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Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : Help for those living with a horder
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Help for those living with a horder

Posted: 28 April 2019 - 01:15 PM
Hi Dontwannasay

I really sincerely understand your frustration.
On this site we are able to talk about our problems with hoarders in our lives.
If a hoarder is trying to change I will work all they want to try to help them.
It's the ones who don't live alone and/or have pets
that just keep using one excuse after another to not take out the obvious garbage.

We do have rights.
We can clear & clean spaces and then defend them against further cluttering.
The main common areas of the home
kitchen, bathroom, diningroom, livingroom, etc.
We have the right to make & keep our home a safe place.
No fire hazards, no tripping hazards, no forgotten rotting food laying around attracting insects and rodents.

A good book to read is "Digging Out".
it was written for us.

Would your partner be willing to go to counseling with you?
In family counseling you would be able to air all your grievances and the counselor would try to help you solve the problems.

If your partner is enabling her and not stepping up, maybe counseling could light a fire under them to help solve this problem.

Wishing you all the best.
Please take care of yourself, make you a number one priority.
Posted: 28 April 2019 - 10:33 AM
I too live with a hoarder.
That has hoarded herself out of her home and is living in mine, this woman is my mother in law. she has an eating disorder as well as typical hoarding behavior IE not bathing overeating etc. Who is on our side? All these sites are only on the side of the hoarder. oh poor them. HOGWASH. These people are so intelligent that they are able to hide their hoarding for years and we are not suppose to hold them accountable? how can we not when we see blatant disregard for other people in their lives. these people are narcissists with no ability to care about others.
considering divorce
rant over.
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 03:58 PM
Getting attacked on all sides...

I had to fight back.
No other options.
I am not a well person, not well enough to hold down a job.
We own this property outright, no mortgage.
It's not worth much but it's some place for me to finish living out my life.
There are no other options.

Would it be worth it to you to fight for something for yourself?
living with horder
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 03:46 PM
to be honest, when things turn violent even toward animals it's time to move out. I'm lucky, that is not an issue I face.

I know what needs to be done. But I am getting attacked on all sides.
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 03:31 PM
A very good book for you to read is
"Digging Out".
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 03:21 PM
What I did was gathered up ALL his stuff out of the living, kitchen, dining areas.
Bagged & boxed it all up. Did NOT throw out anything, not even obvious garbage.
Put the stuff in his bedroom or garage or carport.
This house is very tiny, just one small room is the livingroom, diningroom, kitchen.
I then cleaned the area. It was so filthy because I could not really clean it all cluttered up.

He retaliated by running down my cat in the drive way.
Broke her hip and I had to have her euthanized the next day.

These areas that I decluttered and cleaned I defend EVERY SINGLE DAY.
If he drops anything down I immediately move it to his cluttered areas.

He has an entire 4 car garage with a loft running the full length.
A bedroom.
A large carport and quite a lot of land where he has his hoard heaped up.
There are 5 derelict vehicles scattered around.

But I have decluttered inside the house, except his bedroom and I also maintain a small patch out front where I have grass, trees, bushes and flowers.

We are allowed to have somethings clear and clean.
Especially a kitchen and bathroom and bedroom.
living with horder
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 03:11 PM
Why should I feel bad when I just get pushed too far and go on a cleaning binge. Sometimes I want to be able to sit down at the table and eat. The mean I have to move stuff out of the way. But sometimes I want to have a decent place to eat, that means throwing out the stuff on the table.
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 03:04 PM

We had a deep freezer and a large freezer on the fridge.
He had them all stuffed full of assorted meats, especially pork & bacon.
But rather than eat what was here he would always go buy more meat, especially pork & bacon.

Finally got the deep freezer stash reduced down to where it would all fit into the fridge freezer.
This took years.
Recently got all the meats in the fridge freezer cleared out.
Took over a year.
Immediately I sold that deep freezer to get it gone so he would not refill it.
The fridge freezer now has only the frozen fruits and veggies and some dishes that I prepared to freeze for later meals.

Yes, Steven sees and comments on other people's excessive hoards but doesn't see his as a problem.
That is called "Clutter Blindness".
living with horder
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 02:55 PM
Tell me about it. We had a pig butchered and split it with a friend. We have over 10 pounds of bacon and cured hog jowls in the freezer. She still buys bacon. We have more beans than a wagon train heading to the west in winter.

The odd thing is that our business takes us into peoples homes on a daily bases. She will comment on how much stuff other people have. But it doesn't seem to click that our home is just as bad or worse.
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 02:38 PM
Very happy for you they are a nice person.
Steven is very mean and nasty and even violent at times.

Is there any way you could get the recycling piles to the recycling place?

I made "No Clutter Zones" inside my home where I cleared out the clutter and don't allow it to be re-cluttered.
He had the one and only kitchen counter piled up high with assorted crap and now it is clear clean and useable.

I too get blamed when something can't be found.
Accused of throwing it out.
Honestly, I never touch his things but he has given MY things away to make room for more of his hoard.

Very typical that items are just put on the floor rather than put away.
Most times the place where they go is already stuffed full.
And many people who hoard are visual.
Meaning if it's out of sight it is out of mind, never to be seen again.
Something in a cupboard with the cupboard door closed ceases to exist.
living with horder
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 02:26 PM
She is not lazy nor is she disgusting. She is a good person, a hard worker and caring. But she has to keep everything. That's glass, it can be recycled; that's plastic 5, it can be recycled. I'm holding on to that for this or that project that never gets done. I need to go through that pile, don't touch it. We have a freezer, a frig, 3 pantries so full of food they won't close plus more on the counters and more elsewhere. We could survive a nuclear winter and gain weight while doing it. Her bathroom is unusable. Her car requires a major cleaning if we want to go on a trip. There is stuff on the floor everywhere.

I like to cook, but not when I have to only use a 4" by 4" area to prepare the meal.

I'm tired of being told that I hide things because I put them away. When something gets lost, I'm the one who threw it away.

Clean ups are a joke. 10% get put away, 10% goes to the trash and 80% goes into piles to be sorted later.

And then there is the stuff that is almost put away. Stuff put on the floor only 2 feet from the shelf when it should go. I mean how hard is it to go just 2 more feet.
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 02:10 PM
You can say whatever you want about your life there and how frustrating and ridiculous it is there.
Just don't attack all hoarders with the same brush but go ahead and say whatever you need to say about your hoarder.

Some people come in swinging and attack every body.

But it's alright to say how you feel about the one you live with.

I HATE this lazy disgusting sorry excuse I live with.
living with horder
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 02:05 PM
To be honest, right now I don't want to be respectful, I don't want to be polite, I don't even want to be nice. I want to scream, curse, swear, yell, be vulgar and say exactly what I want about all the junk I have to deal with. I want to be clear how much time we waste because of all this junk in the house. Everything, from cooking to repairs take hours longer because of the junk we have to move out of the way.

I'm tired of being nice. Why should I have to be the one to be nice.
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 01:59 PM

I too live with a hoarder.
This is where I tell all my woes.

Vent all your feelings but please be respectful.
There are many wonderful beautiful people here who have hoarding issues they are seriously working on.
They all give me hope that maybe someday the hoarder in my life will want to change too.
living with horder
Posted: 25 February 2019 - 01:55 PM
Is there a place for help for those living with a hoarder? I need someplace to vent.
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