Good morning.

Lila, I hope you were able to enjoy the dinner, and I am glad you found your cake recipe. Did you take a picture of it? Copy it and put it in the recipe file?

You did so much! That was a full day for anybody, let alone somebody recovering from surgery!

I am happy for you about the counter and table.

I am slowly making progress on my counter of doom again. Very slowly, and also it is not net progress yet, because I have backslid a lot again.

I am really trying right now to keep up with each day's tasks, but it is just so much, and I don't see things. Like, spending the day with Bean yesterday - I thought I had cleaned up all the toys and dishes and this morning I realized that we put the top of his carrot in water to take out to the rabbit later, but then we forgot and so I have a carrot top in a cup of water. It's a small thing, but that is how my life gets out of control. A few small things a day, twenty or so small things a week, and after a couple of months I have hundreds of little messes and unfinished tasks everywhere.

I am very lucky to have heartdaughter. I was really worn down yesterday from the emotional overwhelm, but I did manage to also have a conversation with Dh yesterday evening about some of what caused it, and that has helped me feel better too, and I got a pretty good night's sleep last night, so here I go again.

I think today is a kitchen day mostly.

SubC, hugs on your hard day. I am glad you had heartdaughter to cry with. How blessed. I hope things are feeling a little better now.

I saw your message too late - after I baked the cake. But your message is a good one and I will use it next time. I made the cake, the frosting, frosted it, cleaned a bunch of junk out of the fridge to fit the cake in, washed the kitchen table and consolidated dil's stuff into a bag and box to be taken downstairs. I also cleaned off the bar/counter, which was gross and dusty, but not terrible since I sorted it not long ago. It is getting easier to keep that counter and kitchen table under control enough that it might look bad, but it is much faster to clear off than it used to be.

Now I am exhausted, the dryer broke and a bunch of towels are drying outside (stuff as boards) and it is over 100 degrees. I need to go out and fold them and bring them in. I also need to fgure out the dryer or get someone to come. And we are having like 15 people over for dinner tonight. Ex dh is bringing takeout for us all, which is very kind of him, (we rarely see him but he is coming to see Teen), so dinner will be delicious, paper plates, not a ton of cleanup. But a lot of family, which will be nice, but as an introvert, I'll need to go in my room after. The surgery is a good reason for doing this - recovery, for real.

I sorted a tiny bit in the lay room this morning. I will post my wins in the daily tally.

Lila,

Sometimes the birthday cake comes from the store.

If it is really important you can tell the person how sorry you are that you are not up to making the special cake right now and promise that person the special cake on another day when you are better.

This is an opportunity for someone to practice compassion and managing disappointment.

I did not have a good day. I do not want to get into it and I am ok, but shortly before lunch time I called heartdaughter and when she answered I said "hi. I am ok, but can I come cry in your living room?" So I did that. And her big sweet dog curled up next to me, and eventually she made me laugh and I got on with my day.

On topic I removed the trash and recycling from the house today.

Bean is going to spend the night. :)

hi again SubC and Tatoulia. I hope we can all perk up. That is so sweet about you getting the duck some ducklings. You have a compassionate heart.

I am so exhausted, and Teen came yelling at me today, and we have a birthday this week, and I have lost the cake recipe. It is a recipe I made up myself almost 20 years ago. You would think I would make copies, or scan it into the computer, take a photo of it or put in on an index card in the recipe box by now. But no. I have looked for it, it has to be made today or at the lastest tomorrow, and I am frustrated. I will go look for it again. I am hoping it is in the old mail file box. If not, I will be tearing my cabinets and cupboards apart to try and find it. I am already to tired to make it but will ask for help... if I can find it.

I need to start clearing out the storage little bedroom, which no longer even has a walking path. It has a bed in one corner, piled with spare towels, blankets, pillows for company and random things I threw there. The floor, shelves and closet in there is packed full. But I feel I am stuck in my bedroom progress because I have nowhere to move any totes to. That little room was my staging area, remember? Now it is piles. I seriously cannot get anywhere unless I actually get rid of some things... a significant number of things. Ok, off to find that recipe.

Rest Lila. I'm sorry you are sad.

I also think about people stumbling on me here. So many times I want to tell you great stories about my students (whiteout sharing their names of course) and then I think about that and I'm like, nope. :(

You are getting plenty done, even for somebody who has not had surgery.

Tatoulia, I'm glad your dinner with your brother went well. Enjoy the cake tomorrow!

I am gain8ngbgroundbonnlaundry, losing ground on milk, and pretty much managing everything else. Dh has been cooking dinners again.

I even got some significant time in on my pottery today. I have a lot of pots to trim in the morning and then take down with me to finish and leave on the firing counter at the class studio. I want to go early for the social brunch, but we'll see .I may not have left myself enough time.

I don't know if I told you that the last duck came back to the barn about a week ago. She has been lonely and depressed and I couldn't stand it anymore, so today I bought her three ducklings. They aren't even a breed I wanted, they were just the minimum number of the ducklings available. They have definitely bonded to her, but I think she is not so sure. Hopefully they will be a comfort.

Lila, good to hear from you and we understand completely! I would be mortified, too, if someone found me here. It's our private space and our private community.

Just don't overdo. Please just take care of yourself. I understand being sad as I have been very sad for about a month. I am sure that having significant surgery is making your sadness even worse. Here for you.

I've been reading most of the day. I took subway downtown to get brother a birthday cake. Too humid to walk. Came home, showered, and read. Now I'm doing a little laundry.

I haven't really done anything else. I'll put dishes in the dishwasher and will run it in a little while.

oh, thank you for your sweet concerns, SubC and Tatoulia. Life altering, yes, but not life threatening. It will be a few months of recovery, but mostly back to semi-normal hopefully in a few weeks. Worst pain of my life, not trying to be cryptic, just have always wondered, what if someone from my actual life wandered across this site and figured out these posts are from me and I would be so sad, thinking my co workers or people who know me know the state of my home. But anyway, suffering, humbling, and hard time bouncing back. I just want to lay here and sleep. I am finding it harder than ever to get up and do anything, even given that I am recovering from surgery. My motivation has dropped to zero.

However, the thought of someone else coming in here to help me or bring me food or heaven forbid, get me things or clean up, is just enough to make me do a little bit.

Yesterday I gathered all the dog snacks and chews in my bedroom into one box.

I also gathered all my snacks in my bedroom, put into baggies and put on one desk shelf. The rest went into a kitchen cabinet. I don't need THAT MANY snacks in here.

I was able to shower yesterday for the first time all week. Today I will try and wash a load of laundry with some help.

I also sat here and went through one box of books I inherited from a dear friend, and found 4 or 5 to donate.

I will do 5 minutes of sorting or wiping down in my bedroom and my bathroom, as I am able.

Truth be told, I am sad, and want to do nothing.

I am also concerned about you, Lila. Since I haven't kept up with the posts, I had figured I missed something. Sending you my support.

SubC! You've done a lot! I bet the beets are so tasty!

Dinner went ok with my brother. I've invited him here Sunday for birthday cake and ice cream for his birthday.

I canceled the car because we are supposed to have thunderstorms and I don't want to deal with that. Instead, I had my grocery store deliver the seltzer and juice and it was very easy and very economical. Will definitely be doing that instead of hauling it up my stairs in the future. I had been under the impression there was an $80 minimum but it's only 30, so I stocked up on the juices and seltzers. Much easier on me. I did this yesterday while working from home.

Will consider taking a bus to goodwill, maybe tomorrow before brother comes over. Will pick up his cake later today, weather permitting.

Wishing you all a wonderful Saturday!

Good morning!

Happy to see people back. I hope Alanna didn't get buried under a pile of grading!

Lila, I understand not wanting to share too much online, but I am very concerned about you surgery. Particularly because of this: " All of it seems so unnecessary now, after this surgery."
That seems like the sort of thing one says after a life altering or near death event. I hope you are ok.

Tatoulia, good luck on your donation bag. I hope things go wellwith your brother. You have had a lot in your year. Be gentle with yourself.

I feel like I spent all day yesterday cooking. I picked some beets, then made a favorite but time intensive curry with the greens (there are leftovers for more today) and roasted and peeled the beetroots. Dh used some in a salad he made for us last night. I also braided and hung the garlic I harvested last week - which is not actually cooking, but somehow felt like it. I didn't get much garden work done because the weather was hot and humid.

Other than the cooking, i puttered around and picked up. That actually involved more effort than it sounds like. My goal was to finish/clean up everything from yesterday and the third before I went to bed yesterday.

I almost made it. I still have compost to take out, a dishwasher to unload (it was running when I went to bed), two loads of laundry to put away, and a gallon and a half of milk to process into something to keep up with that. The maintenance bill on my life is high.

We didn't go to fireworks last night. My neighbors all had their own. We could hear them all around the house, but only see a little bit of the ones across the road. We have too many tall trees.

I decided to spend some money to make my life a little easier yesterday and ordered some rainbow mason jar lids. I'm not counting them as an in, because when the plastic containers break or I get rid of the old metal lids I was using, I just drop them in the recycling without counting them out. Anyway, I had ordered a pack of grey ones that just go in the dishwasher and rack dry and are easier to use than hand washing and drying metal rings so they don't rust (more) and I realized that it is a lot easier to see which milk is older with two lid colors (the plastic lids I already had were white) rather than reading all the dates I taped to all the lids. I have tried loading them into the fridge from top to bottom and left to right, but I am just not organized enough to keep that up. I am very visual, so hopefully white, grey, roygbiv, will work for me.

Ok, Dh just left to work out and I need to do yoga and get my day started. Making good choices.

Happy 4th Of July!

Sorry I've been absent here. I've been absent in my life, too. Just not pulling it together. Having a lot of feelings about things. We are coming up on one year since BF moved overseas. So that's been a lot for me. I cannot remember what we did last year for the 4th and neither can he. I am doing nothing tonight although I would love to walk down to the esplanade to see the fireworks.

I met a friend this AM and we walked through the arboretum and then grabbed a bite to eat. We ended up in this little hole in the wall that was peaceful and relaxing. It was so nice to be there.

The. I came home, showered, and took a loooong nap.

Tomorrow night I'm having dinner with my brother. A bit nervous but it'll be fine. I haven't seen him since before mom died. He's got a lot of problems and I think he's going to expect a lot out of me. Time will tell.

Saturday I've reserved a car and so I need to make a bag for goodwill. I don't know what else to get rid of, to be honest, but I,l figure it out. I need to keep moving in the right direction. I'll also stop to get seltzer and other heavy stuff I need.

We have work tomorrow, oddly enough. Usually they give us the day off. A little weird but that's okay.

Will put on some music now and start trying to figure out what I can donate. No idea since I have so much stuff gone.

Oh when Emiko and I went to VT we were able to bring all the photos and other ephemera she was storing for my sister. So that was good to get that up to my sister's. I also brought her my mother's madeleine pans and a bunch of cookie cutters, including some that my grandfather made. She was so pleased. I kept one madeleine pan for myself and will hang in my kitchen.

So wish me well as I figure out stuff

Did I tell you I was able to clear out one of the safety deposit boxes? I still have to figure out the other one. There was a lot of stuff I had forgotten. A bunch I can sell, so that will be good. Still seem to be missing an engagement ring or a wedding ring (not mine) but I'll see where else to look. Everything is now in a friend's save while I figure out my next move with the jewelry.

hello friends, nice to catch up with you all. Sounds like we all stay busy, even on vacation etc, and do a lot of puttering, too. I had surgery this week, unexpectedly, so have done nothing but recovery. However I am beginning to feel a bit more normal, and thinking about cleaning my bedroom where I have been confined. I can't do a lot but I can get up and sort things here or there, in my bedroom and my master bathroom which is attached, and used by no one but me.

I am troubled by being unable to find things I am 99% sure I have. This is true in my room, in that terrible stacked and packed storage bedroom across the hall, and the garage... although the garage is far better than it was. I wish I could take a photo of what I see right now from my bed.

A desk, piled with papers, random bits, and packaged food.
an office chair piled with a box, a plastic bin, and clothing
4 dressers and 3 nightstands with every surface covered with packaged food, papers, books, mugs, "special" things, random bits.
2 bookshelves and a wardrobe with every surface full - one with mostly books, the others with randoms.
The rocking chair, with a few clothing items, a stack of books, and piles of random things.
A small rocking chair with towels and a laptop on it.
A dog crate and a plastic drawer thing, stacked with all kinds of stuff.
And between all of this furniture, floors coverd with boxes, plastic totes, bags, and stacks of everything you might find in a rummage sale or Goodwill store.

And yet it has all been gone through repeatedly and culled. Shall I do it again? There is barely a path.

Much of it, locked in here so Teen would not break it or the grands ruin something special to me. Half my kitchen supplies are in here to avoid breakage.

What to do, what to do? All of it seems so unnecessary now, after this surgery. Perhaps I should just start getting rid of everything as I am able.

Good morning!

Happy July 4th Americans.

Do I still say white rabbits if I'm first in the month but it isn't the first?

How is everyone doing?

I am still working on time management. I got a library book about "editing your life" Dh said he had some suggestions for things to edit, and I told him it's about editing your LIFE not your space.

I have been getting some small tasks done, but no real progress. The last few days I've noticed I can do my chores plus one large task (6-8 hours) one midsized task (2-3 hours) and one/several small task(s) (an hour or small chunks during the day. All three tasks cannot be at the top end of their range.

Yesterday's tasks were Bean (8 hours), taking the truck in for a recall repair (1.5 hours) and groceries/laundry/dishes (keeping things under control in small chunks.)

Once school starts that will be my big task 3x a week. And Bean will be 1x a week. Planning for school will take up at least two midsized slots. Any social activity will also take a slot because those are draining, and I want to spend more time on pottery. I think I need to work on my stamina, because I clearly do not have enough useful time in my week.

Anyway, this morn8ng - garden!

Hello again.

I am having a fairly successful day.

I pulled some weeds this morning and got all of the pepper plants Dh bought me planted- so they are not sitting on the front porch anymore, and also they did not die. It took a little longer than I expected and I got somewhat overheated, so I had a shower and a rest.

Then I spent some time working on the counter of doom! "Better" is relative, but any progress is good progress.

Now I am having a short break from standing, and then I am going to make some bread and start the dishwasher.

Good morning.

Tatoulia, I'm glad things went well for you.

I mostly puttered around yesterday. Dh helped me clean in the kitchen/great room area a bit.

The wedding was very nice. It was a second marriage for both and their kids made up the wedding party. The six year old clearly couldn't wait to get the ring on his stepmother's hand and kept having to be told "not yet" as he tried to hand it to his dad. I think the bride's teenage daughter has a few more reservations - her big brother leaves for college in the fall and instead of being a family of her and her mom whom she is very close to, she will now have a stepdad , two little sisters, and a little brother. But she walked her mother down the aisle. (Actually down the curved rock stairs between the flower beds - the setting was really gorgeous.)

Slept in this morning and a bit tired, but determined to get some things done. We had huge storms yesterday and the heat has finally broken, so garden for a few hours this morning, and cheese/ice cream making in the afternoon I think.

Hello hello! Vermont went well. Took me all week to recover from so much driving. We had rain and fog and a tornado warning on way up to VT. Luckily Emiko did not tell me about the warnings coming through our iPhones. All is well with mom's grave and we had a wonderful time with my sister. The hotel was very nice.

Lila, I need to think about what you wrote about other people's homes being so clean. I think of that in terms of decluttering, too. I think some of it comes from dealing with things in the moment. I have been working actively on finishing things I've started and taking care of things now. I tend to start making my bed and then abandoning the last little bit (like fluffing my pillows) and then I wonder why things never look right. So I'm working on that. Trying to take care of things as I recognize them instead of saying, I'll need to do that later.

I'm going to think alot about your post.

Hello SubC, CM, Alanna! Hope I didn't miss anyone!

Good morning!

Hi Lila. I am also on vacation.

Camp was fun last week, but I am looking forward to some open days. It was nice and short, so that I got to enjoy the kids, but was barely starting to get attached by the end of the week, so it wasn't hard to leave them. My employer handed me my paycheck yesterday! I am not used to being paid so fast. It was nice.

I don't know who these "other people" are. I think they don't have dogs and children. I think they like to clean. When we were homeschooling, we went to other families homes a lot. Generally the room we were meeting in had been swept or vacuumed and most of the surfaces wiped down. Bathrooms were usually clean. The rest of the house and yard were pretty much mostly like ours - kind of dirty and fairly messy. Most of them did not have hoarded rooms though. More stuff makes cleaning harder and take longer.

My cousin likes to clean. She wipes down every surface in her kitchen every night, including the floor. She has very little stuff on the counters or table and nothing on her windowsills, and she uses disposable cleaning cloths. She also wipes up and does dishes as she goes when she cooks (but she uses a lot of prepared foods, so that doesn't take long). Her evening "clean" takes her ten minutes. If she made a curry, that would be her activity for the afternoon/evening.

They are moving my husband's office at work. He is getting a smaller office shared with two people instead of one. (They are downsizing building use) it has a window with a view of the dumpster in the parking lot. Currently he works from home two days a week. This week he worked from home every day because the union guys have to pack up his computer and anything else and move it and set it up, so it takes all week for a section to be moved. No one can move their own stuff. He brought everything home except the equipment (like the computer) that belongs to his employer. 28 years of books, awards, photos, Knick knacks, office supplies. He says he might never go back unless he has to meet with someone. There is a lot of "new" stuff in my house. I'm not sure how I feel about this. When he works from home he yells into the "phone" (computer headset) a lot and creates a lot of dishes and empty food packaging. He also has trouble stopping in the evening.

Anyway, today is a catching up day with a wedding to attend in the evening (Dh work friend) so I will let you guys know how it goes.

post #2 -

Today I was wondering how other people's houses don't get so disgusting and gross. I was getting the dog his food and noticed that the lid of the dog food bin is covered in dust and ick. I have wiped it off many times but here it is, looking like it has not been cleaned in years. How is it that other people's things look clean and fresh every day? I know I will wash it and get it looking nice, yet, not long from now it will be like this again. I don't understand how it works. Do other people really have the time to clean every item in an entire house every day to keep it looking like new?

Today was a good day, though.
- loaded and ran the dishwasher
- partly unloaded and put away clean dishes
- folded and put away kitchen and bathroom towels that were in the dryer
- did 3 loads of laundry, mainly my clothing and towels
- took a few things out to the trash
- picked up my car from the mechanic
- then drove my car to a car wash, because it was filthy. Ran it through and then used their vacuums and got it vacuumed out, all trash out. It is still not "clean" but certainly better.
- paid bills
- picked up all the stuff off the counter and bagged it for dil. Put the crock pot away.
- vacuumed and mopped about 75% of the kitchen and dining room floor. I did not move all the chairs and table which are against a wall, but the rest got mopped.

Aside from that, I cooked a curry using stuff I had in the fridge, made coffee, played with the dog and Tot, read with Tot, and put some random things away.

I think of how much free time I would have if I had someone to clean for me. I would be free to do things I enjoy.

hello, friends. I am here, blurry-brained and eyes glazed from so much work, but finally here I am on my two week vacation. I love my job but everyone needs a break. I am enjoying being home, sleeping in, playing with Tot. I caught up on some of the posts.

SubC, that situation at the school would have been upsetting to me. I probably would have a car full too, but most of it would go directly to a nonprofit second hand store for donation. I used to pick up everything useful - everything - and save it. Off curbs, free stuff at yard sales, all of it. That did not serve me as you know so I have donated a lot of that stuff. I like your idea of having new instructions so people can feel good about taking things. This world is so wasteful!!

Tatoulia, I'm sorry about the safe deposit boxes, that would be upsetting, but it sounds like you worked through a lot of those feelings. I'm glad you should get those things back.

Hi CM, Alanna, who am I missing?

I'm trying to do some major decluttering and cleaning and reorganizing as part of my time off.

Back later!

The super hot day was perfect for going to the water park though. :)

Hi CM! So good to see you! The weather out your way has had me worried.

SubC, I think of that as sort of slipping decluttering in "sideways," when our attention is focused on something else. That can make it easier by taking the pressure off, the push-pull, "will I or won't I" do this. That head on approach can result in indecision gridlock.

Hi Tatoulia! I hope Vermont goes smoothly.

Hi Alanna! So glad you are still here! I feel you on the grading. Ug!

Hi CM, hi Lila!

My Dd decided to meet a friend for ice cream this evening, so I only had to take Bean as far as the ice cream store. So I only dropped trash and got groceries.

Camp starts tomorrow. If I get done in time, I will go to the bank.

I did get the house tidied up a bit today. It's a mystery why I can clean up when Bean is here, but not when he isn't! I mean, he helps, but not that much. I think it's being trapped, but not needed. - like I'm done eating lunch, and he isn't, so I sort out the stuff on the table while I talk to him. Or he wants company in the bathroom, so I wipe the counter..

He had fun with the new tumbling mat today. It was a mat and also a fort roof.

Other updates on other threads ..

Hey All :)

I'm sorry I haven't kept up with posts (reading or replying), I'm still grading papers - 230 questions to go. I'll reply when I'm done.

Just wanted to pop in and send love to everyone. <3

I'm here. Going to VT today to take care of some stuff involving mom. Have a friend coming by to take care of cats.

Good morning!

I miss everyone.

I skipped my errands and my event on Thursday. It was just too hot. The venue was not air conditioned. Hopefully it will rain today and break the heat.

I've made very little progress on tidying my house, but I have been making cheese and chocolate goodies and frozen custard, which is not helping my weight.

Dd is bringing Bean over today because I didn't get to see him at the end of last week because of dsil being sick, and I will have camp mon-Fri. She will drop him off and I will take him home later. And do some of my errands, but not everything because some stuff is closed on Sunday.

I'm hoping the structure of camp will help me get myself back into some routine and progress. I've been drifting a lot this month and really only have 8 weeks to get myself together before school demands start again. My house and my stuff are feeling overwhelming.

Good morning! Happy solstice!

My dsil still has a fever and Bean says his throat hurts, so Dd is still sleeping here. We are all over cautious about the baby brother.

The heat is still miserable. Tatoulia, how are you coping?

I made a lot of cheese yesterday (one of the major projects) and need to make more chocolate sauce (I use a spoon or two in milk as a treat instead of buying cocoa or chocolate powder.)

I need to do some pottery prep for camp next week and for a class I am taking that also starts next week. I'm going to a program at the studio tonight, so it is a going places day. I have a bunch of errands to plan out and load in the car.

Dh had the day off yesterday and he helped me get the AC fixed in my car, so I can drive it now. He also brought me ten pepper plants when he went to the hardware store. He has been taking really good care of me lately.

Ok, off to do chores and such before it gets too hot!

Thanks Tatoulia.

He's home now and on orders rest the rest of the week - stay home in bed or a chair and just walk around the house as needed.

Dsil is sick, so Dd - who is not sick (yet) is planning to come here to sleep. She's going to get dinner somewhere after work and pick up breakfast on her way tomorrow. Bean is home with daddy and won't come on Thursday now. Since I'm running camp next week that means I won't see him for two weeks.

I haven't made any attempts at either of the projects I thought I was going to work on today, but I have puttered around cleaning up and doing some laundry. I just still can't seem to find my energy.

Thinking about your dad, SubC.

Good morning.

Stay cool Tatoulia! We had a heat index of 105 yesterday and an air quality warning. It was hard to explain Bean why he couldn't play outside.

My house is a mess. I slept late, and had strange dreams, and need to take care of the chores before it gets too hot in a couple of hours. I have two major projects I want to work on today and can probably only find time for one, although Dh will be gone until dark, so we'll see.

My mom called. Dad's surgery went well and they have moved him to the recovery room.

I think I can feel my blood pressure decreasing.

I have been so tired the last three days. I'm sorry you are too Tatoulia.

My dad has heart surgery tomorrow. They are replacing a valve. His stats are not what they would like them to be for the surgery, but they won't get better, so they are going ahead. I am worried.

I will have Bean to distract me all day.

Hi everyone! I'm very low energy these days. I did get out today but felt crummy after taking care of the task and so I came home. Now I have a minimum of two things I need to do so I will go r7n those errands now. We still have good weather but the heatwave starts Tuesday so I must run now.

SubC, I would've struggled seeing all of that stuff headed for the landfill. I hope you can find homes for all of it.

I don't know why I needed to wait to deal with the safety deposit issue. I used to run off of drama and upset and I've been fairly calm the last 15 or so years and I need to let that be my default, even if I have to work on it. If I'd been in my 20s or 30s, everyone in my office would have been involved and I'd be visibly panicking and upset. Now I'm much more practical.

I'm so sorry you were burglarized. I would never get over that, either.

Good morning!

Thanks for posting.

CM, what surprised me most was how utterly exhausting the whole experience was. My car is not fully unloaded, but what is still in it is stuff I brought home from my classroom intentionally to sort, clean, reorganize, and plan.

I have trash (that I will take back and throw in the dumpster at school) recycling, donations, a box to return to school, a box of consumables like paper and folders, and a box of things to decide if I want to keep or donate.

I am wondering if I can ask the building manager to amend her instructions to put unwanted items in the hall and be done by x date to add "please help yourself to any items in the hall that you can use for next year. (Which is sort of understood but not stated) Any items still in the hall on x date will be thrown away" - giving people permission to take items for personal use without guilt just before that point and also a heads up that if they want to come sort their recycling, or other people's recycling out or take items to donate, that's the cut off.

Tatoulia, I'm not sure you need a new business to run. I would have been on the phone right away! I was burglarized 35 years ago and still have not made peace with some of the things I lost.

I'm here, just not posting.

Thank you for the continued good news on the pregnancy.

I've been giving some thought to wearing one of my mother's bracelets all the time. I couldn't find it here so I figured it must be in my safety deposit box. So I went to call the vault for their hours (not affiliated with a bank) and when I looked for the number, I saw the vault is permanently closed. I have two safety deposit boxes there. One small, one large. I felt really concerned and after my meeting at work I walked over to the building. The security guard gave me the property manager's number. He couldn't give me any information on the vault and whether the contents were still there, other than to say other people had come by before and he was unaware of any problems. . I waited to call for two days because I needed to live with the thought that it could be all gone. I found a way to make peace with it. I called the property manager on Friday and he'll give me access next week. I can only clean out the small box because I'll need someone with a car to get the large box. The man who ran the vault died in December. He was a very nice man and extremely fatherly toward me. I've known him since I was 23 and he was so proud of me for getting my degrees. The last time I saw him, I wanted to ask him to lunch but his worker was getting lunch for him. But I really had to live with the whole, what if it's all gone. I didn't cry, told BF about it and he told me not to worry. The vault is being closed and I am half thinking about whether I should try to be the person who runs it. Wondering what the property manager would think of that. Not a ton of money but if I had an employee who worked full time, I could stop by on my lunchtimes to check in. Just a crazy thought. Or I could only be open three days a week and make it days I work from home, and just work there instead. I don't know how many of the boxes generate rent or if I could make it make sense financially. Probably not.

Anyway, I did have to think about the nature of objects and their ultimate value. I will sell most of the jewelry. I don't even know what's in there, truthfully.

I'm sorry, SubC, that is extremely dismaying to see. Shamefully wasteful and sad. I could analyze what I believe are contributing social factors to such occurrences, but it might shade over into political and moral ideological controversy... so instead I'll just say that I think one thing that happens is people get way too pressed for time so they just go into a dumping frenzy. I could definitely see that in a school end of term scenario.

But I'm glad to be reading your posts about good news regarding the new grandson's imminent arrival and his improved prognosis and good news for your daughter as well re delivery. Continuing to hope and pray for the absolute best for all. :)

Good morning.

I decided not to do the market next week. It's supposed to be 96 degrees, and I have other things I need to do right now.

I had a good day with Bean. We picked up the new chicks and he is very pleased with his new silkies. I did have one chick who didn't make it through the night, but she was not a silkie, so it is fine. She was wobbly when she arrived, and a ten percent loss for random reasons is not uncommon in the first 48 hours of a hatch. The rest look good and if they survive to lunch time we will have cleared that hurdle.

School. The trip to school was a hoarding trigger nightmare. My car is full. I started out so well. I walked through the halls past all the other teachers' discard piles and I collected two large pads of chart paper and a stack of file folders to use in my room. Then I went back for 4 cool rubber band powered toy planes to bring home for my little boys. And then I started working on my classroom. I even put some random bits of non-recyclable plastic stuff in the trash can.

Then the building manager showed up and started stuffing entire piles into black plastic trash bags without even looking through them. And I said "hang on, are you just going to throw all of that away?" And she said "yes. I do not have time to sort it. If you want any of this, take it." And so I took a bunch of stuff. And she even called me back a few times for things that I figured she wouldn't throw out because they were larger objects with a clear destination - like an empty bin with a lid that obviously belongs in a particular closet: "do you want this?" I hesitate "seriously, I'm going to throw it out." And once, looking down into a cardboard box "Lego's." Me "(S), those go in somebody's room." Her "take the whole box" and I took the whole cardboard box that the legos were loose and mixed into. It looks like someone dumped a desk drawer into it.

And the whole time there was this horrible battle in my brain "I should just walk away. This is really bad for me. This is really wasteful and destructive and absurd. This is a symptom of a society with unhealthy values. I can't believe she is just going to throw out things that are still perfectly useful and functional. This is definitely triggering all of my hoarding instincts. This is probably making me worse. I need to stop doing this. How long would it take to sort out the donations and recycling? Longer than I have. So we are just going to throw out stuff that we spent money on and could keep using because we are too lazy to put it back in the supply closet. And then we will buy more. There are so many things I can't buy for my class because my budget isn't big enough. And then we will have fundraisers? Why should we expect parents to give us money when we don't steward it well? We are literally going to pay to have the dumpster emptied when it is full of stuff that is perfectly good but we ‘don't have time' to put somewhere else. How can we do this and then seriously expect our students to take care of the stuff in the classrooms? I really need to stop. I could just throw all the bags in my car, none of this is dirty or dangerous. No I can't there is too much."

I did finally walk away. But my car is full and I am still struggling to deal with the whole experience and the anger and frustration it stirred up. And I did not finish what I needed to do in my room. And I thought I would go back today, but now I need to deal with my car.

In better news, DD's doctor says she probably won't have to have a c-section, so things are looking better and better there. And they are starting to prepare for the baby - Bean is going to be moving to his new room and a twin bed (his current bedroom is only big enough for a toddler bed or crib, the chair Dd nurses in, one bookshelf, and a dresser that doubles as a changing table)

Good morning.

Wonder what everyone is up to. Alanna, did you finish the grading? When do your terms run?

Today is a Bean day. I have him Mondays and Thursdays this summer.

He has to be home early today though, because he has swimming lessons through the end of June. I will go to school when I take him home. They closed all the roads around the building for construction last week and made our parking lot inaccessible, so the administration extended the deadline for cleaning out classrooms to tomorrow. I still have a lot to do.

I did surprisingly finish most of the things on my list and go to the trainville farmers market yesterday. It was their first day, and there are no farmers yet - lol! Too early in the season. It's held in a nice grassy area by the park in front of a little shop that used to be a shed and the associated food truck. The food truck has four picnic tables. It turns out I know the market organizer - she is the same person who organizes the holiday and farm markets at our fire station. No one had bedding plants. It was face painting, soap, and bath bombs, candles, bread, and cookies. Plus the food truck and shop.

I struggle with local markets. I believe in them, and want to support them, but also, I wish they would have things I need. I don't like scented candles and soaps, I make bread and cookies, and I don't need my face painted. (Although I would have bought Bean a cookie and had his face painted if he had been with me and wanted me to.) The food truck has "grill" in it's name and is covered in cows. (Vegetarian in case you forgot)

Sometimes I feel like I consume so much, and then I go out and mingle with the world..

I'm thinking about taking some pottery and some baby goats and getting a table next week. Not sure how serious I feel about it yet though. I need to talk to Dh a little more. He was feeling under the weather last night.

Good morning ,

Yesterday I spent all day not quite finishing the items I had planned for morning. - well, not strictly true, they were mostly garden tasks and I worked in the garden for seven hours. Then I was hot and sweaty and tired and I watched two online movies while resting and doing minimal housework.

Goal for today: no movies. If I am very good and get everything* done, I will go check out the farmers market in trainville.

* well, maybe not EVERYTHING, but the big, important things.

Good morning,

Lila, that seems unfair to the dog. Like having a child on purpose when your partner doesn't want one and hoping they will love it when it is here.

I'm sorry about teen's caseworker. Document as much as you can in case things go back to court so you can appeal to the judge based on the conduct of the program vs. teen's conduct.

I think I may have solved the raccoon problem. But I filled the burrow entrance and something dug out last night - so is it the skunk after all? And if so, why have I not smelled any skunk smell at all? I will fill the burrow again. If it is the skunk it will give up eventually. I'm sorry because I like the skunk, but I can no longer have a burrow in my barn. Raccoons just have to ruin things for everyone.

The news on gs#3 continues to be encouraging. After the ultrasound yesterday they told Dd that if the current trend continues, they will probably delay the surgery until a month after he is born. That will give him time to grow and get stronger.

Now she is thinking about not taking her medicine though. She has another appointment about that on Thursday.

Bean and I had a good day yesterday. We signed up for the nearby small town library summer reading program (it is really good, but sadly the activities specifically for his age group are on Tuesdays - there are still a lot of multiage or independent ones though.) I also discovered by driving around through the area that has been getting some redevelopment (in this case that means empty historic buildings are becoming less empty and broken windows are being replaced, not the tear down/gentrification/McMansion issues other areas have - the cafe was closed. The sign on the door said "working on the farm") that the town has an amazing new playground. With a little free library! I'll be taking any children's books I clear out there from now on. We brought home nine new books that we can keep if Bean wants. So far the dragon one is definitely staying. Bean is really into dragons these days and when we went to sign up for the reading club they had a dragon book display and he wanted to check out all of them. I told him library books are for sharing and we could get two now and more later. He negotiated me up to three by choosing one that was not turned cover out and one that had another copy available.

I am going to refer to that town as "trainville" from now on, since the central area is an old railroad yard and station (part of the rail yard is now the playground) Bean has decided that since he will be here Mondays and Thursdays this summer, from now on Thursdays are trainville days. We will go to the library and the playground. If it is raining, just the library. This Thursday he has decided we will also bake bread and go to the farmer's market. (It is possible but unlikely that we will also pick up chicks. They ship tomorrow, but usually they take two days in transit.)

I have a lot to do today, but I am getting a slow start because I have been needing more rest.

Definitely time to get moving though.

Have a good day everyone! CM, I'm wondering what you are up to.

oh wow. It's too bad dh isn't interested. That would be so cool to have, and free! Maybe you guys could do a trial run... try the dog for a month or two and promise to rehome it if it is not a good fit.

I am trying so hard to force myself to do things.
-unpacked a few boxes of essentials that came in the mail
- put things away
- picked stuff up
- loaded more of the dishwasher
- read a book with Tot and fed her breakfast
- put a couple blankets into the hamper

I really ought to get to actual "work," Hmm. I will promise myself to get "work" done today after lunch.

Teen's new case manager is a real b word. And I am pretty easy going and tolerant. But the way they are treating us in completely unprofessional. Unfortunately, she has no supervisor. She IS the supervisor of the entire program. If Teen fails out of the program she will be back in court with charges. So I am trying to step in and help but this case manager is refusing to even cc me on emails or tell me when Teen has an appointment so I can get her there. Teen signed a release for this so it is not a privacy thing, it is just the case person being a snotty unhelpful person.

Lila, Dh wants a dog when he retires, but he wants a small dog to play with. I grew up with dogs, but dogs are a commitment. And you have to clean up the dog poop. I told Dh if we had a dog I would want a Great Pyrenees, but he thinks they are too big and too furry and wants an inside dog. My farm sitter knows where I could get a trained, adult, neutered male right now, for FREE because his people are retiring and selling the livestock and moving to an apartment.

Dh is not interested.

oh SubC, I am so sorry about the fox problem, and the chickens, and all of that. I hesitate to "jump in and solve," but I just want to mention, have you ever considered having a flock/herd guardian dog? A Great Pyraneese will love your animals, protect chickens and goats and anything else. They are outside dogs who sleep with the flock/herd and take great happiness in being with them as family. Gentle giants until a fox or hawk comes around, then they will stand guard and not let harm come to their charges. Even against coyotes. I love them.

I forgot about you having no trash service. I would have burned these... they were soaked in urine and interspersed with mashed-in feces. And as Tatoulia said, we have enough towels. This actually solves an ongoing problem of Teen just using towels and throwing them on the floor and never washing them. None of the towels were the newer, good towels. I told her and everyone else, I am not replacing the things that were thrown out. If anyone needs towels or sheets they can buy them and then find a place in their room to keep them. I am retiring from providing laundry service for other adults.

Today I am supposed to be working from home until a later meeting around 5pm. I am getting no work done. I have zero motivation or energy. I am forcing myself to get up and do little things.
- took items out of packing materials
- wiped counters
- unloaded and mostly loaded the dishwasher

Tot is about to come upstairs, so I will probably read her a story. Then will try to chip away at small tasks and get myself "into" my work mindset at least for an hour to get the essentials done.

My health is in such a sorry state that it is hard to get motivated to do anything.

Good morning!

It's ok Tatoulia. I don't have trash service, remember? I would have to bag those towels up and take them in my car an hour to the school dumpster - where I only have permission to throw away "a small thing now and then" or beg a friend or Dd to put them in their trash. Or burn them. I would default to washing.

Yesterday we went to church with Bean for his child dedication ceremony and then to the museum center. It was fun but tiring.

When we got home the fox problem had escalated. Clean up was discouraging. The chickens can't be out of their pen during the day any more. Which means they can't be out, because they won't go in in the morning, so I'm going to have to solve the raccoon problem (we're making progress) because penning them at night helps the raccoons. I reinforced the pen and managed to corral half of them last night. I'm down to 12 chickens. And no ducks.

I was very sad and I was looking at websites, thinking about getting new chicks (when school starts, as part of my class) when I stumbled across a great sale. I said to Dh "I guess this would be a bad time to order chicks." And he said "order whatever you want."

So now I have chicks coming at the end of the week. I guess they will start out in the garage and hopefully I can make the barn safe for them. He doesn't like to see me sad and discouraged. I hope this was not a mistake.

Bean again today.

I did finally plant the onions.

Hi Alanna, Lila, and CM!

Hello, hello.

Lila, I am glad (forgive me SubC) that you were able to throw out the towels. Why? Because I am sure you have plenty of towels. Towels are those things that I swear multiply if you aren't careful. Congratulations on finding your check! I know how frustrating it is to hunt for things. I did have a recent pedicure and it was very, very relaxing. Glad to hear you were able to get one so economically!

I'm sorry that Bean had a rough day, SubC. I am sure you were a safe place for him to land. Im glad daughter has good medical care and an excellent support system.

I spent yesterday antiquing with a friend. No purchases but I enjoyed the time out and about. No temptation to buy anything. Thoroughly enjoyable day. Today I went to grocery store, then did some laundry, talked with a friend who informed me that a mutual friend died on Saturday (mutual friend had stopped all treatment a few weeks ago). Then I went to a different grocery store to get some heavy stuff that I couldn't get earlier. Tmr I'll need to get cat litter.

Shout out to Alanna and CM!
So off to shower for me.

Hi Tatoulia!

Hi Alanna! Thanks for checking in! You have my sympathy on the grading.

Lila, I am sorry about the towels. I would not have been able to throw them away, so I would have found myself in the yard hosing off cat poop, and then running them through the washing machine.

Bean had a rough day yesterday and cried himself to sleep on my couch and I just let him sleep. He was so exhausted he peed - a lot. My ikea couch is currently disassembled and drying. At least it came apart to wash.

I'm glad you found your check and that you are planning things for you.

I went to DD's on appointment with her yesterday. The baby is doing well and the worst case scenario now is early but not premature delivery and immediate surgery. But so far that seems unlikely. On the advice of her doctor and the encouragement of her mother, Dd has decided to go on psychoactive medication. She has an appointment with her shrink on Monday to discuss it. I am hoping she won't change her mind. The ob offered to write her a starter dose yesterday so she could start taking it right away, which tells you where we are.

I still have a raccoon problem. And a fox problem. And it is becoming very discouraging.

My body is sore, tired, and fat, and despite limiting my to do list, "plant onions" has been on it for three days.

(Although yesterday saw the unplanned addition of "wash couch" and "pick blueberries" - my friend called to tell me they were ready and it is not an opportunity I pass up. I took her some cheese.)

Well I am back, to update and try to motivate myself to keep going.

Teen, against my direction, put a swinging door on the litter box without me noticing. Thus, the cat who was not understanding how to get in there, has peed and pooped all over the towels that were tossed on the floor. It is disgusting, the smell, omg. I knew Teen would melt down and rage if asked to clean it. So I got a bag and threw it all in there and took it to the trash. Then sprayed Pet cleaner on the tile floor to get the smell out. I am unhappy.

However I also sorted every item on the left side of my bedroom and I found the missing check! I deposited it. In the sorting of my room and the counter and my office box, I was able to throw out many pieces of paper and mail and such. And I donated a few items which I put on the Daily Tally thread.

I also washed:
- a load of my clothes
- a load of my jeans and my "nice" towels which I keep in my own bathroom
- a load of white washcloths which I bleached
- a weighted blanket, which cost a bundle and is not really supposed to be washed OR dry cleaned but Teen threw it in a pile of dirty clothes and it stinks. If it falls apart, it is trash, and Teen will have to buy herself a new one if she wants it. It is in the wash now.

I still need to clean up another pile which has a sheet and a blanket and, I believe, cat pee....

I hate that this is the state of things and it is not of my doing. But, it will not be the state of things for long.

I made it through a hard week! We decided not to do the huge event in 2 weeks because so many of my team are gone on vacation. We will do it next year. So very thankful!! I've been working on getting my only 4 events done for the whole summer, so that they are complete before I go on my vacation and I have nothing to worry or wonder about. There is a lull at work, a big lull, in August, and then things get pretty crazy in September. I NEED to be refreshed before September, so I am doing 2 things:

1. working hard now to get the pressing things done, and taking that 2 weeks off
2. looking over my entire summer schedule and choosing days I can easily take off or just work from home. If I work longer hours on the days I MUST work, then I can sometimes take an extra day off during the week. I am lightening my work as much as possible.

SubC, that is a very good point to schedule in things that restore/refresh me. Or else, the whole 2 weeks will be laying around, decluttering, puttering, doing stuff that needs to be done.

I think I will schedule in a massage - it has been years! And a pedicure, and maybe a trip to the Zoo with Tot. Some catching up with friends. You know, the other day I was thinking, I'd really love to learn to play the drums. It seems silly for a lady my age to be a drummer, but it appeals to me. I might schedule a lesson or two, at least to find out if it gives me joy and if I am at all good at it.

I caught up on all the posts. Alanna, I hope you finish the school year with a bang! I have a son graduating next week from college which will be fun. Tatoulia, I think it was you who mentioned a pedicure. I too got a pedicure last week for the first time in maybe a year. I took my dil for a treat. It was fun. I want to do it again by myself while I am on vacation in early July. They will be close together but I love the relaxation. I found a beauty school that does them for $15 including a nice foot massage.

Today is my only day off this week. So far I have:
- loaded/washed a few dishes so the sink is empty
- put my clothes in the washer
- took care of dogs
- put away/hung up stray clothes in my room (trying to keep on top of this)
- made a list of priorities
- took out a small bag of trash from bathroom and bedroom

I am super hungry and I have a lot I want to accomplish today. I'll check in later!

Good to hear from you, dear Alanna!!

Hey All :)

I am still here, just snowed under with grading and answering questions. My kids write their exam next week, so the questions have been coming in thick and fast. I'll catch up with posts when the grading is done.

Sending love to you all and thank you for all your kindness.

That sounds lovely, SubC!