Good morning!

You know CM, singers of that era are notorious for tension problems. I have one too. Drives me nuts.

Lila, you are doing an amazing job making progress.

I keep feeling like such a slacker. I have to remind myself that I am currently in a "healing" stage. It helps to look at my goat. After a month, she is finally standing up on her own and taking wobbly steps across the stall to the food without being led. I tell myself I am the same as that goat. I am also recovering (and still dealing with setbacks) and if I can be happy that she is now able to take care of her own basic needs, I should be able to feel that way about me as well.

It is dreary and overcast here and going to be hot later. My family is all gone home. A good day to rest. Chores and maybe a bit of light garden work this morning, and an hour or so of housework to do, and then we'll see.

hi again all. Hi CM, I didn't mean to ignore you before! I hope you get the sewing machine figured out. I have one in my closet that I rarely use. But they do come in handy once in awhile.

I had a really great day. Even after the stuff I listed on my morning post, I got more done!

- I did 3 loads of laundry and now all my clothes are clean and most of them put away.
- I sorted out clothes in my room and found 5 items that I need to return (Teen often does not like it once it gets here). I got them matched up with their packaging and invoices, went online and started returns, packaged them up and they are stacked neatly for me to take to the 2 return places on Monday. Money coming back in!
- I folded up 3 shirts Teen was iffy about and took them to the storage room and put them in their clothing bin. Which had been dug through with clothes rumpled and on various pieces of furniture. I folded them all and put them back into the bin.
- I hung up/put away the rest of my clothes
- I put one tank top in the donation box. Hey, it's a start.

Then I went out and got some tamales for Son and I to enjoy together for dinner.

What a great productive day! I might still put some things in the donate box, and then will update the Daily Tally before I go to bed. I hope you all are enjoying your day too!

Wow. I got the jumpers sewn - and right toward the end the machine started messing up again. I've had this Singer machine since the early 90s - bought it as a trade in of my $15 garage sale Singer (which probably had metal gears instead of plastic, and maybe I should've pursued repairing it, but that ship has sailed). Anyway, the current one has been a good little workhorse for many years.

At the same time, I'm not sure if I want to pursue repairs because maybe I wouldn't mind getting a newer machine - some of them have decorative stitches and features I'd like - but anything would probably need to be secondhand or at least not too expensive to buy new. I've gone to the specialty sewing machine shops and basically you can spend as much money as you feel like in them on sewing, quilting, and/or embroidery machines and furniture, accessories, etc. That would be for when I win that lottery or marry that millionaire.

I think what I'll do right now is do what I can with this one to clean it, which I'm sure it needs - can probably find a website or video showing how to DIY that. And get some scrap fabric and just play around with adjustments over and over, and see if I can get any consistency. If that doesn't yield success, then I will start looking around. I will do this poco a poco, sensibly.

It's disappointing, though, to get this machine out after all these months expecting it to work because it was working fine before as far as I knew, and have it have so many problems. So much of my life is like that, things get neglected and entropy sets in. But we'll see, it did work for awhile so maybe it just needs more TLC.

Good afternoon. Stealing a few minutes while Bean naps. His parents went home this morning. I'll take him back to them later.

CM, I'm glad you are getting reacclimated to driving places. And I hope all the sewing gets straightened out.

Tatoulia, I'm sorry the donation trailer was closed. Good for you getting rid of the clothes though!

Lila, I hate being on hold! I'm really impressed with the progress you ar3 making. Just keep moving forward.

Bean and I went to the library this morning and turned in our decorated puzzle pieces and checked out some books. We are now 1/3 of the way to our t-shirts.

We also played with the ducks and some blocks and plastic bear counters and a fire truck and ate a lot of fruit.

It's very rainy, and I am tempted to take a nap too, but somebody needs to clean up our toys. And I have dried oregano to strip and put away.

I had to take my sewing machine to the place near here where I'd gone last year to evening sewing sessions. The top thread kept breaking. The nice lady helped run through some troubleshooting. Hopefully I can finish the school jumpers for my cousin. I want to be able to do favors for people but I have such an instant recoil about deadlines. And part of that is because so often something unexpected goes wrong. The other part is that I know what a track record for procrastination I have. Anyway, I'm going to sit down now and get started.

Found a few donation items the other day while semi organizing my area of the pantry. A few plastic snack plates and a humorous coffee mug. I'll start a box. And quickly make a point to take it to the thrift shop - carrying things too long in my van has been a problem. That was one of the drawbacks of saving things for upcoming garage sales. I've learned some things this year about what strategies are perhaps not as well suited for my situation.

Thoughts and prayers, SubC. I'm sorry to hear it.

I had a very long long work day yesterday and was thrilled to get a text last night cancelling the one meeting I was pushed into having tonight, on my day off. I am thankful that was moved and I wasn't the one to back out. Now I have today and tomorrow to rest and get things done around the house.

I feel great this morning - had coffee on the deck while reading. Tasks done so far:

- gathered trash from the 4 corners of my house, plus bagged the downstairs bathroom trash, plus grabbed 3 small empty boxes and put it all in the bin.
- pulled some weeds from my driveway
- sorted clothes for laundry, put away, return, and donate
- called to refill prescriptions
- gathered 6 items to put in the trash bin. I picked out 4 old, icky looking, partly shredded dog toys and threw those out. I don't know why it is so hard for me to throw out toys my pup still likes even if they are icky.

I was so happy that while I was out last night, Son loaded and ran the dishwasher and hand washed the rest of the pans etc. What a great kid he is. Teen surprisingly went to an event with their cousin last night a few hours away and will probably be gone through the weekend! So I have some real quiet, peaceful time here.

I have been on hold with a government agency for 39 minutes, but will try to just carry the phone around with me on speaker so I can talk to who I need to before the weekend. But I do wish they would pick up!

Glad your daughter is there with you.

I took a very large bag to my car and drove to goodwill. Unfortunately, the trailer at goodwill was not open. I will go this weekend. I will also need to take towels, blankets to the cat shelter. And I learned that my car inspection sticker is July not June. So BF can take after the 1st for me.

Washed sheets, towels, jeans.

It felt really good to get rid of clothes. Feels good to be losing weight.

Okay I need to water the flower boxes and call it a night. All dried laundry is folded and put away. The jeans are hanging to dry.

Thanks for the love.

Dd and dsil came here for the night. I'm glad to have her under my roof so I can worry a little less. She is sleeping.

Bean and I picked blueberries at my friend's house this afternoon.

Also (on the stuff front) the large planter I ordered came in the mail.

I know exactly where it will go, so that's ok, right?

For you, SubC...

There are no words
But you are in my heart
Thinking of you
And your family
In this difficult time

My condolences , SubC. We are here if you wish to talk. Also here if you need to just sit quietly.

Cm I'm glad you are staying firm on the bunny stuff! And yes, get the sewing machine up and running so you can do little satisfying tasks!

Congratulations on working on the house odors, Lila! My place is a little stinky because this kitty is a little smellier. I also learned, when changing over her microchip to my name, that she is actually 16. They had the records under her chip number. A far cry from the 12 they first told me at then shelter, and the 14 or 15 I estimated based in her medical records. Bf mentioned that I still would have adopted her; which is absolutely true. I have more respect for her now.

I have a big bag of clothes to go to goodwill. I'm thinking of leaving here at 5 and just driving over before they close at six. Traffic will be a bear but I really want these things out. Plus I am having the car inspected soon. I think the sticker is up next week. I cannot remember if it is a June or July sticker. BF will take for me since this is a task I absolutely despise.

That's the news from here!

Popping in - off to get Bean.

Unfortunately dd1 is miscarrying again. She sounds ok. I am very sad but don't really want to discuss it, just letting you know. Better update later.

I don't know why it says TV at the end of my post, must have hit something.

Hi all,

It's just been a week with a lot happening.

The air conditioner man came last week but didn't need to come inside the house. The sofa and coffee table clutter got neatened up a bit, there's more work to do but anytime I shift things helps me see with fresh eyes.

The bunny club pressure thing seems to be on track to a favorable resolution. I think standing firm has gotten results. I'm going to help this Saturday with removing carpet but I feel that is a worthwhile thing to do as it will make the place nicer for them and easier to clean so they will perhaps have more energy to devote to some of the bigger more pressing issues.

I went to the water park Tuesday. It is located several miles west, and the big street I've always taken to get there, well, in the stress/burnout of late 2022 my agoraphobia had me not wanting to drive that street (especially during holiday traffic). I'd intended to get reacclimated to it much sooner this year but time got away from me. So I had my support friend along virtually by phone. I took one detour to avoid the biggest scariest intersection, but that's okay; one of these days during a light traffic time I'll practice on that one too.

Otherwise, I stopped at some stores along the way, just wanted to check about phones because I may need to upgrade soon, and got necessities at Walmart. Felt calm, confident, and enjoyed the shopping, even Walmart wasn't bad that time of day. Then got to the water park. The water was cold! But I went in by inches and got used to it and had a nice swim.

My cousin who recently moved here gave me a little project, nothing difficult, just stitching some places on school uniforms of her granddaughter's where seams came out a bit. Of course as you all know, such a thing is easy for someone who has an organized sewing area and a less crazy life and no adhd. I haven't even sewn for months, I realized! Last night I had to look in the manual for how to thread the machine, then apparently there were tension issues because the thread kept breaking. A piece broke off, I needed to fix it with super glue, the glue was hardened so off to the dollar store for more, and on and on in a comedy of errors culminating in a migraine. While I was outside on the lounge waiting for that to pass, my cousin texts me to inquire about the uniforms.

Well, hopefully it will get back on track today; I'll take the machine over to the sewing shop near here and have them walk me through troubleshooting and adjustments. I also need to be away from the house for a few hours because roommate wants to cook her strong smelling foods like onions and peppers that put me into sensory overload. I'd planned to go to the library with my laptop. Had hoped to get the sewing done quickly last night and not have to worry about it. My complicated life...

I'll try and return with an update later or tomorrow. Hoping things are settled and going smoothly by then. I even forgot yesterday was solstice until evening. Had hoped to do some little fun special midsummer thing like maybe go to a park and watch fireflies. Ah well. I can still do that, and the long evenings will be around for awhile. TV

hi SubC! Ohhh, I love pussy willows! I remember them growing up but have not seen any since I moved West, which has been a very long time. I don't think they would grow here, but I would love to just see one and touch it, for old time's sake. Agree, I can make space, and donate a few more things. I actually bought a few items at yard sales that day thinking Teen might like them, as they are hard to shop for. They were cheap - 25 cents etc - so the ones they didn't like can go right back to donate and the ones they did like saved me some money.

Today I usually work, in fact during the not-summer I work 10 hours or so this day. But today is an anomoly where my boss is away, there is nothing I have to attend, and my one meeting got moved to a Zoom meeting that I can do from home. So home I am, and enjoying it! I do have to work (mostly calls and paperwork) but don't have to see people. lol.

My house smells much better now. Not only did I wash the dogs beds, which are now back where they belong, I also washed the blankets and the recliner cover in the living room and Son helped me put things back. And I did that mopping with lysol which helped.Now all I really need to make smell better is the carpets. I hate the process of moving furniture and not being able to walk on the carpets for a whole day, but then it is SO nice and fresh when it is done! So I will hire it out next month. It is only about a hundred dollars to hire it out to do all my carpet including stairs, so I no longer try to do it myself which is just too much for me.

I'll be back to share what I get done today. How are you all doing?

Happy solstice!

We've made it halfway through another year.

I am still working on my vision for my life. I have four more pussy Willow plants to plant before they die in the bucket, and then the most important thing will be making a larger duck pen. This appears to be the "summer of the living things".

I'm realizing that I'm going to need to let my studio membership go in 2024. There will be too much else in my life. Maybe a few classes and more pottery at home, and then revisit in 2025. (Do the years seem strange to anyone else? Maybe it's because I read so much old science fiction growing up, or because all the dates we studied in school were some teen whatever, but they don't feel like real years.)

I did make some small progress in my home studio yesterday, and hope to make more today. Today is a "leaving the house" day, so hopefully some things will leave with me, even if they are only recycling and trash.

I am keeping up with dishes and laundry.

Lila, we have 28 acres. It's roughly square and a creek flows through the front of it - there is a serious bridge in our driveway because the creek gets up 11 feet of flood stage (then it goes over the top of the downstream neighbor's bridge and stops rising - so far.)

Anyway, we plant things that are flood tolerant along the banks to try to control the erosion.

I want you to think about the fact that you got great new jeans for $2. You can afford to donate some jeans that don't fit/you don't really like much to make some space in your room/house/life.

Today Dh took me shopping and then we picked up lunch and visited Bean and family until nap time. Actually we mostly visited Bean, because as soon as lunch was done, we took him out to play in the sandbox so his parents could get some things done.

I acquired a new hose spray nozzle and a new wheelbarrow. The hose nozzle was cheap, but the wheelbarrow was expensive! The old wheelbarrow bed with holes in it is going to become a burn basin. The frame and wheel I am contemplating. The old spray nozzle is going in the recycling - it's metal.

I worked in my pottery studio today. Making things, but also rearranging. I got that large piece of useful furniture I picked up off the curb for a future project a while back moved to the back of my studio and stored some of my equipment in it. It works pretty well. I replaced lightweight modular plastic shelves that were there and plan to donate the shelves. I also found one piece of trash, one donate item (besides the shelves) and one thing for recycling. Actually, it wasn't for recycling until I broke it moving stuff, but things happen. I am going to take it as motivation to get the studio in better order so that such things stop happening.

It's supposed to rain again tomorrow, so more studio time for me.

Tatoulia, I have some Mrs. Meyers clean day stuff in my stash! I will pull it out and start using it. I bought a lot of cleaners a looong time ago (because it is easier than actually cleaning) so they are dusty! I have apple cider scent and some others in there.

SubC, the dozen trees makes me happy. I love trees and have planted several on my small quarter acre lot. You must have a nice area to plant a dozen! A dream of mine... although unlikely to be fulfilled. We had 3 acres before moving to the suburbs. I miss that.

Yesterday I found a new pair of pants in a drawer, with tags on, that worked for what I needed to do. And, the other pants I wore were a pair or cute jeans I bought at a yard sale for $2 last week, not knowing if they would fit. They fit perfectly and look new. Very pleased.

Everything went well yesterday with the events from morning to night. I was exhausted and went right to bed at 9:30, and slept til 8:30 this morning! I guess I needed it! I have one work meeting today at noon, but the rest of my work is calls I can do from home. I also have calls and such for personal/family things to make today.

It is peaceful and quiet this morning. I have to leave in an hour, but can throw in a load of wash before I go.

Also I am down another pound even with the party food. I will post about that on the decluttering pounds thread!

Hi SubC, we will all get there. And remember, I outsource a lot. As long as I can afford it, I'll be having house cleaners. I also live in a very small place, which cuts both ways. It means I cannot have as much stuff and I need to make decisions every day. On the other hand it's small so easy to maintain.

I have a bag ready for goodwill and even though they are closed today, their drop off stations are open. I have a fairly decent sized bag of clothes ready to go. I also have a sweater for a woman at my mother's place, which I can drop off later today.

I did two loads of laundry today. Yes I do a lot of laundry. Today was the pjs that I dry (some I hang) together with socks. The other load was a dark delicates load, which I hung to dry, yesterday, I did my sheets and then a load of pjs that I hang to dry. And other delicates. I really split up my laundry. Oh and I did cat blanket yesterday. I prefer smaller loads.

I have to make some returns today. One dress that I returned last week and ordered in a medium, came marked medium but clearly it's a 2 or 3X. I had originally bought it in an XL forgetting that I am no longer an XL. But this so-called medium is much, much larger than the XL I originally bought. I will not buy the dress again. They don't have it in the store and I am just not willing to do this a third time.

So I'll get going soon. What are you doing today?

Hi Tatoulia,

I'm thinking about having nothing pressing to do but laundry. We'll get there, right?

Lila, I hope you found something that worked for you to wear.

Yay for a healthy dinner!

And three things is a lot!

I put in a very small flowerbed, sheared my goat (finally) and planted a dozen little trees with Dh (he did the digging, I carried water up from the creek) and I feel like I've been rid hard and put up wet!

I think the key is to just keep fighting not to add things so that every day we can do more than we add.

Dh added a yard task to my list today, but he was a huge help with the trees, and it is not urgent, it is just a thing that will make maintaining that part of the yard easier.

I buy Mrs Meyers Clean Day spray. My favorite scents are the special holiday editions (pine or peppermint). I couldn't find the special scents last year so I'm using the last of my pine (received some as Christmas gifts the year before) or the easily found lemon verbena. It freshens up the place pretty easily. I also wash cat blanket or towel every week. I only use bar soaps at the sinks and in the tub; I buy nice scented soaps. I like soaps that are lemon scented or lemon verbena or honey scented. Anything to bring a fresh scent into the house.

I open my windows frequently despite the fact that the city air isn't the greatest but it's what I have to choose from.

I'm so glad you cooked with teen!

Tatoulia, we posted at the same time! Thank you.

I would love to know what you use on your counters that smells nice, but I promise not to buy anymore cleaners until I use up what I have! LOL.

Wrapping up the day...

While I did not donate or trash anything of significance today, I did get a lot done and am very happy the floor is mopped. Also, Teen asked me to cook dinner together so we did. It meant I needed to run to the store, but we enjoyed cooking together and the dinner was very good and healthy.

I also made some work calls and emails that had to happen.

I am very tired and sore. I only got 3 things totally done on my priority list, but that's okay.

There are a few things I literally cannot put off. I need to color my hair tonight. I am "up front" tomorrow and my hair is awful, so I will do this shortly - it is almost 7:30pm. I also need to find 2 things to wear tomorrow. One for being up front and one for something else. I don't know what I can possibly find but it has to be two different things so wish me luck. I have to make one more phone call tonight that also must be done today.

The rest of the list can wait. I don't know when I will get a break from working. I worked at least on hour on both my days off, and had random calls etc, so I feel like I need a day off, still.

okay, off to be in my nightmare of digging through clothes trying to find something to wear.

I've enjoyed reading everyone's posts! Great work! Wow!

SubC do not beat yourself up over the plastic bags. You too on the tapes, Lila. We do what we can. Cm that is exciting research on your genealogy work!

Very rainy day here but no thunder or lightening. I did nothing until about 630 when I walked to the grocery store and then visited mom

Oh i laundered my sheets this AM and washed some delicates. Now I'm drying cat blankets. I need to do them once a week.

Lila I am sure that it hurt your feelings about having your house smell. I'm sorry. But I'm glad he said something. It's hurtful but we cannot smell it. I ask people when they come over if it smells like cat and I've never gotten a yes. And these are people who would definitely tell me. But sometimes I smell cat in here, so I have to do things to freshen it up. I am not a fan of air fresheners or candles, although I. Have been known to use both. Generally I wipe down the kitchen counters and open the windows. The stuff I use on my counters smells really good. The cleaners mop, vacuum and dust once a week, so I don't do any cleaning during the week other than dishes and the sink, cat box and trash. The rest can usually wait til they get here. It's a never-ending battle, to be sure, and I do not miss the days when I did this (or more likely, didn't do this) myself.

Don't stress on the clothes, Lila. They may not even fit you. Don't make me another pressure in your life!

So I'll fool around for the next half hour and then take the cat blankets out of the dryer, fold them, and put them away.

You did do well!

So happy you felt like you could visit with your friend!

All those things for teen are important. I'm sorry that none of them blend with anything else. Cooking is good though.

Thanks CM and SubC. CM, I like your menu analogy. I kind of feel that way too! Which is why I 'try' to prioritize on paper, which goes something like this: write down all the things on a paper. Circle the 2,000 I want to get done today. Write them in the planner in sort of an 'I can do this today' order. Then use a yellow marker to highlight the ones I simply MUST do today, they cannot wait without consequences! I try to keep that to 3-5 items. Then, I use an orange marker to highlight the ones I would really like to get done today.

SubC, your trash bags remind me of my VHS tapes. Moved them around from shelf to shelf to box to box for a few years, put them in my car, couldn't donate, finally threw them out. Sometimes throwing things out is the thing we have to do to make progress.

I did pretty well today. After I posted I moved the rets of the chairs, trash can, dog food bin, etc out onto the deck. Then I:

- vacuumed the dining/kitchen floor
- swiffered the same floor and still got lots of dog hair
- mopped the same floors with lysol and got a gross dark brown bucket of water!
- let it dry while I rested, and mopped the high traffic spots again with clean lysol water. Got a light brown bucket of water.
- Asked Son to remove the recliner cover before he left for a party, so I can wash it. The dog sits on it...

A friend dropped by with coffee for me and her because every time she asks me to get together for coffee I am too busy. How sweet! We sat and drank our coffees and visited for over an hour and it was delightful. Let me tell you, I was ULTRA thankful that I had washed those dogs beds and started cleaning my house up!!! Can you imagine if she had showed up the other day before I did that? With coffees for us and I would have had to be so rude and not let her in??? That would have shattered me!! Sooo thankful I got started cleaning and got the smell gone!

I am going to try and do a few more things like actually wash the other items I need to wash, maybe wipe down the chairs and bring them in (I dread this, I hate wiping down those old gross chairs!)

Oh! And SubC, prioritizing Teen looks like this: helping them do their laundry, listening to them talk and cry for an hour, going to the store for something they need like lotion or deodorant or cilantro, watching tiktok videos they want to show me, looking at clothes online together, calling doctors and pharmacies and counselors and the insurance company and inpatient facilities for hours, filling out applications for them to go to those places, talking to their counselors on the phone, trying to find the clippers to they can trim their hair, trying to find the source of bugs in their room, trying to catch said bugs on a lint roller and identify them and eradicate them, driving them to their friend's house and picking them up, looking for shot records for their cat and trying to get a vet appointment... and so forth. They only really fun thing we do sometimes is cook together, and I do enjoy that.

Lila, you really did get a lot done! I'm glad you figured out it was the dog beds.

I hope you managed to set some priorities you were happy with and get some things done. Can I ask what you are actually doing when you are prioritizing teen? Like, when I am prioritizing Bean, I am playing with toys and reading books and taking walks outside and fixing food and having conversations..

CM, I'm glad you got to recharge your batteries.

I think you are a perfectionist and sometimes overthink things. - you can end up not starting something and getting nothing done because you know you don't have time to do the thing completely or the best way.

I'm a big fan of self help YouTubers, and my current new one is called "better tomorrow" I ran across a video he did where he talks about doing something for five minutes (that's where I got the vacuum idea) or doing one push-up, or whatever. Like if you don't exercise because you want to exercise for half an hour, or an hour, or even 15 minutes, but you can't find the time, at the end of the week you have done zero pushups. But if you just commit to one pushup a day - at the end of the week you will have done 7 pushups, because anybody can find time for one pushup. And also, while you are down there, you will probably end up doing more than one pushup.

I don't want to do push-ups, but I have been trying to apply it to other stuff - like rinsing off one piece of recycling, or taking one piece of paper off a stack and putting it where it goes. Poco a poco my friend!

I am still over planning. Today I thought I would finish weeding and replanting my flowerbed with added compost and weed some garden beds and pick lettuce by 11:00. Maybe noon. I finished just the flower bed at 2:10. It looks nice though.

Here is a hard thing I did today - there were some plastic bags that plants had come in in my yard. They were very dirty and couldn't be recycled until they were washed. I moved them around for over a year. Today I put them in the garbage bag. I will do better next time.

Oh, golly, yeah, Lila - prioritizing? What are that? Derp! Something I am lousy at, that's what.

All the things I need to do, want to do, must track on a calendar, roommate's schedule, the weather, you name it - it's all like a big expanded Chinese restaurant menu - only instead of pick one from Column A, one from Column B, etc. - it's like there are a minimum of 14 columns, and they're ALL entrees, there is no natural hierarchy that I can discern.

Another "if I won the lottery" - well, I'd have a place of my own and so on and I'd hire a housekeeper and secretary/assistant - but I think I might still hire an ADHD coach because I'd still like to acquire that skill set for prioritizing. It did not come preloaded from the factory in my brain.

Good luck with yours!

hi CM! That sounds like a very good day. I used to do genealogy myself, and it is exciting to find information that is personal about ancestors. Wow, and so rare to find such an old portrait of one as well! Very good you are reenergized.

I too feel like the tasks in front of me are daunting and impossible at times, yet I am excited (in the right mindset) to do them. I think my excitement comes from the thought of my space without that huge obstacle. Mine is the kitchen bar/counter, which is piled up again. I may work on it today.

It is very hard for me to focus on WHAT area or task to do. Do I prioritize my bedroom, because it will help me sleep and not feel depressed? Do I do the kitchen first, so we don't feel ashamed and gross? Do I work on the main living areas first so people can come over, even family, and not think it is dirty? My pastor stopped by a few weeks ago unannounced and I was in such a state. I actually stepped out on the front porch and talked to him and did not invite him in. I think he was confused about that but I just said my dog was barking inside so let's talk out here. I would be mortified if any of my friends, let alone my pastor, were to walk into my house the way it is now. It really has gotten dirty, which to me is worse than cluttered. But instead, I always prioritize Teen, who rewards me with holes in the walls and more broken things to clean up.

I will make myself a priority list, or grid, this morning. Highlight the ones I choose to focus on today. I will spend no more than ten minutes on this (because listmaking is for me a distraction from actual cleaning/decluttering).

So far !:
- loaded the dishwasher
- fed dogs and let them out
- put 3 of the kitchen chairs out on the deck, anticipating that I will mop today
- made a cup of coffee

See you in a bit.

Wow, Lila, you did a LOT. Applause!

I confess I didn't do so great with the sofa clearing, between letting yesterday get away from me and then not having much time this morning and not much motivation either. I did stash and dash, but I will work on unstashing and try to dispatch mixed papers and to-do notes and anything else there asap.

The air conditioner man didn't end up coming inside anyway, lol. This is going to sound contradictory, but even though I found the sofa clearing task onerous and felt like rebelling, it is also something I have begun to feel eager to do. Perhaps now that the pressure of a deadline is past (ever notice that the word deadline contains the word dead? Coincidence?) I might surprise myself. The cat is happy about having the space on the sofa again. So I will try and do it for him as well as for me, and for roommate to also enjoy.

I went to noon Mass at the cathedral downtown because roommate wanted to cook bell peppers and the smell of them bothers me. Had lunch, and took my laptop to the genealogy room at the library. But by the time I got there I wasn't sure if I wanted to set it up, and I got to looking at books about the Revolutionary War era, found a portrait of my 5x great grandfather in one so I took a picture of that, and then decided to get on a library computer and use Ancestry.com, and the Mormons' site. I located more info about a 2x great grandfather who had been a mystery, and the grandmother his wife. And some great grands on the other side of the family. Really found quite a bit in a short time, because I had a bunch of hints waiting to be gone through on Ancestry. The Mormons were helpful as well.

So I was all excited and happy about that. Also got a writing idea which may be cool to work up - I know I have so many already but this one is cool and I am surprised I didn't think of it before because it connects to a topic near to my heart.

It was nice to have an upbeat day, it helped take my mind off the bunny club problems. And it reenergized me.

Thank you SubC, I appreciate your thoughts. I do have a lot of cleaners. I will try to use them up. And will try the baking soda/vacuuming thing as well.

It was good to sit and read everyone's posts and catch up. I have so many thoughts about bunnies, over-volunteering, cleaning out desks, parties and fun, etc but will just say thank you all for sharing your lives. It helps me to read your stories! Tatoulia I really wish I could have my act together enough to fix my IG account and/or talk with you about clothes. You are so kind, and I am so self conscious and weird that I don't know if I even know how to wear anything different. I think after I get my mental state in a better place, I can think about clothes again. I do need to... I hate how I dress.

One of my older kids invited me out for lunch with him and his girlfriend, so we went and that cheered me up a lot. We had a nice time. They are talking about marriage and having kids. That makes me happy for him!

I managed to force myself to do some things:

- took out boxes and bags of trash
- sorted the fridge, bagged up the old/bad stuff and took it out to the trash
- cut the stems off the herbs and put them in a cup of water to revive
- picked up dirty towels and put them in the laundry
- found a source of bad smell: dog beds, and put them and a cover in the wash with disinfectant
- took the inner part of one dog bed outside and put laundry soap on it and hosed it off several times. Now it is drying outside.
- took the 6 VHS tapes out of my car and put them in the trash. The donation places would not take them and they sat in my car getting hot for days.
- made a few calls and emails that were important
- folded towels that were in the dryer and put them away
- watered the plants in the front yard

I have one work task I HAVE to do before 5, even though it is my day off. It involves several calls. So I will start that now so it is out of the way.

The event we are going to is in about 3.5 hours so I have a little more time and the Episode of the Smelly House has made me want to throw EVERYTHING away, so I may as well take advantage of that feeling. Will update in the Daily Tally.

Lila,

I am sorry you are upset. But at least your son is comfortable enough with you to be honest so you are aware of the situation,

If teen and your dog and your health concerns and your other kid (and your job) actually take all your time, then you can do nothing else. You need help. Or you need to take time back from some of that. I don't know if any of it is flexible or if there is help available.

I would say, start with not agreeing to anything else that is not essential - no volunteering, no social unless you desperately need it or it supports a relationship with someone who is giving you help. Then, just try to clean up after yourself as you go.

Was it you or road that had a bunch of cleaners? If it was you, use them. If not, wipe waterproof surfaces down with a little white vinegar (maybe add lemon) after you are done using them. Sprinkle some baking soda on the carpets before you go to bed. Vacuum in the morning - see if you can find 5 minutes to vacuum every day. Seriously, just 5 minutes. You can go longer, but you will be amazed at how much you can do in 5 minutes. It will keep dog hair and odor down. Don't worry about cleaning up, just vacuum what is open.

Tatoulia - yay for new pants!

I am finding the very fun horrible dinner quite funny! I'm glad you had a good time.

I worked in the garden all day. I'm very tired and a bit sore, but the garden is caught up to where I wanted it to be three weeks ago. Tomorrow I will weed and clean up all the seeds and pots and things that are all over the dining porch.

Good morning. I just want to say I am here and struggling. Mentally stressed. Too much going on. But I have today off, but have an event to attend tonight.

I have not caught up reading yet but I will.

My older son and dil came to my house last night for a visit and they asked why it 'smells so weird in here.' Said it smells 'kind of bad.' I am so dismayed about this, embarrassed and upset that I feel like my home is dirty and gross. I am more upset than one might think.

I am torn in many directions, but will try to get the most important things done but also perhaps do some cleaning. How can I have a clean and fresh smelling home if I am constantly dealing with crisis situations with Teen and one of my other adult kids and my dog and my health...? How?

Hello!

Did you get your shake, CM? I hope so!

It can be hard to set boundaries when animals are involved! SubC laid out a good road map for setting those boundaries!

Back in the office today. I had a big dinner last night with a group that I used to be on the board. They hold a board dinner once a year. I missed last year due to the USOpen (golf, not tennis). Good to see everyone after a number of years! Covid got in the way of two of them. The food was absolutely terrible and I had the best time. It's at a swanky steak house and we had three choices. The salmon was terrible and I noticed that no one at my table of 15 or so had finished theirs. I took two bites and concentrated on the sides. Again, had the best time seeing everyone. I did not see mom last night and I hope that she and kitty are okay.

I have started a bag of donations. OH! And a pair of very nice fitted pants, fit me again! I wore them yesterday with heels and they looked fantastic. I didn't remember owning them at first. Terrific fabric. I felt really good in them yesterday.

I'll weigh myself tmr and see where I am. I feel like I've lost some more weight. Last check was 34 lbs. would love to be at 35 down.

Oh lord, my desk!

"Clean out your desk" meant shove everything except your text books and your pencil into your backpack.

My desks, my, lockers, the seeds of my destruction.. Right there was a wonderful opportunity to identify those of us who needed help and teach us some bloody coping skills! I mean, I've got a metal cabinet in my classroom that is pretty much the adult version of every locker I ever had.

As for the bunny people, you can't make good decisions for other people. You can only make good decisions for you.

I'm planning to finish off the garden today and tomorrow - whatever gets done is done until fall planting.

Oh, hi, SubC! I didn't scroll down far enough to see that you had replied.

No, I haven't committed to do the July thing, and I think they know I'm not just going to do it the way it was assumed. I'll need to formalize that position, of course, so it's crystal clear. There is a level at which I would offer to do a few smaller things if they can get someone to do the bulk of it, to help that person but only what is reasonable. I don't know if that would even work with the schedule they run on, though, and I am not going to overcommit in any case.

The older of the two is the one who needs to be firmer about what she can and can't do, before she someday has a health crisis and then what would the younger one do - and I'm NOT going to jump in there at that point. The older one at least understands where I'm coming from; the younger one I'm not sure about and that feels unsafe to me and potentially conflictual. The older one needs to take it easy more, and should not be being expected to give 110%.

The nest decluttering didn't take long to become a snarl. I probably shouldn't have spent so much time writing the previous post when I needed to fix lunch.

I remember being in elementary school and every so often about an hour or maybe less before the end of the school day, the teacher would tell the class, "Clean out your desks." Meaning organize them, throw away trash, put things back neatly, etc. If only it was recognized back then why a kid like me would struggle mightily with that "simple" task. I didn't know how, I had too much stuff, and I just got confused. I would be lagging way behind the other kids and it was humiliating.

I think it was rather ignorant, although unintentional, of the teacher to make the request at the end of the day when we were tired and hungry and just wanting to be done with the day. But again, to most people without executive functioning difficulties, I suppose it was an incidental task, quickly accomplished, and no big deal.

Anyhow, I am cooking my lunch now, and hoping I will still be able to eat it and that it'll help me focus. I guess I can still go get my reward shake later. I just hope I can earn it.

CM, this is cut from a post I made on that other board where I am working on my life vision. (I highly recommend visualizing what you want your life to look like - not the fantasy version, but maybe by Christmas?)

" There is so much to do [..] I decided to start with the things that are alive. I think I forgot that I am one of those things. I did make some better choices - [.] but I worked so long and hard outside that I felt terrible this morning."

You are a thing that is alive. You are more important than hundreds of bunnies. And you are not helping the bunny people, you are enabling them.

This is coming from someone who gave so long and so hard over the last year that she burned out - stop. You can accomplish more poco a poco than by pushing too hard.

Tell the people - asap for their benefit. "I am so sorry to have to turn down the rabbit care position in July. It has simply become too much for me with my current obligations and health. I hope you are able to find someone to help. CM" short, direct, no excuses that can be argued.

If you already said yes, say you are sorry to have to let them know that you will not be able to do the rabbit care in July, on further reflection, I have realized it has simply.. I wanted to let you know quickly to give you as much time as possible to find someone to help.

I hope you got your shake!

Oh, y'all, my roommate is a Linda Jones! She can read so fast. I used to be better as a kid because there were fewer things competing for my attention span. And then what really messed me up was college, being an English major and taking 18th Century novel class with about 200 pages per day to keep up, the class was in the winter and I'd come home and snuggle up in my bed to read - and fall asleep! What that did was train my brain to fall asleep while reading, something that had never been a thing before. It plagues me to this day even with very interesting books. Anyway, I envy my roommate.

Today I am needing to declutter my "nest" in the living room because the air conditioner man comes tomorrow to inspect and clean it for summer, to do whatever it is that they do. It is a task that I dreaded but now I feel more motivated. It won't be perfect or comprehensive but I hope I can do better about not letting it get out of control, and finding long term solutions for the things that I may have to do a little stash and dash with for now.

My goofy inner little kid reward will be a purple Grimace Birthday Shake at McDonald's. Just a small one. I'm a picky eater when it comes to regular foods, but I like to try new dessert flavors. Hey, whatever motivates me to declutter today.

Now that the senior center and church garage sales are past, I have realized something: I believe I counted on them too much as a motivator. I don't know if I can explain that adequately, but it seems that, although they did help some and that's great, I think they also siphoned off some of my energy that maybe should've gone towards developing more consistent and steady decluttering routines. The Poco a Poco thing. Which is harder, since it is less dramatic, brings less dopamine. But I want to try and cultivate the slow and steady, troubleshoot if it bogs down, try to get my mind not to worry about it seeming slow - and try to figure out ways to speed it up. Also not be reluctant to just take little donations - one thing I must not do is keep the stuff riding around in my van indefinitely. That gets demoralizing too.

Summer will be getting hotter soon, we've had some coolness but it can't last. I'll try to work around the heat. Go in the mornings to the storage, or just work here at the house. There's no shortage of stuff needing attention either place.

Other things on the docket:

Trying to navigate some boundaries or whatever it is that needs to happen with the bunny club. There are some ways it's reaching critical mass too. They are not going to be sustainable unless they get more people as well as more money, and stop taking on more rabbits than they can comfortably deal with. Covid plus a loss of board members took their toll. We are not able to bounce back - thought we might but it has stagnated. The personnel shortage has meant that for awhile now roommate and I have been doing more than we should have to, and we're soft touches because we see the founders doing way way way more than they should. And we also want to help the bunnies.

There are some things that are highly stressful (to me) that are being asked, like staying over there when one of them travels (because otherwise I'd have to drive at zero dark thirty or late at night, and turn around on minimal sleep and do it again the next day. I'm beginning to feel increasingly burdened by this, on account of the fact that I had the serious flare up of agoraphobia over the last few months and I'm trying to recover by taking better care of my health and then gradually easing back into doing more, trying to set myself up for success. Staying over there is draining and requires preparation days beforehand, sleep deprivation during, and recovery for days afterward.

So, I've determined that I need to be more firm about boundaries, so it's not assumed I can always do it, without backup from another member to split the burden. The other day a new time at the end of July (when I had planned to do more outdoor swimming to reduce stress and build endorphins), comprising two weekends and the days between, was dumped in my lap without my being asked beforehand. I'm losing sympathy, even if plane tickets have already been purchased. Too many assumptions. I'm not cool with it.

Roommate was with me and she had already crunched some sobering numbers on the budget. We were all in shock and tears in our respective ways that day. But it needed to come to a head. It's been building. Can't kick it down the road forever.

I will still have to face the task of laying out, probably on paper, exactly where I stand regarding the July thing. And then I'm just going to have to put on my big girl panties and present it to them, and let the chips fall where they may. Put on my own oxygen mask because if I don't, if I sacrifice the healing I'm trying to do right now, I could end up being no good to anyone. I don't think I should let that happen. As it is, I'm behind from where I'd hoped to be this year, there are places I still haven't driven that I used to drive last year before the anxiety spiked so badly. I can make progress, though - but not if I keep getting derailed. Stress also is a potential migraine trigger that I don't need.

Finally, re the bunny club, the hardest part... I'm going to have to pray really hard asking God to handle it, and then let go of worrying about a) the fate of the people who have taken on more than they should have and whom I do care about, and b) the bunnies. Those are the aspects of all this that break my heart the most.

Okay, back to work. Must earn my Grimace Shake.

Good morning.

Tatoulia, I'm afraid I was Linda Jones. I just loved to read. I remember getting extra forms and stapling them on. It wasn't a competition for me. Looking back, I realize I could have just filled out the form and stopped, but my little brain took it like a school assignment, where I had to write down every book I read all summer because those were the rules.

Yesterday I dropped off a lot of recycling, took a few things back to my classroom and brought home some different things to process, along with a lot of pottery from my class.

I also worked in the garden and basement. Still pretty much keeping up with the day to day, but worn out from going out yesterday. I feel a bit like a convalescent. I'm starting to just hope the summer will be long enough to get my feet back under me.

Great progress on the porch, SubC! I have to admit that stuff piled on chairs drives me nuts. Yes of course I've done it (how else would I know that it makes me crazy?) but that's one thing I try to avoid. Great job! Also thrilled that you and Bean have signed up for a reading program. I loved doing those as a kid. I remember so clearly that after exceeding the summer requirement (say the rule was 12 books and I read 18), some kid in my class had 57. And I told my mom, Linda Jones read 57 and she replied, there'll always be a Linda Jones.

In office next three days. I'm showered and need to finish getting ready. I'm working on a donation bag of clothes. I have unloaded the dishwasher and fed the kitty. I need to water the flower boxes in my windows and do a few other small chores. Cleaners come today.

I've been washing mom's clothes here and bringing them back to her. I've also been laying out her clothes for the next day. I hope that is helping her.

Good evening.

Worked on the garden, porch, and studio today.

I've got three pots to finish before class tomorrow.

Not caught up on laundry and dishes, but happy with where I am. I took a couple of things off my to do list that had gotten added yesterday.

I also went to the feed store and dropped by the little, local library and got a card - only took me 20 years. I generally use the city system, and I have cards for two larger towns nearby, but not the one closest to my house! While I was there I checked out two books (my limit on my provisional card) and signed myself and Bean up for the summer reading program. I have to check out 12 books and read them to him in the next 5 weeks.

The porch is looking a bit better - no more piles on chairs.

So, today I had fun with Bean, and I mostly cleaned up after us, and I mostly kept up with the dishes and laundry.

For progress, I planted beans.

And for catch up I sorted out all the papers on the dining table on the porch and cleaned up most of the floor out there. There is another table half the size that is still buried, plus piles on three chairs. I recycled some things.

I am tired.

Good morning.

Tatoulia, I'm sorry this is so stressful for you and BF.

Today is a Bean day for me. His mommy is working at a job site, so I need to leave in an hour to meet them and pick him up. He should take an early nap. I plan to work on the dumping (dining) porch while he is napping today.

Off to do my chores...

I like the idea of having a vision, SubC. Thank you for explaining the difference between vision and goals.

Cm congratulations on not buying anything! Wow! And keep going in those under the bed containers!

I do not use my under the bed area for storage. Anymore. Used to, what a dusty disaster.

Lila! How are you, my dear?

Saw BF both Saturday and Sunday. His departure date is looming. I'm stressed. He's much more stressed than I am. I had to leave work one day this week due to a terrible stress headache. I'm not sure if I mentioned that.

Yesterday, we ran errands and then took a walk in the city. I got up early today (for me) because I wanted to buy a gift card for the college student who is friends with my mother. Then I went over early to mom's today, did a few things in her apt while she ate in the dining room, then sat in the living room with her. Mom got tired so I took her upstairs and then waited in the living room until the dear college student arrived. She is such a sweetheart. I encouraged her and mom to take pictures with the Polaroid camera my sister sent.

I returned two dresses that I bought because I am buying them two sizes too but for my current weight. I bought a pretty summer blouse. I tried it in first. I'd brought two sizes to the dressing room and the smaller size (medium) was plenty roomy. Pretty nice!

Bf came over and we sat on the stoop and eventually he took me to the store to get something heavy that I needed.

That's the news from my neck of the woods.

Well, my "keeping up" things today were laundry, dishes, and finishing off/cleaning out a few old containers in the fridge.

For catching up, I got the pile of handwash/delicates off my dressing table.

And for "progress" I worked in the basement and on the dining porch - mostly sorting stuff. There was an overflowing big box of markers (big enough to hold two gallon jugs and be taped shut) I watched a movie and went through the whole box - dried up markers are back in the box to go to school and be recycled. Working permanent markers are in a gallon ziplock bag, working expos are in another ziploc bag to go to school, working regular markers are in an art bin. I also found a bag of fabric that can go to the thrift store.

Dinner's ready.

CM,

Good for you exercising and not buying things!

I am at the end of my first week post evaluations.

I watched YouTube, I read, I slept without an alarm, and I got progressively less done every day. I think it has been good for me.

My ddil said that when she quit teaching, she mostly slept for 2 months. I also ran across a quote in my wandering this week that: "inspiration does not cure burnout. Rest cures burnout."

I told my Dh I was trying to get bored enough to really want to do something, but I don't think that will happen. At least not over a reasonable time period. I'm going to start planning and scheduling things again today, so next week will be more structured. I have stopped having bad dreams about school.

In another discussion group, I wrote out a vision for what I would like my life to look like. I was told it was very reasonable if I have a full time staff. I asked mr. kitty if he was willing to be my full time staff and he informed me that I and his full time staff, so I suppose I need a more realistic vision. But I'm starting with what I've got. I can keep asking myself if my actions are in harmony with my vision. I like the "vision" better than "goals" because it encourages me to also enjoy the things I can already do and not be constantly striving.- if I wake up rested, I am living in harmony with my vision. If I spend the day with my grandson, I am living in harmony with my vision. Feeding the animals, throwing a pot..

It's supposed to rain today, which is good, because the garden desperately needs it. So I will mostly do things inside.

Haha, I went both places - but didn't buy anything at the sale, and was only there maybe ten minutes. Yesterday was the opening day, so I imagine it's picked over today, but honestly it looks like we didn't get as many donations period. The main reason I went was because usually I help them out some, but this year was so goofed up for me timewise and I really didn't want to. Yet I felt bad playing hooky. So it was sort of a guilt salve, I went, I looked, and satisfied myself that the ones working looked like enough people and not run ragged. I didn't go out of my way to make my presence known, just quietly slipped in and out. I'm so introverted plus socially awkward that I can go unnoticed if I choose to in a scenario like that. Said hi to one of the men and one lady I don't know, that was it.

The gym time was good; I'm still getting up to speed. Really need to resume my physical therapy exercises to help my abdomen and be able to do a real workout on the machines like I used to. Did get my heart rate up in the pool a bit. Last Saturday I had donated blood, so I didn't want to overdo it if I shouldn't, but really I felt fine.

I'd washed the underbed boxes because they were dusty, and went into my room to check - there are still two under the bed, so I'm not sure what happened - perhaps originally there had been three? One is the one that extra lid belongs to. Then another one with a lid. I hope roommate will agree that they can go too. The one I cleaned earlier I already put in my van so we can take it somewhere.

The room still needs a lot - trashy clutter is tedious but can be dealt with. Things that I will be using need to be organized, accessible, and still leaving room for walking in there and other things that I have missed being able to do like normal people. :P

CM, so glad you got that done! I know it is a weight off of you!

It would be lovely if you could get two under bed boxes out of your room! Those are large items. I am not a fan of them either. I used to like them, but I like being able to vacuum under the bed more.

It may be too late for this, but Here is what I think - if you go to the gym, it will move you closer to your goal of getting in better shape.

If you go to the sale, it can only move you farther from your goal of decluttering.

Choose the gym.

Finally got my stupid Medicaid form DONE yesterday. What a relief! About fried my brain. Was going to fax it but the library wanted a dollar a page so I took it to the post office instead. It's outta here.

Roommate likes underbed boxes; I generally loathe them. No judgment on anybody who does find them useful, but I just don't. Too hard to get in and out, for one thing. So she had had a couple under my bed when I moved in, because mine was originally the guest room. At first I used them, then it became a hassle. Granted, part of the reason is that there is stuff blocking the way - but that can be addressed and needs to - still, I don't care for the shallow underbed boxes.

So finally one day I had extricated one and somehow during the craziest expansion of clutter in this household (perhaps a litte prior to Covid time, certainly during it), that box and two lids ended up on top of my girl bunny's cage, where they have resided, gathering dust, for a long time. Roommate indicated she might want to donate it. So today I got it off there, rinsed box and two lids (the other box MAY still be under my bed? I will check soon). Now it can be gotten rid of. If I find the second box, I will see if we can get rid of it as well.

I'm still getting my energy back after the form, didn't go to church garage sale yesterday which was the first day. Might drop by for a brief bit but also hoping to head to the gym. Have my swimsuit and stuff packed in the van ready to go.

Went to my east side cousin's yesterday which was a longer drive for me, and decided to take along some favorite music CDs to play. I had been listening to the Catholic radio station for about 3 years or more, but awhile back they changed the format to more prerecorded programming and it's just not as interesting at the times of day I'm usually driving. Anyhow, having my Josh Groban playing really helped relax me while driving! So I'm hoping that'll be a thing that gets me more in the groove about going places and not feeling anxiety. Sometimes the little things can make quite a difference.

Yes, it's common with autism.

It might seem weird that you wouldn't know how you feel, but you know how sometimes people think they are angry or sad, but they are actually hungry or tired? It's like that.

You feel adrenaline, but your brain learns to differentiate excitement or fear. "Happy" has a lot of chemicals in common with other states.

Look at us - does having all this stuff actually make us happy?

I'm sorry you got sucked into working. Hopefully you will get to really take today off.

I did almost nothing useful yesterday. I sat on the couch and I watched three movies and I let the physical tension leak out of my body to the point where I'm starting to cry it out for silly reasons, which I have realized after hitting this point more than once is actually progress and something I am going to have to go through rather than around.

I'm in the garden again this morning.