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Hi Christa,
I'm so sorry you have to go thru that. Until your parents are willing to change not much will get better.
You don't need to cut ties with them. Even though they're hoarders they're still your parents and because you clearly love them, cutting ties would make you feel worse.
What you can do is live your own life as well as possible. Explain to your sons that Grandma and Grandpa have a problem but right now they are having a hard time changing. Encourage them to show their love from a distance with cards on the grandparents birthdays or phone calls. Help the kids to understand that their grandparents do love them very much; they're just not able to show it like other grandparents might. Try not to let your kids see your pain and frustration. When they're older you can explain more.
For yourself read some books that explain about hoarding. Amazon will have a good list. There are probably message boards where adult children can share their worries and what has helped them.
You may need to distance yourself from frequent contact with your parents. Keep in touch by phone once a week or two and always end with, "I love you." Stay away from hoard talk. At some point in the future it will be more your problem, especially if you have no siblings; but for now set some healthy boundaries for yourself and your children.
all the best ~~ Dianne
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