Ugh I haven't done enough and I'm aggravated right now. What a waste of a day. Very frustrated.

Tillie! I was hoping you were taking a break yet I feared you were going through a rough time. That is something that you were able to get him to do some housework!. If we could just find a way to get him to exercise those muscles each day--as always, I feel a kinship since my brother is often nasty, degrading and abusive toward me. The language and the put-downs and the tone and the shouting. All so terribly hard to ignore. So terribly abusive and unfair. I am so so sorry that your life is so unnecessarily burdened.

SubC--you are doing a very good job keeping it all together! Just breathe and let some of it go--I am proud of you for not getting too anxious over the papertowels and for finding a little peace over coffee. Good job passing along the candle and the binders!

Giant monkey wrench in my day today. It's now 4:00 and I've been shuttling brother around. He is suffering, needed things, refused to go to ER unless i sat with him. I refused, gave him three options, he said he'd go to ER, then changed mind when I reaffirmed that I would drop him off and not stay. After I got back, he called to say he needed an ambulance/I went back, dropped him at hospital, drove around a bit looking for parking, ultimately came back home/not home but 20 minutes then he needed a ride home and a stop at pharmacy. This started at 7 AM. It is now 4PM.

I hadn't planned to fast today but haven't eaten yet and am thinking of making it a fasting day. I haven't done even one thing here. I will get to work on that now. I told brother my flight out is tomorrow, so I can get a moment to myself.

Hi Tillie,

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm glad you got rid of some of the hoard, but that sounds like a discouraging situation.

My son in law looked through my binder collection this morning and found four small ones and two big ones he wants to use for sorting out a bunch of records and photos he has in boxes.

Good for me passing them on, and hopefully good for dd, who would like the boxes dealt with.

Step by step.

Good Morning Everybody :)

Thoroughly enjoyed reading all of your posts!

Been having a rough time of it here lately.
Trying to maneuver through his hoard to accomplish even a simple task has been really tiring and frustrating.
To top it all off, he has not been the most pleasant person to be around.
So, yesterday I decided since he is being so nasty and negative and verbally abusive anyway I may as well push him to actually DO something.
I managed to get him to do something.
He emptied out one third of the bed of the small pick up truck.
Filled that empty space half way up with trash from the driveway and took it to the dump.
Returned home and repeated the process one more time.
If he would do this a couple hundred more times I may actually get to park in the driveway some day.
There are wasps nesting in all the rubbish, everything has at least one active wasp nest in/on it.
My plan for today is to continue to "ride his ass" to see if more can be accomplished.
This stuff is all broken, nasty and of absolutely no value to anyone. He is only keeping it because it's easier than getting up and throwing it away.
He doesn't want it, he never used it. He left it sitting out for years to rot.
I really wish that I had some support here to help me. Someone else to try talking to him because he doesn't listen and is always saying such mean nasty things.

Thanks for listening :)

Good morning everybody!

I am an extreme introvert. Sometimes I can't do things I want to do because there will be too many strangers.

When I got the goats, my brother in law said "you can't go anywhere because you have goats!" To which I replied "I don't want to go anywhere, and now I have goats!"

Saturday was overwhelming. Too many non-integrated people. Too much hostessing. And yet, it was good to see everyone. Just hard to really focus on any of the everyones.
I returned my friend's jar and gave away a scented candle I got as a teacher gift. My son brought me chocolate. I won't say that disappears, but at least it becomes part of my hips...

Yesterday was better. But still a lot of people. I am enjoying my coffee alone now, but sil took the dog out for a walk and will probably be back soon.

CM, I understand exactly about the sale making you depressed. One of the signs that lets me know I am in recovery is that a huge accumulation like that now prompts me to feel like making my home more clean and organized instead of setting off my treasure hunting reflex.

Tatoulia, I like that you are chatty.

I am coping pretty well with all the extra people creating trash. They are good about recycling. But they use a lot of paper towels. I am also not getting stressed out about the food scraps that could go to the chickens and keep ending up in the compost. But I do notice.

CM I loved your post!

I am definitely an extrovert but I need a good solid amount of alone time. Is that possible? I can go to any event, any party, any anything and be very lively and engaging. But I can't do too many in a row. With my upcoming trip, I'm going a day ahead of everyone just so I can relax. Generally on these trips I take one night for myself, where I take a bath and order room service and just do my thing. When I'm out of the country, I tend to get up before my companion and I sit in the hotel lobby, writing postcards at 5AM. I definitely need my recharge time. I am known at work for being cheerful and positive and I'm nice to everyone. But I get overdone, so my walk home is a good time to be alone with my thoughts.

My problem with getting together for a play or a concert is that I frequently just want to do that one thing. I don't like turning it into an evening with dinner first and drinks after.

My BF works a lot and long hours. His office is right down the street from me, so I frequently spend time with him, where I just work on a crossword or do other quiet stuff while he works.

I am pleased with your resolve not to purchase, CM. There are many temptations in the world.

Quoting Subclinical:

I am afraid I' going to lose things because I reshuffled and moved things so fast. - house looks better, but I feel farther behind because I organize visually and spacially. My family doesn't get it. It's as if you were working on a several puzzles and someone stacked them and put all the loose pieces in one box. They think you are closer to "done" because for them "done" is no more puzzles out. But you are farther from "done" because "done" is having all the puzzles put together.

I feel ya! It's so difficult to be rushed in a cleanup process for that very reason. It's not that I want the decluttering to take any longer, I'm sick of it as it is, but I know how much more frustrating it will be if I try to do it without being what I think of as proactive (and others think of as OCD or micromanaging) about it.

Quoting Anonymoniker:

I almost feel like hiring somebody to just come over & nag me to clean my house...ha ha Itd seem more sensible to have them help me, but everything is a decision. I do not want to exhaust myself explaining & defending everything here. As silly as it sounds, i actually might really do that....i can just see my ad now... ~Nag Wanted: motivater needed to complete projects. No actual working involved. Must not be judgemental~ha ha

We clutterbugs' brains do process information differently, says my clutter club's social worker fearless leader. And decision making is more difficult for us than for the average person.

When I was going through that horrid foreclosure and had to pack an entire house and time was running out, my BFF and her family came to help. She has a daughter with ADHD so she knew what to watch out for. If she caught me dithering in indecision and/or getting distracted, she'd call out "Squirrel!" and that'd be my cue to refocus on the original task. It was what I needed, delivered with humor and compassion at a very stressful time. That was the kind of motivating coach I needed - and could still use at this stage of the game.

Picking up where I left off Thursday, I took bunny to the vet and we got her flea medication. Poor dear has had such a time with the micro-beasties. She is a Rex rabbit with the soft velvety coat; maybe the fleas like that best. Hopefully we will win this battle. I'm her Grandma since she's the daughter of a bunny I had (who passed on 3 years ago :( ). Grandma is on the warpath against the evil fleas bugging my granddaughter bunny!

While out that way I did stop briefly at the storage unit - didn't want bunny to overheat so it was a quick dash. I got a few more breakables to pack at home (remainder of ceramic bunnies and some of Mom & Dad's stuff). But I think this is the last of it, and I'll refocus on the bigger picture and try to see if I can come up with any rough estimate of when moving to the closer-by storage unit could take place. I'm lousy at estimating time, whether it's a big task of months/years or a small one of minutes/hours. I also will want to estimate space and shelving requirements, which makes it more complicated, and I need to take into account all that stuff from van and my living quarters that should go back into storage so I can have a nicer life and deal with fewer projects at a time and (dare we hope?) even FINISH some!

So that was Thursday. I figured I wouldn't go back to the unit on Friday, just work here at the house. Unfortunately, I lost track of my glasses and searching ate half the day and got me in a tizzy. In the searching process, I discovered one of my art portfolios was coming apart at the bottom so I decided to go to this surplus store that sells ginormous plastic bags for a buck each. It was kind of interesting rediscovering the art pieces - many of them are works in progress. They'll get worked on and I need to buy some new portfolios after payday. It's good that I discovered this, as the spot is near where I set drinking cups and sometimes there are little spills; luckily no paintings had gotten wet.

On the way downtown, I stopped at a couple of garage sales. I've reached the point where I am pretty much immune to the temptation to buy things for the wrong reasons. I have specific things in mind. If I could find some shelving for cheap, that would be great. Like Tillie and her cat bunk bed. Get the one thing and get the heck out.

Anyway, one of the sales was, well, mind-blowing. I don't know the story behind it - maybe someone's estate, maybe a hoarder - but there were hundreds of axe handles and axe heads, knickknacks, old board games (I did look at one of these but talked myself out of buying). So much stuff, all jammed onto tables and up on the walls of this two-car garage, obviously a lifetime of accumulation.

It made me depressed. And I'm happy that it did, if you get what I mean. It's like the scales have been lifted from my eyes. I don't judge the people, but I'm glad to be able to look forward to NOT having anything like that to deal with someday, or worse yet, leave behind for others to deal with.

Yesterday we went to the Steampunk festival, my roommate and I. It was fun to see everyone's costumes. There weren't as many events, and we didn't stay as long as last year because we have both been tired. We agreed that the point wasn't to run ourselves ragged, just enjoy a stroll around, check out the vendors (I only bought some small charms for three bucks), and leave when we felt like it. The weather was nice, slightly overcast which kept the temperature reasonable.

And now, I have a question for anyone who would like to answer: How many of us are introverts? *raises hand* Especially in the wanting to be home, needing downtime after activities, being recharged by solitude rather than company, etc.? I ask this because everything I do away from home, though I enjoy, I also mentally tick off a list and breathe a sigh of relief "Well, that's over!" and look forward to time at home to get stuff done (organizing and creative) and, I'll admit it, surf the Internet (Anony, you're not alone!).

My initial reaction to most opportunities for an extra activity tends to be dread. Last night we got a call that roomie's friend has extra music theater tickets. My first thought is "Another thing to fit in the schedule, get ready for, go to, get home from and need to recharge and regroup." Now some may point out that I could simply say no. Except that it isn't simple. Two other people are involved, and it's less hassle just to go, and say sure, it'll be fun - it's just how I feel so overbooked already. My roommate's an introvert so she gets this, but like me, since the lady is kind enough to think of us, well, it seems like we might as well. Anyone understand this sort of dilemma? I know, First World Problems.

Today is going to be Nap Day, so maybe I'll get my batteries recharged for a little while, anyway.

I ended up napping till this AM. BF called me around 10 to make sure house was locked up and I wasn't just on the couch. It was good to sleep. I'm now doing some laundry, just unloaded the dishwasher, and will tackle some things I've been avoiding.

I'll get out with mom in a little while. I have two different ideas of things we can do and I'll let her choose, unless she has a third idea. I already did her grocery shopping yesterday, so we are free to just do fun stuff.

I know I'm being too chatty these days. I appreciate being here and I'm getting through my to do list.

Hello everyone!

I managed to get my bed changed and to do one load of laundry before seeing brother. He was in good shape today. I took out one bag of recycling and took two bags to goodwill. I bought mom's groceries and dropped them off. It's only five. I could do with a nap.

I hope to get some things accomplished later. But for now, is like to relax.

Tillie! I woke up this AM hoping to have heard from you! I love the cat bunk bed idea and know very well how they like the cave space--in the winter to help keep my little buddy warm, I make her a blanket fort on a chair. Not very cute looking but she loves it.

SubC you are keeping it together so well--changes of plans can really throw me. I like your puzzle analogy. Made your struggles very real for me. And it helps me understand my mother better. For me, it could all be put away and it would be out of sight, out of mind. And I've never been able to fully understand why my mother will ask me, where did you put the green yarn when she is knitting three different projects, none of which involve green yarn. From your example, I can understand her better and her need to view where it is going and making sure the puzzle fits.

Am doing quick laundry before seeing brother. He seems fragile today. Hopefully I don't do anything to escalate it. (It is not always obvious what will escalate a situation for him). He doesn't yet realize that I'll be out of town this coming week and next weekend, nor does he realize I'm out of town for a wedding the weekend after that. Cat will go to BF's next week. She loves it there.

Good morning!

Tillie, I'm glad you found your bunk bed!

I am not keeping up - the weeds are winning. There are so many other things demanding my time!

The dining porch, living room, and first guest room are company clean. The kitchen and "public" bathroom are clean (dishes, wipe down surfaced). The second guest room is functional - dd and dsil will be able to sleep there tonight. Dh is angry at me that that room isn't better.

Both sides of the basement are bad (hoarded) although it should only take a few minutes to make a reasonable and safe space for the crate for the dog who sleeps in one.

I am afraid I' going to lose things because I reshuffled and moved things so fast. - house looks better, but I feel farther behind because I organize visually and spacially. My family doesn't get it. It's as if you were working on a several puzzles and someone stacked them and put all the loose pieces in one box. They think you are closer to "done" because for them "done" is no more puzzles out. But you are farther from "done" because "done" is having all the puzzles put together.

Dd swept and vacuumed the floors for me which made a big difference!

Today has exploded! Original plan - ds arrives late with gf and dog, stays until Tuesday.

Plan Tuesday a week ago: and best couple friends come at 2:00, help with some construction work, and try to stay long enough to see Ds.

Plan last Friday: and dd and dsil come some time this afternoon with their dog and stay all weekend.

Plan Thursday: friends now coming at 11 and bring adult dd and lunch. I make pie.

Plan at 2:45 yesterday: and dd and dsil bring heart grandson and his mom picks him up late afternoon.

Plan at 3:30 yesterday: heart daughter and heart grandson stay for dinner.

Plan at 5:00 yesterday: dd, dsil, heart grandson and dog arriving mid morning.

Plan at 6:00 yesterday: and gf's mom and s.o. come for the afternoon tomorrow.

It's not that I couldn't say no, it's that I love these people and want them around me (well, not the tomorrow company, I don't even know the s.o., but I love their daughter.). But all at once?

It is what it is. All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

And now I have a pie to make.

Good evening Everybody :)

Been so busy just trying to keep up with things here.
Seems the harder I try the farther behind I get.
Right now it's mainly keeping things watered and constantly fighting with bugs of all sorts.
Taking care of the cats and keeping the wildlife in my yard safe.
Along with all the usual household chores & maintenance.

Due to my limited finances, everything I have comes from the charity thrift shops.
There was something specific that I was searching for these last few months making stopping in every time I went grocery shopping necessary.
This last week I finally found it!
A cat sized bunk bed.
It's a yellow painted metal frame with two little machine washable mattresses.
I have the top bunk blanket hanging down over the bottom bunk making it "cave like" and Marty loves it.
Now I have no reason to go to the thrift shop since I have enough of everything else I need right now. :D

Tat, it is my pleasure.

Unfortunately, I don"5 have nearly the breadth of knowledge about your cards as I do about more commonly encountered combinations. I cannot add much (if anything) more than what is there.

Be well.

Joan, you are a sweetheart for doing this for me! I have read it twice--slowly--and will continue to read it. A lot of information in there and I greatly appreciate the insight. Thank you so very much.

May 26, 2017 at 4:19PM.
Friday

Tatoulia, your life card is the 3♠️, and your personality card is the 7♠️. So you are all in the suit of spades. This is unusual. The majority of us on the planet are playing either clubs or diamonds. Hearts, as I have noted, blend in well, because their focus is on emotional well-being and relationships. Spades, however, carry a totally different energy. The world of spades is not easily apprehended by those of us in other suits, and I suspect the reverse is also true.

Spades are about work, health, and transformation. My book calls the 3♠️ the "artist's card". This would shed light on why you are so sensitive to the aesthetics of your home environment. Spades are always hard workers. The 3♠️ can even work two jobs, such as you do when you take care of yourself and then go to take care of "Bro". 3s are idea cards, the most creative in the deck. This is reflected in the way you are always coming up with new ideas to tackle jobs, and then shuffling those ideas around as things develop.

The 7♠️ personality is about working to resolve health and work issues. It is called "the card of faith". I do see in your posts that after giving your tasks your best shot, you retreat to a faith-based position, realizing that there are limits to what you can accomplish personally, and that you never see the whole picture.

I hope this is useful to you.
4:32PM.

Joan, if you truly don't mind, I would do love a quick read. Many thanks--please do not over extend yourself and please take care of more pressing matters first.

Many, many thanks. 03/07/63.

Hi everyone!

Tat, thank you for the compliment on my last post. If you or anyone else would like a "drive-by" reading of their cards, just give me your birth date. I am a perpetual student of the cards, and every time I can read for someone I get more insight into the astrological system.

Anony, easier to say than do, but no point in getting "down on [yourself]" for being in your head a lot of the time. Whether you judge yourself for it or not, it is just the way you are made. As a club, especially, I find people over-emphasize the "doing" part of life and under-emphasize the "being" part. All doing comes from being.

The power of words has been amped up a LOT with the new energy, beginning with the planetary grid shift on 12/21/2012. May I modestly suggest, Anony, that you leverage your club hand by speaking and posting affirmations to help you become more comfortable in your house? As they say, "There's no place like home."

I agree with you that making decisions is very energy-draining, especially when decisions about your own home come up. Verbalizations and visualizations of how beautiful and comfortable your home is, giving your home unconditional love, for me frees me up to enjoy my own space. Once I begin enjoying the home, then little improvements I can make on my own start happening, almost all by themselves. If I push myself to "clear" any given space, or measure myself by anyone else's yardstick, it is damaging to both me and my home.

Take care, all.

Anonymoniker, now would be the perfect time to hire that person - schools are getting out and there are a bunch of teachers with time on their hands.

That would be a great job for me! Could I knit while I nagged you?

Yesterday went a little better, but not enough better. I noticed that the last of the strawberries were starting to go and managed to wash them and cut them up losing less than a quart. And I got a few things out of the second guest room.

Today is my last day of school, and then I come home and cook, cook, cook, and clean, clean, clean! People start arriving at 11 a.m. Tomorrow. Dd says she will help me this evening, and everyone must eat leftovers for dinner (I need the fridge space)

She can sweep, make beds, and get the fruit salad ready. Only I can move the hoard.

Hi everyone!
Joan, thank you for that interesting Egyptian card reading!!! It seems very accurate, too!!! I can see you also being a club! Do you think your mind gets in the way of your action? I do! Lately ive really been down on myself for my natural tendency to read, explore ideas, think about the world, etc., instead of getting to work on this horrid mess i call my home?!!
Just a few hous ago one of my 2 facebook pages went blank?!! Its apparently called 'the white page of death!!!' Im trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise, cuz i am hopelessly addicted to the internet & if a chunk of it is gone, then maybe, JUST MAYBE ill work on my house more???
Ive had a string of strange seemingly unrelated symptoms after my back, then hips hurt. I wont get into the graphics of it all. I dont know what is going on?
I almost feel like hiring somebody to just come over & nag me to clean my house...ha ha Itd seem more sensible to have them help me, but everything is a decision. I do not want to exhaust myself explaining & defending everything here. As silly as it sounds, i actually might really do that....i can just see my ad now... ~Nag Wanted: motivater needed to complete projects. No actual working involved. Must not be judgemental~ha ha

SubC, we've all had those days--so frustrating! I hope your today went better.

Right now I have to stay out of thrift shops. I can't stop buying stuff I can't afford don't need and won't fit anywhere. I have to constantly remind myself that sometimes things need to be cute without being in my house. I suffer so much. I really do.

It's 7PM and I'm still at office. Wish I could blink and just be home.

Tatoulia, you are doing great!

CM, I'm trying to take heart from you comments on being discouraged and then how you stepped back up in your last post.

Yesterday hit me like a train. I not only made no progress, I backslid and got more heaped on my plate.

Dh called and invited me to get dinner with him and a coworker. I accepted, but filled the gap between class and dinner partly with cleaning out my classroom - which filled my car with stuff I have to unload today and put somewhere and manage, and stopping at a thrift store - where I bought a really cute Christmas stocking I can't decide between giving to my mom or keeping. For now I guess it will just go with the Christmas items.

Dinner was fun, but ended up running over two hours. I still had to stop for groceries so I could pack lunches today and was too tired to do anything else. (I put the mail in the recycling bin).

Today I was really tired and slept too late. I have to go back into work because of some stuff I didn't get finished yesterday (this will eat 5 hours of my day) and I promised to help at the food bank (opposite direction from work) this evening.

And it's dark and raining which saps my energy. Right now I've got about three hours to do my chores and make a dent in the stuff I thought I'd have all day to work on. And I should eat.

Sorry for the typos. I got rid of multiple shoe boxes. Pretty pleased. Now going to get ready to call it a night.

Was really pleased with my energy today. I have two bags ready to donate and took out three bags of recycling, including multiple sorvboxes. Found one mate to one of the slippers and I've washed the pair. I then went for mani/pedi since I have a lot of energy today. Running one more load of laundry before work hope in the shower and call it a night. It's early but I'm fasting and intend to go to bed earlier on fast nights.

Tillie I've been taking vitamin B at your suggestion. CM loved hearing from you--you are on the right path!

Big hello to everyone.

Thanks, Tatoulia, for the kind words. This little corner of the Internet is such a relaxing and safe place to come to because of the good and understanding people here. :)

Today I have gotten a few little things done at home. I'd wondered about going out to the storage unit this afternoon because the weather is nice. But it is one of those days when time seems to speed up, and it's getting close to 4 o'clock. I think Friday may be better.

I'll also be out near there tomorrow taking one of the bunnies to the vet, so I can quickly drop off those items I'd brought home to fiddle with. They're ready to go. It seems funny to take them back but it's just so crowded here.

That's the next stage in the game after getting the unit moved - neatly integrating some of the excess I brought over here these past couple of years. Or have had in the back of my van. Quilt fabric and such that I want quick access to, which is why I never took it to the unit, or if I had, it found its way back! But with the new unit being way closer, I can get what I want to work on as needed. And I will make those fabrics and supplies into quilt tops or craft things to donate to my church and they will be GONE.

Ok I'm posting a lot today--as always, no one is obligated to "catch-up". I got my car inspected, no issues, and I spoke with mechanic re getting the other car fixed and inspected before my trip. This is a big relief. Now I have to clean the other car. It's not mine but someone I take care of dumped it on me and I think with some work I can get some money for it. It cannot be sold in its current state. Mechanic will get it going for me and I can have my BF pick it up while I'm out of town. Big relief.

Going to do some work now, with an eye toward getting more cleaned out of BR closet so I can find the Mayes to the slippers and get them washed up.

Thanks. So pleased to be able to post my anxieties here.

Hope everyone is well.

Still haven't been able to match up my single summer slippers (say that three times fast!) but I have found two more dresses to consign and I found $20! At a time when I really, really need the money. I am so excited!

On my list of things to do is to get my clothes off to consign. I'm only doing clothes with tags still on or things I've worn exactly once.

Joan, what a lovely post. I learned a lot by reading it.

CM, thank you for your post. I've read it twice, slowly. There's a lot in there and I know there is a lot going on. I am so pleased that you are taking a mental break and forming a plan. This is difficult. It is a difficult process all around, with anguish and self-doubt sprinkled all over it. I like your plan to get back out, then address with your helper the feelings of being stuck. I am so proud of you and your progress. I am standing right by your side.

In a search for some light slippers to take on my trip, I have been looking under my bed and on the floor of my closet. Finding things to throw out and donate. Feels good, yet is also a terrible reminder of how much I have to do. How it isn't as clean as I thought.

I need to check things off my non-house list today. I have a lot of things to take care of before I leave. Car stuff mainly. Trying not to panic.

A sort of update

Quoting Anony from a few posts back because this is so my life:

As bad as i am about procrastinating, it really does seem like a constant stream of obstacles is always a big part of it. And its never a standard problem. Its always something totally bizarre or unusual.

Like the 32 oz. convenience store cup of water on the coffee table the other night; I barely brushed it and fwoosh! it falls and hits the floor, off pops the lid and we have a flood, on the rug, the hardwood floor, under the couch, etc.

Two seconds before my roommate and I had been winding down, ready to chill with Star Trek after doing yard work for the evening. And this is about the 2nd-3rd time I've knocked water cups over. I'm going to a jug with a screw-on cap and a coffee cup to drink out of.

Of course we're all familiar with the way our clutter stacks can tip over so I needn't describe that. LOL.

I've taken this first part of the week off from going out to the storage unit as a mental health break. Of course, that doesn't mean the whole business doesn't occupy a large sector of my brain 24/7/365. But the acute burnout I just had to step back from. By the end of the week I'll go out and try not to feel so overwhelmed.

I guess I have let the bunny figurines and other breakables get me caught in OCD and fear. And dragging my heels on the project as a whole until I can do it "perfectly" or at least close to. It's the memories of the other hectic moves, I think, that are haunting me, the worst one of course being the move from my childhood home that was foreclosed. In short, I'm skating pretty close to the emotional toxic waste dump within. My demons that led up to the bad hoarding, the secrets that the hoard contains. The debts, the breakups, the deaths. The regrets, and the things I can't control. So - I turn into a control freak on wheels.

Well, I had been on a high there for awhile with the faster progress - then I hit this and plunged down into the valley. Now I climb out. I have prayed about this asking the Lord to give me the guidance and strength and wisdom because I am up against spiritual warfare at this point. And I do feel that those prayers are starting to be answered but I just know I am NOT strong enough to conquer this on my own plus deal with life's other stresses. I'll retreat back to my old habit of trying to control everything in counterproductive ways.

I concealed all this from my social worker thus far. Haven't even asked her about future decluttering sessions, because of my trust issues. I need help but I can't control everything helpers do. This dilemma has cropped up with previous moves - and most of the memories (surprise!) are from the time of the foreclosure. When I couldn't control the biggest thing of all. And it broke my heart.

Okay.

So step by step, with much prayer, begin to move forward again. Later this week go out to the unit and finish packing up the breakables that I strewed out - but do it quickly and try not to stress. Then turn attention to some other task, and again don't get bogged down or obsessed. And then, next week or so, call social worker and explain how I got stuck. I don't need to be nervous about this; she's nice, she won't scold or judge me. And then we'll make a plan and go forward.

I think sometimes, too, I simply have had this storage unit issue looming over my head so long without resolution that it's hard to believe it may actually be close to a major change. And that long period of being stalled out makes the change scary even though it has been something I've strongly desired. The human mind is indeed a complicated thing . . .

Sorry for the rambling but I needed it and I appreciate y'all being here and caring. Have a blessed day!

Anony, good to hear from you.

From the birthdate you gave me, I see that you are playing clubs. Your life card is the 6♣️, and your personality card is either the 10♣️ or the Q♣️. From your posts on this website, my money is on the Q♣️.

Clubs are all about the mental world: truth seeking, language, concepts, and abstract reasoning. This is reflected in your ongoing study of new ideas and your willingness to entertain different points of view. The "6" card is about reaping the results of your actions in prior lifetimes in your present lifetime. So the results of these actions come back to you, and in this lifetime you make decisions about how to deal with these results and what course corrections you may want to make. Queens, of course, are nurturers, so your posts reflect your support of others.

This is a very brief analysis. I have been especially curious about your cards, because you and I have had a strong rapport with our posts. I am also in clubs. I am playing such strong clubs that I am literally a club magnet. Almost everyone in my life is a club, and it is difficult for me to work with people who have no clubs (or at least hearts) in their makeup. Hearts are about relationships, so they are generally easy to get along with.

If you would like to pursue this further, I encourage you to go to the website https://knowyourdestinycards.com/birth-cards/planetary-ruling-cards/.

I wanted to be sure to get back to you on this, but I am glad to hear from everyone who has been posting. It is way past my bedtime, so I will see you all later.

Oh Anony, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles and am impressed with your ability to weather these storms. SubC I think asking daughter for help with dishes and other chores is a good idea--will free up some time to work on needed rooms.

Nothing done by me tonight but I napped. And that felt good.

Hello to all!!!
My car brokedown, now is fixed. My back is fine, but now have a toothache. Life is constantly throwing new curves. I will say, after taking my car to the dealership, i have a new appreciationfor my mechanic! I wont let him buy cheap parts, or some of the things he will do if i dont pay attention, but his value as a mechanic skyrocketed after the dealership experience!...its a bit like the story of Goldilocks & The 3 Bears....ha ha
Joan, id love to get an Egyptian astrology reading, if its easy for you?! 11/14/58 Astrology is a bit of a double edge sword. Its very helpful & insightful, but can also be an easy excuse for poorly placed planets, etc....confirming, tho, too.
I am getting my place improved, but its going very slowly. Im trying to relish & appreciate every nice thing about it. Thats been an approach ive been trying to have about life in general, too.
My shade garden will be looking at the most disgusting part of my house, which does bother me. Im tempted to just hang pretty upholstery fabric over the yucky parts...dont laugh...ha ha...it might be akin to putting lipstick on a pig, but hey, if it will look better?!! :D ~♡~♡~♡~

The pies are pecan (dh favorite) and apple - the last jar canned last fall. I also need to make rhubarb. Today I picked 24lbs of strawberries and washed, trimmed, and froze 2/3 for making jam later. The rest are still unwashed on my counter.

I also talked to my daughter. I need to clean out the second guest room for them for Saturday.

I don't know if I can do this. I have so much on my list and the dining porch is still bad and tomorrow and Friday will be plenty full with my last two days teaching for the year.

I need help, but I'm not sure I can ask for help because it is all my "hoard" stuff no has nowhere really to go right now and I can't delegate decisions.

Maybe dd will take over the dishes and/or help with chores.

Hello! Good work getting rid of those plastic containers, SubC! Hey Tillie! Hey CM!

Came home to my clean bedroom tonight--oh what a feeling. Need to extend this feeling to my bathroom. Would love to clean before my trip.

Will write more later/want to rest my eyes after a hard day at work. Stopped by mom's on the way home for a minute.

Good Morning :)

Hi Subclinical :)
Pie? What kind?
My rhubarb has been calling to me to bake a pie. ;D

Hi Tatoulia :)
I would love to dine at a farm-to-table restaurant.
Especially this time of year with so many yummy things growing. :D

8:35 here now.
I have done some more bug spraying outside.
Cats have had their can food breakfast.
Today I plan to finish up deep cleaning kitchen cabinets & drawers.
I have already done 3 cabinets and still have two more to do, the under the sink one and the one where I keep big pots & roasting pans.
There are three regular size drawers and three very narrow ones.
Looking forward to finishing up. What I have done so far has made me a much happier person. ;D

Good evening!

Not much on the house today - mostly away or in the garden.

A little more paper in the house, a lot of plastic containers out, about the same milk, more pie, more bread. (The pie is homemade and yummy. the bread is old and in a bag from the food bank for my chickens.)

Tired.

Tomorrow I plan to pick strawberries.

Checking in--glad you are going to cook, Tillie. I do much better when I've eaten "food groups"--balanced meals really keep me going. Today I am fasting, but I've been trying to arrange some dinners for an upcoming business trip. So I've been reading restaurant menus and reviews. On this particular trip, generally one colleague's wife dies the restaurant scouting but she is not joining us this year. I decided to try to plan st least one of our meals--for selfish reasons--want to find a nice place that appeals to my sensibilities. I found a nice farm-to-table restaurant for one of the nights.

Well I've vacuumed the bedroom and taken out the trash. Kitty has a clean box and a clean eating area. This all makes me so happy. Thanks for being here.

Good Morning Everybody :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
WTG! for doing the things that will help reduce your stress levels. (((hugs)))

Hi Joan :)
Happy to hear from you. :D

Hi Subclinical :)
WTG! for all your sorting and shuffling and finding things that can be moved out.

Hi Anonymoniker :)
YEA!!!! for feeling better (((hugs)))
So true, we must think about whatever the future holds for us and that one day we may not be able to do as much as we can do today.

Hi CriticalMass :)
I want you to not have this hanging over your head draining your strength and monopolizing your time.
You are doing GREAT!
Getting plans straight in your mind and sorting and repacking the delicates. (((HUGS)))

Hi Porter :)
Please let us know how things are going with your move out & in whenever you get a chance.

Took yesterday off from life.
He was gone all day so the cats and I had the place all to ourselves. :)
Got outside by 8:00am this morning and watered all the plants, sprayed some wasps and hosed off the front porch and walkway.
Need to cook some food, real type food today so I will have something real to eat whenever I get hungry.
Otherwise I just kinda sorta snack and don't have a "real" meal. LOL :D

Hi Joan!

Well I have succeeded in dusting my bedroom and washing the mirrors. Will vacuum now so I can feel better about things. The more I do, the less stressed I'll feel about that mounting pile of things I must accomplish.

You are correct about Jyotish, Anony.

If you give me the month and day of your birth, I will give you your cards in Egyptian astrology. In that system, usually no extensive calculations are needed.

Good morning everyone! Good to hear from you Joan & Anony. Just do what you can physically--Hoping for a peaceful and healthy summer for all of us.

I am working from home today and hope to stay focused so I can get a lot of work done and take a few short breaks to work on my house. I have a lot to do this week--more than usual so I need to be vigilant and focused. No time for distractions.

Have a great day, everyone!

Hey,Joan? Im glad youre doing well!
Vedic astrology seems scary accurate, to me! ...i guess that sounds weird?! It doesnt try to constantly make bad things seem 'positive' like western astrology does. Its much bolder & more specific. Anyway, the sign Virgo is about cleaning & organizing in western astrology. That is a majorly challenged sign for me as well as my property!
My back is MUCH BETTER NOW!!! I am sooo relieved! That was awful! It really got me thinking about becoming incapacitated & staying stuck in filth...what a nightmare...

Hey,Joan? Im glad youre doing well!
Vedic astrology seems scary accurate, to me! ...i guess that sounds weird?! It doesnt try to constantly make bad things seem 'positive' like western astrology does. Its much bolder & more specific. Anyway, the sign Virgo is about cleaning & organizing in western astrology. That is a majorly challenged sign for me as well as my property!
My back is MUCH BETTER NOW!!! I am sooo relieved! That was awful! It really got me thinking about becoming incapacitated & staying stuck in filth...what a nightmare...

Hi everyone, Tillie, Porter, Tat, SubC, CM. I enjoy reading your posts. It is usually too hard for me to post things. I just get through my days.

Anony, good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about your back pain. Yes, as you surmised, I know a thing or two about astrology. However, I have not studied Western astrology. The systems I am most familiar with are Vedic (Indian) astrology, called Jyotish, and ancient Egyptian astrology. The ancient astrolgy is encoded into the playing cards. It is a system with which I resonate.

Cats are hoarders! Great! Tillie et al, you are very observant about that. I like to stare down cats that are lounging about.

Things have been OK lately, but no decluttering to report at this time. Take care, everyone.

Great work, SubC!

After graduation I visited with mom and then came home and napped. I work from home tomorrow so will catch up on laundry. Got sheets changed this AM.

I will now make sure all dishes are in dishwasher before going to bed. Just tired today, I'm afraid.

Hi everyone!

Tatoulia, I'm sorry you had a sad ending with your brother yesterday. Thank you for telling me about him. I'm glad for you both that he is in a better phase.

Did you get your laundry done? I hope you get to enjoy your clean bedroom fix. :)


Tillie, I've never thought about being able to go to the mall as a good thing. You made me laugh. It's like a useless superpower "I can go to the mall!"

My kitty hoards unpleasant furry lumps in my garage. I would prefer old scratching posts! He does usually come back to eat his "treasures" if I don't carry them out with a shovel right away.

CM, it's important to take breaks and shift your focus to something that feeds your soul! Otherwise the weight of it all will grind you down. Remember it's a marathon, not a sprint. And have a great time at your festival!

I think three boxes to donate sounds like a good dent! And I'm glad you found all of your bunnies.

Anonymoniker, yay for progress on the cupboard! I don't understand astrology at all, but I do know a little about back pain. Please be careful!

I spent most of today "churning". Shifting things around in the basement and moving things to other rooms. If you remember, my house is under renovation, and dh had to remove a piece of air duct, run a plumbing line, cut an existing plumbing line, tie into it, and put the duct back. All while moving a ladder around and working above my hoard. Happily nothing got wet or damaged including dh. I even managed well enough that he didn't get angry at me - which is rare on these occasions - the hoard must be better! (Or dh had a visit from the patience fairy)

There are now three piles back in the guest room, but one is going to school with me on Wednesday, one is a few things for my kids to say yes or no to, and one is a new goodwill pile. I plan for all of them to be moved out by Friday.

I found two books to part with, which is great because books are very hard for me. Only in the last year, as part of the dehoarding process, did I reach the point where all the books can be on shelves. As far as I know, for the first time in my life. Definitely in over 40 years. I remember packing piles of books from my room for our move when I was 7.

I also spent some time on the dining porch and all of the papers are off the floor (I am using three of the six chairs for sorting). Can't see the table, but the floor is clear. I am also caught up retroactively on the paper purging, and good on the milk.

I have two large boxes of non recyclable containers in my car to take to the lady at the food bank tomorrow, and when dh asked what I was doing and I told him, he decided we should have take out again from the place that was the source of all the take out containers I am getting rid of. It has been months.
Overall a good day.

Hello, all! ~♡~
Ive been having weird,scary back pain that has now moved into my legs & hips. I did get a good bit done on that corner cupboard, so that feels good!
As bad as i am about procrastinating, it really does seem like a constant stream of obstacles is always a big part of it. And its never a standard problem. Its always something totally bizarre or unusual. Im gonna blame the planets for a minute(ha ha). Joan? You understand astrology, dont you? This is what im dealing with. I have a combust Sun-Venus, and Virgo rising. My property purchase chart has the Sun and Moon intercepted in Virgo! Now how in blazes am i suppose to deal with that? And i have a retrograde Taurus Mars! ha ha ....ok, enough blaming the planets...but still....ha ha ~☆~☆~☆~

Hello, all! ~♡~
Ive been having weird,scary back pain that has now moved into my legs & hips. I did get a good bit done on that corner cupboard, so that feels good!
As bad as i am about procrastinating, it really does seem like a constant stream of obstacles is always a big part of it. And its never a standard problem. Its always something totally bizarre or unusual. Im gonna blame the planets for a minute(ha ha). Joan? You understand astrology, dont you? This is what im dealing with. I have a combust Sun-Venus, and Virgo rising. My property purchase chart has the Sun and Moon intercepted in Virgo! Now how in blazes am i suppose to deal with that? And i have a retrograde Taurus Mars! ha ha ....ok, enough blaming the planets...but still....ha ha ~☆~☆~☆~

Hello everybody! I'm doing a quick laundry before I have to start getting ready for the graduation ceremony for our friend.

Tillie, I aspire to having a schedule for cleaning and washing cabinets. For now, I am going to keep moving forward. In whatever ways I can.

CM thank you for the nice long post. I feel your struggles. You are doing a great job with everything. I'm glad you have a festival to go to-you do need to find some balance. WTG on the church sale items! You are doing a great job with the storage place. You are working through a lot of tough decisions, tough emotions, etc. and you are inspiring me.

I will see what I can do this AM before the graduation. I need to do maintenance on the bedroom if I'm to have that wonderful feeling of walking into a clean bedroom.

Another delightful day at the storage unit *sarcasm*. Nah, it wasn't that bad, it's just that I'm feeling some burnout with it. I did get some good things done.

I took the church garage sale donations - they've been riding around with me anyway - and finished getting them stickered, and decided just to leave them out there and pick them up on another time close to the date they'll start accepting donations (June 5th). Three boxes' worth, and I may find more to add.

Worked on getting those ceramic bunnies all out where I could assess them. Didn't get all of them repacked, but hopefully now that I know what I'm dealing with, on another run I can finally wrap up that task. Also put some quilting project bags in a tub neatly, and miscellaneous other stuff.

I'm starting to think about estimating for the move. The delays with rain and so on have put me behind in one sense, but in another way it's a good thing, because I think my estimating will be more accurate. I counted how many shelving units are in the current storage, thus getting an idea how many will fit. Hoping that before the move to the new unit, I'll be able to replace old rickety narrow units with sturdy, deeper-shelved ones.

I'd like at some point to move stuff to the center so that my helpers will be able to move the good shelves out and take them to the new place, along with whatever units I purchase. Then I'll remove the ones I want to get rid of. We'll set up at the new place and then the tubs and stuff can be taken and placed where they go on or by the shelf units.

This is still a ways off, but for so many years it has been completely unthinkable that I could even be making such concrete plans.

However - it's been a struggle here lately. I'm just tired of having this dominate my life, I guess. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... Tillie, I can so relate to your panic, and I sure hope you are feeling better. {{hugs}} The stress over my hoard has me ragged out. I started to feel panicky riding in the car with my roommate tonight. And I knew it was just because my brain was so fried. I felt okay asking her to pull over, and it didn't last. She is very understanding about my "quirks."

Well, next week whatever mild weather days we have I'm going to work on the stuff, but I'm also going to try to get to some sort of stopping point - and then assess whether I want to attempt to move the unit during the summer months, or wait until fall. If it's not ghastly hot, and I feel reasonably prepared, and the helpers are available, I may go ahead. If I feel a strong uncertainty, that would be my signal that it's just not time yet. And I'll pray about it all, 'cause that's what I do.

It's okay. The glitches and the tiredness and whatever else will pass. Next Saturday I hope to go to a Steampunk festival and just have fun and forget all these obsessive thoughts for awhile. And I hope maybe even before then I can find a little time to do some artwork. I've resented how much time and energy the decluttering has taken when I just want to do creative stuff and feel the endorphins. I'm all about balance in life, but life doesn't always get the memo - it sends rainy days, gasoline money worries, etc. - things that if I didn't have to fuss with, I'd have had this project done by now. Okay, I'll quit griping. Those ups and downs again. Hope that by next time I post there'll be more ups than downs. Over and out.

Hi Everybody :)

Hi CriticalMass :)
Yes, the cats are hoarders!
They hate to ever let anything go.
Example, I got them a big new scratch post that they all love and they pout because I removed their small ratty worn out scratch post.
Please take care not to over exert yourself while sorting the storage unit.
It is getting hot now and you must keep hydrated.
Skipping meals & snacks does terrible things to the blood sugars and that causes your body to become stressed.
Treat the sorting project like a job.
Take several breaks and have a lunch hour. (((HUGS)))

Hi Porter :)
How's the moving out going?

Hi Subclinical :)
You can go to a store at the mall!
That's great. WTG! :)
Have a WONDERFUL time when your kids are there for the visit! :D

Hi Tatoulia :)
Thank You (((HUGS)))
Wishing you a good solid night's sleep.

Spent today removing everything from 3 kitchen cupboards, washing the cupboards, rinsing the dishes and putting the things back in.
Can't hardly believe how much dust gets into the cupboards, but it does.
Maybe tomorrow I will do the cabinets and/or drawers.
Also watered the grass and sprayed bug spray on some plants that have bugs.