Hi Tatoulia :)

Weather forecast has now changed to 90% chance of rain.
It's very dark & cloudy at 2:00pm and there is now some light wind.

Steven has reality issues too.
Last several years he has started installing cameras and alarms around outside.
There are times he accuses me of things that I didn't do, like one morning he thought I was not home all the night before.
But I was here ALL night long.
He has this fantasy world in his head and I can not convince him otherwise.
He also has conspiracy issues about where he works.
He gets angry at me for imaginary things...

YEA! for clean Kitty sheets! ;D
Bye bye bathrobe, your time has passed.

Took a shower & washed my hair.
Then washed & cut up fresh veggies.
Assembled all the components for bean burritos.
Most all the food I eat is what I learned to make and eat growing up in Southern Arizona.
Heavy on the Mexico influence. :D

Thank you for the advice Tillie. I am still feeling nausea today but not like last night. I hope to do some sort of shopping today and will pick up the bismuth tablets. I too hope that there is a wake up call for sibling. I would like his life to be easier and less angry and even happy. Unfortunately his mental illness, which has greatly morphed over the years, is especially awful right now. There's something that he's hiding from most people right now and while the details aren't important, he has a vastly different understanding of reality right now and his place in it. There are large conspiracies and intrigues etc. very sad. But I am willing to go through the grieving process. I've done it before. We once went three years with no contact and I worried all the time. My mother, the poor thing, had to go it alone with him. Back then he was difficult to get out of bed and he smelled and was unkempt. He lived in squalor. Right now he lives in a beautiful apt and he showers, dresses nicely and is nicely groomed. So I wont have to worry about him. He has good, nice neighbors. So with your help I'll navigate the grief. I can't put it off any longer, can I? I cannot.

So laundry is done. Kitty sheets are done. She's sleeping in her pod so I'm hoping to vacuum the couch before putting down a clean sheet.

I am "decommissioning" a bathrobe. After I washed it I started having second thoughts. It's time.

Enjoy the lush plants and tell Scooter I say hello!!

Good Morning Everybody :)

Hi Subclinical :)
I'm sure you'll do a good job using up all that bread.
Try taking a half day or a whole day off from life
a time to not feel guilty about not doing anything.
You've been extremely busy the last weeks and really need some down time. (((hug)))

Hi Porter :)
Anonymoniker has been very busy learning all about making "Earth Bag" homes.
Now she is learning how to make "Adobe" bricks to make a home with.
I grew up in an adobe brick house and can tell you that the 12 inch wide bricks were excellent insulation against heat & cold.
There was no need whatsoever for any wall insulation between the adobe brick walls and the interior sheetrock.

Hi Tatoulia :)
Sorry that man at work is being mean (((HUGS)))
When stresses make my stomach feel bad, I have found that chewing a bismuth tablet helps settle it down.
Poor Kitty! Wish she didn't get all freaked out by storms. (((HUGS KITTY)))
I am truly hoping that you not being there will be the wake up call sibling needs to straighten up and do the changes that desperately need doing.
Stay strong (((HUGS)))

Another day with 80% chance of rain.
Had some early evening sprinkles yesterday.
All the rain has made the plants all grow big & green & healthy.
Scooter can almost hide completely when he scrunches down in the grass.
Only plan I have for today is to do some food prep.
I bought lots of nice fresh veggies that need to be cleaned & cut up. :)

Hi SubC. Please don't beat yourself up over too much bread. You've been managing really well and this isn't something to feel terrible about. Plus the chickens are really happy.

I'm sorry about the sadness of the breakup. It is very hard to see someone going through a difficult time.

I too had a terrible day yesterday. I saw something on my way to work that made me think of sibling in better times and I cried all day. I just remember him as a little boy and it's so sad to see what had happened. There's nothing to be done about it, I'll just wend my way through the grieving process.
Oh and the person directly above me at work is difficult on a regular basis but he's taken it to a whole new level. He's added a touch of meanness, which I've never seen before. He's tough and picky and inflexible but this meanness is new. Im willing to say that it's his stuff and not mine.

Ok now to figure out what I can do today to make my home nicer. I think I'll start by making a cup of coffee.

Tillie you are going to have some time to yourself!!! Woohoo! I'm glad you got the supplies! I love living alone. So great.

We had giant storms move through last night and when I got home I couldn't find the kitty. I looked a bit but then decided to just leave her be. She came out for a second, walking really low, then pretty much hid til the storms had passed. I was feeling terrible with a stomach ache and a headache so I just tried to take a nap. My stomach feels a bit better today.

I did not come back to report that I brought home way too much bread from the food bank. Trying to manage it - things with less preservatives go to chickens first.

I am in "not doing anything because I have too much to do" mode.

Also emotionally tired - adjusting to dd2 moving back in and just found out heartdaughter is breaking up with her gf. Gf is not wife only because she is opposed to the heteronormative concept of marriage 🙄. So the legal stuff is easier - house is in heartdaughter's name. But emotionally, she's leaving her wife. It's been a long time coming - infidelity and lying. And I want to go all mama bear but am trying to respect her space.

OMG!
Details. Not deaths !

Test test

ANONY
HAVE I MISSED something.
What is the earth house project ?

So often I get so far behind on reading . I just pop in a drive by .
Without reading what's going on . Earthen home ?

Can you give an update.with as many deaths,s as you're comfortable sharing. Your priorities on the do's and donts.

Hello Everybody :)

Hi tajzers :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
I love new white cotton sheets! :D
Happy you have been putting on PJs and having restful evenings. (((hugs)))

Been busy today...
Last night when I was in bed Steven came in and informed me that he would be taking the car later this week and I would not get it back until early next week.
He says he is going over to the S.F. bay area for some kind of class reunion.
He told me to go stock up on whatever me & the cats would be needing.
I went to the water depot and filled the two empty bottles, went to the thrift shop, went to the bank and got out cash to have on hand just in case I need cash for something.
Then I went and got kitty litter & cat snax and groceries.
Beautiful day today with some sprinkles this afternoon.
Anyways, looking forward to MY vacation here at home. ;D
Will be nice to clean the bathroom, vacuum and wash the floors and have them stay clean.
When he's here they only stay clean until he comes inside. ;P

test

That is very interesting about the new lava/old lava Tillie. I'll look for some of those videos on YouTube! New lava is the deeper stuff. You'd have to be crazy to roast marshmallows due to the fear of falling in. Plus no taunting the gods/goddesses at a time like this.

I ended up vacuuming my bedroom. Then I went to mom's to change her sheets. Nice new white cotton percale sheets. I changed out to her summer coverlet and her bed looked so pretty.

Just took garbage out. In between all of this BF met me at mom's and we did a bit of shopping then stopped for dinner.

I'm ready to put on pjs and watch Antiques Roadshow.


Goodnight dear friends.

Hello :)
Cold lemon water "Clink!"

Hi Anonymoniker :)
Those "To Keep Or Not To Keep" decisions on things that have emotional/sentimental are the hardest to make.
That's where many people flail in their attempts to declutter.
This is why we say to start with the easiest things to decide on and then work your way up to harder and harder items.
About the evaporative cooler maintenance...
Periodically throughout the Summer I pour some bleach into the water reservoir to help keep it sanitary.
Makes my well water the same as chemically treated city water, minus any fluoride.

Hi Tatoulia :)
WTG! for maintenance! :D
Good decision making on the two unneeded bowls.
Plus we know that now you have that special thank you pewter bowl to use and enjoy now. ;D
Hold on tight to that free and happier feeling (((HUGS)))
Your bathroom sink doesn't stand a chance HaHaHa

Ate some lunch and am resting.
Been watching a series on Netflix that I didn't think I would like based on the short summary.
I'm finding it very entertaining, a thumb up^
"Imposters"

Also been following updates on the Hawaiian volcano eruptions.
Youtube has been having a lot of beautiful footage.
Learned that it's against the law to remove any lava rocks.
It offends the Lava Goddess.
Also offends her if you roast/toast hotdogs or marshmallows etc. by the heat of the lava.
I have also learned more interesting things about volcanos too.
Like there is "old" and "new" lava.
The new lava is lava that has just recently come up from the deeper depths of the earth. ;P

Good for you to take it all in stride, Anony! It's found time, after all!

Tillie well you could knock me over with a feather--I did not think he'd finish the filter replacement task! So pleased that you won't have those pollutants (and aggravation) in your life right now.

I am running dishwasher and have cleaned up kitty's food area and her litter area. Shredding my mail and otherwise thinking about things. I've realized that I have two bowls that I won't be using again. I used to have five of them; I donated three. Ready to bid a fond adieu to the last two.

I hope sibling's happiness in being away from me will last. Because I feel different and free. I have more energy and hope. And may he find the same.

Okay look out bathroom sink, I'm coming for you.

~☆~Iced green tea clinks!~☆~
Tatoulia, i had a similar thing, where my catlady job wont start today after all, so i may do errands. Your decision to remove that reminder on the wall sounds fantastic! And his reaction to you being 'done' sounds wonderful, too! :D
SubC, i hope your Mothers Day relaxing was nice! I keep thinking of what you said about about others' opinions & what im proud of & not proud of, etc.
Tillie, my whole house is filled with mixed-emotion-memories! I struggle to decifer the main feelings from things in it & its very tricky. I hope the roof wont leak & the cooler will be ok? Id probably pour hydrogen peroxide on as much of it as i could reach?
~☆♡☆~Have a wonderful day, everyone!~☆♡☆~

Good Morning Everybody :)
"Clink!"

So wonderful to read all your posts! :D

Hi Porter :)
Makes me happy to know you are moving forward making your life wonderful (((hugs)))

Hi Subclinical :)
Have a good day at the food bank! ;D
I'm glad you have such a good attitude about what other people may think of you and that you have true friends in your life. (((HUGS)))

Hi Anonymoniker :)
All of us here on this message board are very proud of you.
You have been trying so very hard to fix things around your home and have done a LOT to make things better.
(((HUGS)))

Hi CriticalMass :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
Happy you replaced that drawing with something else.
None of us need constant daily reminders around our homes of unpleasantness.
When decluttering, I always tell people that no matter how valuable, antique/collectable or useful an item is
if it dredges up any bad feelings at all, sadness, anger etc.
then you really should not keep it around your home.
Put that drawing out of sight (((HUGS)))
Glad you had a fun time at the shower! :D

Steven did take five minutes to change out that dirty nasty old evaporative cooler pad. ;D
The pads are made of excelsior. When new they are a very light pale color.
These old ones are all nasty dark colored of black and green mold and algae.
They were used all last Summer and he left them in the unit all Winter to ripen.
Plus we have a well so the water is not treated with any chemicals like chlorine to prevent biological entities from thriving.
The rain was so wonderful and made me so happy and content feeling inside.
May still have 30% chance of more today.
Kept up with cat chores and dishes but nothing else.
Spent the last few days watching the rain & stuff on Netflix and doing some beading.
It was good. :)

P.S. Kept getting up on the step stool to feel the hallway and my room ceilings for moisture.
So far, there has been none!
So maybe he fixed that roof leak properly?
But with this rain there was no driving winds to push the water through?
I will continue to wait a little longer before I do all the hard work of repairing the damage.

Hello everyone! I was up and dressed early today for something that ended up being a crossed wires situation. But with that I've already had a good day at work. Plus I've washed my towels and I've done a separate load of new sheets I bought for mom. I'll head up to her house at some point and put them on her bed for her.

I infrequently go to baby showers and I have to say, this was a great deal of fun. Maybe 20, 25 people and only two of us were non-family members. It was held in a restaurant and the food just kept coming. There was no "down time". It was very nicely done and the family was very friendly. The food was delicious. So I had a great time.

Anony I am trying to separate what I consider maintenance and what I consider cleaning. And I'm trying to move more things into the maintenance column! I want more things to be second nature, the way they were years ago before I felt too battered and tired to clean. With your help, I am getting there.

Oh! Mom heard from sibling yesterday and he wished her a happy Mother's Day. He asked her if I am "done with him" and she said "yes," and he said "good". In my house, I have taken down a framed drawing that he did when he was a little boy and I'vs have hung an etching in its place. Psychologically I felt it would damage me to look at it every day.

Well back to work. It's garbage night so I'm scurrying around!

What are you doing today?

~☆~Good Morning!~☆~
Tillie, im so sorry about what you go through with Steven to get simple things done. He sounds so much like my handyman, that i half wonder if he isnt his secret twin? I hope we get some of those good storms this summer, too!
SubC, i agree about baby showers, theyve always seemed exhausting to me. I figured it was just cuz im not a human baby enthusiast...ha ha
Tatoulia, i had to re-read your post cuz you said you didnt clean, then listed enough cleaning activities, that idve considered bragging about if itd been me! ha ha
Today ill become a professional catlady! ha ha
~☆♡☆~ =^-^= =^-^= =^-^= ~☆♡☆~

So Tillie, did shooting down his excuses mean he changed the other filter?

Tatoulia, any day I had to go to a baby shower, that would be enough for one day.

I need to change our sheets.

Today I go back to the food bank. That is my big thing for the day.

Quick drive by--a lot of posts to catch up and on.

Well this weekend I had tons of fun but no cleaning. Did minimal maintenance of clean sheets, dishes, few loads of laundry. Had a lot of fun but no time with BF. hopefully tmr. It's just I'm so tired. I was exhausted after meal with mom yesterday and today after baby shower he and I quick did mom's grocery shopping and then I came home to nap.

tomorrow is another day.

I'm sorry about the filters, Tillie. That is lousy.

Hi Everybody :)

Still been raining off & on all last night and today.
Sometimes gently misting and sometimes a real downpour with lightening and thunder.

Been laying low and avoiding the muther day and Steven.
He replaced 3 of the 4 moldy dusty old cooler pads and called it "good enough".
I explained to him that that one nasty pad would contaminate the 3 new ones the first time I turned the cooler on.
He started giving me a bunch of mealy mouth pathetically lame excuses as to why he couldn't do it...
I easily shot every one of his excused down.
He's always doing everything half azzed and then wonders why things don't work out right.

Anyways... :)

Im generally quite outspoken, eccentric & bold about being my weird self. Im much more comfortable with that than most people. The condition of my home is quite a different situation. Its also not a true reflection of me(i certainly hope it isnt?!!?) Im not sure why, cuz ive try to pinpoint it, but the other catladies i hope to meet on this catlady job, im not as concerned with seeing my place, because one of my intentions is to find a trusty pet care person so i can leave for more than overnight if i need to. Ive needed this for many years! Most women are always on the lookoutfor a good man, but for me, its a trusty pet care person! Id just lock up the trailer & have the food preparing area outside on the table under the awning. Im hoping to make connections for, or at least towards that, with this job. I guess the community of earth building people is tied in with too many people i know already. Im not sure, but it doesnt seem as necessary as getting a pet care person, tho i havent even started with a mudhouse, so i may change my mind about doing it mostly myself?

One of the joys of having my children become adults is that I no longer care about how others see me. It was hard when they were kids, because I didn't want people's negative feelings about me to affect them. But now, I am who I am. How others see me does not change that. I tend to be self critical, so when they can show me a better side of myself, I am grateful, but there is nothing bad they can say or think that I will agree with and don't already know (there are rare cases where I am unable to see how I am affecting others until it is pointed out and I then work to change it)

I am blessed. I have friends who love me. If they did not know me, their friendship would be worth so much less. In fact, while I will use the word "friend" if I have to hide from you who I am, you are not really my friend.

~Iced cacao coffee clinks!~
SubC, Thank you for your encouragement, but im certain no one would say anything critical to me about my place, but they would change the way they see me, in the same way i would, if i were them. It was the book, 'Buried In Treasures' that help me with the horrifying realization, that my place is filthy, more than just cluttered, or run down, or overstuffed, or any of the more acceptable to me, 'qualities'. If i felt ok about it, i would not care about what others thought, but i dont feel ok about it. Its mostly a reflection of my years on hard drugs, then poverty & depression. The other thing is i really want to do as much of the building myself....and thats my best 'excuse', too, cuz its true. My place isnt just 'messy' or old, it is just disgusting.....

Anony, HAVE THEM OVER! Let them help. You need help. You need connections. Let them know you are bootstrapping yourself out of a bad situation, and this new house is step one.

Some of them will understand and be delighted to help and become new friends, like us, except actually available to help you. Some of them will care very little and wander away, and yes, some of them will judge you - not to mince words: f#(% ?em. Life is to short to worry about people who have nothing better to do than tear other people down.

If they say critical things about your place, just say "yes. That is what I was trying to tell you. That is why I am working on building a new place as a foundation for better living." If they say critical things about you... well, I am a blunt and sarcastic person who doesn't put up with crap. I would probably say something like "thank you for your compassionate response to my situation. It is very helpful." Or "do you really think that is a helpful comment?" Or "wow. That was harsh/cruel/unkind/unnecessary..." in fact, I might say that last one as a bystander. They are at your home. They can be pleasant, or leave.

~♡~Good Morning!~♡~
Tillie, the rain sounds soooo nice! I love the summer storms! ~♡~Happy Kitty Mom Day!~♡~ Your kitties are so blessed to have you! :D
Porter, i completely agree with you about embracing this new love, now! You are making the life you want really happen! Your values & priorities are in the right place! :D
SubC, im glad the sale went well & it sounds like you did great on what you brought home! With your pottery skills, youd be a natural at earth house building, too! Happy Mothers Day! You are an awesome Mom! :D
Last night i went to my friend's gallery opening & the lady who does the earth building workshops & quite a few of the people who took it were there, too. It was great to share my enthusiasm about making my test blocks & plans, etc., but each of them in some way or another, initiated wanting to come out to my place to help with it, even the teacher & there is no way id want them to see this mess?! I did say that to the teacher, but people often will say, 'oh, my place is a mess', but mine really, REALLY is!!! I know even if i had a beautiful place that i was proud to show, im still a very private person, but it really would be nice to not make excuses & be able to have people here. It feels so weird for this to have gone on this long. If i really do build a house, itd be even harder to make excuses & itd be a shame for me not to show it to anybody? I hadnt really even thought about that part till today?!?

You guys had a lot going on yesterday!

Porter, I'm glad you are so happy!

I think the sale went pretty well. I don't know exactly because I wasn't at my table the whole time, and this sale goes through a central register and pays out by check at the end of the month. I will unload my car today and check my inventory against the list of what I took.

I made good use of my time though. besides chatting with customers and other potters, I sculpted 24 little hippos. The hippos are my signature piece. They are fast, simple, can be priced low, and sell well. I also give them to my students when they graduate.

I also bought one piece from another potter. It is gorgeous. She only made three of them and she created the glaze herself, and this batch had an error in it that turned out to be beautiful, but she doesn't know what the error was. This is the second piece I have gotten from her. I wish I could buy everything she makes!

I also picked up some of my work from class. The leaf cups came out great. I am really pleased with them. They are prototypes - for me and not for sale - but I think I will add them to my line. The other things some I liked more and some I liked less. I put two straight out for sale, but they didn't go. They are more winter colors. Mostly green and yellow were selling yesterday. It's funny, because each individual person is making their own choices, based on their own preferences, but there is always a trend.

Everything I brought home - including my new work - fit in the boxes I took for the sale, but some of it is going in my house and not studio inventory.

Today I am celebrating mother's day by resting.

Just jumped rope.
Heading into the shower. Getting ready for church.

Later were a having a feast. Marcie's is absolutely spotless.
I painted most of the walls last week.
I wish I could get along with my mom.
She hasn't even met Marcie, and when I told her about Marcie she just kept saying it's too soon.

Love too soon?

Have I ever mentioned my mom is a hoarder too.
An angry type. I'm sorry my wife got sick and eventually passed, I would of died for her if it were possible. But we made each other miserable. There was no physical relationship for many years, just an occasional hand holding.
Just looking back is dread for me. Why wouldn't I be open to move on after death do us part. I never cheated or even flirted.

I know the answer, I'm just venting.
I love her and feel loved by her. So I don't care what anyone says or thinks about why we shouldn't do whatever we want.
It feels like a blessing. So I will care for her like a blessing .

It's hard to describe. I feel like she is out of league attractive, that when she starts walking towards me our eyes connect we both smile really big. She puts her arms out and we embrace.
It's not what goes on in bedroom that I love this woman.
For so long , my former wife denied me not only love but denied me very much peace either. So when Marcie melts in my arms because I'm giving her peace , love, and respect, tolerance, and challenge her to be more than her environment. I happy for her that she's in love, and that I. The one she's in love with.
She's so attractive, I can hardly believe it. .
I'm working on my weight. I've lost 41 lbs in 8 months. 41 more to go to get to a healthy weight. I know even when I lose the weight I still make me attractive . Never was when I was younger, So my focus is on living longer, and being stronger.
And pardon my forward ness , a strong lover.

The thing is , it's like focus now with the house not just organized, not just cleaned, not just spotless with beautiful furniture, But there's no negativity to feel , nothing to keep laying around or hold onto , just to feel something in my past that I loved. Nothing in my life compares to Marcie .
Just a woman !


Too soon?
Like saying. Hey you don't climb the mountain so fast.

I'm nothing without god, I feel blessed today. Like I want to go up to a mountain top and scream I love Marcie, but Before i got there I hear Marcie scream she loves porter. Who wouldn't go as fast as they could up to the mountain top to hold on to that?

Hello Everyone :)

Just checking in here, I guess a drive by posting. ;)
Been a very welcome and beautiful day today.
Started raining sometime last night and has been raining off & on all day.
Sometimes the rain is light & gentle, sometimes a real downpour.
All with bright sun shining through between the raining.
Did the cat related chores and also washed dishes.
4:00pm and I could use a nap before bedtime.

~☆~Iced green tea clinks!~☆~
Porter, im so glad you have created such a nice situation! Im feeling really grateful & blessed today, too!
I just poured my mud mixes & it seems like such a silly, simple thing, but it means so much to me to be able to do this! I love so much about it!
~♡~Im also super grateful for all of you here & for all of the understanding, support & suggestions from all of y'all!!!~♡~It has been of immense value to me on such a deep level!~♡~I dont know how i ever could have coped without each of you!~♡~
~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~THANK YOU!!!~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~

Today is such a blessing .

I used constantly say to myself , as everything's keeps going wrong , keeps going wrong , I would keep saying it'll be ok
Just kept saying it'll be ok.

Today were ok.

Porter, yes, i was refering to all types of outside resources: financial & emotional, as well as help getting things fixed or all kinds of unforeseeable things that we all need connections for.
I just had to send a rattler to ~Snake Heaven~ that was lurking up in the underside of a vehicle my cat hangs out under in the afternoons. I was watering the ground under it for her, which may be why the snake was attracted. This is the 3d close call for her & a rattlesnake! The other 2 she went right up to in spite of them warning her!!! This one didnt have a rattle. Many are not born with rattles since evolution sees the rattles get them shot by humans. The neat thing is that even tho i got deterred by the snake thing for almost an hour, all i had to do was add a bit of water to my mud mix & its fine! :D

Outside connections. Yes I agree.

This mat be over simplifying.

I solve most of my social problems through people.

If you dont ask you dont get.

So sometimes I ask , if the answer is no , then I'll ask if they know anyone willing. Sometimes my talents are for cash, but other times it's for generous trade. But when I'm in crisis , all those cash and trade friends become powerful allies.

Tillie , I was in crisis , and you helped me .
With all of my heart. Thank you!

I see it too, it's not just women that can become dependent though. I know a few and hear a lot about guys that don't work.

It's hard for me to find the right words. But.
Without god I'm nothing. Going to church , being apart of things local . Learning to love myself enough to pull away from what hurts me. Even if it's easier to let Marcie to just let me In. I'm not agreed yet. But I'll stand on my own. Until I get her debt free too, then we can move into vows after we both become free of debts.

Is also why when Marcie gave me the green light to make a difference with her hoard , I moved the mountain out of our way. If she wanted it all back I would have given it all back , but I didn't want her filling in the reclaimed spaces. Then depending on me to clear more.

I was so hardened , living I'n my hoard. Once it was gone I felt lonely . Had my creative outlets. But until I started going back to church , and honestly praying. Then I found love again , doing things worthy of being loved. .

Sorry for not editing,
On a better device yea!

Good luck with the mud mixtures! You are doing it! And I'm glad you had a call with your mom, Anony.

I feel strong. I spoke with my phone provider (landline) and I can't block the calls. I can change my number, that's it. I'm not going to do just yet as he hasn't called my house. And I worry he'll be able to go to mom's and see what numbers she's called, thus rendering it all moot.

Have a wonderful day. I'm taking mom out for lobster lunch for Mother's Day. She's fine with celebrating today instead of tomorrow.

~Tatoulia, WOW! It sounds like everything is shifting to a far healthier place for your family! Im sooo glad! Good for you! Your Wonderwoman wings are freeing yourself, your Mom, and in a different way, your brother, too! :D
Tillie, the reason i was kinda pushing you to have some outside connections was because being too isolated can often become very problematic. In all the years i did family law & domestic violence, the main thing that seemed to doom the women, was becoming totally dependent on the men. And i know that statement is totally politically incorrect by todays standards, but it was very true!
~☆~Im almost ready to pour my mud mixtures!~☆~

Yikes Anony. That is so unnerving.

I am jumping on here to say mom just called. Sibling called her and was crying, has no food, also needs medicine for stomach issues. She said she wanted to get some things over to him and I said, no we are not doing that. You have no money and you have no way to get it to him. Plus he doesn't need it. It took a little convincing so I told her a story from a few years back where he was pulling the same crapola on me and when I brought him stuff, he threw it in the street and said, I told you to bring me $$ you fat stupid &$%#^*. and he left it all in the street. Quite the charmer, that one.

So I called BF for reinforcement and he agreed/this is all stupid manipulation so I called mom back and she was greatly relieved to hear that BF (who is a calm, gentle soul) agreed not to get involved and that it's just manipulation.

I explained to mom I'm not angry, I'm just over it. And it feels so good. Oh! And mom said sibling said that if I Tatoulia don't do X Y Z, he's going to get rid of a few remaining things I have there from Christmas (my own fault) and I said, I've already made peace with that. He's free too do what he likes. I have too much stuff as it is.

PS I need to read everyone's posts. I'm sorry. I had merely skimmed them.

~☆~Good morning to all!~♡~
Porter, congratulations on everything you have created with your space & your new love! It all sounds truly wonderful & i admire your determination & commitment! You & Marcie sound well suited & very blessed to find each other!
Tillie, im so sorry you werent believed about things like the bee sound. That sound is scary, too!
I had a friend that didnt believe her daughter that her tummy hurt at bedtime every night. She also thought it was an excuse. It turned out to be worms inside her! It seems weird when people assume others are always lying.
I looked at my dumpster & theres no way a skunk could get in there to eat that nest....'freeloader skunks' they are,indeed! :D
I had a weird thing happen yesterday. I left the door open for maybe 15 seconds while throwing my old coffee grounds into my garden. When i came back, a dead bird was on the top step. I guess maybe it couldve flown into the open door in that time. What is weird is that ive worried about stiring up toxins & even tho its not a canary, its bright yellow & it almost seems symbolic of how canaries die in mines if its too toxic....just the sybolism....?!?!?

Coffee clinks!

I am up early for me so I've started a load of laundry, I've emptied my dishwasher and I'm sitting next to kitty cat. I'll see mom in a bit. I'm thinking of logging into laptop and doing some work.

Good to hear from everyone! Keep up the good work!

Still losing weight. 209 Still withfrigeratorStillg is starting to feel like summer.
im taking that long walk everyday 75 minutes.
Marcie doesnt always go with me, but I tell her I am not going to stop getting my down to a healthy weight, I put just as much effort into living healthy as do living in clean and organized home. Theres very little left in marcies house that is left of her former hoard.
Basically we traded almost all of her furniture and knick knacks for new stuff like a master plan. Instead of mmis matched furniture.

marcie is excited to host a mothers day feast at her house.
Shes got it all mapped out on the frigerator wall.
Down to what well say to eachother. Lol.

I think after this ill start to get her some help in therapy.
Its over my head. I love her just the way she is I accept her imperfections as well as she does mine.

but I know that she may benifit from working with a therapist to enjoy more spontaneous events. She said to me the othet day how happy she was with her house.
Like she only used to be this happy when she went on vacations away from her hoard. Where she didnt gave to plan out what to do. Just do what others in the groups had planned agenda.

As for me. Im just feel like heaven on earth that found a beautiful woman that likes being held in my arms. We could be homeless in the wake of a tsunami. and I with her in my arms I would feel blessed.


The last of everything in storages went out.
I took all her oapers and had them digitized.
shes amazed at how much she has charted in her lufe and gitten no where where she planned.
She just keeps coming to me and hugging me were like magnets. I just keep saying without god we are nothing.
together were are beautiful. And the love making is very sweet. But we are so much more than just that.

Its a thing ive always felt but wasnt given permission to try with my former wife. I know we all sometimes feel depressed inside. So we dont feel we deserve our favorite things every moment of the day. But when I put favorites in my reach and serve them to her like a routine. Its like im veing better to her than her to herself.

ive gotten total appoval from her two friends.
Im trying to organize a bible study on wednesdays once a month. And open to new members on months with 5 sundays. Eight guests and 2 hosts. Followed by a cleaning service the next day. That takes the laborious chores out of the fun of it. Dont get me wrong I feel like all I need is marcie. But I know human love fails, but with god in our lives we are bonded so much stronger with a love that does not fail. She joining me as much out by the firepit.
which is like my. Zen zone. I do it so often.

But im looking at mine own needs just as importantly as hers. Ive gradully found ways to improve my self health routine. That tsking anything away from my routine would be the equivant of not taking multi vitamins while starving.

I want to live into my hundreds. I know they will solve the cancerous steriods issue. And whem im a hundred. I may live just as robustly as body builders.

Probably without marcie by then. But god will still be there to praise for without him im nothing. I think I will be on that boat.

Oh oh oh.
marcie completly owns her home.
she finally let see het finances. Was given permission to say what I think.
I took it all to my accoutant. He made a hackbof a jacked plan. And marcie loves it.

we both work.
I have no debts now.
She owes 116, 000 in othet high intrst debts.

im now takong ovet all our expenses at the weekly and monthly level. She is pay all her money towards her debt exept 5000 as cash buffer.
the idea is work for five years and buy a 100,000 boat.
ahe loved the idea of traveling the world with me.

I feel like she is my world.

Hello :)

Hi Subclinical :)
How nice your Father keeps bees. :D
Around here there are several beekeepers that move their hives around to different fields to pollinate the alfalfa.
Whenever we find a swarm setting up house on or near our property we call them to come remove it.
They then have more bee hives to work with and we don't have to worry about bees building hives in inconvenient places.
Then we buy our honey from them and know for certain that the source is verified.

Hi Tatoulia :)
Happy little piggy Kitty is back on her feed. ;D
Hope a little Ibuprofen can handle any of your discomfort from the procedure. (((hugs)))
WTG! for having a great day at work!

Hi Anonymoniker :)
Thank you for finally understanding (((hugs)))
YEA! for having a more positive experience today with your mother.
The other bee hives around your place...
can the skunks reach them?
Maybe if you could make them accessible the skunks would eat them.
If they are too high maybe fashion a ramp, if they are in an enclosed space maybe you could open it up for them?
There must be a way to get the skunks to do some work around there and not just be freeloaders. ;P

When I was in 5th. grade bees made a hive in the wall of my bedroom.
I had no idea what that noise was coming from the wall beside my bed.
Trying to fall asleep at night was difficult. It sounded like laying next to a refrigerator while the motor was running.
My sister slept in the bottom bunk and it troubled her too.
We told our parents and they said we were just always lying to avoid bed time.
This went on for over 6 months.
I was exhausted from lack of sleep and one night I sassed back at my father when he said to quit lying about the wall making noise.
I dared him to come in from the doorway and for once listen to the damn wall!
He said he would and when he didn't hear anything we were to shut up forever and quit lying.
He came in, leaned close to the wall and I could see by his eyes he heard it.
I dared him to lie and say he couldn't hear anything but he said no, he could hear it.
I asked what it was and he said it was bees.
That night I slept good on the floor of the dining room because it was the farthest spot in the house away from the bees.
Next day an exterminator came by and said it was one of the largest hives he had ever seen.
Thousands of bees.

~Good Afternoon & iced green tea clinks!~
SubC, i bet skunks got that bee hive in my dumpster?!
Tatoulia, im so glad all is well with your tooth, kitty, Mom & todays accomplishments!
Tillie, i felt so awful the past few days, it made me think of what you go through. Im so sorry. Im glad you can rest as needed at home.
~☆~Im so excited to pour my test dirt mixes tomorrow!~☆~
~♡~Also, i talked to my Mom today & for the first time in years, im not tripping out over it!~♡~

Wishing you a good sale day, SubC!

Turns out kitty was being difficult. I'd left two plates of newly opened canned good and by midnight the piggy had eaten from both plates.

I had a good and productive day at work today! I got so much fine and felt really good about myself. I ran some errands on my way home and stopped by mom's to log her back into Netflix. I'm not sure what happened but she doesn't see well enough to enter the password herself. She has amazon and Hulu so there was plenty for her to watch in the meantime.

Ok I need to eat dinner then go to bed. Tooth just started to hurt a little from the trauma of the root canal. Not bad! First pain I've felt.

Thank you all for supporting me.

Yes, it's a pottery sale. I do two a year - a one day spring sale that is tomorrow and a two day holiday sale before Christmas. I am hoping to add another one this year.

Anony, yes, skunks eat bees. My dad is a beekeeper and he has problems with them breaking into his hives.

Good Morning Everybody :)
"Clink!"

Hi CriticalMass :)
(((HUGS)))
Really sending positive and strong vibes out to the universe that some way you get your freedom back.
Having gone many years without a vehicle myself I know your frustration.
Keep on praying and keeping the faith and searching out a solution to acquiring a newer more reliable vehicle.
Hang in there. (((hugs)))
Think I mentioned it before, but when I worked for George Lucas in 1986 he asked me "what did you think of the last movie?"
LOL ;P

Hi Subclinical :)
Thank you (((hug)))
My dog used to eat bees until the one day she finally got stung.
I was told dogs eat bees because they are sweet.
Hope the duck transporting went easily enough for both you and the ducks.
What's this about you having a sale?
Is it your pottery? :D
I would buy one of your leaf handled cups for sure.
Wishing you great success with whatever you are selling! :D

Hi Tatoulia :)
Thank you.
YEA!!! WTG!!! (((HUGS))) for getting that tooth fixed! :D
HAPPY DANCING!!!
How's Kitty's appetite? Maybe it's just the change of the seasons...
Soon you should be feeling more energetic and optimistic with that bad tooth no longer poisoning your system and mood.
Have fun at that baby shower. ;D

Hi Anonymoniker :)
As long as you keep feeding the skunks cat food or anything, they will always be there.
Valley Fever is not just local to Arizona.
It's found in many locations in the West.
Even people just traveling through the areas get it in their bodies where it lays dormant until someday it may become activated.
More times than not it stays dormant forever.
What's even more dangerous is Hanta Virus.
Exposure to that will make you sick and might well kill you.
ALWAYS WEAR A PROPER MASK WHEN DEALING WITH AN AREA THAT HAS HAD ANY RODENT ACTIVITY.
Also dampening down the dust with a spray mixture of bleach & water greatly reduces the chances of the virus becoming airborne.

Cold dark cloudy windy day here today.
Might rain.
Have no plans for today but might wash dishes at sometime.
Cats are grouchy hissy fussing...
Need to cook something, don't know what I want to eat.
Hoping this weekend Steven keeps his word and fixes the cooler properly.
We shall see...

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! ;D

~Greetings & coffee clinks to all!~
SubC, im curious about in your last post you said, 'Skunks eat bees' Is that true, or was it a metaphor? My 2 worst critter problems are skunks & bees. The bees would be fine if they werent barricading my storage shed. I kinda wish theyd eat that nest. I guess they prefer the cat food?
CM, im so sorry your van isnt running yet. Im just glad it didnt explode with you in it!
Tatoulia, im glad your dental appointment went well & you feel better. A therapy dog? Wow!
Tillie, every year i also try to wait out the end of the cold weather to summerize things, but every year right after i unplug the cat warming beds & open up the windows of their outbuildings, inevitably it freezes within days!
Ive felt really weak & feverish the past few days & part of me is concerned its from cleaning the old yuck in the RV, or maybe the dirt flying around the building project that i was breathing in. Im realizing i need a quality mask. I hope that will be enough. We have a local disease called 'Valley Fever'that comes from spores in the dirt. Im getting all these reminders that im not as strong as i was.
~☆♡☆~I hope you all have a beautiful day!~☆♡☆~

Yay Tillie! :) I am the queen of "weird" wrapping. It drove my kids crazy when they were younger that I would not buy wrapping paper - or gift bags, but I reuse gift bags. Gifts can also be "wrapped" in receiving blankets, scarves, capes (young child), cloth napkins, or dish towels. They can be arranged in baskets, or packed into tins.

I'm glad you got your tooth fixed.

Anony, build your house. I believe you can do it. And stay involved with your new house building community! They will help you and support you. If there is a partner for you, you will find him among people who do that! Life is too short to spend time with people who tear you down.

Skunks eat bees.

CM, I am sad and sorry about your van. I always love getting snowed in b ecause it is an "opportunity" to focus on my home and self, but I think this has gone on too long to take that approach.

Tillie, hearing about your daily struggles makes me want to swoop in and rescue you. You are such a strong, bright spirit. It is unfair that you are trapped in such a difficult vessel.

I am struggling to get moving this morning. I have to take the ducks to school and I don't want to. I want to pack my car for the sale I am doing tomorrow and set up after school. I can't do that with ducks. So tomorrow morning will have to start horribly early.

Okay trash and recycling are out. Kitty's not eating today but that's okay. I'm feeling fine. Easiest root canal I've ever had.

I haven't done much tonight but tomorrow is another day.

SubC I have a baby shower this weekend and instead of getting a gift bag, I'm getting a reusable shopping bag to wrap the gift. Inspired by you.

CM! Sending you love and strength. I am so sorry about the van and its consequences on you and your life.

Tillie, I am so sorry to hear more about your struggles. I am so grateful for your friendship and sometimes I feel I take, take, take from you without giving back. You are wonderful in every way and you make a big difference in my life. I am sure you miss Marty and how helpful he was to you.

Anony, you have it in you. I believe in you.

I am here writing to you from the endodontist's office. I've neglected my teeth for much too long and I've been in serious mouth pain for the last two weeks. Today I finally faced the facts and I went to see a dentist. She has a therapy dog! Anyway she was kind and she's sent me on to get a root canal this afternoon.

Look at me, finally putting myself first. But I'd gladly take the end of the line if I could soothe your pain Tillie. And CM. And SubC. And Anony.

~♡~Tillie~♡~, i am so sorry you have such pain & discomfort doing things. I cant imagine what that must be like. I can understand how youd want to limit your efforts to your own space. I cant imagine any organization treating a volunteer badly, tho?! Ive done a lot of volunteer work & have never seen anyone treated that way. Most groups are very kind & accommodating, that ive worked with. I wonder if you could try a different group & explain your limitations first? Im sorry if im seeming to push this, but it seems it could give you a new connection to beyond your world of relying on Steven & open new doors for many things~♡~
Ive been so tired the past few days. I dont know why. A part of me is concerned if i have it in me to build a house by myself....even without any guy trying to throw marbles in my path....

Sorry for my absence. Tillie, I saw your greeting on Star Wars Day - thanks. I've been a fan since 1977. Some of the newer movies I wish they had consulted me on the scripts for, but I guess they have their entertainment value nonetheless.

I haven't posted because it's now two months without my van on this particular stretch. There was extreme trouble getting parts. But supposedly the final one arrived - eight days ago. I don't know what the holdup is now.

This has me either in a state of deep frustration and depression, or fighting every inch to not go there. People who could take me places are scarce because everyone has their own problems. And I get so tired of having to fit into someone else's schedule, and hurry up instead of take my time.

I've lost my place in time, memory, and motivation as the days and weeks drag on with no change.

The only thing I know is that I hope I can figure out a way to get a different vehicle ASAP even though I may have the old one for just awhile, assuming it actually gets repaired in my lifetime.

I pray and try to keep the faith. It has been a struggle.

Good Morning Everybody :)
"Clink!"

Hi Subclinical :)
Glad to hear from you (((hugs)))
Take care and write again whenever you can find the time. :)

Hi Tatoulia :)
Yes, all those nice cardboard boxes!
They are everywhere.
Have a wonderful day at work. (((hugs)))

Hi Anonymoniker :)
Keep having fun making your mudpie home. (((hugs)))
Thanks for trying to help but there is a lot that I don't write about here concerning my health and general physical condition.
If I could volunteer, I could and would work a paying job.
The things I post here that I do with my days come at a great cost to me.
I push myself to do them and am in extreme pain and often agony from trying.
I am always extremely exhausted all the time whether I do things or not.
If I clean inside I can't tend the garden.
If I tend to the garden I can't clean inside.
I often just get the cats taken care of.
I am a puny sickly little old lady trying to keep up the appearance of a good housekeeper, working all by myself.
Right now my house is getting pretty dirty.
Bathroom needs cleaning, floors need washing and vacuuming and everything has a thick layer of dust on it.
Except the kitchen cupboards because I took 4 minutes the other day and dusted them with Pledge.
The windows really need washing but right now I just can't stand the pain washing them would cause me.
Many times my back hurts so bad that just washing some dishes has me in tears.
There is also something wrong at times with my balance and I keep just sort of teetering over unexpectedly.
I slowly do whatever I can manage to do and just want to lay down and give up on it all.
Etc. etc. and so on and so on...
Plus I was doing a little volunteer work with the cat rescue and when I told them I could not help anymore because my bladder has prolapsed they decided that I am now someone to hate. They think I am just lazy, mean and making up excuses.

Well the weather is going to get cold here again for the next few days.
Highs of 60s, lows into the high 30s.
Of course it will because I just finished cleaning and putting away all Winter things. ;P
Anyways, today I must water those 6 trees.
To reach them I need to attach three hoses together.
Then stand there watching as the tree wells fill up.
Marty would always keep me company out there following me around from tree to tree.
Scooter is too busy chasing Butterflies to help. ;)