tools which sometimes helps and sometimes doesn't.

(and Dianne, if I've overstepped, please tell me.)
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Dave
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 12:12 PM
Stephen Levine.
Guided Meditations, Explorations and Healings.

Chapter The Chain of Events pp 131-135

Page 132
" We are not helpless, only habitual. Awareness melts holding. we have the capacity to watch the chain of events from its very inception. Watching the reception of sensory input-moments of seeing, of hearing, of thinking-we notice, almost before we can name it, a flash of memeory informs the mind if that oject is pleasant or unpleasant. If pleasant, a leaning toward occurs, which we call 'desire'. The links are forming. When desire forms in the mind, it inspires an intention to acquire. This motivation informs the body to move toward that object and attempt to grasp it. Intention leads the body toward imagined satisfaction. This volition causes a certain kind of willfulness that employs the problem-solving rational mind to get its way. It is an automatic unfolding but one which can, like eating or breathing, be brought into the light of a clear awareness. Where there is awareness, conditioning is no longer 'on automatic'."

He goes on from there to discuss breaking the conditioning.

My understanding. Desire - Intention - Action. A person with awareness can enter the chain at intention.
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Dave
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 11:28 AM
diane,

Dianne and I appreciate you telling us. We are not sending you to your room for the rest of the day!
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Dave
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 11:25 AM
Dianne
I have some more posts for you. I'll work them out and post as I can. I need to stop now and deal with this other issue first.
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Dave
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 11:13 AM
Dianne,

Of course you picked out the place where I had sloppy thinking and sloppy writing and just said "unh-I'll post it, nobody will notice and I can go to bed". And in the process I may have posted something dangerous for you.

One of my big life problems is stuff. I like (and can remember it) that I think is good for stuff, I steal it.

Stephen Levine has spent over 40 years in the practice of meditation and he and his wife have spent many many years counseling the terminally ill and their families.

I have spent 20 years gathering and hanging on to stuff.

There is a bit of a mental and spiritual gap there. That manifests when I attempt to steal, understand, use and explain stolen ideas I don't understand and am ill equipped to use.

I think I was trying to describe an experiment in which one would pretend that the stuff in their life was something that had landed there [seeing stuff, letting go of it and just letting it be present] and that if there was a change in focus [love forgiveness mercy compassion which Stephen Levine talks about] then the stuff would go away and be replaced with something different. My hope being that that departure of stuff in imagination could lead me to seeing more things I could part with when I next saw the stuff in the flesh.

Unfortuneately I think I am so far down in earthly stuff that the closest I can get to whatever the real object of meditation is, is a concept of trading. And what I may have proposed is an idea of trading "bearing stuff in your life" for an idea of "bearing the pain in the lives of others" in your life. I think there are those whom that could hurt.
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diane
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 11:07 AM
Hi Dianne and Dave. I didn't write yesterday because I went to thrift store and didn't want Dave to feel like he could go, now that I broke our agreement, but the guilt is bugging me. I went and had taxes done, the stress of dealing with it was a bit much. Then went to a place that makes retaining blocks, pavers and other cement products. They have an area of seconds that would work for me at 1/2 price. I got so excited that it got me revved up for a day of shopping at thrift stores. I am amazed that the bargain finder kicked up in me so easily, although I was already primed to shop from the day before. I tried to see my feelings as I went, it is definitely an addictive drive once I get going. I was able to put things back out of my cart, when I remembered people posting that they filled cart then just left the store. I came home with very little. I had a blind date today to meet at a convention center with a high end fund raiser for new dog park, used item sale. The man suggested it, unaware that I am a compulsive shopper. Thank goodness I am snowed in today, imagine the car full of stuff I would have dragged in. I love high end bargains. All I can do is continue to be honest, get rid of an equal amount of stuff today, forgive myself, do dishes. Dave please do what I was unable to do, stay out of thrift stores.
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Dianne
Posted: 01 March 2014 - 07:33 AM
Dave, SOO frustrating I know!!! It seems if you type too much in one post or go back and revise something it won't go thru.

When I want to write something long ~ almost always for me :) ~ I write it on a word document and then copy and paste. If it still won't go thru then you still have what you wrote and can break it down into smaller posts.
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Dave
Posted: 28 February 2014 - 02:03 PM
I just lost a 2 1/2 hour post.

No more time right now.

I'll have to try again later.
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Dianne
Posted: 28 February 2014 - 10:53 AM
Dave, Getting, Grasping, Giving would be a great thread to start.

I really like your visualizations. I was trying the one you described a couple posts before this and could feel a little weight in the palm of my hand when I opened my fingers. Weird huh?

You wrote ~~ then I get those fingers unclenched so my hand is open and all that stuff is just resting on an open hand. And then I start thinking about mercy and compassion and how would those things be extended into the problems of the people posting on the site? And the stuff isn't in my hands anymore.

I'm not sure I understand that part. So if I think about how to extend mercy and compassion into the problems of people on this site it's easier to let go of what is in my hands?

Can you explain further? Thanks.
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Dave
Posted: 28 February 2014 - 09:02 AM
http://brooks-palmer.blogspot.com/2014_01_01_archive.html

Monday Jan 27, comparison clutter

diane, allow the ideas in that post to extend beyond clutter to the other comparisons you were talking about. Don't allow your visions of how good you think others are to define you as a bad, disgusting incomplete person. I have done that for oh so many years. I am not sure now if it is possible for me to stop. But I can absolutely tell you it has not served me well and it will not serve you well.

I really make a mistake when I make a statement like "the posters on this site are hoarders", or at least I think that's what Dr Zasio was saying in her book. The better concept is that the posters on the site are People, people who have some hoarding behaviors as part of the package.

When you run over yourself with the tractor because of your buying behavior you are allowing that one behavior to define your vision of your complete person. You are a good, valuable person.

I read a quote the other day that someone attributed to Oscar Wilde. Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.

Desire Intention Action. You just described the perfect model for you to use to change.

History, Desire pops up, Go the thrift store. This automatically converts to intention to go and the action of going follows.

Yesterday. Desired popped up, Go to thrift store. YOU STOPPED AND BECAME AWARE. I HAVE A CHOICE OF INTENTIONS. I can intend to go to the store. I can intend to go home. FROM OR IN AWARENESS YOU CHOSE AN INTENTION and acted upon it. You can do exactly the same thing in a store with a THING clutched tightly in your hand. THE KEY IS THE PRACTICE OF STOPPING AND BECOMING AWARE OF WHAT IS GOING ON and not automatically letting feelings run the show.
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Dave
Posted: 28 February 2014 - 12:59 AM
I can't explain this, all I can do is say it.

I think that some of the answer can come from considering the grasping or clutching that we do when engaged in hoarding behaviors.

If I sit here right now and think about 16 cans of motor oil, 100 scrap pieces of plywood, a 20 year old bag of grass seed in a red and yellow cat food container and so on, my hand closes tightly around them, so tightly the fingers are turning white. But then I get those fingers unclenched so my hand is open and all that stuff is just resting on an open hand. And then I start thinking about mercy and compassion and how would those things be extended into the problems of the people posting on the site? And the stuff isn't in my hands anymore.

Extending to the store, then when holding an item the question is why do I need to hang onto this so tightly? Is this really a divine provision for me or can I put it back on the shelf?

I have a very long ways to go in releasing things but this past morning these kinds of ideas moved 5 cans of motor oil in my life from a keep at any cost category to a go category.

If I try to say any more about this I will just babble-I just know that dealing with that grasping thing is at least part of a solution. I wanted to start another thread too, but decided not to. GETTING, GRASPING, GIVING. Talking about how we get stuff, how and why we hang onto stuff, and how can a person that hoards move from hoarding to flowing the stuff in their lives?

My head hurts, I'm stopping, good night.
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Dave
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 08:32 PM
Diane i'm glad it helped. That helps make it worthwhile not to be going myself.
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diane
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 07:24 PM
Today I met my friend and we had a nice chat. Dave if not for our agreement, I would have gone to thrift store. I get stressed when visiting with people, especially friends that are happily married and appear to have it all together in their life. when we parted I told myself it would be good go to thrift store and see if I could find a few things I could use to glue rocks on. and I had a few other rational reasons, I thought. It took every bit of will to go straight home, thinking of having to admit going to thrift store, even though it seemed perfectly rational to go shop. Got home and saw clutter and was amazed how I really thought it was a good idea to bring more stuff home. It has been days with no sunshine and I wanted to shop to cheer myself up. How quickly I forget the damage it does to bring more stuff home. I feel relieved I didn't shop and grateful we made the agreement.
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Dave
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 03:26 PM
With the ban, I am taking extra pleasure in my current group of restaurant china coffee cups and saucers.
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Dave @ all - your thread
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 08:48 AM

Take it away!

this is your chance to speak about the thrift store experience in your life.

In ways to help yourself.
In ways to help other current regulars.
In ways that may help others who stumble onto the site in search of relief from thrift store abuse.
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Dave @ all - re the challenge
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 08:42 AM
Feel free to join us in not going to a thrift store until after 9 AM March 4th.
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diane Feb 25
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 08:37 AM

Dave I am so fond of you for many reasons, seeing how much we have in common including, the denial that we are addicted to thrift stores. We can see thrift stores as providing us relief from dealing with clutter, finding great bargains, people to talk to, something positive to do, when in reality, it is contributing to our discontent. I am so proud of you for supporting us in not shopping for a week, I need the support as much as you do, once I get started shopping, it seems rational to me. When I have to deal with stuff, I see how nuts it is, and then go back and do it again. Just like an alcoholic that forgets the misery alcohol causes, just remembers the relief the first drink begins. Your wife is worth keeping happy!!!! Hugs to you Dave, and thanks for helping me with this.
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Dave Feb 25
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 08:32 AM
diane
I was just thinking this morning about how things that you say come out of hard earned experience. And that I would probably have to seriously consider things that you said, EXCEPT "stop your shopping trips"!

And then I see this!!!!

And I have some things to do in that period of time that will take me by or very near some thrift shops.

Ouch! Ouch! and Ouch! Is this sychronicity - day 2?

Ok diane, I will commit to not going to a thrift shop again before 9 am next Tuesday.
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diane Feb 24
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 08:31 AM

Dave, so happy you did not go to thrift store, we both made it through the day without shopping, how about we both stay out of thrift stores for 7 days?
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diane and Dave
Posted: 27 February 2014 - 08:27 AM

diane Feb 26:
Dave do you think it would be good to start a separate thread on breaking addiction to thrift stores and bargain hunting?


Dave Feb 26:
We are in the middle of a week of abstaining from thrift store shopping. We'd love to hear your thrift store stories. Not just about some spiffy "score", but: What's their importance in your life? How have they facilitated your hoarding? What attracts you to them? What happens to the stuff you buy there? What have you done to change your behavior in or about thrift stores?


Diane Feb27:
I think looking at the feelings pre and post thrift store outings would be interesting. I think thrift store honest talk is the next step for me after going public with the hoard, being honest about thrift store shopping and discovering reasons behind it, would help in recovery. I read an article in newspaper tonight about brain chemistry changing when we addictivly do pleasurable things more dopamine is released. Genetically dopamine released when doing survival things. I could relate to that, I see myself as needing thrift stores to have stuff as good as other people. I actually feel like bargains have helped me survive.

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