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Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : Hoarder refusing proper containers & shelving in move to storage unit
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Hoarder refusing proper containers & shelving in move to storage unit

Posted: 19 May 2019 - 11:37 PM
That is so extremely frustrating when they refuse to accept the fact that by holding on tight to everything, they will lose everything.
Not just their possessions but their home and their independence too.

How to catch a monkey...
As a monkey watches from a safe high tree
drill a small hole in a log.
A hole small enough for a monkey to slip it's open hand into.
Let the monkey see you place a handful of tasty seeds into the hole.
Walk away out of sight and the monkey will come down and reach it's hand into the hole to grab those seeds.
When the monkey makes a fist with a handful of seeds it's hand will be too big to get back out of the hole no matter how hard it tries.
If the monkey would just release the seeds it could easily slip it's hand back out of the hole and escape, but it will not let go of the seeds.
Now you have caught a monkey.
The monkey will even hold tight onto those seeds with a leopard coming to eat it.
Posted: 19 May 2019 - 10:33 PM
Thanks again Tillie you really understand the situation.

'She would've done it long ago if she was going to do it' This is the most frustrating part. Her situation has been brewing for 2 decades. She wants to claim independence yet complains about her health but again does nothing about.

And like you said I already gave strict conditions on a partial removal/give some stuff away deal.The only room left uncleaned for her big inspection has stuff buried in the pile and a partial clean out will have to be done to retrieve it. Told her I'm not putting it back in if the deal falls through. She says reminding her means I don't trust her or talking to her like an idiot. But the reaction was one of 'I'll have somebody else put it back in or I'll let it sit in the living room and to heck with an inspection'-she didn't verbalize it but she did not say if the deal fails she would donate or throw it away.

But that's the tip of the iceberg. After given a deadline to get her stuff out another's house she acts like she's doing the owners a favor by removing her stuff that's been there 2 decades after it was placed there as temporary.

Getting rid of her stuff has no priority. She hasn't accept the fact SHE must store it or part with it by donating or trashing it.

Posted: 19 May 2019 - 04:39 PM
Hello Again :)

Give strict deadlines and do NOT waver.
Stick to your guns.
Tell her in plain simple words what has to be done and the time and day it must be finished.
If not done the consequences are that she will lose everything.
Say "if she could do it all herself she would have done it all by herself long ago".
Accept all your help now or you all are walking away.
Then do that.
You have bent over backwards to help and met a stone wall every turn.
You have been a wonderful and very giving person but enough is enough.
I know this is extremely difficult to do.
But walking away and letting the chips fall where they may, may be the only option left for you.

I don't believe it is possible to sign a storage rental agreement for someone else unless you have a legal binding court order that you can sign for another person.
Posted: 19 May 2019 - 09:32 AM
Hello again.

What you mentioned about 'delayed decisions'. It's now zero hour. She refuses to chose a storage unit/location and said she wants to wait to THE last minute but others have other stuff going on at that 'last minute'. She's just procrastinating as the deadline approaches.

She also seems to be going through periods of depression. She needs help of many kinds at this point. She frequently says she feels over whelmed about all she has to do but insists on doing everything herself to prove a point she can do it. To top it off stuff that involves any lifting even if a dollar store plastic bag of clothes can aggravate a bad back-'but she did it herself'. She puts herself out of commission for days if not weeks. It's all about catering to her then plays victim AGAIN complaining about those who turned her in and cries, literally cries how people don't understand her condition. She complains but won't see any doctors. She last voluntarily saw a doctor years ago.

I'm going to have to give strict deadlines. I don't want to get legal and am trying to find out a way to get a storage unit in her name without being present so I won't be responsible.

You nailed with 'delayed decisions'.
Posted: 02 May 2019 - 03:19 PM
Hello Again :)

That is so frustrating.

One big glaring thing about a hoarding situation is that it is all delayed decisions.

Just stuff it here for now and I'll get to it later.
But later never comes.

Maybe try telling her that it won't all fit into the storage unit in random sized boxes and bags.
That if it's put into bins on shelves it will all easily fit and things won't get smashed, broken, wet, fabric chewing bugs or rat and mouse chewed?

And that later if she wants to get something out of storage it will be more easily located.
That is a lie, but sometimes a small white lie is necessary.

Good luck with the latest road block.
Hope she sees how reasonable you are being.
Posted: 02 May 2019 - 10:18 AM
Me again.

Hoarder is refusing to use shelving, water proof and stackable containers for move into a larger storage/garage unit.

She has a ton of stuff in decades old & different sized boxes many of which are deteriorating. She also loves bags with a handle. Even plastic garbage bags using the the twisted slack as a handle. But they are not stackable.

They're claiming what's the point they'll need help getting most stuff from the unit anyway-arrggggh. She says if they're needed she'll add them later but that means somebody will have to clear the unit, set up shelves and rebox on site when she could do it now. She has enough money for this too and even if she winds up in a nursing home 5 years from now those costs are tiny in the larger money picture.

She and many others don't the get the need for organization. Can't improvise every task over and over. Labor intensive methods is where most fail because if they don't do it it's like starting from scratch over and over.
Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : Hoarder refusing proper containers & shelving in move to storage unit

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