Good work, Lila! You are making progress!

Off to the office today.

Hello SubC, Road, MayMay, CM and anyone that I have missed!

I posted about my bad thing on another thread.

I don't expect anybody to read it. Please don't if you are worried that it might pull up bad things for you. I'm not going to talk about it in this thread anymore.

Another overcast day with potential rain - more garden work to do and puttering in the house. Meeting youngest Dd for dinner

Will post any progress later.

Lila, good luck using up the cleaners! And good job on the dog treats - remember to not buy more until they all fit in the container and it is getting low.

SubC, I am so sorry about the bad thing and how you found out. That's hard!! I hope you can get some rest and find peace about it at some point. And yes, its very hard when kids move away. I have one very far away and don't like it.

CM, I'm alway glad to see you post, so thank you for coming and updating. We are all stuck in some way...

Hi Tatoulia. Where is Road?

Tired. Yesterday I "worked on" the bar/counter which means I took things off it and put them on the dining room table. LOL. Why do I do that?? I have always done it. It helps a little... I put like with like. All the Keep papers are in a stack, and the "do now" papers are next to me in a bin. All the cleaners are on the table in one area, all the dog brushes in another area. Now the table is covered in (organized) stuff, and the counter still looks awful. I did throw a few things away and put a few things away. Tomorrow I will make shelf space for the cleaners and use up the 2 bottles that have very little in them - by cleaning windows and dusting with them until they are empty.

I did also put 2 bags of dog treats into the dog treat jar so that helped.

I also loaded and unloaded the dishwasher.

Ex is coming for more of his things in a week. I moved most of his stuff from around the house into his room and I hope he TAKES IT instead of being mad I did that. Before he comes I will double check the house and stick everything else of his in there. Hopefully he will take the hint to get it out of here, but I doubt it.

I also pulled some weeds today.

Hi CM!

Thanks.

I took a long time to come back. The day has been hot and overcast with some drizzle, so it is being sad with me and it makes it hard to get things done.

I am sweaty and dirty. I worked in the garden - mostly weeding, some things died while I was gone, but it's ok. I really needed that vacation.

I ran the dishwasher and I cleaned a moldy jar out of the fridge and I recycled a few pieces of paper and put an item in the trash can.

My youngest child is going to move to Colorado. 18 hours away! That is not the bad thing - it is a good thing for her, but it is hard to get my head around. She will go in less than a month.

She has started deep cleaning her apartment and purging her stuff. I told her that if she doesn't love it or need it, she shouldn't move it.

Why can't I apply that to my house?!?!

SubC, my sympathies about the upsetting thing.

I'm going to pray for all you ladies. Unfortunately, I have once again gotten more behind in reading posts in detail. But I skim what I can, and glean that we're all going through a lot these days.

I'm waiting on a new development to see how it's going to go, and then there are other things, my roommate's that affect me and my own problems and/or plans. Things go in a direction for a bit, then stall out or take unexpected detours. It's a weird and unsettled waiting game.

There are obligations to deal with meanwhile, such as a bunny club newsletter and event, which I wouldn't mind except that my brain is trying to deal with all the big stuff. My computer purchase is still awaiting some financial information on other things; I don't want to just take the leap without knowing how it'll shake out.

I know when I post it's kind of all the same thing, that's the sort of holding pattern I'm in right now. Give it a couple weeks, some things may be more clear.

Good morning.

Lila, I think you have been doing a really great job.

Tatoulia, I am glad the ac is working for you and I hope a scrapper finds the old one if you have those where you live. Here it would be gone quickly!

I had hoped to apply my well rested self and my new perspective to my life today, but I am no longer well rested.

My plan is to take the tears and associated headache as background noise and "do it anyway." I'll report back in, even if I end up talking to myself.

I'm sorry, SubC. I'm so sorry.

Lila, I'm glad you got the load of towels done! That must've been hard work getting the new dryer installed. I'm proud of you.

I saw Mom and her beautiful cat tonight. Bf and his friend took the broken ac out today. I put a sign on it that the city is picking up. Sometimes people write whether or not something works. This is only good for scrap I think.

I am home.

My family is all fine, but a bad thing happened. And I found out about it in an email from someone who should not be allowed to send emails about bad things because there had to be a better way to do that. An hour before I got home.

So I just cried, and unloaded the car into a pile instead of unpacking or anything. And cried some more.

Now I am tired and my eyes hurt.

Those are interesting thoughts and perspectives, SubC. I am thinking it over.

Tatoullia, I need a do-nothing day. I really need it. I never get one anymore and there is not a possible day in the foreseeable future. Enjoy them while you get them!! The a/c sounds wonderful!

My son got the dryer hooked up and I did a load of towels. I really need to wash clothes but I am wiped out exhausted from the work stuff today in the heat. I am going to try to wash a load in the morning. I have a teaching gig in the afternoon and a birthday party in the evening (kid). I forgot, I have to make a cake in the morning too.

Tuesday is meetings and planning, Weds is free aside from a lunch date so maybe I can work on home stuff that day. Thursday meetings and all day Saturday meetings. I have off Friday. Working Sunday again. I am not cut out for this. I am going to block out some time in August to rest. This is not sustainable.

Hello. A bit of a good news bad news but ultimately good news.

I have portable AC units ? not window AC. The bedroom one has been funky lately and I cannot clean it enough. Had a slight odor and very dusty. So tonight I tried bringing the living room unit in the bedroom (living room unit is much newer-purchased in 2018) and gets less frequent use than the bedroom one. By just switching the hoses, I can use it in here. It's working fabulously! The other one is now leaking and I have someone coming to take it out for me tmr. The city will pick it up on Tuesday. It's really a win l around because I don't actually need two. Because of window sizes, I need to keep the hoses from both. The other one is truly shot, esp now that it's leaking.

I'm thrilled that I'll only have one, and I'm excited about how nice and cold it is in the bedroom. What a difference!

I did nothing all day. I did two loads of laundry and have the dishwasher running. Oh and I made raspberry syrup to flavor my seltzer. And a tiny bit of work. It still adds up to zero.

SubC you know we love the drive bys!

I have done zero today. Less then zero. I'm finally doing a load of laundry. It is so very hot out. I didn't even make coffee today and here it is at 7 PM.

I'll see if I can get out later to see mom. Not entirely sure.

Hi all,

First let me apologize for just popping in and out. I am reading and keeping up and thinking of you, but I type slowly and have short windows.

Now the actual vacation part of the vacation is over and we are at my inlaw's - quick stop though - we came in last night and leave tomorrow. Trying to spend as much time as possible in the river.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the planning and reading some stuff - Lila I have a couple of thoughts for you - one is that one of the things I read about healthy habits really hit that "so I can get my tasks done" thing. The idea was that it's hard to establish new healthy habits and not fun, so if your goal is "so I can lose weight" or "to be healthier, or stronger, or look better in my clothes", or whatever it's not motivating enough, but if you tell yourself "I am going to walk a mile a day" (or whatever) "so that I can play tag with my grandchild" you visualize that specific enjoyable goal and it keeps you motivated.

Other thing I am mulling about planning - I am a list maker, and my list is always too long and I am always frustrated about not being able to finish stuff.

One of the books I was reading suggested looking at your spaces (environment) and schedule from a functional standpoint, not a static standpoint, and asking yourself what would this look like if I was crushing it, if I was doing well, if was doing ok, If I was in survival mode? Where am I now? And then, "Is this thing I'm doing right now moving me toward a higher level?" I find the idea interesting.

This house is like a game of sardines and all of my inlaws have found me sitting quietly in the corner of the porch, joined me and started a very loud bragging conversation about boats and houses.

Thank you, Tatoulia. It does help knowing someone is listening, and cares.

I managed to get the cord on the dryer, probably correctly. I got the old vent and tube out and cleaned the area. But I tried and tried and could not get the new vent tube in. It is not a perfect circle so it snags. I tried over and over. I could not get it. I asked my son and he is busy and said he could come tomorrow afternoon. My other son woke up and left immediately to go fishing. I went in my room and cried. Then decided there is nothing I can do about it, so better find some clean clothes. Or clothes that are clean enough to air out and wear. I feel like a slob.

Well at least I got some things done. I also brushed my old dog again, got a ton of hair off. Teen says old dog stinks, so I washed her outside. I think she will smell better now. I should brush her old teeth, too.

I promised teen to watch a show with them tonight, so I think I will go take a quick shower now, and then will watch the show with them. That way, I won't have to drag myself out of bed at 7am to get a shower before my event tomorrow. I will be so glad when that is over.

I also ordered my new planner and am excited because I added some new sections to try and stay more organized. I put a weekly work tasks list, a weekly home tasks list, an appointments to make slot, a 'coming up soon' short list area, and spots for each day's schedule. Plus a sheet at the back of each month with areas to write goals and tasks for the month. I am a list person and would get nothing done without my planner. This one will be better than the one I've been using, which is running out in August, so I did need a new one.

Have any of you ever planned out months/a year ahead for what you want to accomplish? I want to write down things that need to be repaired in each home area so I can work on them in a methodical manner this year. It also gives me a solid reason to work on losing weight and getting stronger - so I can get my tasks done.

Sending you support, Lila. Sounds frustrating and stressful and upsetting. I wish there were a way to help you.

Thanks Tatoulia, I will consolidate. I will use it all, with 2 dogs and 2 kids and the grands coming here it won't last that long really. I am a bit of a 'necessity hoarder' because WHAT IF I can't afford xyz? Now that ex is gone it is making me worse about this because detergent gets expensive and he was the one buying it. When this is all gone I may have a freakout.

Today the dryer came and they brought the wrong cord, but it was my fault because I approved it. So I had to take it back to the store and exchange it. And this also means that although installation was included, they couldn't do it, so now I have a cord I need to wire into the dryer, a vent hose to attach to the dryer and the wall, maybe cut it? and I also realized the vent tube and cover (outside) are the originals from the 70s and in bad shape and very, very clogged. I scrubbed but it is pretty bad so I bought a new one when I went to get the cord. Now I have to install that too. I am overwhelmed and nervous but my son who is very busy today said that IF I cannot get it done he will come do the parts I can't do. It is very hot out and I don't want to go outside and try to get the vent replaced and really the whole thing makes me want to cry. I don't want to. I just want a working dryer. It is 4pm and how am I supposed to get all this done AND do wash and dry clothes for tomorrow? Ugh.

I want to stay home tomorrow but I have important commitments I cannot blow off this time. I have to go work from about 8am to 2 or 3 pm. Then I am going to come home and be in a mental coma.

I have so many obligations now that I cannot get out of (taking teen to appointments, running 2 tranings I am in charge of for another 3 weeks, a speaking engagement, etc etc) and I am totally overwhelmed. I am sitting down looking at my planner and seeing if there is anything I can skip.

Good morning! Wow, you did a great job with the new washer, Lila. There's always a ton of gross stuff under an appliance, to be sure. Great work!

Are you able to consolidate any of the 20 laundry bottles? That's too many. If some are of a brand you don't like or won't use, see if they are still "good" and ask if a pet shelter or people shelter will take it. Multiples of stuff used to be my bane. Also keeping stuff that I don't like just in case. Justin Case no longer lives in my house. I evicted him a long time ago.

I recently bought a bath scrub in a commercial store. I rarely do this as I prefer either locally made, self made, or loofah sponges. I loved it. So lemony, did the trick, etc. but my shower was so slippery that I almost fell. Still slippery the next day; it was coated in oil. So I disposed of it. I can't use it. It will kill me. In the old days, I would have hung onto it (why?). I used baking soda in the tub and scrubbed with a towel. And I warned the cleaners when they came in case there are still slippery areas.

If you will use the laundry soap, then make a plan to not buy any for the next year. This is about teaching yourself what is enough and what isn't. It's learning a new habit. I had to unlearn multiples. So hard.

May! What an experience! Amazing!

Cm glad you are swimming!

Really hot here. I'm not really moving much.

My boys and I just got back from the cleanup in Tennessee. It's good to be home! The cleanup went good. In total we got rid of 25 truck loads of junk and garbage.

Update:

I cleared a path from the driveway to the laundry room. Picked up dirty clothes, moved about 20 detergent bottles, moved the litter box, and vacuumed with the shop vac.

My son emptied the litter box and I washed it out. Teen refilled it.

When they took out the old washer it was so dirty under there. I threw away a couple old socks and stuff, swept the lint up. The water leaked so them I mopped that up. I then mopped with cleaner but there was an area that needed a soak and scrub and the guys installing did not have time to wait. So I got it clean enough and they installed the washer. I have not used it yet but it looks SO NICE and clean! Dryer coming tomorrow so will repeat all of this.

Then I brushed my old dog for about 30 minutes with a furminator. I don't use that on my young dogs, it really is not good for the coat, but she is very old and her coat is already a wreck and I could not get all the undercoat out with the other brushes. Now she feels so much better! I will go over her one more time later, but she is way better. I do need to run the vacuum.

Tired but will try to work on the kitchen. What are you guys doing?

Cute pic, SubC, you look relaxed.

I am doing decent at the moment, the computer dejunking is helping me feel capable and like I'm making some progress against the chaos. Really do feel like it'll spill over into other areas.

Swimming also very helpful.

I've been helping with the bunny shelter yesterday and today. Giving the rabbits their "pawdicures." Some of them have some pretty scary nails.

Temps here still supposed to be 100+ but then break between Wednesday and Thursday next week. But yesterday we had a cloud cover that kept it down some and even a miniscule amount of sprinkles of rain. So who knows, maybe the weatherman is not all knowing. Haha.

Thank you for the birthday wishes, Tatoulia!

So cool putting a face with the name, SubC! You look like someone I'd be friends with irl! Thank you for sharing.

I got my list done the other day and have been super busy, but I have off today and tomorrow.

I have a new washing machine coming today and the laundry room is a mess. But it is small. I have about an hour before they could show up, so I am going downstairs now and clearing the path to the laundry room.

There is probably a revolting amount of filth under and behind it, but I don't think I am able to move it and clean until they arrive. So I will clean the floor around it and get the shop vac and a mop ready so when they pull it out, I can quickly clean before they install the new one.

Goal 2 for today is to clean the kitchen and bar/counter, the bane of my existence.

You are adorable!

Quick pop in - if you want to see what I look like, search "hatteras harbor fishing report" go to Monday July 18, and click on the picture from the "Release" I'm the woman in the blue shirt - between my dad and my son in law. You have to click on tge photo to see our faces.

Quick hello

Heatwave here, although the predictions were worse than the reality. Yesterday I went to the water park. That is such an amazing de-stresser for me. Planning to do more of it, plus get restarted on my physical therapy exercises.

Have dropped a few pounds, kind of hovering at one spot, hoping the scale will start going downward soon. At least don't feel quite as uncomfortable in my clothes as when I'd hit that higher point. And coping without the crazy stress eating. My favorite fruits like nectarines and plums, cantaloupe and watermelon, strawberries, cherries, etc. are in season. Getting me some antioxidants and fiber!


Still working on the computer files directory and it feels good. It's going faster now too. I have deleted a lot of junk. I realize it's not the same as getting rid of physical junk, but it's kind of helping me get in the mood for doing that at some point again.

Still awaiting the financial advice from my friend before I go shopping for the new computer. She is vacationing now though. It's okay, I think this one will hold out (fingers crossed) a few weeks longer. It's getting slower but not horrendously so. And I'll have my nice streamlined file directories to put into the new one. Really looking forward to that, and to increased productivity with writing and digital art/graphics, etc.

Today is the last day of the cleanup! Yesterday went really well. We got rid of about 10 truck loads of junk. So hopefully today will go just as well.🙂

Happy birthday dear Lila!

hi guys! Thank you for the tips Tatoulia. All tips are always welcome. You never know what will hit just right and help!

I called and asked not to go in for my meeting today. I am too tired and overwhelmed, so I am going to just call and talk to the 'boss' at 10 instead. Then I am going to pick up my free birthday splurges (you know how places give you free things in your birthday month) and then taking teen to an appointment an hour away. Was going to have Tot, but she is sick. I hope I don't catch it because she was on my lap yesterday for awhile.

The dog treats... well, the cookie type are in the jar and we give the puppy a cookie when he goes into his crate nicely, and at bedtime. The bags of little soft treats are for training him. I will stop buying more. I obviously have enough!! Will consolidate and start actually doing more training to use them for what they were bought for!

I will look at the stuff with a more thoughtful eye at what is in the way etc. I have done absolutely nothing with it this week - been at meetings, too busy, babysitting, etc. I am home most of today although I have to run errands, so will work on things.

My big priority is my kitchen (and bar and dining area) now. My boss heard I have no dh here anymore and son is working and I had mentioned having so many home repairs, and now he is planning to come fix some things and/or send a person or two rom his 'crew' (people I know) to help fix some things in maybe 2 weeks. There is NO WAY I want these people seeing the terrible condition of things now!! It might be in disrepeair but at least it needs to be clean!! omg it stresses me out. But there is my motivation.

I need to be thoughtful about my day, so I am going to sit down and make a list on paper. Go in garage and get some toys for Tot and drop them on their porch so she has something to do while her mom cares for Acorn; go get my free iced coffee and muffin and whatever else is nearby; get an xray; pick up prescriptions; get gas; bank deposit. I think that is all the errands, and then I can be home and take teen to their appointment. I don't have to go out tonight either so can work on the bar.

Road, I felt super crummy after the first shingles shot. The second one didn't affect me. You sound down in the dumps. Sending you strength and much love.

SubC thanks for checking in!

Hello Lila and May! Cm! Thinking of you, too!

Good morning!

Hi May May!

Still on vacation.

Lila, how is the bar going? I would start with the things that have homes because they are easiest.

Why are there dog treats? You aren't buying new dog treats are you?

Beach is calling!

Hi all, still not caught up on the thread yet. Feeling crummy today from shingles vax yesterday. Uggggh. And this tinnitus is driving me straight up the wall. Went to see doc about it but he basically said it's age related hearing loss, nothing you can do, etc. Not curable, not really even treatable other than training your brain to perceive it less. But then I researched more and I did find some stuff about medications causing it so hopefully that's what it is and is still reversible. Send up a little prayer... really struggling tonight.

PSA- make sure you know what damages your kidneys if they are marginal as well as your inner ear. Those are two things that once gone are gone.

Sending out hugs to you all - I'm sure I will feel better qtomorow and will try to catch up then.

Good evening y'all! The 2nd day of the cleanup went really well. We got rid of like 5 truck loads of junk. Now my boys and I are heading to Cracker Barrel for dinner. Then when we get back to the hotel, we're going to chill out in the pool and hot tub for a bit.😁

Thanks for the update, MayMay. Fascinating!

So I've started to make lists to get things done and it's helping a lot. Yesterday I got three goodwill bags to the car. That felt really good. The clothes are all nice and I went back and forth on one blouse. I took a package to the post office just as it was closing. Returning a pair of shoes.

I am desperate to find good walking shoes. I've been wearing Allbirds for a number of years but I've noticed that the flats aren't wide enough. They are wide enough and fit comfortably but the sole isn't wide enough and I've been falling. I tried birdies and I do love the dressier ones, the commuter ones didn't fit. I've just ordered two pair of something called vivaia shoes and we will see how those work. I just want a nice flat to walk around the city.

So that's the news. I have a meeting to run to.

Hi Tatoulia😃 yes the hoarder is still in the house. The hoard is a mix of basically trash and too many possessions. Today was a little rough, but of course it was the first day of the cleanup so I wasn't expecting it to be easy.😅

Looking forward to hearing about the hoarding cleanup. I don't now how many details you can share but I have a few questions. Is the hoarder still in the house? What type of hoard are you looking at? Trash, too many possessions, animals, etc. very interested in what you are doing. Obviously I understand if you cannot share.

Good morning y'all! Today is my first major hoarding cleanup in like NINE YEARS! (Yeah it's been a really really long time!) and it's my boys first major cleanup ever. so this will be very interesting; leading a cleanup with 7 rowdy, hyperactive early 20 somethings.😜

Hey all, hey Lila,

I'm getting my son off to school but you can reach me on Instagram or fb. I will code things a little I guess. Ig: j a n e s a y s 8 but without all the spaces, and fb is s a r a j o n e s and the picture is green sneakers. Msg me anytime. Will check back in later.

I'm going to try to describe something that Tillie once said to me. MayMay if you remember it, please pipe up.

She said something about the things that are in the way. And I realized that whenever I reached for something particular in my kitchen cabinet, I had to first move the measuring glass out of the way. And so I learned to either move or get rid of the measuring glasses in my way in all areas of my life.

Lila, you have a lot on your counter. Anything that is actually just in your way of getting to what you use? If you find you don't use the coffee cup spinner, get rid of it. Is there a reason to save the towel for the ex? It sounds like he has scads of stuff. If the ice cube trays don't fit in the freezer, do you need them? That sort of thing; forgive my bluntness. The analysis can be freeing or it can be overwhelming. And if you don't want to look at things that way, that's okay too. I understand. Or maybe now isn't the time

I have two bags of nice clothing to be donated and a bag of towels for the shelter. As I mentioned in a previous post, I only keep four white bath towels and one Turkish towel. I bought a few towels on sale and have washed those up to replace the ones I donated a week or so ago. Taking a look at my hand towels, I found I have two that can go. I then took a look at my tea towels and let two go.

I still have more clothes to go through. Stuff that fits but isn't fitting my current aesthetic. I panicked bought things when the office opened up and I was too fat for my clothes. Now that I've accepted my weight, I've bought stuff from boutiques that can hold me over for as long as I need. Washing up and putting the panic buys in the donation bag. I want to have three bags ready. BF said he'll take them to the car for me. MayMay I live in the city and my parking garage is six blocks away. It was too humid today to do unnecessary walking. I did walk to get mom's groceries and I walked to the pharmacy to get my rx. I stopped at my favorite little spot for a seltzer and it was fun just sitting in the city alone. BF was working.

I have one final laundry load to fold and put away and I'm ready for bed. I showered after getting home from mom's; the walk with the groceries was intense. Not too hot but plenty humid.

Thanks Lila!😃 I plan on posting more often.😁

Tackling the counter/bar (my most cluttered area, always, ever)!

I am going to do what I did for my bedroom and LIST what is on the bar. That helped me get rid of things because itemizing made me way more aware what is there. So, we have this bar counter long enough for like 2 barstools, a little wider than a kitchen counter. It's between the kitchen and dining room and ALWAYS is a reflection of my state of mind and emotions. It is terrible right now. I took photos and am going to list here what is on the bar (that I can see). Then I will go do something about it!

landline phone and charger/base
jar of dog treats
3 or 4 bags of dog treats, 2 bags of food samples
2 bags of cat treats
empty spray bottle
bird feeder someone gave me, that I want to hang
bird seed
container of dog food (we scoop from it to feed him)
change, pens, tiny parts of things
2 plants in small pots
one large empty pot, meant to replace a broken one outside
part of a dollhouse, to be glued back in
toys for Tot that have small pieces and can't go in the toybox
plant spray
oven cleaner
dog muzzle wipes (medicated)
leash, poop bags
rolls of packing tape
glue for book repair
2 cans of dusting spray
(omg, at this point I am like WHY - a lot of these things have a home they could be put in!)
mail for ex, son who doesn't live here anymore, and friend who got mail here a long time ago
box of kleenex, a towel I don't like that I'm giving to ex
Keurig, coffee pod spinning holder
reusable shopping bags and plastic bags
a candle my son gave me for my birthday
some kind of remote with one battery in it
food scale
junk mail, a flashlight, tab stickers for my planner
small shoulder bag I use when I walk the dogs
coffee tumbler, glass cleaner, kitchen cleaner, upholstery spot cleaner
clothes for Tot in case she has a potty accident
dog brushes, more upholstery spray or laundry spray
plastic ice bin and ice cube trays (no room in freezer right now)
little insulated bag to keep things cold
various papers and bits, lint roller, coasters

That's all I can see. There is stuff under those layers. Do you see how weird this space is? I need to clear it, and then find a system to KEEP it cleared.

What I WANT on the bar: phone/charger, food scale, keurig/kcup spinner, one jar of dog treats, box of kleenex. A plant or two. That is all!!

Tatoulia,

I hope to be in your situation in 5 or 10 years and still here helping others like you are doing. I really want a clean and uncluttered home, very much. Now that ex is on the way out, I can see the freedom ahead. I know I have my own issues, but it just has been so compounded by his hoard.

I have not cleaned or decluttered anything today yet.

Also, yes, I have so so many clothes even after I donated many boxes. And yet, I wear the same pair of jeans for most of the week and then switch to a pair that is slightly too baggy while I wash the regular ones. And I have a pair of sweeatpants just in case. I probably have 30 pairs of jeans ranging from size 10 to 22W. Tons of clothes from Medium up to 2XL. I hate having nothing to wear but so many clothes. That's what I get for gaining and losing the same 80 pounds 3 times. I've purged as much clothing as I am able (willing?) for now, unless things get worn out. I will surely get rid of things as they become too large (I am down about 20 pounds again).

My kitchen table is clear and clean (we ate dinner on it last night) but my counter/bar is like a giant dump site. It is terrible!!!! If I can get that under control, I will feel better if anyone stops over unannounced. It literally looks like someone just threw stuff there in piles.

hi MayMay! Nice to meet you. I am relatively new. Working on my clutter/hoard/mess and now getting out from under my newly-ex-dh's hoard as well. I hope to see you around more!

Omg. I'm glad my posts were so helpful for you.😃

MAYMAY! You stopped posting around the time I came on and your past posts were so helpful!

We haven't heard from Tillie, Roxie, LR, Diane, Dianne, Joan and others in a long time.

I finished my place in 2018 and have weekly house cleaners now. My life is free and easy. I have developed habits that I'd forgotten such as doing dishes every night and folding all laundry. I freely and automatically assess the items in my home. A true relief.

I seem to remember that you went in the business and from the sound of your post, you are going strong!

Yesterday I did a whole lot of nothing. I overslept til nearly noon. I had to see my brother for the first time in 4 years. I took the bus so he wouldn't think that I have a car and so that we won't fall into my running errands for him. It went well. I didn't recognize him. He's lost a ton of weight. His clothes were nice and they fit him. We talked for maybe ten minutes and that was that. Backstory: his license expired and it is impossible to get a new one easily. The earliest appointment he could get was one month after his birthday. So I took the bus to get his meds for him (hormones require ID). He met me and it was easy. No hugs or other stuff. Very casual. And the bus was easy.

Today I'm up pretty late too. I just started some laundry while I'm sipping my coffee. I have four loads to do. Sheets are in. I may launder my towels too before getting out for the day.

I am purging closet today. Shoes I will never wear again. The pandemic has changed my feet. I brought home a pair of heels from the office to donate. I have plenty of dress shoes I can still wear when going out on occasions it's getting rid of ones I used to wear frequently but I know in my heart I won't wear again. Hoping to make it to the car to at least get them out of the house. I think I have some clothes I can take a look at too.

Lila I am amazed at how many clothes you own! I keep my clothes to a minimum. The exception right now is I had a lovely wardrobe prepandemic and I'm keeping some of it (esp the three work dresses I bought in March 2020). But I do still have stuff I can look at with a critical eye. So my goal is to make up the bags and then get to the car. I don't actually need to take them to goodwill today; I only need to get them out of my house.

So I'm making a list of things to do. Will write more later.

Hi everybody! Let's see if I can bounce right back into this, I haven't posted on here in like 8 to 9 years.😕 today my boys (aka my roommates) and I are packing up and getting ready to head down to Tennessee for my first big hoarding cleanup in like 9 years.

Good work, Lila.

Another update, just for the support...

I moved almost all of the ex's stuff from the family room into his bedroom. I am going to start calling him ex instead of dh... sigh. It was so much stuff. Several totes full of papers, magazines, books, clothes, who knows what. I also cleared the dozens of dusty books, movies and CDs from the shelf in there. He always wanted to build more shelves and have all his books out. I could not handle even what he had out, because he never dusted it, ever. Cobwebs and dead bugs and dust. Now it is all in his room, in boxes and bags. I put all the empty boxes and bags in there too, for when he moves his stuff.

The only thing I did not move from the family room, is tools. He has like, 4 or 5 tool boxes and totes plus a couple boxes, all full of tools. I will need some, so I just left them there and will ask him to please leave me what he thinks I may need in working on the house. Hopefully he will not want to drag all those tools with him, and will leave me some useful items. In honesty, not worth a fight so if he takes everything, I at least have a hammer and screwdrivers in my bedroom.

I have family coming over for dinnerand I almost have the table cleared off. I think my life looks more hopeful now.

Thanks Tatoulia! Nice to see you posting as well. You're right... no way to know what he will do, but unlikely he will take it all. I probably should not worry about it for now. Just consolidate his stuff for him, and wait. Once things are official and he lets me know his intentions, we can go from there.

Today I got the rest of his things out of the master bathroom and put them in his bedroom.

I will double check that bathroom, the other bathroom, my bedroom, and the rest of the upstairs for anything that's his and put it in there. I'll also check the family room - I know there are things that belong to him in there, so will start moving them into his room also. First, though, I need to peek in the bins in his room to make sure there is nothing that belongs to me and the kids. I have a few bins of my own in there that I might move out to the family room to make sure they don't get accidentally taken. I mean, he has keys... he could just come when I'm not home and take what he thinks is his... although I doubt he would do that. He said he would let me know if he is coming by. He is a few hours away so it isn't like he can just pop in.

My other focus is this: my pastor from church knows what's going on, and a few friends are finding out. They may show up in the ocming week or two. One offered to come fix my stove. I would NOT want them in the house in its current state! So, I do want to get the main living area cleaned up soon. Looks like I have more space to put things downstairs now and sort later, so I may do that.

Thank you for all the support. I am finding out now how much of the hoarding is him, and how much is me.

SubC, this is actually very helpful, thank you!

Sadly, I have been a semi-hoarder myself, so what is ours in the garage would not fit in the house. However, my semi-hoarding was triggered in part by dh filling up any space I cleared. So when I would sell, donate, toss to make more room in the garage or other areas, he would immediately bring in more of his things and fill the space again. So I stopped moving anything out, in response. There was a lot of resentment there. So actually, there is probably a large truckload worth of my things in there that I don't really want, and will gladly donate after he is out of there. I still have fears if I donate and clear it NOW, he will show up and say he wants to use that cleared space to store all of his things. Once he is officially out and I am allowed to change the locks, all bets are off and I will be having a donating spree the likes of which this board has never seen! LOL

Anyway, rambling to clear my mind, it helps.

The garage is not cooled/heated so it gets extremely hot in there in summer. I can only move things into there if heat will not harm them. The storage room he has all piled to the ceiling has a/c. And his bedroom has a/c obviously. So I think I will take a spin on your idea and fill his bedroom top to bottom with his stuff from my bathroom, the office, the family room, the kitchen. That will prevent him from coming back to sleep in there, just in case, and it will get it out of my view.

Good thought on not giving him more of my mental space. It is definitely too late.

I will also try to peek in boxes and bins as I move things into his area, and if there are momentos teen might want, I can set them aside. I'll probably ask him if he would leave those for teen. He probably would, on some things.

I went into the garage for a bit, and started moving my things over to one side and making a path to his stacks. It is a double car garage, and half of it is piled with within a couple feet of the ceiling with his things. It got too hot by 10am so I had to stop. But I plan to peek in those boxes and re-stack as well, just so I know what he is taking. I tried to sort the boxes a decade ago. The ones I looked in were filled with old shirts and socks with holes in them, faded clothes that would never fit, from the 60s-70s, receipts from that time period, old light bulbs and forks, etc. There are a lot of books which I don't care about.

I am very glad this is getting resolved. I have a very small bit of anxiety that he will reappear and try to move back in and fight me to put him out. I will be trying to get legal aid this coming week to try and make things official.

Quick drive by. Lila I hope he takes everything. I understand your anxiety but frankly I hope he takes everything. We know he won't right? He will just start filling out the new place with stuff, leaving your place as storage. Breathe. You've got this. It's a shock and is scary and weird and awful and yet you will reap the benefits of the change. You will. It's gotten to the point of being unsustainable for you and your health. We are here.

So, I have a thought. I don't know a lot of the details or circumstances, so this may be way off base, but what if you went out to the garage and brought everything that belongs to you and the kids into the house. Then you just start filling the garage top to bottom with his stuff.

If you ran across something you thought your teen would want, you could set it aside and see if he asks for it.

As for papers and understanding, it sounds like it is too late for understanding to help. Might it be better just to let it go and not give him any more of your mental energy?

Again, I have a very limited window here, so if I'm way off, ignore me.

Thank you for taking the time to check in SubC, and break my row of posts. I too feel like I lost300 pounds of unhealthy weight as he left. And even more. In fact I thought of how many hundreds of pounds lighter my home will be once all his hoard is gone! I am in limbo now, able to move some things into his room from other areas of the house for him to take when he comes for his things, but unable to discard or do anything with his items until he has taken what he wants and, I assume, abandons the rest.

I imagine possible scenarios in my head. It helps me feel better:

1) he never comes back for anything, or just comes and takes a few things he can fit in his car. This is only a good scenario if I can get in writing that as of x date, I no longer have to hold onto his things.

2) he comes and takes a lot of things, moving them gradually into a place he chooses to live locally. I don't like this scenario because it drags out and keeps him around here.

3) he comes with a huge moving van and takes every scrap of his hoard. This one bothers me too, because I have envisioned a time when I would be able to sort through his junk, find some things for our teen to keep, mementos... maybe find a few valuable things to sell, some interesting old papers to tell me more about why he is the way he is, and the ultimate thrill of throwing out or donating the rest! If he takes it all, I will miss this experience, but really in the end it will be so much easier if he just does take it all, down to the last 1977 receipt for milk.

I think I will go now into the garage while it is cool enough and start separating anything of mine and my kids from his piles, so that he doesn't inadvertantly take something of ours.