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Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : I Think my Husband is a Hoarder, Part 1
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I Think my Husband is a Hoarder, Part 1

Posted: 26 September 2017 - 05:50 PM

I know I am about a year after you posted your 2 part story. I just found this site.

I was wondering about the next parts? What happened since?

Your husband sounds similar to mine. Except there isn't one room that hasn't had some of his handy work. It's not as bad as one sees on TV or some of the photos posted here - but I am sure it would be much worse if I wasn't around.

Would love to hear further. BTW I am also a teeeecher!

spouse of hoarder
Posted: 13 August 2016 - 05:08 PM
I have similar problems with a wonderful loving partner. He is so caring and a good father but his hoarding and some other habits are bad for our family and our daughter's health. He does everything you mentioned but I can't throw out his stuff, so I threw out mine and took care of my less dire hoarding problem. Got rid of tons of clothes. I still have too many shoes and stuff, but I got rid of at least 16 bags and I am willing to throw out more. I'm trying to go through my boxes and get rid of things, but for every box I have he has 20 or more. He overloaded the rental car and had to put stuff out of it to be able to meet me tomorrow and fit me in it. My daughter could barely see out the window.

Having a child is terrible and tragic with the hoarding but it's leverage. She can say with words that this is what she sees and he can't deny it. He denies to me. I've spent two hours on this website and I should be packing to get on a plane but I'm so upset I need support and to see others have it too.

I can say I feel for you and me too. you're not alone.
Posted: 17 February 2016 - 12:13 PM
I have been having trouble posting to this board and I guess it is because of a character limit. For that reason I am going to post in two separate messages because there is nothing that I can cut out of my story.

Part 1

I have known my husband for nine years and have been married for seven. We got married later in life, at the ages of 47 and 55, respectively, and it was the first marriage for both of us. We did not live together before getting married. This past weekend I saw him do something that has me very concerned. I will explain later. Let me begin by saying he is the most loving and generous man I have ever known. He often brings me flowers for no occasion, accompanies me to the ballet and actually enjoys it, and took me to Paris for my 60th birthday. He always washes pots, pans, and dishes after eating or cooking (we both cook), and empties the dishwasher without being asked. Most of our house is neat, clean, and organized because I insist on it, and I have a cleaning woman who comes every other week. It is a few other areas of the house that have me concerned.

Soon after our wedding I began to see hoarding tendencies in my husband. He sold his house and moved into mine. I saw box after box of useless junk carried in, such as a collection of Car and Driver magazines over 20 years old, a box full of stuff from his old bathroom such as the worn shower curtain, bath rug, and towels, and boxes of old books he has never read. All of this stuff is still in our attic seven years later. He started going to Costco and buying far more food and other items than we need. It often expires before we eat it and then I throw it out. Several times I have cleaned out the pantry before the food expired and donated it to food drives and food pantries. He never notices it is gone. Four times I have cleaned out the storage room of useless junk and discarded it. Again he never noticed the stuff was gone. He has four coffee cans filled with coins but he will not cash them in, even after I pointed out that it is a substantial amount of money that is not earning interest.

Our house was built in 1968 so the bedroom has one small closet that I use. He stores his clothes in the guestroom. He has five dressers filled with clothes he never wears, some dating back to high school. In addition, he has plastic tubs filled with old shoes and sneakers he never wears. He also uses one of the other bedrooms as his "personal space." (I use another bedroom as my sewing room and that is my space, but it is vey organized.) His space started with a desk and printer stand. The closet was filled with boxes of bank statements going back to the 1980s. He said he needed a bookshelf to organize his electrical books, so I bought him one last year for our anniversary. Then he said he needed a file cabinet to organize his papers. A year ago Christmas I gave him a beautiful tall wood cabinet from a good furniture store. Over a year later it is in the corner of his room, still empty. A few months ago he decided to take up skeet shooting after going with a friend. He bought a tall safe in which to store guns. The safe has been sitting in the middle of the room because the corner in which he claims he will put it is filled with boxes of junk. He keeps promising to clear it out but it never happens. The closest he came was to burn the old bank statements in the fireplace. He never bought guns to put in the safe so that, too, is empty. The cleaning woman does not go in there because every surface is covered with junk.

He does not display the social isolation typical of hoarders. He has many friends and spends time with them. He loves to have people over for cookouts. However, his cookouts always contain far too much food than necessary. He will grill beef, pork, chicken, fish, and shrimp because he wants to be sure each guest will eat something they like. People make jokes about it but I no longer think it is funny.
Hoarding Help Message Boards : How to Help a Hoarder : I Think my Husband is a Hoarder, Part 1

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