I am in the same position. I have been trying to get my Mom to clean her house for years. Recently the sherriff caught wind (the smell in her house) and wants to condemn it if she does not get it cleaned. She will not let anyone touch a majority of it. The carpets are destroyed and stink from years of pets, there are some sort of moth cocoon's all over the ceiling, trash and papers she is saving and I do not know what else. I only visit her on holiday and birthdays because I cannot stand to see her live like that. My mom is in her 70s and does not have the energy, desire or the money to hire professionals. No one in our family has the money to have it professionally cleaned. I am sad and worried for her. She sleeps all day and when she eats she is eating expired and old food. She raised us kids on her own without child support and her house is all she has left from her years of hard work. If she loses her house, she will have no place to go. I don't know what to do. My sister in law also lives at her house and she has many health problems and an oxygen tank for her breathing issues. There are also too many pets in that house that nobody wants to give up. It is a terrible situation and I am desperate. If there is anyone willing to help out there I would be most grateful. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you.

We can't even believe it but stumbled upon the fact quite accidentally that a family member as a hoarder. Asked to enter the home to collect a pet when a family member was unexpectedly (to us, anyway) incarcerated. Upon entering the home I was in shock, awe, disbelief and literally in tears from what lay before me. Astonished by the entry way I made my way through much debris and into the home. Even more surprising was the horrific condition of the home.

Very little if any floor was visible with narrow paths in each direction atop a combination of clutter and animal feces. It was horrifying that a family member was living this way and that we had NO idea!

We have each dealt with all those nagging questions of how we could have missed the signs. We were also torn with the dilemma of whether or not we do anything about it since they remain incarcerated. We decided as a group to address the main issues and do what we can knowing we may pay a price later.

Will they appreciate the assistance - not likely. We learned the gas and water have been turned off. The bathroom isn't and hasn't been functional in some time. There are numerous containers filled with urine, the toilet filled with excrement, pet and rodent waste throughout the home, rotting food throughout, no heat and only electricity and television were functional. Reaching temps as low as neg 30 in the area, who knows what could happen here.

At this point we don't know what the reaction will be when the family member is released several months from now but our concerns are that the living conditions are causing severe health issues and also, far worse, the individual is a risk for suicide due to depression coupled with addiction and now the knowlege that this lifestyle is no longer a secret. We know there is only so much we can do and we want to be optimistic but aren't fairing well with that.

Cory Chambers mentioned reporting the hoarder to Adult Protective Services and that the house could get condemned. I reported my mother to APS and the fire department and the health department thinking that if her precious stuff was in danger she may do something to get help. Did not work. My mom refused to allow them entrance. Without my mother being a danger to herself which the authorities determine by a series of questions they could do nothing. My mother keeps getting fined by the city so the last city that got on to her she ended up leaving and moving to the desert. no that city is fining her she will probably move on to another more remote place with her junk except that cities are where she acquires it so who knows. I just do not want to enable any more.

It lasts till we all leave, whenever that may be.
But anybody can stay or leave whenever they want.

Pacific Standard Time.

Right now it is 4:00pm, so in one hour.

I don't know what PST time is or est time is. :(
I'm in Hammond, Indiana. I don't know how long the online support groups last.... :(

How long does the online support last? I just got here at 5:30p pst.

Lynn,
Tonight (Sunday) is the online support group at 5:00pm pacific time.

Please try to join in.
You will meet others there who understand your problems and they can give you ideas for dealing.

See that red box to the right here?
ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP
Just click on that red box.

Hope to see you there. :D

She had to have the repair guy come over because it was the hot water heater that broke. But as for other appliances, if it's broke, she'll try a repair guy for the washer and do the same thing. I was able to hide in my car across the street and sadly watched his reaction when he was in the driveway shake his head sadly in disbelief. I was utterly embarassed and wished that I could do something about it but can. I have to keep telling myself the same quote over and over again: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink". She is terrified to get help. Remember she suffers from OCD and PTSD and I don't know how if ever how to get her help without getting a very negative reaction or defensive reaction.
I am an adult but lost my job and blew my dream of moving out so that I could force help upon her but since I'm looking for a job now I can't do that. She keeps threatening me that I would be out on the street with my car being my only shelter if she knew that I told anybody. I'm very close to Munster so help is in within my reach. I do know the do's and don'ts when dealing with a hoarder but it is truly difficult.

I am very happy to hear that she lets repair men in to fix things.

My hoarder will let the house rot rather than have repair men over.

Yes they are embarassed that things got this way and they don't know how to fix it.

Thanks Tilly.
Whenever she needs to have some repair guy come over she covers or hides the boxes, stuff with sheets and makes enough space so the repair guy can do his job. But she feels guilty of letting things go. I'm guessing she is also embarassed by the clutter too but does not want to admit it.

Hi Lynn :)

I live with a stubborn reluctant hoarder.

We really can't change them and they will not change until they are ready to change, if ever.
We can change ourselves though. Learn different techniques to try.

Let me suggest a few books that I found helpful.

"Buried In Treasures"
"Digging Out"
"Stuff"

See if they are at the library. :)

My mom is a horder. She suffers from OCD, and PTSD. Everything that tragically happens in her life she "tacks" it on in her memory as a bad experience and collects items to remind her of her past. When her mom fell in the shower and broke her hip because she got her toe caught in the sliding shower door she got stuck there and could not get help. Her mom has passed now but now my mother is terrified of taking showers because of what happened to her mother. She often buys things that remind her of her past and in past relationships. I have to keep telling myself over and over again. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink". She doesn't believe anything is wrong. It is in her genes for her mother was a hoarder and grandmother was one too. I started waching the tv show "Neat" with Helen and she did get me ideas to try and ask and not get snapped at defensively. She has guilt of letting things go. and believes that it would be a waste to throw things out. She even goes to the trash to bring items that I threw out that were once trash to begin with. It cost me my relationship with a guy that I had loved because he would not be allowed to come to the house to see how it is.

It becomes a survival mechanism to accept the things you cannot change. You're mom's hoarding is one of them. You need to make peace with knowing she did the best she could and if she knew better, she would have done better. She keeps you at bay to protect her disorder and as sad as that can be, there is peace in acceptance.

TP:
yes i have the same problem in my home my son is horrifically a mess he has been to counselling for his drug addictions and knows very will he has many problems in his life. his wife and kids have refused to come here because of his mess no he does not see it as mess as of yet. slowly but steadly i have gotten him to at least make a few repairs like making appliances work or just haul them off. it is very had to get someone to open their eyes if they wish not to see. most of his friends have refused to come into the house at any time but will stand in the yard or ask him to the park. he too takes many days to decide to bathe some days i can not even stand near him i am not so sure how the others can do it. i did talk to one of his so called friends and asked if he could make a very small repair for me he was very happy to do just that one little thing un fortunitly my son became very up set with the both of us and work came to a hult. i jut had to remember it is not just my fault but something in him. please let me know what i can help with in your support sometimes a mom to mom like chat is a lot of help.

Unfortunately, I agree. In your position you either report her to APS at which point the home would be condemned and she has nowhere to go, you allow her to live this way knowing that there is a very high chance you will get THAT phone call, or you keep trying to get her to listen to you. Those are all bad options, so at this point you do what you feel you need to do to remain happiest. You know in your heart you have tried everything. You can't let the stress of her lifestyle destroy your own self being and relationships so just make the choice to be happy and support her if she ever does reach out for help. I wish you luck as we all know how difficult your situation is. In your heart you have done everything possible and you should be able to wake up each day and go to bed each night knowing that. Best wishes to you and your family!

Hi :)

I would do what you are doing.
Since you have your own home and don't have to live in a mess.

You can not help a hoarder unless/until they want help.

Best wishes, Tillie :)

My mom is a hoarder. I have not been over to her house in more than a year. I am not allowed. The last time I was there the water didn't work, the toilet didn't work, the refrigerator didn't work. I can only assume that this and more doesn't work.

The last time I saw my mom she smelled bad like she is not taking showers.

IF I go over there she will actually call the police on me. If I say anything she just stops talking to me saying she will leave me nothing.

My options are to call somebody OR to leave her like that never see her or speak to her until I get a call that she died in the house. I can live with that. I reconciled this hoarding a long time ago. I carry no guilt, it is not my fault and it is not my responsibility to help someone that does not want it.

Anyone in my situation? What did you do?