Thank you so much for sharing this. I've had very similar thoughts and it's something I struggle with. I either obsess with perfection and impulsively pick at every little thing in my life or physical trying to be perfect and I crash. After I crash and remember perfection isn't possible and instead of accepting that or finding comfort I jump to feeling hopeless like why try at all and then the cycle starts all over and I obsess over how I could achieve perfection again if only I do blah blah. The idea of balance and being able to let things go and be ok with that is a process I struggle to focus on and somedays I'm better at it than others haha. Best wishes to you and I hope you find your peace. I'm out here too still trying to find mine.

Ah yes, I am very familiar with the crash and burn. I love your comment about living a life of moderation being a sort of perfection! I am trying very hard (and plan to do a lot of work in therapy) to retrain myself and my thought processes so moderation can be realistic for me.

I do believe it will be a lifetime effort for me but what is the alternative? I don't want things to continue as they are, the cost is too high. But hey, this a new revelation for me and already I've found you lovely people and I'm feeling very good about all of us.

As I was sorting clothes today I started thinking about my perfectionism. I usually end up on the chaos end of the spectrum more than nearing the perfection I crave. I'm realizing that I fear what I would become if I acted on my perfectionist wishes.

I have always stopped myself from arranging and rearranging things because even though I love that I didn't see it as "healthy." And now I've ended up cycling from that to choas, which isn't healthy either.

So I said before that I wish I was "perfect" but I suppose I don't really. I fear what life would be like if I did (or tried to do) all the things I feel like I need to do for things to be "right" in my home. All my time would be occupied. It's moderation I need, I just don't know how to sustain it.