Great to hear from you. Hope you have everything you need to shelter in place and you stay well. (((HUG)))
I am afraid that after this latest "new" settles down the economy will be in a serious financial depression. That it will take the world a while to get back to more of the normal we are used to today.
If you are able to sell high now I believe it would be in your best interest. The state of Nevada is closed down, no nonessential businesses open but real estate offices are allowed to function as long as people keep 6 feet away from each other in the offices.
Her logic is so frustratingly illogical. Also expecting the storage people to help her with her self storage. Self storage is just that, pay the rent and do it all by yourself.
You can buy a very nice laptop for <$250.00> nowadays. They come with warranties. A better idea than fussing with an old malfunctioning computer.
Does she honestly believe her plans will work or is it all just procrastination? I think maybe she believes by procrastination long enough she will get things exactly as she wants to get them.
Anyways, if you get a good offer on the house take it and let her chips fall where they may. Maybe it would wake her up to the reality?
Posted: 19 March 2020 - 02:23 PM
Hope you are healthy in light of current events.
That being said the hoarder tried to lecture me to WAIT to sell the house until we get a good price. But in reality not even taking current events into account the offers we've gotten are on the high end. And after things ease up closer to 'normal' we might not approach those prices again. Long story short she briefly & quickly during 'the debate' wanted to loan me money to pay carrying costs-which would be about 5 years of storage unit rent.
Not only doesn't she have costs in proper perspective it shows she desperately is hoping the house won't be sold-she is/has been waiting for a reprieve. She also made about he 5 or 6th trip to the storage unit she'll probably rent at but yet won't sign up for a unit delaying again hoping to convince staff to help her as needed.
To top it off we're back to saving money for the nursing home she can't afford. She needs her computer repaired or replaced but doesn't want to pay for a diagnosis unless she's 100% sure it can be repaired. At the same time she won't shop a new computer. Recommended get a $200-300 laptop temporarily-nope the 500$ in repair or replacement will keep her out of that home that requires a 1/4 million dollars in savings and net worth to get in.
Posted: 28 February 2020 - 06:38 PM
Been a very hectic busy week here.
LOL ;) OK, that's funny about the cable company argument. So absurd.
So typical that "not my fault" syndrome. It's always someone else's fault or circumstances beyond their control, like acts of nature or sabotage by others. Like the whole world is conspiring against them and they are the innocent persecuted victims.
Blaming others, believing things are being stolen, swearing that something was definitely in a specific place and now it is gone. That is very common too. In fact they can become paranoid that people are plotting to steal all their valuable, rare and unique collections. They cut themselves off from regular social contact and then spend too much time in their own heads.
In reality it's impossible to remember what and where so many unseen, unneeded packed away things are. Without looking most people can't even list the contents of their own kitchen drawer, a place they look in every day.
Take care of yourself. Try to find the humor in this. ;) ((((HUG))))
Posted: 26 February 2020 - 10:53 AM
I didn't realize accusing people of stealing or losing items was that common. You're absolutely right about the item might never have been there. She has an entire room with boxes left in the same exact place the movers placed them(so she says) around 2 decades ago. Chest high in boxes & stuff and 2 dozen in the back of the room that haven't had access to since moving day. She likes to throw in some detail of the bits of knowledge she may have to legitimize her stories. The missing item came up after I told her where her boxes were; says it wasn't like that 20 years ago.
It's a side issue but now she's on a war path against a cable tv company she never had service with. They accidentally left service hooked up for a while and has since gotten a plan with another company. She insists she has a current plan with them and yet I've reviewed her current one for her several times over the years including this last year. She seems to remember things a certain way.
For some reason she's been in "victim" mode a lot lately including playing dumb on some conditions in her home. 'Not my fault' syndrome. 'It wasn't me'
And no storage unit yet.
Posted: 26 February 2020 - 09:51 AM
You sound so strong and determined! :)
Been so long dealing with this issue you know exactly what her excuses will be and you are determined to not give into her unreasonable procrastinating tactics.
Claiming that something is missing (stolen) or damaged is very common. Of course anything stored in boxes for a long time will eventually have damage, Most times items that are "missing" were never there in the first place, were moved by the hoarder ages ago.
So sorry she has been verbally attacking your life decisions about how and why the property is being sold. You just keep on doing what is best for YOU. :D
Posted: 25 February 2020 - 03:59 PM
Other than a firm deadline I'm just going to tell her if she misses it her stuff will become the new owner's problem. And that will entail a formal letter telling her to remove her stuff or it will be tossed or donated.
When I say excuse building she frequently tries to portray herself as the victim yet her problems started long before she almost got evicted a year ago or her health issues of the last few years. It's obvious in the house and her place that too many issues, stuff or projects had been barely touched or worked on.
We have signed offers which I should show her because for now we can go to these buyers and it's a done deal. And after a certain point it will pay to take an offer. Really don't even want to wait a month since were real close to our number.
Also for the most part we didn't stage or renovate so we're attracting flippers/investors which means a major renovation which means they'll need stuff cleared. I've told her and will tell her that again. This isn't a case of her being even able to negotiate a storage agreement. I should note one lawyer thinks the length of time her stuff has been there could/might be an issue if she decides to go legal. But no contract was signed.
She's also claiming we lost a book yet I've brought over a dozen boxes of books to her place over the last year alone and family member brought her stuff piece meal over the years. She's also mad that her stuff wasn't left the exact way and place it was placed around 2 decades ago. She remembers being told or saw it in a particular place 20 years ago. She doesn't understand why her stuff had to be touched period. Can't clean or paint behind a pile unless you move it. Can't make room for other new stuff(frequently hers) unless things are rearranged.
She pretends to admit it's her responsibility but she's giving lip service. Knowing how she normally is she is being disingenuous.
She did her best to stall a sale by constantly criticizing our strategies, attempted to shame us(oh that's family legacy and what they worked so hard for) along with saying we should wait until we get a higher price.
I think she's just starting to get it. Doesn't mean she'll act on it.
Posted: 25 February 2020 - 12:28 PM
So do you have a plan if the house sale depends on getting that stuff removed?
I would just take it all to her house and stack it in the yard. That way she will have access to it all and can photograph everything like she said she wants to.
I know that sounds harsh but she is really leaving you with no other options at this point.
Posted: 24 February 2020 - 03:10 PM
Hello Tillie, sounds like the sos in more ways than one but yes focus on what one can do right there and then.
She's at it again-excuse building. Instead of asking for boxes of her stuff to be pulled for pictures of contents to sell now she wants to the boxes pulled so she knows they are clearly labeled so when she goes into storage she knows what's in them.
All be it over a decade and fading ago all her boxes have numbers and list of contents already. She insists thick black lettering.
She doesn't get how much space her boxes took up and cannot just leave them out in the open exposed so she has easy access anytime she wants. Asked when do you want to come over and look-can't give me an answer but then goes into 'Well if I had access over the years' this wouldn't be excuse mode again.
And has yet still to sign a storage unit lease.
Eh, one day at time working on we can and will do.
Posted: 23 February 2020 - 07:58 PM
So she is still using the same old worn out excuses.
Nobody takes film photos any more to try selling stuff. And physical bulletin boards reach such a small limited population. Now days everybody is selling online and through Craig's list and local face book type message boards. It would take forever to photograph all her stuff, have the film developed, posted on a bulletin board and then have to wait a hundred years to ever find an interested buyer. She's just stalling anyways.
YEA! for the potential house buyers!!! 30 days will be intense but very worth it. You said you had been working on getting all ready for the house sale and her stuff was the only clutter problem. Wishing you all the best with the house sale. Let her know she is going to lose that stuff and it will be her own doing by dragging her feet.
Thank you My situation has not changed with the hoard. He still won't change even though his health is deteriorating and the stuff just sits there. But since I can't do anything about that I have been doing other things that I do have control over. Things like my will, my advance directives, applied for medicade and I will get it and other things that will make my life a little easier and nicer for me. We have to take care of our own needs (((HUG)))
Posted: 23 February 2020 - 05:54 PM
Hello Tillie. I was hoping to post one day that her stuff was out. No such luck yet. I'm glad you're still here.
I will say I think maybe just a little she gets we're serious about selling the house and her stuff has to get out. Offered to assist again just so she could visit/check out a storage unit. I warned her the day I offered help I was still showing the house to potential buyers. Got a house shopper. When I told her I'd be running a late she was ticked but seem to understand had to show the house. Called her later in the day she actually went storage unit shopping or so she says. Yet her excuse for months was her health wouldn't even allow her to walk into an office to rent.
She's still stalling because the one place she talked about she was supposedly been there three times prior. She said under new management so she wanted to check it out. She isn't going to get much closer or easier access to this one.
She calls a day later wants stuff pulled unboxed etc to take pictures to sell. Told her no again. Then the didn't have 24/7 access to another persons house excuse/rationalization came up again. "Oh I could've had this stuff done a while ago if I access to it". Access was always a simple request a way. The family member who let her store it enabled her by getting stuff themselves or dropped what ever else they had planned for her. In over a decade she didn't even make to the house once a year for her stuff. To top it off she's old school and wants to take pictures with a regular camera, get them developed then put them on physical bulletin boards in various location. The potential buyers we have already want a 30 day closing, they want the house asap.
And of course she refuses to donate anything yet.
Hope things are going better with your situation
Posted: 21 February 2020 - 03:17 PM
Hi Helprejected Thank you for posting, been wondering how you're doing.
So very sorry things with her have not changed at all.
Fantastic that that house will be sold soon. Yes, anything left behind becomes the new owners property or trash.
You're right about clothing. Manufacturers make so much clothing every month. Even thrift stores have more than they can handle so they pick and choose only the best condition to try selling. Some thrift stores then send all the rest off to be recycled/shredded.
Consignment shops have discovered that those older china sets are not selling. Neither is the crystal vases and things that people 50 years ago liked and filled their homes with. The majority of customers do not want any of that old dated brick-a-brack.
You are in no way being stupid/crazy because you donate things you no longer have any use or need for. By her keeping everything she has ever gotten her hands on she has been wasting thousands of dollars trying to store it all.
Very relieved that you are standing strong about not renting the storage unit in your name.
So sorry she's still digging in and refusing to let you help. Take care of yourself (((HUG)))
Posted: 21 February 2020 - 10:49 AM
Hoarder still delaying/obfuscating removal of their excess stuff from their home and others involving a house for sale. Now have several offers on house that will close relatively quick. Same old excuses to delay and this with the offer of free transport to a local storage unit of her choice. She insists she must see it. I mention this because they're a units/companies that allow for a rental over the computer. I think she is also hoping we'll sign for one for her. I told her before those final 30 days is the last good time to get help moving her stuff. And mentioned her stuff will become the new owners(several of which want to renovate the associated storage areas). She won't admit it but she is waiting until she hears the word 'sold'. She's even called several times just 'wondering' if house was sold yet.
Anyway I told her just donating her boxes and bags of clothes would create a huge amount of room in her living spaces and existing storage units. Nope still on insists on wanting to try and sell it. And clothes of all things are the hardest to consign or sell. Most places want them in excellent condition, cleaned, ironed etc. She is not capable of that prep nor does she have that kind of time or health. I told I've donated alot of my stuff and then accuses me of being stupid/crazy and losing money.
Posted: 31 August 2019 - 03:29 PM
Hi Helprejected :)
Yes, sounds like she is gearing up to have a big knock down drag out fight with any authority figures who may show up there.
She sure has dug in her heals. Saying "NO" to any suggestions to help keep her house livable.
Not being easily able to prepare even simple, wholesome, sanitary meals is so often a BIG problem. They then eat fast food and unhealthy snacks. That just zaps a persons health and energy and that compounds the situation.
The authorities are usually very agreeable when a person is showing visible progress. But when they see nothing is being done and even getting worse they usually increase the pressure and give deadlines as to when they will take action.
Maybe if you spoke to a social worker they could give you some support? You alone against a resistant hoarder is just not going to work. You need someone who can light a fire under her.
Wishing you all the best. Take care of yourself and do NOT allow this to get to you emotionally or physically ((((HUGS))))
Posted: 31 August 2019 - 12:48 PM
Spot on again. She has over a dozen boxes of glassware and chine she insists will sell either at a consignment shop or the right antique/vintage store. I've tried selling good china myself over the last year to no avail. She says hers will sell because it was imported, not just made overseas but imported. You get a lecture on how hard she worked to get all that stuff and is not just going to give it away or donate it. She has to learn to move on.
The neighbor that enables ironically is really pushing her to go into a home but she likes to help out even getting or cooking her food. When social services found out someone was bringing food to the hoarders door they accused her of not being able to cook for herself. Not quite true but she does goes days without cooking taking snack food, peanut butter and jelly and bread into her bedroom. Inspectors saw that too, doesn't help her situation.
One last thing when she does bring stuff in I ask where are you going to put it. "I don't know I'll just leave by the door. "#$%! them" if they come inspect in very aggressive language and tones almost like she's looking for a confrontation. Other than that she has no answers. How about you move this or that. NO!
Posted: 31 August 2019 - 11:04 AM
I'm so sorry she has a "friend" who enables her to bring in even more stuff.
That kind of "friend" is just reinforcing her beliefs that what she is doing is right and a good thing to be doing.
Now she will have even more stuff to try to store and storage rents are more than all the stored stuff is worth even when it was new, clean and unbroken.
Is there any way you could put something up for sale for her? Maybe a listing on something local like Craig's list. This would be a way to show her how little people would be willing to pay for anything. Something is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it and nowadays they don't want to even pay yard sale prices.
The market is over saturated with stuff, even good, collectable and antique stuff and that has brought the prices way down on resell values.
The economy is in an uncertain future. People are not buying as much right now and are saving their money for an uncertain future. So only very cheap things are selling at flea markets and online.
For the most part, younger adults who are just starting to set up their own homes don't even like the older style of dishes and furnishings and are not buying them. So those old china dish sets and antique furniture are not very valuable at all. Many older people who are retired and downsizing their homes can't even give away all that family heirloom stuff to their own children because their kids just don't like it.
A lot of antique and collectable shops are overly full and the merchandise is just sitting on the shelves stagnant. So the shop owners are not paying very much for things and are not buying very much either.
Please do demand that she works at a better work station/staging area. Make a better place, put her chair there and make her sort there. She knows a better sorting area would make her sort faster and she doesn't want that but she HAS to get a move on. She has to make decisions about her stuff, life and future plans.
Best wishes (((HUG)))
Posted: 31 August 2019 - 10:24 AM
Now we're back to sellable. She blaming her slow progress on sellable stuff in waiting to be sold mostly through a consignment shop. She's about to pay for multiple extra storage units which will offset any gains. Very few of her items will go to an antique shop.
To make matters worse she's now trash picking again. Apparently she's brought smaller pieces of furniture and other misc items into her living room on her own or with a friends help(who begs her to go into a home now but enables the crap out of her). The most frustrating thing about this is this is the person who won't take responsibility for the piles of stuff in one room claiming she never had the ability to bring it in. Yet by her own admission she boasts how she got items into her home even though it took an hour were a healthier person would've completed it in 5 minutes. She says she's accumulating sellable stuff with a 30 day deadline to clean out her storage units.
And I'm all but demanding she creates a new work/staging area but insists she'll work from her favorite chair or bed which extremely limits her use of space which is used up anyway. She says she just needs a few good healthier days to get things done but were at the point she can only do alot of physical stuff about every 3rd or 4th day. No concept of time of urgency.
Posted: 02 June 2019 - 10:05 PM
Her talking about wanting to save money and not wanting to waste money spent is her way to try to justify everything she has hoarded.
My hoarder does that too.
He believes he has saved a fortune by having his hoard. Actually he has spent a fortune amassing it and there is nothing there that we need, could use or sell to recoup the money spent.
So sorry she is being verbally abusive/profane. She is backed up in a corner and fighting with everything she has to try to keep things her way. She is desperate. Her illogical logic keeps her believing that she can actually win and that everybody else is just being mean and unreasonable.
You are a very generous and giving soul. Good luck
Posted: 02 June 2019 - 09:28 PM
Hello Tillie. Thanks for being here-again.
The last week has been like an episode of Hoarders and we're only talking about it on the phone.
As far as what she remembers. Somethings she draws a complete blank and other things she remembers like yesterday. Everybody says just toss it but out of respect for the family member who let her store it there it will stay for now. She'll frequently ask about an item like it's a relative she hasn't seen in a while.
She's talked about suicide,Oh I'm overwhelmed, can't go on I'll just end it. I tell here that's your choice not mine-she calms down. But extremely colorful language is popping up much more often. You can sense her gritting her teeth over the phone. She is bitter, distraught and cracking under her self imposed pressure of trying to keep her stuff and save money at the sametime. Once she gets a storage unit for this batch of stuff it will be her 5th unit. She has a two badroom ranch size house full of stuff as a single person.
Posted: 02 June 2019 - 07:42 PM
I sure hope the person who's house she has things stored in sticks to their guns and makes sure that stuff gets removed, even if they have to just toss it all out themselves.
She probably doesn't even remember what all is stored there since it's been so long.
No, I don't see this ending well for her. If she is formally evicted from the property she will stand to lose everything. Evictions are brutal in the way contents are disposed of.
She will also lose her independence. No longer able to live some place all on her own.
This is all so tragic and you have done everything to help prevent all this.
But a person who hoards who does not want to change, they won't.
Make sure to keep yourself healthy and please don't allow this to eat away at you. (((HUG)))
Posted: 02 June 2019 - 07:29 PM
Deadlines are approaching for her to remove her stuff from another's house and all the hoarder is doing is virtue signaling-stuff must get OUT-Where to? I don't know I'll get storage yet hasn't toured a unit yet. I then get a laundry list of health issues(most of which she's done nothing to address). She talks about all the stuff she had to do but she includes getting out of bed and getting a meal. Like it's a project. She was offered help again-NO! I must do this myself. And she wants to pre examine stuff she must remove and was offered several opportunities with help and said she couldn't make it. She has so much stuff some areas must be unpacked which I told her.
She complains and mentions conditions in her home. I asked if she found some takers for some stuff. She complains about 'having to get' storage yet won't free up space in her own home. Stuff must get OUT! I tried to explain to her the worst case scenario is donating stuff. I get a lecture on how I wasted money by donating alot of my stuff-I'm not like you I worked hard for all my stuff(she inherited over half of it)-almost lost it there. Then she twists the conversation to why are we focusing on removing stuff from her home when it should be on getting it out of another persons home.
Wild emotion swings from screaming to crying and we're not even on site dealing with her stuff. Just talking about it triggers her. This is not going to end well for her I'm afraid-forced into a nursing home with her stuff put into a storage unit not of her choice, that's if officials don't toss or donate it.
Posted: 27 May 2019 - 06:17 PM
I'm very proud of you standing your ground and not moving that large item.
Please don't let the frustration get you down. Make sure you are enjoying your life away from there.
You have been doing a great job in an impossible situation.
Posted: 27 May 2019 - 03:50 PM
On pile shifting
Hoarder has a book case size item behind ALOT of stuff. Says she has a potential buyer(no details worked out yet let alone an actual taker) First she says pull it out for her. Said WHERE will it go?-I don't know the living room. Reminded her she got cited for too much stuff in the living room and should always be inspection ready. She said tuff poop, THEY will just have to live with it in another righteous indignation filled tirade.
Plus she frequently conveniently 'forgets' what ever yet I remind if I pull that big item out of the packed room I'm not putting it back in there period. She brings that item up a lot and I frequently simply remind her I absolutely will not put it back in there, I don't care if she has an inspection with in hours. She angrily replies don't remind me I won't have YOU put it back in there. Meaning she'll probably grab who ever she can to put it back.
Her existing storage units are STUFFED and strategically packed to accomedate the volume of stuff. She's mad items aren't accessible to her or who she would send there to retrieve something. You pack the unit for accessibility OR a large amount of stuff, can't have it both ways with the amount of stuff she has.
Posted: 27 May 2019 - 01:12 PM
Please, please, please Absolutely refuse to shift that stuff into that storage place!
Do not waste your time, energy and resources.
If the rightful property owner decides to act they are legally in their rights to come in and toss it all into the dumpster and then turn around and charge her for the cost of the clean up and disposal.
Do not put yourself in that position of breaking the law and possibly being sued along with her. The charge is "unlawful/illegal dumping".
The hoarder here finally learned the hard way that cardboard boxes are the worst way to store things. They get wet & moldy and fall all apart. The stuff in them gets nasty & ruined. Mice love to nest inside of them and bugs & dirt get on everything.
You need to take a stand. Do not do what she wants you to do if it is pointless, fruitless or illegal.
Good luck! (((HUG)))
Posted: 27 May 2019 - 12:13 PM
You nailed it protecting the hoard. She has mentioned all that you mentioned-she fears people moving, stealing or taking it away.
Rage of the day is that she wants me to pile shift some stuff into a storage locker that isn't hers. She says no one cares or used that locker for years. She's squatted/stored stuff off and on through out the years. Yet she's worried about staff removing it That storage unit building is unkept/maintained with leaks so she's gotten away with a lot. She won't officially complain/push getting leaks repaired because she doesn't want to raise awareness that she's been using it. She says she wants stuff she intends to sell in the near future with no dates put in there. But the pile shifting. The second issue is because of condition everything must cleaned if wants to use it or sell it. She doesn't even like buying plastic storage containers but offers no other solutions to keep her stuff dry.
Posted: 27 May 2019 - 10:34 AM
Maintaining and churning a large hoard is a full time physically exhausting job. Then they have to worry about someone coming in and moving stuff or stealing.
If A person who hoards does not want to change they will dig in their heels and fight tooth & nail not to change.
Unfortunately, where I live there are no inspectors that could force the issue with citations. As long as there is no business being conducted on the property it's alright to hoard.
Her insisting on using the old camera... If they can locate the camera then they have to try and find the right kind of film for it. Then the film needs to be developed. Then the photograph needs to be scanned and digitized onto a computer in order to be used for selling. A cell phone is just click and it's done.
Steven has a massive collection of VHS movies... He says he plans to burn them onto discs, someday. They are common movies readily available to watch online or to buy a DVD copy for a dollar. He is waiting to find the proper equipment for doing this someday at the thrift shop. I ask "why?" he never watches any movies ever anyways.
VHS tapes are worth nothing.
The old technology does not need to be preserved. Everything on it has been transferred onto the new technology. But yet he still insists that all his 8 track tapes, cassette tapes and VHS tapes are valuable with things recorded on them that will all be lost if he doesn't rescue them.
There is not enough time in a lifetime to do all the things he plans to do, someday. And all the time he has is spent tending to the hoard which takes up all his time.
There is hope for him and others like him but they must accept the help. They need counseling and assistance.
Posted: 27 May 2019 - 09:06 AM
Tillie you are darn right they complicate/over complicate things.
I forgot to mention one thing about them taking pictures on film. They don't even know where the camera is. But they did come across a vintage camera they're thinking about using to put pictures on ebay. They don't understand they need a crystal clear picture online.
And yes any metallic trash, junk, things scrappers will come to your home in many cases for free or actually pay you.
Funny how they think working on their hoard or normal daily tasks like sort/read mail is like they are in the process of inventing the wheel. Plenty of times you talk to them on the phone and they say they have too much work like they are an iron worker building a bridge or something. My favorite is "I have to go through it" whether a pile of mail, papers , things and/or even trash/recycling-they always think they accidentally got rid of something. I've learned when visiting get any existing trash or recycling out right away or they'll ask to see it one last time.
I wish I could get them to keep a clutter free zone. For a month or two after the big clean out and inspection they were pretty good at keeping the kitchen and living room clear. 6 months later not so much.
Here between their attitude and health I can't much but see more citations, inspections and social worker visits.
Posted: 26 May 2019 - 09:16 PM
Hello Again :)
I have noticed that if there is a way to complicate something, they will do it!
Find excuse after excuse as to why they must do even the simplest thing in the most absolutely hardest way they can think of.
Here, hiring a dumpster would be the best way to get the trash/rubbish gone. Filling a truck with scrap metal and taking it to the recycling place would not cost us to dump it and they pay you for the metal. Assembling a large load of donations and having the charity thrift shop come pick it up with their truck would get a lot taken care of very fast & easy.
But... He will not do any of these things. Takes things away little bag by little bag every once in a while. Plus he is still bring home more "new" stuff.
He excruciatingly slowly sifts through tiny little things like screws & nails. He spends lots of hours just sitting there staring at his feet claiming he is working hard on organizing.
He insists that most everything is very valuable and he will sell it all. He has NEVER sold anything. I took all my jewelry that I never wear and sold it to the pawn shop. He took some photography equipment to the pawn shop and did not sell it because he was not offered a whole lot more money than what they offered. That photography equipment is now in ruins from being stuck out in the hoard. He got angry with me for selling my jewelry. They paid me the current daily value for the gold and silver which is all a person can expect to get, it wasn't expensive jewelry.
He retired from his job this past December and he has "retired" from doing anything here too. He has all day, all week, all year but he is not working on anything here. And he goes thrift shop/yard sale shopping several days a week. One positive thing is he has not been dumpster diving! But his favorite dumpsters are now locked and he can't get in them.
When he does do something like take some stuff to donate I can not say "WAY TO GO!" or in any way acknowledge anything positive he does because he gets extremely angry at me. Totally illogical. But I am not allowed to give any encouragement.
And any helpful suggestions are received with anger and insults about how ignorant I am.
So I just keep my "Clutter Free Zones" clean & clear and watch as he does this all by himself because he refuses to allow any one to help him.
Posted: 26 May 2019 - 08:42 AM
Sad to hear you are dealing with an active hoarder. I'm right there with you and hope things change or progress. Your experience and wisdom has helped me and others. Keep on posting
One of the more frustrating things unlike a drug addict or alcoholic there isn't one thing that can be removed from the equation and things hopefully change.
The biggest thing now is keeping the hoarder motivated on reducing their hoard at their residence & others. I think you nailed when you mentioned the hoarder is being 'forced' to get rid of stuff which is stressing and tiring them as much as the physical labor.
But those 'valuable' things and their selling techniques/plans. This person has enough money to buy a smart phone with a camera. Yet to sell their stuff they want to take pictures with an old 35mm mechanical camera, get them developed then post,mail or show them to prospective buyers. For them that's a 4-6 week project yet they are under deadlines with volumes of stuff to reduce. I'm trying to convince them even antique dealers have cell phones now and you could text them a picture. Nope, they have a 35mm camera and they're sure as heck going to use it. They say they worked too hard to get the stuff they have and hate to see it go to waste. By their own admission they can't shop things around they way they did 20 years ago because of age and health but even that technique wasn't that great judging by the amount of stuff they have. But they still have plans to sell it. Ask for too many details on those plans and it winds up being I'm trying but there is no A for effort here.
Posted: 25 May 2019 - 06:17 PM
Ownership of something tends to make people believe it is more valuable than it really is.
Plus now days with eBay and other places selling things the prices of many things have come way down.
What used to be a moderately valuable collectable no longer is because the market is saturated with so many like items that are easily purchased for pennies.
People with hoarding tendencies tend to believe their things are so much more valuable than they actually are. They look up the original price of an item and add more to that price because their item is now "vintage" and more rare. When actually it is common and can be found easily elsewhere for a small pittance.
They don't want to sell items because if someone is interested in buying it then it must be much more valuable than they realized.
The technology with electronics has advanced so fast that within two years many things become obsolete.
Even museums have a hard task storing and keeping precious items in good condition for future generations to enjoy. It's a special science to know how to store things and museums are still learning better techniques.
There really is no way to convince someone who refuses to be swayed that their items are not worth much, especially not worth the cost of storing them for decades.
Yard sales, flea markets, selling online, Craig's list etc. are very physically exhausting, time consuming and at times even dangerous and for so little profit.
She thinks she has worked so hard these last 6 months because she really has but not in the right direction. She has worked hard trying to keep everything and keep everybody away. That takes a lot of energy and time.
It is so sad when they can't see that it is so much easier to just let go of all the excess so they can enjoy and use their homes and all the items that add true value to their lives.
As I write this post I am thinking of the person who hoards right here in my house/garage/carport/yard...
Posted: 25 May 2019 - 04:12 PM
The hoarder who barely escaped a forced eviction over the winter is now facing some deadlines including making space for mandated repairs and getting their stuff out of other people's homes.
They refuse to donate many items which are on a list for numerous major charities AND they can donate in person to a person anytime they want during the business day 6-7 days a week. Don't have to schedule a pick up and leave a pile of stuff around. They can get rid of it immediately with a 10 minute car ride(even pulled up the locations and guidelines for them and sent it to their email so they would have a reference).
I told them many of their items are useable, won't be wasted, destroyed or thrown out if they donate. NOPE, they think usable they think money. They have not made one trip to a flea market, consignment or antique shop this calendar year. Nor have they opened an Ebay account or sent things to auction. Not one of their items has been put up for sale this year yet they want enough to cover storage unit rent and then some. That's basically selling on regular monthly if not weekly basis. A feat they will be unable to achieve.
Because she has been in possession of somethings for so long she runs the risk of the technology becoming so outdated that not even a charity will take it or use it. That and physical age increases the chances of something not working and/or showing signs of visible aging. She got upset when opening and pulling out old stuff that was in a box for 25 years and 'disappointed'(implying others who handled it damaged it) it showed signs of aging/damage.Umsealed boxes in a basement, garage, storage unit for a 1/4 century at least and she wonders why it aged???
Then after sorting through her things more than usual over the last 6 months she's complaining she's never had to work so hard in her life???
In the meantime she has things like a first generation computer gear from the 1990s she refuses donate, recycle or throw out. Including a huge printer-scanner. Nope have to check multiple places to see if she can sell it.