I was 4yrs old the first time I remember being abused. The abuse continued until I was 14. At age 14 I became pregnant. Not wanting to explain why their socially inept daughter was pregnant my parents forced me to have an abortion. Shortly after the abortion I attempted suicide. My mother, being the master manipulator that she is, managed to convince the hospital to release me without a psychiatric evaluation. Weeks later I moved out on my own. I struck out to be the best alcoholic and drug addict I could. I managed to completely obliterate my emotions until 3 yrs ago. After attempting suicide for the fourth time I finally agreed to except help. I have been sober since.
I was diagnosed with severe depression, PTSD, OCD, general anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. I grew up around hoarders (grandparents, parents, aunt, uncle, and brothers). The lifestyle came naturally to me. Fear was and is the story of my life.
What exactly do I fear? I am afraid of people touching me. No one is allowed to touch me. I am afraid of sleeping in the dark, so I work night shift. I am afraid of getting rid of my stuff, because then I will truly be alone. I am afraid of unfamiliar tight places. Those are the main ones, but their are more.