Nancy I can relate to so much of what you said. I am 65, Masters degree, supported myself since 16, including all the years of college. still have low self esteem and the hoard has proven that I am a worthless rotten person. I have been with this group for a year now, and have changed so many things. I feel hope for the first time in years. People have been inside my place in past few months, still isolate but getting better. Sure hope you find what you need here Nancy.

Welcome Just me :)
We are still a small group but the people here are awesome.
Hope to "meet" you in the Sunday night online support group. :)

Welcome Nancy :)

This message board is owned and run by Cory Chalmers.
Cory also owns Steri-Clean, a company that does extreme cleanings.
If you ever watched A&Es program HOARDERS you would be able to see Cory and his crew at work on many of the episodes.
Read around this site, click on every link.
There is so much wisdom contained here.
Hope you join us on "the daily chat" and online support groups.
Sincerely, Tillie :)

I'm reading all of your posts & crying. I'm so grateful to have found this site, board and all of you and your posts!! Even though my life experiences & age (61), years of work experience (since I was 16, non stop (singled parented my then two year old son after my divorce) my education & degrees (Master's degree and much more), I've felt so so so alone, useless, spineless and awful as a mother (he's 29) and most of all, crazy and depressed (despite antidepressants)....my brain told me that I can't be the "only one" with these emotions, thoughts and problems. I see I'm definitely not alone as long as I reach out to you guys and your boards, chat rooms, etc. Nothing in my past prepared me for such an awful, low spot in my life and I'm struggling to get out of this place I'm in. I look forward to "listening" & learning from all of you!!! And sometimes commenting, I hope! Again, thank you to whomever sponsors or runs or coordinates these boards!!!

Roxie thank you for the post.

My mother was not exactly a hoarder either but yes sure did have a lot... her home was huge enough to house everything but packing it all up and trying to find space for it in my smaller home is just not possible, hence the on-going struggle to simplify. I have made virtually no progress on her things because I have been trying to get my own things in order first... and I am just now beginning to do some of that since my recent move.

I do have the advantage of having a basement here, although it is too damn down there, so the mountain is not that huge in my living areas. One step at a time for me.

I share your fear of being disabled and your feelings that no one nearby would really cares about me... ohyes they say they do, but... well, you know I am sure. I, too, will leave something like a Living Well or Advanced Care Directive in case. I should have DNR tattooed on my chest hahaha!!! (Do Not Resuscitate)

Again I am grateful to be here. I know I can count on the people here to listen to me and then validate my successes, such a good feeling. My daughter will help when she can but she is so busy with her own family and work. I am working on being alright to work alone. I struggle with isolation and loneliness like so many others.

Yes vindication comes one way or another...

I am so glad you said:

I think these things we are going through have to be looked at opportunities that arise when we've become old enough, mature enough, wise enough to view them as challenges that we CAN deal with.

Yes we can!!!

Fear is a difficult topic for me so I will be brief haha.

Thank you all for posting in here it really helps me feel less alone and isolated.

Recently one of my fears has been turning into my father who I cared for the last 16 years of his life. I miss him terribly he was excellent company and so funny, but on the fear note all he really did was sit around, drinking coffee and watching tv which I now do a lot of myself.

It can be so demoralizing to have limitations yes, as we grow older we get a new perspective. I have to accept that I won't ever be able to certain things again... working with horses was also one of my passions.

Janie and Dianne, even before I became ill and HAD to move, I had been investigating less expensive places to which to retire, and had visited some areas. After I got sick, that helped me out because I'd already eliminated some places and narrowed down to more. Being ill, I knew I'd have to live on one floor. Being independent, I knew I'd want a free-standing home. Having animals, I knew I needed space for them and proximity to a veterinarian. The taxes on my last home were already $4000 a year and they are less than 1/10th that here!!! Also, in 2000 I sold my 2 bed 1 bath home for 180,000 and purchased a 3 bed/2 bath larger home here for 80,000. All that was before the crash, of course, so I was lucky in timing.

And Dianne, I moved here with 12 cats and one cockatiel in the car. What a drive that was! But I did it. You can too.

Although there are many times when the "D" is for "Damned" and not "Dear". LOL!

Will respond to other posts later. Work is really cutting into my de-clutter time lately.

DH is short for "dear husband". :)

DS = dear son
DD = dear daughter
SIL = son in law or sister in law

(((Dianne))) YOU are not being discarded when your stuff goes...the stuff is being discarded. You can work toward setting more appropriate boundaries between yourself and inanimate things. It may take time, but you can do it. You are smart and wise enough; I know cuz I read your posts. ;D

My habits were only developed over the past decade or even less. Yet I am finding it a challenge to change them. Doing nothing at all is so much easier, don't you know? But even if all I accomplish today is brushing my teeth, that is forward movement. And even maybe less expensive future dental bills.

Dianne, you are more important than anything you own. Even if no one in your immediate vicinity appreciates or even knows you, you are still important. Your existence in the world has impacted the world in positive ways, and the ripple effect continues. I like that about you.

(((Janie))) Am I understanding correctly that it is the maintenance aspect of things that really concerns you, because you don't get as much "reward" out of maintenance as you do in purging? If so, perhaps you could build in natural rewards so that maintenance is easier for you? Or build in challenges (liking "going green" in cleaning)?

As for the upstairs: looking at it as a whole sounds like too much for you. So leave those doors closed and just concentrate on something smaller? If you have a lot of things that are best purged, maybe you could get a bag of big stickers of one color, and place stickers on anything that should go. Then you can get help to get them out of the house, even if it means renting a dumpster or hiring a hauler. With fewer things, it will be easier to clean, too.

YOU and DH deserve a clean, inspiring, nurturing bedroom and bath for yourselves. He may or many not care, but some part of you does, indeed.

As for the repetitive nature of housework, well, doesn't that apply to a lot of life? Eat? Sleep? Work? It all has to happen over and over again. I know I myself have in the past been annoyed with the "time wasted sleeping." Uhm. Really? Really! Now I'd like to waste some time sleeping. hehe

Dianne, I do not share your sense that all things have feelings, but I can share that as a child, I believed that my stuffed animals came to life while I slept. So of course I mothered them. So maybe that is a little bit like you.

I also care a great deal about animals and try to help them out. For our Christmas trees, I always went for the worst looking one so I could decorate it and make it proud (oops, that must mean it had feelings, right? LOL).

My biggest fear right now is going back to squalor. Another fear is lurking: now that someone can visit my home, no one will care to show up.

Dianne
Wow, I had not idea how much any one could be like me. On the outside I have always been a roaring success, Big in NYC, Well conntected with my White House/Congress jobs in DC, ultimate insider in Alaska, one of THE family's in Texas.....but inside me and in my house...eeeek!

The burying the animal thing: that was my major hope as child: I would drive all over with a large shovel in the trunk of my car and some comfortable bags and I would scoop up every animal I found and give it a good burial. At 25 I realized that it was not possible to "fix" them all. so I decided to have 15 cats and find someone to marry us. I was a flight attendant so it would have been cruel to be gone so much from the cats so I abandoned that dream.

I have really wrestled for 20 years with the idea of items having feelings. I am so much better on that now. However I am stuck on being Wasteful if I throw out anything that ANYONE anywhere could use. 15 old jars...someone could decorate them and use them in a big party as center pieces and soemone might ask me to do that at any time now. I have nice white 1/2 gallon milk jugs that could be cut down and made into great matching pots for plants for:"someone", I do not want those planters, but someone would surely love lthem and nned them. You are so right it sounds so CRAZY when you write it down. I will stop here but there were so many things you sole about that reminded me of all the "things" I do and think. thanks for listening.

So looking forward to meeting you in chat tomorrow! :D

My cats have not torn up the furniture but the drapes look a bit snaggly from them sticking their claws into them then just sitting there hanging their arms while they rest.

And one cat (as a kitten) has removed some wall paper from one corner in the hallway.

To train them I yell "NO!!!!" and clap my hands very loudly whenever they tried to claw the furniture. Scares them good. :)

Gave them catnip coated scratch posts and scratch boxes all around the house.

And if a cat is particularly persistant in trying to claw the furniture I use a squirt gun on them.

I also sprayed the furniture with heavily scented sprays that the cats disliked.
They absolutely hate Renewzit fabric freshner.

I only had to do some of these things until the new cats learned not to put their claws on my stuff. :D

Thanks Tillie for the encouraging words and tips. I'll plan on joining in on the online support group. :-)
Have your cats torn up your furniture?

Hi Catzforme :)

WAY TO GO! on switching to paperless newspapers!

I too have 5 indoor cats and feed feral cats in the yard.
Pets do need a lot of care and attention.

Did you know that many hoarders and messies are perfectionists?
They want to do everything perfectly so when they don't know what to do with items they let them sit until they figure out the most perfect way to deal with them.

You have made a great start by cancelling the paper newspaper.
The first thing in such situations is to work on stopping new things from entering the home.

From there you work in baby steps clearing one very small area at a time.

A square foot of clear space or even just one small table top.

Make decisions as to where the items should go.
Into another room, donate or trash.

Get those few items where they go.
Into the other room, bag or box for donation or into the trash and out the door.

Work for only 5, 10 or 15 minutes so you don't get burned out and discouraged.
Look at the job you have completed and be proud of the progress.
One baby step at a time. :D

Please come to the online group chat Sunday at 5pm PST.
The link is on the right side of this page, just click the red box that says "ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP".

We would love to "see" you there! :D

Sincerely, Tillie :)

P.S. don't worry about the double post. I always need to refresh the page to see if my posts posted.

Oops! I accidentally posted again after not seeing my message. Please delete one of my messages. Thanks!

Since I was young, I had a very accute sense of right and wrong and growing up religious only added to my extreme feelings of guilt for doing anything I considered "wrong." In college, my friends called me their conscience. I didn't find out that I had OCD until my 30's when my son was diagnosed with an extreme case of OCD. It all made sense, the constant handwashing, brushing my teeth after every time I ate etc. except I had always heard that people with OCD were expected to be very clean and organized. What was wrong with me??? My son, who is now an adult, and I both live very cluttered lifestyles. I have trouble tossing all the papers, ads, catalogs, and magazines I accumulate weekly. Every surface in my small house is cluttered with "stuff." My husband and I are too embarrassed to have friends or family over. I took an important step yesterday when I contacted the newspaper to have it switched to the online edition. It is not only much cheaper but also doesn't come with all the ads that I allowed to clutter the house. Not only do I work but I also take care of my retired disabled husband, our five indoor pet cats and approx.10 more outdoor feral cats too. I can't stand the thought that the cats will most likely be "put down" if I take them to the local animal shelter. My feelings of guilt consume me when I look at my cluttered house and I end up crying but I can't seem to figure out where to start.

Since I was young, I had a very accute sense of right and wrong and growing up religious only added to my extreme feelings of guilt for doing anything I considered "wrong." In college, my friends called me their conscience. I didn't find out that I had OCD until my 30's when my son was diagnosed with an extreme case of OCD. It all made sense, the constant handwashing, brushing my teeth after every time I ate etc. except I had always heard that people with OCD were expected to be very clean and organized. What was wrong with me??? My son, who is now an adult, and I both live very cluttered lifestyles. I have trouble tossing all the papers, ads, catalogs, and magazines I accumulate weekly. Every surface in my small house is cluttered with "stuff." My husband and I are too embarrassed to have friends or family over. I took an important step yesterday when I contacted the newspaper to have it switched to the online edition. It is not only much cheaper but also doesn't come with all the ads that I allowed to clutter the house. Not only do I work but I also take care of my retired disabled husband, our five indoor pet cats and approx.10 more outdoor feral cats too. I can't stand the thought that the cats will most likely be "put down" if I take them to the local animal shelter. My feelings of guilt consume me when I look at my cluttered house and I end up crying but I can't seem to figure out where to start.