My father's answer to my hoarding was to go nto my house and throw everything away inclusing my sons savings bonds!!! Boy did that send me on a shopping spree of a lifetime and nothing NOTHING replaced my goodies!!! I lay in bed and cry about my loss and it was over a year ago. I can actually identify what was in certain boxes that were tossed!!! He wonders why I am not better!!! I am sure he has had NOTHING to do with any of this.

Thank you for reading!

Moving for a second time with my second husband. It has finally hit me as I look around at ALL the stuff I have collected in the pass 5 years I am a hoarder. I lost almost 80% of all my personal things in my 1st marriage as I trust my ex that he would ship them to me, I have be unable to receive any closure to what ever happen to 35 years worth of family heirlooms, clothes, etc..I am sure the storage unit he states my things were in is now a episode of "storage wars" I now fine myself buying things in "sets" every day and creating a story in my head of why I need an outfit or pair of shoes, even though I wear an uniform to work every day.I don't throw anything out because I know I will lose weight a fit into it one day or better yet I will meet someone who will want to borrow it and will also fall in love with all my cool stuff and then they will realize it all belongs to ME, and they can only borrow it for a few hours and there are rules to using anything of mine and of course I will have to be with them and if it gets ruined well never mind, maybe they shouldn't borrow it, its irreplaceable.. at least in my eyes it is.

The sad thing is I am still going through my life day to day yet I go through life feeling though there is is a "box" out there with my life possessions in it and I cant seem to find it. I find myself looking for something I knew I had in a past life.(my 1st marriage)when I am cooking or getting ready I will remember I had that item or I will wake up from a dream and wonder where is that dress, purse, or worse that picture or my son when he was a baby? I see my son who is a teenager who also lost everything and he seems so unaffected he cant seemed to understand why I am so angry and why I am stuck in the past. why I am always buying things I had in the past.

Now that I will be moving across the US we our limited on the weight we can take. I am being forced to discard of my personal belonging. I am unsure where to go for help as this move is with the military and it has been force upon us rather quickly so for the next 3 weeks I will try my best to watch my belongs slip away, at least this time I know I decide what stays and what goes.

Just a few crazy thoughts...