Tatoulia, good to see you. I hope you feel rested after your day of sleep. Taking care of yourself is important.

SubC, the categories are a good way to look at some of these things. Especially the toys and dress up clothes and such. Thank you.

I do have a lot of sentimental 'stuff' even though I got rid of a LOT of it. Papers my kids wrote or drew, artwork of theirs, things that they loved as little kids.

And things that were my parents or grandparents.

All of those things make me acutely aware of the passing of time. It is a very uncomfortable feeling.

Lol Tatoulia - I don't feel active. I spent most of the day moving between my low work table and the couch. I did chores twice and put away a load of laundry. But I have finished the fourth section I set out for myself.

I have the same number to do tomorrow, but I may cut myself some slack. I can "finish" them on Tuesday, add attendance and any final, project details to the Wednesday class ones on Wednesday, do the same thing Friday, and then turn them in and not let them ruin my weekend next weekend.

Tatoulia, I hope you get done whatever you feel like you need to get done, but please don't beat yourself up. Grief takes it's own time and it's own path.

Hi everyone!

I'm not caught up on posts. Sorry about that. Everyone is being active and that's great! Hope I noticed you had to post about an upset. I'm so sorry. I'll read all posts in a little bit.

I slept all day. Nearly all day. I. Got up at 7, fed the cats, talked to BF on the phone (our time difference made for a good time to talk), went back to bed, then got up around one to feed the cats and make some coffee. Talked to BF some more, then fell asleep. Now it's 9 PM and I'm running the dishwasher and doing laundry, which you know I do not count (for me and me only) as doing something because it comes naturally to me.

I'm writing more thank you notes with respect to my mother's passing. In total, I've written probably 25. Still more to go.

My neatest friend is coming over tomorrow. I need to show some progress from last time she was here. For me and her.

Ah! They are grandkid clothes that belong at tot's house!

Which will be your house next week. lol!

I have finished the third section of evaluations. And eaten dinner.

Here is what I think about the "special" things - there are three categories:

1) actually this isn't so special - it's not good enough for the grands to use and/or it makes me sad.

2) this is special and I want the grandkids to use it and now is the time!

3) everything else.

Category 3 is complicated (it is more than one category really.) bin it up.

Category 2 is easy! Put it out - while you are putting it out, look for things that can go because they are being replaced - the special thing fills the same spot in the dress ups or play kitchen or dollhouse, or now there are too many blocks/stuffed toys/games/art supplies/cars/blankets and the special one is better. Get rid of those instead.

Category 1 is harder, but bite the bullet and let those go. (If a category 1 isn't in good enough shape for the grands but it makes you happy, move it to category 3.

Hopefully you'll be able to get rid of some stuff even if it is different stuff.

SubC, they are TotsMom's clothes (belong to her) but fit the grandkids! She had brought them over when I was watching them for a few days, but they were in my dirty hamper. I washed them and put them in the playpen which is silly but they have been in there awhile. So I finally folded them up and put them all in a bag to give back to her.

I don't know what time TotsDad is coming today but it is maybe the final push to get those 2 rooms completed. I decided that if I am really struggling on that last bit, I have permission to bin it up and deal with it later. I would guess the huge room has about 3 bins worth of things I was keeping. But the catch is, it is where I keep all the "special" stuff. I dunno, maybe as I look at it, it won't feel so special anymore. I have issues, I know it. There are toys and clothes and blankets and all kinds of stuff that triggers memories from 20 years ago. It would take a lot of time and anxiety for me to just get rid of a bunch of it today. So we will see how it goes.

Hope, I am so sorry about your relationship. I don't know if you want to fix it or end it, but I will say that like the hoard, you are not going to be happy if it stays where it is.

Dh and I have had our moments, and the hoarding has been a big part of that. It took us years to realize we weren't actually communicating and more years to really start trying, and we are STILL working on doing it well. But I am fortunate that there was never a moment when we didn't know we loved each other and wanted to make it work.

Also good job on getting three bags out!

Lila, why do you have totsmom's clothes?

Second section done. Dh left with the thrift stuff. Going to do something that involves moving around.

SubC, that's great that things are leaving your house! And, you are getting evaluations done too.

Hope, I can feel your anger on this. It is so hard being with someone who really doesn't care. I would be upset too if plaster etc was being knocked down on stuff. Who gets to clean that up? Well, my ex was similarly unhelpful/pretending. I remember years ago I posted an angry rant on here because a pipe had leaked in the storage room where all his hoard was contained. I was super excited because he had agreed that he needed to take everything out and get rid of the ruined things! Yay, right?? Wrong. He took the stuff out and laid it all over the yard for WEEKS. Did not throw anything away, and then, eventually, he put it all in the garage! Filled it halfway up with his boxes! and then of course began to hoard up the storage room again.

So that is the stuff we have been sorting. Moldy boxes of 25 year old receipts, junk mail, and burned out light bulbs. Sigh.

If you think the relationship is dead, it probably is. I used to post on here fantasizing about him moving out or being gone so I could be rid of his hoard. Try not to let it eat you up inside. I know it hurt me emotionally to swell on that for so long. Being alone is better.

Good job on the books, Hope! And the other things too. You are doing a great job working through the clutter.

Today I took almost everything out of the playpen. I bagged up clothes that belong to TotsMom, laid mine on the bed to put away, folded the blankets, threw out a bunch of papers, donated a few things. Still working on it but taking a short break.

DISCLAIMER, Have to get this out as a reminder to me. Need to recenter myself then I'll return to read and reply to your prior posts.

CAUTION -- NEGATIVE RANT.

Got up very early, couldn't sleep so decided to try to clear more of the hoard. I was so determined and engaged in my decluttering that I lost track of time. I managed to sort through 7 of 10 bins of books as well as another 4 bins of basically junk. Ended up tossing another 3 bags of garbage. Was Feeling great and still progressing through the hoard UNTIL the partner/other half (which I will refer to as TPOH going forward) wakes up and angrily states that they are hungry. Nervous as hell, I apologetically state I was trying to clear the hoard but I will make something. To their credit they worked yesterday. However, I only recently became unemployed and have always worked longer days than Tpoh.
I did not create this hoard alone but I accept responsibility for it because it's mostly mine (as I already cleared most of Tpoh's hoard). Anywhoo, after Tpoh eats, they try to act as if they are going to help. They start tearing down plaster that has begun falling in the family room without covering anything (including the books that I was sorting). I know the expectation was for me to say about their stupidity so they would stop "helping" BUT instead I just sat motionless while the idiocrasy continued. I wanted to see how long the idiot would continue faking help. Just as I thought almost 10 minutes later - NOT A SECOND MORE, the IDIOT grabbed a jacket and proceeded to leave the house. Again, I was supposed to ask where they were going but at that point I really didn't care. When Tpoh returned, they asked what do you want me to help with. LOL, I wanted to but I didn't. Instead, I just looked at them with a blank stare and swallowed every bit of profanity that welled up in me. A few minutes later I reminded them of the trash that I had already stacked and advised that they could discard. They went and looked at it (again) and I told them they didn't have to do it now so they would get the hell out of my face. I couldn't take the sight of them a second longer PRETENDING TO HELP OR CARE.

My entire life has been spent genuinely helping and rescuing others so this fake help x*@*!!!! I can't be bothered with it. Frustrated because if I had done to others what they are doing to me now, my house would probably be spotless.

Of course I had a melt down (in private) because of this. So to answer a prior question, I don't live alone but I'm alone in this journey. It's painful but I'm going to keep allowing this pain to fuel me to dig myself out of this mess of a house and relationship!!

it's better to act like you don't see the hoard or not offer to help than to pretend you are going to help, then don't!!!

Lila, you are doing really, really well!

I am so glad you are burning up the logs and enjoying the fire instead of storing something that might be a fire hazard!

I have mad3 a start on evaluations again. I broke what I want to ge5 done today into 4 sections and I have finished the first section.

Dh is still working on his sound system and has been putting around moving things and interrupting me to ask questions.

The car is loaded with that chair, it's matching ottoman, my box of donations, some things Dh is ready to get rid of, and a small occasional table (also a Dh belonging - from mil). I don't count Dh things in or out, but I am happy to have the box going so I can't second guess.

Ok, back to work!

SubC, that is an interesting thought, sable. I will look around and think about that as well.

I agree on the toys, another hard thing. I might bin up one bin of things the girls are not fans of, for the boys when they come to visit. But one bin, not 10 bins like I used to do. I still have a plastic trash can full of my stuffed animals from my childhood, and I need to either give them to the kids who want them or let them go. It is pointless really.

This morning I am home and it is 1 degree. I have a big fire going in the fireplace. I found about 6 boxes of Duraflame logs in the garage from about 20 years ago when I was scared my heat would be shut off again... then later I found that those don't put off much heat like a real wood fire. Anyway, I have a wood fire going now but we are about out of firewood, so I plan to throw those logs on the fire this morning to keep it going a bit and take the edge off the cold in the living room. Plus I just like a fire. When TotsDad comes I will let it go out and we will work.

I never would have believed, 10 or 15 years ago, that I would be able to get so many things out of my house. I mean, I have had several yard sales over the years and given a lot away and sold things. But there is this "base level" hoard that never moved, do you know what I mean friends? The stuff that just stays... the stuff you don't touch or deal with? Aside from ex's stuff, that baseline stuff is what we are doing now. Furniture. "Special" things. Stuff I have always thought I "needed." This is the hardest part of the hoard and I don't know how I would have done this without TotsDad. I may have done it but it would have taken at least 5 years instead of a month or two.

Good morning.

Snow on the ground, high winds, temps in the 20s all day.

Today's goal will be banging out evaluations.

Lila, I think once the littles are there and playing in the room, you will have more clarity about what should be in it. Particularly on some of the stuff you are "saving for them" too many toys is overwhelming. It is best to just keep the favorite ones.

This week I discovered a new term "sable" "stash accumulated beyond life expectancy" this is definitely an issue for me. I am unlikely to live long enough to use up all of my craft materials and finish all of my project ideas. Maybe CM can relate.

It also applies to things like my children's books though. If I read Bean 5 or 6 books every week, and he wants his favorites over and over again, I simply won't have time to read them all to him before he is too old to enjoy the story. We only read half the Christmas books this year.

hi SubC! Glad to see you. I've been posting on the Daily Tally to help my anxiety about what we are doing. We are down to the stuff that has not been touched, hard stuff. But we are doing it.

TotsDad mainly needs those two rooms and the garage to be done so he can move in. He will have their beds and such in the huge room, and is bringing his exercise equipment and a wall mount tv for the family room, and then whatever he brings that doesn't fit in those rooms will go in the garage.

This does affect the rest of the house because anything moved but not donated/thrown out is migrating to other spaces. I probably also need to make space for some of their things in the kitchen.

And I am sorting the smaller bedrooms upstairs so the kids can play and I can keep some things, but that can continue on after they move in.

They want to move in this week, which is why the big push. The furniture did get picked up. I really almost wanted to keep it. But that was emotional, not practical.

Conversation with TotsDad:

me: This is getting really hard.
him: why?
me: I dunno, it's just hard.

Then we got to work.

TotsDad came for an hour and a half, and we:

- moved all the tools and related items to the storage/tool room
- he organized the laundry room shelves and I threw out several old things and we moved cleaners out of the family room
- sorted the remaining boxes
- put an office chair in my room to try with my desk in there
- got rid of extra cords
- donated a bunch of dog toys
- swept the floor
- took the bin of fragile items that we took off the big desk, and brought it upstairs to keep under my bed
- got rid of a bunch of dowels, trim, rods, etc from the corner

So we got a lot done.

Hi all!

Lila, I was teaching, and then I was staying after for two hours to fire the kiln and grade stuff. Great job on the tank tops!

Did the furniture get picked up?

Totsdad sounds ambitious! You have been getting an amazing amount done though. By "done" does he mean just those two rooms? How empty is "pretty much empty"?

Hope, I also think that cleaning half the living room is very impressive. And that it is nice that you could meditate by the fire. I'm currently sitting on the floor in front of the woodstove eating cold pizza out of the box.

Did you go for a walk?

Where are all my peeps???

I am working hard as TotsDad is coming back over shortly and he is hoping to be "done" today. I don't know about THAT but I am trying.

I posted the big huge computer stand/desk combo from the family room online and someone is supposed to be picking it up shortly! To do this I had to take everything off it and dust it and put stuff somewhere. I did that!

I also sorted stacks of books and videos that were on the floor into keep, donate, and trash (some were moldy because they got wet at some point).

I have been going through the last of ex's bins, mostly just consolidating books and getting them ready for TotsDad to put them in the garage.

Part of this is so hard because it is stuff I have had forever, like the furniture. Some of it I do NOT want to look at or deal with or think about, but I have to. It is somewhat stressful.

But the goal is just to get ex's room and family room pretty much empty for Totsfam to move in.

It is exhausting but getting done.

Hope, wow, half the living room is amazing progress! How wonderful that you had someone willing to support you on the phone through that. I too have a fireplace and it is so relaxing the few times a year I use it! It sounds like you live alone, Hope. Wondering if you have kids or grandkids that are part of the equation? My kids are all 18 and up, two live with me, and I think the reason I've been able to keep the main house areas functional all these years is them. But it's still embarrassing how cluttery it is. Teen (who is 18) says to me, "you're a hoarder!" and it makes me feel bad. My son who is father to my grandkids who I call Tot, Acorn, and Star, is very very supportive but jokes and says I'm a hoarder too. Like when I hesitate to get rid of things, he laughs a little and says that... but it is very good natured, and so, I try to prove him wrong! I'm in my mid 50s by the way.

I'm separated for a year and a half, from my ex who was also a hoarder but maybe more deeply entrenched than I. He grew up in poverty so he saves everything. When sorting I found piles of used paper towels, every bit of junk mail for 18 years, every receipt since the 80's and I mean even receipts where he paid cash for milk or bread. He saved burned out light bulbs, wrapped in used paper towels, drained batteries, pens that stopped working and have no ink, pencil stubs. So this is why it has been difficult sorting his tubs and boxes which I HAD to sort as mice got into the boxes. I believe I sorted about 40 large bins/boxes and what is left is about 25. The rest was trash. He would never have allowed me to do this with him here, but when we were married, if he went away on a trip and I cleaned/purged a bit he never complained much. Only if he was present would he get enraged if I threw out a scrap of paper or old light bulb.

Anyway. There's a bit of me.

Today I will continue to work on boxes and bins in his room, my room, and the family room. Let's update each other as we progress!

Thanks Lila and SubC.

I appreciate your transparency and advise. It helps to know that you are not alone and someone understands. Made a lot of progess yesterday or at least I'm proud of what I got done. I cleaned 1/2 of my family room. I discarded 2 bins and 3 trash bags of junk. I can see the walls and was able to use my fireplace. I rewarded myself at the end of the evening by meditating in front of the fireplace. Felt good but also painful because it made me remember how beautiful my home used to be. I had support person (relative) on the phone with me for almost 4 hours which helped me get through. I don't call the person much (for support) because I don't want scare them off. I call when I really need help and yesterday I used that lifeline and made progress. Like yesterday, not going to commit to anything other than making some type of progress. the goal is to throw away more junk. Wish I could do better but right now this is unfortunately my best.

Lila - congrats on getting through the dresser and for pivoting when you got stuck. I love SubC's advise on the tanks and the fact that you were able to donate 8 tanks!!! Great job.

SubC - congrats on getting through the evaluations and getting the tree down and decorations away. Also, thanks so much again. My hygiene has never really been an issue but lately I've struggled to take care of myself like I used to. Most days just trying to survive. I'm drained from the jobsearch and closed doors. I am however getting out and staying out of bed daily. I also make my bed daily. I am still isolating but may force myself to go for a walk. I did meditate again this morning.

ok off to the hoard....I'll circle back with my progress.

Good work getting the tree out, SubC. And the evaluations. I dislike paperwork myself.

I took all those tank tops and tees out of the drawer again, and this time I donated 8 of them!! Thanks for the help with that. I have space in the drawer now for something I wear and like.

I am inspired by the desk in my room and the lack of dust and hair in that corner. But, imagine all those tubs and piles I talked about before... and now most of them are ON my bed or surrounding my bed! I don't think I can even get TO my bed. And it's evening. So, I do need to go back in there and find room for all the displaced stuff. Maybe that will help me get rid of more. I do feel good about it.

I am clean and in my pajamas.

Lila, I forgot to say that I hope you like your new room. I hope the change helps you see it with new eyes and inspires you and makes you happy.

Good evening.

Lila, I'm glad if I can help you. You guys are a lot of help to me.

It's not the teaching. It's the paperwork. I would gladly teach four days a week if I didn't have to fill out forms, grade things, and write evaluations. Every course I teach literally has an extra 20% of it's classroom time that I have to spend on that outside of class. Ok, I just did the math on that three times, and it's true. And it's depressing. For every five hours I spend in the room with my kids, I spend an hour doing paperwork. Not lesson planning, just paperwork.

Bleh.

Anyway, the tree is down (it's lying in the yard with the stand still attached. I'll deal with that the next time I'm home and it's light outside.)

The ornaments are put away. The floor is swept and vacuumed. The laundry is rewashed.

I moved both rabbit hutches into the barn.

Dh has a guitar lesson tonight. He promised me a pizza little after 8. So i had a light snack and I'm going to do my chores, take a shower, and then work on evaluations if I have more time before pizza.

oh SubC, thank you so much! Your thought process helps me so much! I feel like I can do that with the tank tops, at least some of them can go if I look at it that way! I appreciate you.

Good job getting your work done. Teaching does sound like a lot. But I hear how rewarding it is, too, when your students appreciate you. You are making a difference.

TotsDad is here and I am taking a break, how exhausting. He took all the trash bags to the bin.... enough trash to fill the whole bin! He took about 10 totes out to the garage that I had sorted, and two boxes of donations to the car.

And... he single handedly carried that desk up the stairs and put it in my bedroom!! I am excited, and also have this weird feeling. Like... it is a big change to have a desk in there. My bedroom has been the same for 18 years. It is very weird to have a dresser in a different place and a desk in there. But it will be nice... and I will have a nice spot to do Zoom meetings now. I hope I like it. If not, I can always give the desk away and I'll still have the cleaner room.

TotsDad is organizing bins and such.

He started asking me about this bin and that bin and I got a little overwhelmed so came for a break.

But we got a whole lot done! I have a lot more work to do. Will update the daily tally.

Lila, yay for getting rid of dust and dog hair!

I am going to tell you something - you can buy a nice, new, good quality tank top for around $8. It will fit and it will match the thing you want to wear it with. If you can afford surgery, you will also be able to afford a couple of tank tops.

I want to ask you to look around your room for something that you really like, that fits, that would go in that drawer if it wasn't so full. If you see such a thing - please consider choosing one or two tank tops that are super comfortable and work well as a layer under something you own that fits right now and letting the rest go. Then, you can put your thing in the drawer where it will stay clean and not get buried.

Getting rid of the tank tops is not about letting go of the idea that you are attractive, or that you can be stylish, or that you deserve pretty clothes. It is not about not having a thing when you need it. (I'm confident you will not suffer in the cold from lack of a tank top layer - are you?) It is about accepting that these tank tops are not a thing that flatters you and makes you feel good. They are a thing that makes you feel sad and frustrated. Even if you don't have clothes that make you feel confident and beautiful right now, surely you have something better than these tank tops? Sad and frustrated out. Tot and acorn in.

I have finished one class (of 8) of evaluations. I also discovered that when the power went out the other day the dryer stopped and did not restart. And so the load all needs rewashed with baking soda.

I started that and I am going to go move a rabbit cage. And maybe put some music on and attack this Christmas tree (yes, it's still here.)

post-freeze summary, documenting my process.

After the past post where I froze, I sat for a bit, did something else for a bit. Then went back into the room and worked on a totally different area. I decided instead of trying to get rid of more, I would simply move things and vacuum so there is room for the desk.

- took everything off the dresser, did a very cursory dusting of them, and put them on another dresser.

- moved about 12 plastic bins, a few empty, most full of stuff, across the room

- vacuumed where they were.

I have to say, those bins have not been moved and that dresser top has not been dusted in at least 8 years, maybe more. It was pretty coated in dust and loads of dog hair all around the floor where I moved them from.

I am glad I am doing this even if I did not get rid of anything, and even if the desk can't be moved upstairs.

I am going to pull the dresser out from the wall, vacuum, and then swiffer the area. This has not been done in possible 15 years. Maybe I will find a treasure back there!

So this is my process when I am frozen... do something different that feels a little bit more doable, and has no real decisions attached.

SubC, what very wise and helpful things you've said. A blessing to anyone who reads it. Hope, I too have had many a day where I just sat, unable to shower, get changed, anything. Some days my victory was forcing myself to drink a glass of water. We do what we can. I too won't judge you... I've cleaned mouse nests and poo out of my home, and cried over old rags I did not want to let go of. It's a process. Think of posting here as a step. Part of the process... not being alone... confessing to someone else that you need help. Coming here and posting IS a step, so I am thankful you're doing it!

I started to go through that dresser. One drawer was easy - all jeans size 16 (I am in size 18 now). I put them all into a bin. Then found a couple of other clothing items in the other drawers that are too small and put those in the bin.

Then I got stuck. I must have 20 or more tank tops and tees in one drawer. They fit. They are every shade of the rainbow. I do not wear tank tops because my arms are super flabby. But I wear them as layers, or think I will. And part of me believes someday I will get arm surgery to remove hanging skin. I dunno, I could only donate like one or two of them and then shoved the rest back in the drawer.

And then thought I would pull some things out of the closet that don't fit, and put in the bin, and I could not. I froze. I felt kind of sick. I walked away. What is that about? I dunno. I am taking a break and will go back to it.

Good afternoon - here anyway.

I have finished 10(?)% of my evaluations. The question mark is because I will have to come back and record attendance on every single one after next friday because the semester ends then and these stupid things are due the following Monday. Also, I may need to add/change some comments based on what comes out of the kiln this week.

I had hoped to be at 20% by now, but I got a late start and no matter what I do I cannot seem to be fast.

Still, this is much better than Tuesday.

Hope, you will get there. You are interviewing for jobs! That is hard, and it is progress and you are doing it. I know it is frustrating, but don't give up. You have to give yourself credit for not giving up, ok? Can you do one kind thing for yourself today? Here are some things that you might be doing and not even realize they are accomplishments and if you aren't doing them, just pick one and congratulate yourself on helping Hope take a step forward ok?

Shower, brush your teeth, eat a piece of fruit, eat a vegetable, exercise (even just walk once around your house), brush your hair, put on music and sing along (it can lift your mood), wash the dishes you used for your last meal, get your dirty laundry off the floor, start a load of laundry, choose one surface and throw away the trash on it, find one item you can part with, make your bed, empty or wipe down a sink, take out the trash or recycling, deal with today's mail.. Pick one, or one of your own. And just let us know you did it.

We start where we are and we do the best we can. I am lucky. I have help. I have been physically undressed and put in a shower. I have had a bowl of soup put in front of me and been instructed to eat it one spoonful at a time. I have been dragged out of the house and just driven around in a car with the windows down and the radio on while I stared at the scenery and cried. I have had cabinets and closet racks tear free of walls and crash to the floor. I have cleaned up moldy boxes and mummified dead creatures - from inside of my house. I am never going to judge you.

You are already not spending the day in bed wearing yesterday's clothes and eating stale Halloween candy. You are doing ok.

Lila, good luck on your room!

Good morning friends.
SubC, that is an excellent and motivating thought. I can have Tot and Acorn in my home or I can have stuff. I can't think of anything more motivating.

Hope, in fact, I have been here 30 years getting paralyzed by the hoard. Friends here can tell you, and you could look back in old posts, how I would go into a room look around, get paralyzed and walk out. Or open a few boxes, look at things, get overwhelmed, and walk out. I guess just forcing myself to pick ONE thing, or 3 things, or whatever, and sharing here, kept me trying.

And now with TotsDad being so kind and helping me, I cannot imagine saying to him, "no, you can't move those boxes, I need that stuff" and having him say "well there is no room for us then..." omg. So This has been THE biggest push ever.

I do, now, need the money from ex, but I suspect if and when he catches wind of my moving things around he will either a) not care at all because he has given up, or b) get angry and stop paying. We'll see. It is worth it for now, but when I move, I will NOT take his hoard with me. It will be up to my son if he wants to accept rent to keep ex's things in the garage, or give him the 2 month deadline.

Today I am still sick but have a goal:

- I need TotsDad to move a dresser to make room for the desk in my room. He did not come yesterday but is coming today.

- to move he dresser I need to take some clothes out of it. I will sort all the clothes that are a bit too small into an empty tote I bought up from ex's room (used to be full of papers).

- I will have TotsDad move that tote and a couple totes of books from my bedroom into the garage. I may even sort the books first, we'll see.

- I have to clear a path for him to bring the desk in also. This is no easy task.

So I will start working on those things in my bedroom to prepare for the desk. Even if it somehow cannot fit down the hall or through the door, my room will be better.

Hey You All,

Catching up again. Hadn't had much sleep due to cold and a bit of stress though I'm trying to keep it under control. Spent the day (over 8 hrs) job searching and interviewing. Anxiety got the best of me so I bombed on 2nd round interview. I was exhausted and simply couldn't think. Self esteem so low I don't recognize myself.

Tat- thanks for the encouragement and way to push through with the books. Posting is hard. I feel like instead of posting i should be clearing the hoard and then I'm embarrassed when I don't have anything done. Not giving up on myself. Somehow I am going to push my way through this.

CM - Great job on getting the jeans done and for staying active. Minimalism doesn't sound bad to me. Though I doubt that I'll ever get there. I am willing to let go of almost everything for a chance to start fresh. I envision rooms with VERY little. Determined to get to that place because this state is overwhelming.

SubC - way to go with the dishes and for protecting time with Bean. Understand how it feels to be unproductive. I still can't believe that it got this bad and though it was right in front of my eyes, I did not see it. Also, thanks for mentioning scholastic books, that brought back great memories.

Lila - way to push past your emotions and illness to get things done. congrats on almost being done with sorting through ex's things. I too am triggered when I touch certain items in my hoard. Unlike you, I become paralyzed with emotion.
You are being extremely generous with ex. Do you think maybe ex left those things because they were unable to face/clear the hoard? Also, now with your new roomers, will you still need the income from ex's hoard? I only ask because I see the emotional toll that my hoard is taking on me and I'm wondering if the rent you are receiving from ex is worth the emotional toll (if you are able to survive without it).

Hoping to have a more productive report later or tomorrow.

Good morning.

Last night I set up the coffee pot to make a pot of coffee before I woke up this morning - as I usually do. However, I did not put the carafe on it. Yeah.

Ok, I can only do better from here.

Lila, are you feeling any better? did tot'sdad come and move the desk? Did the huge desk/shelf get cleared out?

You are doing a huge job! Just keep reminding yourself that it is for tot and acorn. You can have the stuff in your house, or you can have them in your house.

One of my biggest motivating factors is not letting the stuff get in the way of my time with Bean. I took a pile of books to the used book store yesterday. When I was working on the shelves I found some board books I have never read to Bean. He is three. He is mostly done with board books. I had to ask myself "am I sad that these were tucked away and I forgot them and didn't read them to him - in which case I should get them out where I remember to read them to Birdy, or do I not care, in which case I should get rid of them."

Also the kids books. My parents let us order any books we wanted from the scholastic book orders at school every month. I have so many kids paperbacks. My own kids didn't read most of them - they wanted to read new books that their friends were reading and we have an amazing library system. Really, the only ones I should keep are the ones that I think "oh, I loved this book. I want to share it with Bean or Birdy."

I am feeling very motivated to clean out right now. I think it's because I have to do evaluations.

CM, good job on the jeans! I'm happy you are posting more!

I also darn socks. Because I prefer thrift stores for clothes shopping, my biggest wardrobe investments are socks and undergarments. Sometimes I laugh at myself when I am getting dressed and realize my bra cost more than the rest of my outfit put together. I also have some very nice pajamas.

I am not going to try another link, but if you google "sockdreams" they have some fun, good quality cotton socks. They are not cheap though.

Ok, off to be functional. I'll report back.

omg this is so hard, but I am doing it. But by bit.

- sorted 3 more of ex's tubs, probably close to the last of them. It was 80% junk mail and old papers from 15+ years ago, thrown out, the rest consolidated into a bin.

- measured the desk and decided I want it in my bedroom if TotsDad can get it in there.

- moved plastic storage drawers and a dollhouse from my bedroom into the little kids' bedroom which is a mess right now. I need to vacuum where it was and move more stuff for the desk to be in there.

- found that TotsDad had started packing items off a shelf, which gave me some anxiety, and I took the stuff out of the tote and re-packed it and labeled it. This is stuff in the bedroom that TotsFam will be moving into.

Now I need TotsDad to show up and move about 5 or 6 totes I packed up, into the garage, and for him to take the dozen or so bags of trash out of the huge room into the trash outside. And, if he can, move the desk upstairs.

This is all a lot of work, many many decisions that I don't have time to agonize over. A lot of the things I am touching and seeing are very emotional... things of my kids when they were little, things of mine, of my various exes, things I had plans for that never panned out. You know what I mean. Thirty years worth of stuff I hung onto for one reason or another. It is really emotional.

Good job getting those jeans hemmed, CM!

I am so tired, and tired of being sick. I was thinking about a desk I have downstairs and how I need to get rid of it to make space, when I realized I would love to have it as a workspace in my bedroom. So today I am going to measure it and see if it would fit along one wall. There is absolutely no room with all the clutter, but maybe this would be a motivator for me to make space in my room for the desk. I will decide one way or the other today.

I think TotsDad is coming again today to help move some more stuff, so I will get working on it. I need to move some knick knacks off a huge desk/shelf so we can get rid of that.

Wish me luck... I will try, and will report back. Thank you for the accountability.

Will try and keep caught up with posting before it gets too far behind. We have all been posting so much - but that's fantastic, it means we're all on a roll. Even if some individual days are tough, overall the trend is good.

I'm giving roommate's bunnies their morning exercise time while roommate does a few winterizing tasks, because in a couple days it's going to turn nasty cold here until about next Wednesday. Bleah. We went swimming Monday and will go for general exercise today, before we are cooped up indoors more.

As I mentioned on the Daily Tally, I got the one pair of jeans hemmed. I'd actually already been wearing them even too long, but it feels great to have them as they should be. The other two pairs that need pocket extensions are next. SubC, the sewing queue I think is everything inside and in the garage, it just got separated. Although when I pull both lots into one and maybe order them in some sort of priority, there could be items that just get relegated to donation. It won't take long to look through it.

Some will be machine repairs and some hand sewing, like darning socks. I do darn socks, because the ones I have are high cotton content and replacements aren't readily available in stores these days. Most everything is high synthetic anymore, and I prefer cotton. At least I'll darn ones that are in good shape. A few get to the point where the fiber has deteriorated, and those can't be saved. They make good dusting cloths and will be used as I'm cleaning.

I was thinking about Road the other day too!

Brushing teeth at some point in the last few years became a whenever thing for me as well, also showering here at the house (besides I'm more of a tub bath gal). I understand these routines tend to be difficult for neurodivergent people, because of sensory and executive functioning issues. Mind you, I don't go around smelly or gross; I can always do the cowgirl washcloth bath. At the gym somehow I find showering easier to manage so that has helped.

Tatoulia, laundry still counts as a win and bragging rights for me because I find it challenging. Lol! We are all at different stages.

I had to look up what a zip car was. My ex boyfriend was trending toward minimalism by the time he left town years ago (we had already ended our romantic phase). He had sold his house because he didn't like long term commitments (hence why marriage and kids were a deal breaker for our relationship) and did not wish even to own a car. He drove his to his home state and sold it to his stepdad. To my knowledge he has been fanatically "carfree" ever since. I guess it works for those who like that lifestyle especially in big cities. I'm not that type. My van not only gets me places, it feels like a cozy little home away from home on wheels, and when one is agoraphobic, sometimes that really helps.

Well, I need to stop here so roommate and I can proceed to the gym soon. I'll save other posting for later. Have a good day ladies!

Good morning.

Lila, I do not believe you were a failure as a mother. We did do our best. This youngest one of mine needed a different mother and I could not be that person. I have felt sorry for her about that since she was little. She still calls expecting against all evidence and experience to be able to talk to that imaginary person - and ends up having very unsatisfactory conversations with me.

I understand better what you are doing with ex's stuff now. That is overwhelming. I'm very glad you are almost through it. 2 months is very generous. I bet he won't come back for it, but I am glad you have the income source.

I pushed through some dishes last night after I posted in an effort to go to bed and not cry. This morning I am throwing together some lesson plans, doing my chores, and heading off to school to start again. I am going to try to stop after school and drop off some books at the used book store. The external structure is good for me.

We cross posted, SubC!

Yeah, I am about done with the sorting now. To clarify, Tots Family is all moving in with me AND bringing all their stuff. But the garage was 100% full, and that room ex's stuff is in is a huge room they will need to live in. He rents "half" the room and the other half was my stuff. We cleared the garage to make space for Tots' familys' things and for stuff in that room and stuff in my house that I am packing for when I eventually move out, in a year or so.

So the space ex is renting will be the garage space and part of a smaller room instead of half of that huge room. The huge room will be lived in by Totsfam.

If I just shoved all his stuff in the garage there would be no room for anything else... thus the sorting/consolidating. We are about done, though. I just need to move the clothing he has in dressers into bins and my son will put them in the garage. They have to be binned to avoid mice.

When I move he will get 2 months' notice to come and get it or it will all be donated/trashed. I refuse to take it with me!

SubC, I'm sorry. Teen told me yesterday, literally, that I am a failure as a mother. I guess we have to remember that we did our best.

Can I just add an emotional reaction I had today, to sorting those bins of ex's?

At first it was fine. Then as it was more and more bins of papers, I found myself getting resentful. And then angry. I got so angry because why should I be the one having to sort his hoard?? I couldn't just toss it all in the trash, because in between all the junk mail, fliers, used paper towels, etc were just a few things that should be kept. In between all of that, among 6 trash bags full of garbage, I found some sweet little notes and drawings our daughter made for him when she was little... a few photos... some letters from his dead mother and sister that would be meaningful to him... and his birth certificate! So piece by piece I sorted all that junk, 6 trash bags of literal trash plus the one bin of stuff that ended up being saved.

And some of it brought back memories. Of when we were in love, of when he became a complete a-hole, of the pain during the period when I still loved him but he did not love me.

And I got mad. AND, I was pulling out old receipts and my finger was sliced by a razor hidden in there. Yes a razor. It hurts really bad, it got blood all over, and a cut open fingertip is no fun. That also made me mad.

But in the end, I thought how glad I am that my kids are not going to be left with this kind of mess to deal with when I die. Thank God for that.

Was too scattered last time I posted.

Hope, I love that you are posting. Jus5 post. However it comes out.

Tatoulia, Birdy is doing great! He has gained a pound! It is really hard for me to only see him in pictures.

Lila, with the information you have given me - I wouldn't waste time sorting your ex's stuff. Just toss anything that looks dirty or dangerous or broken and stick the rest in the room until it doesn't fit and anything else you don't want goes. The day the rent stops it all goes! What will happen to it when you move?


Tot'sdad is great!

I am having a non-functional day. Today I have failed at evaluations, Christmas tree, dishes, and - when my youngest called this evening - parenting. (I have the post phone call text clarifying my failure as a parent in case you are wondering if I am being too hard on myself.)

Hopefully tomorrow will better.

Tatoulia, you are RIGHT. Working in the cold and standing on concrete is making me sicker. I am getting worse. Before I read this, I did go in the garage with TotsDad again today but only for about 15 minutes and I could tell it was making me ill.

So he brought a whole bunch of boxes and half full tubs inside for me to sort in the warm house. Very thankful. He is coming back tomorrow to help more.

SubC, when my ex left, he went to stay with a relative about 5 hours away. Since he does not have a house, he only took a few suitcases of stuff. I used to rent out a room for income, but he wanted to leave stuff here, so he offered to pay me rent for the space his stuff is taking. So all this time he pays me rent. A few hundred bucks but I need it. However, it is supposed to be for one ROOM. Yet half my garage is full of his junk, PLUS a room, plus part of another room.

So, since TotsFamily are moving in with me, they need space. What we are doing is not only purging all my excess stuff, but also consolidating the ex's things to make space.

Ex is quite elderly, has dementia, and is in poor health. Still does not have his own place. No talk about coming to get his stuff, and has no where to store it. I COULD ask him to get a storage unit, but I prefer to have the money... and it would be a real hardship on him to move it. I am not getting rid of anything he would really care for.
Just taking out literal trash and broken things, and consolidating the rest.

For example, today I sorted about 8 bins of his.
I threw away six grocery bags of trash from those bins! Most of it was junk mail, saved old envelopes, paper towels, very old pens. I did make an executive decision to throw away bills that are over 10 years old unless they are the kind of bill you need a record of.

I also donated some clothing I knew he would NEVER fit in, that is old and discolored and from the 70s.

I also threw away two boxes of old, dirty, bent, written-on file folders.

I donated and tossed 25 usable items which I posted on the daily tally thread, bringing my total for the year to 100 already!

Hi everyone!

Hope we love long posts! Please don't be self conscious or start editing your thoughts! We are glad you are here! Lila I am worried about you and need you to slow down. Do not work in the cold garage until you are better. Everyone is getting sick and it's lasting a long time and turning into bronchitis. Please take care of yourself.

SubC, how is little birdy?

I took a cab home from work. It's cold and rainy and although I live this weather, we just had snow the other day and I do not want to fall.

It killed me get rid of books but I did it. Andy then I went through them again and got rid of more. I needed to do it. I still have lots of books but they fit on my bookshelves. Some of the books I had read during grad school, and I still remember reading them and living them. With age, however, my eyesight has changed and reading in the kindle, where I can increase the font, has been a Godsend.

Okay back to the office for me tomorrow. I'm going to fool around a bit and then do something. Anything.

I am accomplishing nothing because I don't want to write evaluations.

Lila, I don't understand the current situation with your ex and the space he was/is renting and the moving.

I once lived in a very small town in Iowa. I had more books than the local library. If you don't count textbooks I have more than my school does. I am ok with that, I am just trying to be sure they are books that are in good condition and will be loved and used and read and that they are accessible. Things like outdated nonfiction and junky adolescent fiction need to go. Also, anything that is a read aloud that I am not excited about reading to Bean or Birdy. It's just hard, I second guess myself a lot.

You guys are killing me with the books! I have felt the same way. Let me share about my books, a little.

I have always loved to read. I collected books. In my living room two years ago, I had 3 large, tall bookshelves, a short bookshelf, and a medium height very wide bookshelf, all full of my books. It took a LOT of gut wrenching decisions, but over time I am now down to two tall bookshelves, not crammed full. I donated almost all the other books, but put a few on a shelf in my bedroom.

I do have a couple bins of sentimental books I will deal with in time.

It was very hard for me to give away most of those books. But now I know I only have books I really love on those shelves in the living room.

However, ex left books all over my house when he left. And boxes and bins of books and magazines. Son and I have been trying to consolidate ex's books and throw away any trash, magazines, junk mail that was shoved in with them. I bet he has 25 boxes of books that I have not looked in. It is insane and I kind of resent it. When I see a book of him that I think, "this is ridiculous!" say, how to identify a cactus by its needles or how to write a legal dissertation, I donate it. (He is neither a lawyer nor a plant biologist). It is highly likely all these boxes will be here until the day he dies, so I don't think it matters.

Anyway I feel like crap but will try and sort a bin or two today in honor of TotsDad's hard work yesterday.

Good Day All,

Pushed through a challenging day yesterday. I started working on my family room. I got through six bins, very little attachment issues, threw away 3 bags of trash (less than I hoped). Goal for today is to work on books. I have 10 bins (not including what's already on shelves). I hate parting with my books but I hate living like a slob more so I will begin sorting through to see what i can donate. I definitely haven't been able to throw any books away. Although I didn't have attachment issues, I did experience moments of joy and pain as I have vivid memories of how and when I used / shared these items with family (some who are now deceased). I also keep envisioning what my family room used to look like when it was functional. Trying to let this inspire and motivate me to continue.

Lila - Sorry to hear that you are still not feeling well. glad that you were able to get some sun yesterday and I understand the issues you are having with letting go clothes. Can you set a goal of parting with maybe 2-3 items per day? I see how well the daily tally is working for you so wondering if a similar daily clothing target may work with you.

Just my two cents. I'm struggling here as well at times because I've already thrown away so much and have only a few items that I can fit. It should be easy to let go, it's like a mental hold that I won't have anything. On the other hand, when i get frustrated, I blindly throw away things to get it out (with the mindset that I will repurchase if needed). Feels good when I reclaim the space but now I barely have clothes to wear which is another reason that I isolate.

SubC - Glad that you finally got to play with Bean. Were you able to get any laundry done. Thanks for the reminder on one day at a time. The goal is to make incremental progress without adding to the hoard. And yes with all that's going on, I am really taking inventory of my relationships, it's a painful but necessary process.

Tat - Great job on getting rid of 20 bins of books. This is challenging for me. I like kindle as well but not as much as holding the book. But thanks for the reminder, this is a great compromise. Also, great job on getting the litter and be safe in the storm.

Forgive me for rambling all, still working on brevity but wanted to join to keep myself accountable and to try to support you all as much as you're supporting me.

good morning. I caught up on your posts and am cheering everyone on. There is some good advice in this thread. I also laughed at the Counter of Doom, SubC... you know I have one myself!

I am still sick, but TotsDad came over yesterday and we worked in the garage together for 30 minutes. That's all I could do. But we sorted quite a bit and I posted a bunch of things in the Daily Tally. I also threw out quite a bit of junk that was uncountable, like boxes of random odds and ends. Then I was so cold and tired I came in the house. I thought TotsDad was just moving a few tools to where they belong, but he stayed out there and worked. Over an hour later it suddenly dawned on me he was still in the garage and I had a fleeting thought of OMG what is he doing? What is he touching? Is he going through things? Is he making decisions?? But it was fleeting, which is good. I just trusted him. He told me later he was organizing and moved all the bins and boxes we already sorted into one space and put the things we have not sorted into another space for me to sort. How nice of him. I have not gone in there to look but I bet it is great! He is a good worker.

If it was not so cold and if I was not so sick I would be out there sorting now. But I am pretty sick.

I am also very, very tired, and am missing work today.

I got dressed and picked up the kitty litter. So that's done. Ready for bed.

I miss road, too. I'll see if she's on instagram.

I understand the feel of a real book and would never argue against it. I know im lucky that I'm able to enjoy the kindle so much.

I took the garbage out and ran to the dry cleaners and stopped at Whole Foods and came home and put my pjs on but I need cat litter. And we are expecting high winds and rain starting tmr. So I'm going to get dressed and go get some kitty litter. Two cats is a lot.

They are doing better. This AM while I was getting their food, the two were about five feet apart in the hallway and mom's cat was hissing and so I looked at her and she meowed. So they are trying.

Tatoulia, brushing my teeth is not routine for me. I am as impressed by that as I am by keeping up with laundry.

So, You did laundry, you wrote thank you notes, you dropped off the rug, and you gave your brain time to rest. Well done.

I like paper books. I like the way they feel when I read them.

The Christmas season is finally over here and some of the decorations are put away. Bean decided he wanted to keep his three dinosaurs and two of his books at my house, but I am not counting those as "in". I put his Dinos away in the toy snake bin.

He did not want to do playdo on the big counter, so I made no progress in the scullery.

I have a lot of laundry to do.

Lila, I would love to see Road back.

Books are definitely a toughie. Many years ago when u started here, I got rid of 20 boxes of books, mainly hardcovers and first editions. I had to. I just had to. I've since oared down my books even further. I have a kindle and I use it and like it a lot. It holds an entire library of books for me and this was a choice I adapted to easily. Not everyone will have it this smooth and I respect that.

I did nothing yesterday. Not even my internal goal of getting rid of two bags of mom stuff. I wrote probably four or five thank you notes and then slept or watched Netflix the rest of the day. So nothing to show for my weekend other than getting the oriental rug out to the cleaners. Oh! I did a load of delicate laundry last night. But that doesn't count as I stopped counting laundry as a true accomplishment since it's something I do so often. Same with dishwasher. I run it every night. I mention that I've done it but it's as routine as brushing my teeth so I do not feel a sense of accomplishment. .

The person inheriting my car will be taking it at the end of the month so that's another clean out project for me.

I will work on a few thank you notes today. I'd love to do some laundry but someone is doing theirs and they left it in the washer. Sometimes I hate having to move another person's laundry into the dryer. It's something that we all have tacit permission to do but I would prefer not to, I feel like I'm doing that person's laundry. Eventually I'll have to do so because otherwise I'm just hurting myself.

Good morning!

Hope, I have not attended any online support groups. I type slowly and don't need more things on my schedule. The asynchronous nature of discussion boards works well for me.

You have to remember - we did not get into this situation all at once. We are not going to get out of it all at once. Every day you get to make choices that will move you forward, hold the line, or make you slide back. And if you slide, don't beat yourself up. Just acknowledge that you are doing the best you can right now and try to find something you CAN do or some way to make things easier for yourself.

About the giving and getting nothing back - sometimes the things that need to be discarded are not things. Activities and relationships that add nothing to your life or drain you without creating value you see as worth it also need to go. I used to volunteer at the food bank and I eventually had to quit because while the food bank is a good thing, and volunteering is a good thing, when I looked at the whole picture the net result of me volunteering at the foodbank was negative.

My new book cost Dd 50 cents. My son in law wants to read it when I am done, so I will decide if I am loaning it to him or giving it to him when I am done. Books are also very hard for me.

Lila, getting your bedroom down to what you can wear right now would be great! And try on your jeans!

Today Bean and I play with his new Christmas things and the train from under the tree will get packed away. Maybe a few more Christmas things. Maybe I will make tiny progress on the counter of doom. It occurs to me that it would be really great if Bean could sit at the counter of doom and play with his playdo. Maybe I will scoop a bunch of stuff into a box so he can do that while I actually sort and wash some of the things on the counter! I'll let you know if we try that and how it goes.

I feel like crap but I cleared a small path to my closet in my bedroom. Mostly I just moved a few items but also threw away trash and donated one item. Then I was able to reach some hangers that were tossed behind the chair (why??) and able to hang up about 4 shirts that were draped over furniture. Now, don't applaud too hard, as there are 15 more items draped over furniture that I don't have space for... but I did put one shirt in for donation. I really need to bin up the clothes that are slightly too small but I am not ready to give them up, and move them out of my bedroom. Then I would have space for the things I DO wear in the drawers and closet. I might even find a thing or two to donate while I'm doing it. (Donating clothes is very hard for me but I have been doing it here and there).

I also walked the dog, which made me feel sicker, but no one else was going to do it so I did it. Now resting in my bed, avoiding Teen, who threw something at me earlier. At least I have a lock on my door.

Wow all the posts!! So great!

Tatoulia, I will definitely return the grooming tool. If I feel I really need one in the future, I will wait until I can afford something really good, on sale. For now, I will clean this thing up and send it back. Thank you for the encouragement... part of me was thinking about keeping it and making it work but it would annoy me in the end.

Hope, so nice to hear from you again! My recipe turned out really good. And I still don't understand where people keep things, but I am willing to try and find out by becoming one of those people myself! Although, probably never QUITE as perfect and decluttered as they are. I just want to be able to find things. Right now, if I want to get something out of my bedroom, I have to throw piles on my bed to try and search, and then have to throw the piles back. It is frustrating!

Hi CM and SubC! I wonder if Road will come back.

I still feel sick today. Really tired, headache, ears and nose congested. So far all I have done is brush dogs, unload/load the dishwasher, and heat up food to eat.

I also took care of myself in a small way: it is sunny (but cold) so I sat on the deck in the sun for about 10 minutes. I will do it again shortly. I find that I need sun on my face to feel well and this time of year has been very overcast and grey.

I hate being sick because it feels like I am wasting time that I am not working, but could be doing something enjoyable at home or making progress decluttering. But I am trying to give myself grace.

But my bedroom!!! ugh.

Hello Lila, CM, Tat, and SubC!

Thanks for all of your support. Catching up on your messages. Still have low energy and morale. Maintained what was done but haven't gotten anything new done. I've been dreaming about my sheroes and I feel that they are disappointed in me. Other times I believe they are encouraging me. I fight with myself most of the day because I know I am better than this but then I end in despair not accomplishing anything. Tired of feeling like this shame and living like this. Tired of waiting for help that is not coming. I know I am my answer and I simply have to put in the work to pull myself out.

Have any of you attended the online support groups?

Lila - Hope you are feeling better. you are such an inspiration getting things done even though you don't feel well. I agree you with you about returning the dog vacuum it if doesn't work. It is very frustrating when companies overrate their products. I spent the past few days reading some of the much older posts to get to know you all better and had to chuckle when you asked where do people put there stuff, because exactly how I am feeling. and that you tried a new recipe. How did it turn out? Going in my kitchen makes me slightly depressed because I need to have work done. I also miss cooking for my family that used to visit. Now I am too embarrassed to have anyone over.

SubC - Great job on your progress with your books. That is one of my problem areas and I was just , I was wondering what to do with mine. I'm so overwhelmed that Im ready to throw everything away because its killing me. I'm just so afraid of throwing away the books I really love. Sounds stupid as I write it because I'm sure I could find most on line again. I just don't have money to buy anything right now. Also, great job on your community, when I read about your group hug, I thought to myself, sure would be nice to have one of those when I need it, considering how much I give.

CM - Glad to hear that you got your sewing machine cover and that it's all situated now. I understand about you the tree. Don't be hard on yourself as long as it's safe to have it up. Also, thank for your advice on Poco a Poco. You didn't tell me but I think I figured it out. This is a major problem for me. I always need a big bang and have trouble celebrating small wins. Clearing a table doesn't feel good to me. I need the room to be finished for me to feel that I've accomplished something and given my age and health at times that is not always realistic. Also, that's wonderful that the library is offering all of those classes and equipment. I have a lot of the equipment but haven't felt much like taping into my creative side. I'm really a novice at it but still I haven't felt much like experimenting lately.

Tat - Yes, way to take a stand and take the rug somewhere else. Also, thanks so much for the great suggestion on addressing being over qualified in the cover letter. I have been addressing it in interviews but need to get better about addressing it in cover letters. Fear has been killing me. But I'm getting to a point of asking what's the worst that can happen. I am tired of feeling shame and of being afraid.

Wow! So many people came by while I was out last night!

CM, I am so glad you have your sewing and music back!

I have an idea on the sewing. You can see what you think. I think I would suggest, that instead of adding to your sewing queue, you just start sewing. As you address each item in the existing queue, you can decide if it is still worth doing - now, or if it should just go. (If you need materials, make a list by item and stick the item at the bottom.) once you have been through the whole queue, and finished what you can, you can start on your bags of clothing. It is ok to get rid of something without repairing it if you don't want/ need it anymore. When the bags have been cleared, you can look at your materials needed list and decide what is actually worth buying for your next project - by then you might be ready to let more things go.

I think using the sewing machine regularly would help you keep it accessible and operating, and not bringing things in from the bags will protect your space.

I definitely need to exercise more.

Lila, I hope you are feeling better today. You got some things done yesterday - even though it was a bad day. Be proud of yourself and just take it one day at a time.

Tatoulia, it sounds like you are moving forward. I'm glad you got to renew a connection. Do you feel lighter not having a car? Have you emptied and given up your garage? How was the zip car experience?

Hi Hope! How are you doing today?

Bean and his mom are coming out this morning and his daddy will arrive after church. We'll open presents and have dinner, and they will spend the night. Then Bean will stay tomorrow but his parents will leave in the morning and I will return him to the at the end of the day as usual.

Hello SubC, CM, Lila, and Hope!

I am grateful for your support! Thank you so much.

I rented a zip car today (my first time) and took my rug to a place out in the suburbs that my friend recommended. She took her rug so we met there and then went for breakfast. After I got home, I realized it's one of BF's friend's 92 birthday so I called him to wish him a happy birthday and to see if he needed groceries. So I walked over to the supermarket and got him the chicken, bacon, etc he needed and I snuck in some coffee ice cream and some cupcakes, too. He met me outside and I told him that today"s groceries are his birthday gift from BF and me. I haven't seen this friend in a long time and it was great. I haven't had the chance to see if he needs his meds or anything. BF took very good care of him back when he had his business. And then I used to pick up his things at the pharmacy and take him to get his ID renewed, etc. it's good to be able to get back to stuff like that.

Hop, the word is derogatory toward women. Really nasty.

I have to work on the stuff from my mother's. I got it all out of the hallway but now it's in my living space. I need to find a way to go through these remnants.

Big snow headed our way but the media are probably making more of it than necessary. Hoping I'll show some productivity tomorrow.

Thinking of you all and cheering your progress and hoping that the bad things turn around. Hope, it is particularly humiliating to be rejected for being overqualified. Special brand of hell. If you would permit a suggestion, you might wish to address the overqualified issue in your cover letter, such as if you used to be in management or part of an executive team, you might say "after a wonderful career of leading a team, I am now looking forward to a position as individual contributor ". This signals that you know you have the qualifications for a higher level job AND lets the company know you won't look at the work as being beneath you. Feel free to reject or ignore this suggestion.

Lila, please return the grooming tool. Let's make 2024 the year where we don't try to make something cheap or shoddy work for us. I'm working on not accepting "workarounds " this year. Example:. Glad my vendor or IT people have devised a workaround but I'm still going to need it fixed. There are plenty of opportunities for us to make things work with what we have. If the brand new stuff doesn't work, back to the store!

SubC I'm sure the browning tree is bothering you. Hopefully everyone will be in good health. I liked the story about your former students coming by! Group hug!

Cm you are moving in the right direction! Well done on the sewing machine cover AND for getting it off of the bunny cages.