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Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : Mom's obsession with her stuff
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Mom's obsession with her stuff

Posted: 09 May 2016 - 05:04 AM
Hi. I could really use some support. My mother and brother are both hoarders and amassed three pieces of real estate filled with stuff that are in various stages of disorder. My brother is worse than my mom, but probably only because my mom had basically lived as a recluse with no money for the last fifteen years or so so other than the things she finds in free boxes on the street everything that came into the house was from him. It's a long story but basically my mom lived in one cluttered house stuffed full of my mom and brother's stuff. She had no phone, no working refrigerator, and didn't bathe frequently. We knew it wasn't a safe or healthy situation, but there wasn't much any of us could do. Mom only let my sister and I in the house a few times a year so we mainly visited in the summer so we could be comfortable in her nice yard. Last year she suffered a stroke while doing yard work. She was not found for somewhere between 1-3 days. She made an amazing recovery and now walks with a four footed cane or a walker. Her speech and chewing is very good. The problems at this point are all related to her hoard. My sister has become her guardian and there is a seperate conservator in charge of her finances. They sold one piece of property and now want to sell her house and all her belongings in an estate sale. My mother's hoard is of value- there is some junk, of course, but most of it is collectibles. The reason they can proceed with doing this is because the courts have ruled my mom can not live alone and since she refuses to have a nurse in her home that means she has to go into an assisted living facility. My problem is how to navigate getting rid of her stuff. She is going berserk thinking of her things being sold, but she has unrealistic ideas. She won't consider downsizing. She wants it all packed up and put in storage. Legally everything can be sold and no one has to listen to any of her wishes, but having your house sold out from under you and all of your items liquidated would make anyone mad. I've told her the plan is for an estate sale person to liquidate the house's items and all she does is freak out about a stranger touching her belongings. i know this is the disease of hoarding but there is a good chance that she will never speak to me again over all this. She already isn't speaking to my sister. She refuses any kind of therapy or counseling and we can't force her to do it even with a guardian in place. So, is the best thing to just get the house and it's contents sold as quickly as possible so that she can move on mentally? Is there anything I could do to try to lesson the psychological harm of having her hoard taken from her? She seems incapable of choosing certain items that she wants so it's up to me to choose what things get kept and don't become part of the estate sale. It's a lot of pressure and whatever I do is going to be wrong. Plus my sister and I are fighting about all this, because I'm more compassionate towards mom. I know she has a disease of the mind and now that she's had the stroke it just complicates things because her memory and thoughts are more jumbled. Has anyone else gone through this? For years I hoped that if something happened to her it would just kill her so she didn't have to go through this... but here we are with a hoarder whose actions time and time again show she has no perspective on life... she is probably going to stop talking to me too because I'm part of the conspiracy to get rid of all her things. It's so sad. Then I think maybe if she totally loses it over the estate sale then maybe she will be taken to the mental ward and be forced to get some help. I'm trying really hard to be a good daughter and a good sister, but I'm stuck in the middle and I'm worried if mom stops talking to me there isn't going to be anyone who is capable of making sure she is being properly cared for... my brother is too messed up himself to see that she goes to the doctor,etc. Sorry for the rant, but I am so worried.
Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : Mom's obsession with her stuff

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