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Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : Hoarding Mother Help
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Hoarding Mother Help

Posted: 11 June 2016 - 12:07 PM
Hello :)

The best thing you can do is to educate yourself on the topic of hoarding and people who hoard.
Read everything on the subject.
At the top of this page are links, click on them.
Watch Youtube videos on the subject, not all the "Buried Alive" series, watch the other videos by the psychologists/psychiatrists/therapists.
Read "Digging Out" and some other books by experts in the field on the psychology of hoarding.
Unfortunately for your situation, there is very little you can do to make the changes in your mother that you want to make.
She is an adult and will only change if and when she wants to change.
But you can change your ways of dealing with her by being educated on this topic.

Good luck and best wishes. :)
Posted: 10 June 2016 - 12:12 PM
I'm writing this because I'm not sure where else to go to for help or advice with this situation.

I currently am in my mid early 20s' and still currently live with my parents. For as long as I can remember, my mother has been a hoarder.

Growing up, there were six people in the house (my parents, my three siblings and I). The house was always messy and wasn't exactly the greatest condition due to: how many of us were living in there, my parents never assigned us chores, we had a bunch of pets etc (not valid excuses). We would constantly put blame on each other of how messy one was or that we shouldn't have to clean up so and so's mess etc. (again, all invalid excuses)

My mother no matter what- has hoarded clothing and other items such as shoes, blankets, papers, etc. BUT would keep it confined in her room at the time.

One by one however, my siblings moved out over time.The closet in her bed room, she once shared with my father- to now she has the entire closet filled. She placed white cabinets up on the walls of her room which was for my father- and are now filled with her clothes. She has several laundry baskets on her floor- filled with clothes. Clothes on the back of her door, clothes on hangers hanging off the knobs of the cabinets, hanging off of her bed frame etc. Literally the amount of clothing she has in her room, she could probably wear a different out fit, every day, for the next 3 or 4 years (no exaggeration). But it doesn't stop there.

Again, my siblings have moved out. As one sibling left, my mother started moving her clothes into that room for "more room". My two sisters' rooms have become the same thing. White cabinets filled of clothes, and several big bins or laundry baskets filled with clothing. She has bins filled with over 50 pairs of shoes. I'm surprised the ceiling of the house hasn't caved in because of the bins she has stored in the attic.

Now, I have addressed her hoarding issues several times. I have told her and expressed to her that she doesn't need ALL of these clothes or bins filled with old papers, old cards, etc. At one point, I actually got her to empty out a room. I was so proud of her and it took a lot of screaming and crying from her end, but I got her to clean out so much and let go of a lot (a lot of it was my grandmother who passed old clothes etc that she wanted to keep). But unfortunately, that room just got just refilled with things over time again. Whenever she does say she will clean, it's mostly her just moving things around into other rooms so it's out of view... not getting rid of it.

My brother just moved out recently. I am in the process of clearing out his room- but there's a part of me that doesn't want to because I know once it is clear, she's going to start storing things in there.

I really don't know what I can do. I've been told I should just start removing things without her knowing, but I feel that is wrong and obviously will cause more anger from her end. I have tried complying with her and telling her I would help her- but her excuses are that she "doesn't have the time" or she starts screaming at me and telling me she's "not hurting anyone" or to "move out".

I am scared when I do move out because I feel that the entire house will just become this house filled with clothes, papers, shoes, and other misc things in each room.

My father- doesn't address it at all and just stays quiet about it.

Please any guidance or advice I would appreciate it.
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