Thanks Anne, it did help to read what you wrote, it is all so confusing to me, am I being petty? etc., so you cleared up a few things, and yes, it is taking care of myself, not going along with what others think I should do, although I was feeling guilty, until I read your reply. I had the dad that spent money wildly on drinking with buddies, and mom who had to pinch pennies to keep us fed and clothed. I think I do have an abnormal fear of not having enough because that is what I grew up with, thus the hoarding, buying all the garage sale stuff etc. After I wrote that stuff, I realized that I lived in So. Calif, at the beach for 10- years, to try the fancy life, and now am very content in my trailer on land I own, that has a view, and going to a lake, don't really enjoy all the trips my friend wants to go on. She has lots of friends with money she can do that stuff with. Right now I feel most comfortable de-hoarding, later might be different. I know that 1 day a week by some water will make me feel rewarded, and that is enough for now. Without this group, I would be shopping for sure, since this whole friend thing is anxiety provoking, since I kept people away for a few years, and just letting them back in, takes a lot for me. Going on a trip and sharing a room is not in the least bit appealing. I would much rather pay someone to clean that pay for a motel room I don't want to be in. Now that I have more clarity on this, feel more relaxed, thank you so much. already 97 degrees, yikes

Diane -- You are doing so well !!! ...Resisting spending spree & being honest with your friend re: the $ stuff and allowing yourself time to clarify your feelings & change your mind. From what I just read in your post you are doing an EXCELLENT JOB of TAKING GREAT CARE of YOURSELF!!! Keep up the awesome work & Trust YOURSELF -- because I think you are right on re: the $ thing.
I am only now learning how to live beneath my (limited financial) means.
[I grew up in a family where "overspending to impress" others was the norm from one parent while "pinching pennies," self-sacrifice (to the extreme) was common practice from the other parent -- talk about mixed messages!]
It is SUCH a WELCOME RELIEF for me these days because now I actively practice just being me -- offering what I can to friends from my heart & without any strings. It sounds to me like that is what you are doing, too. I don't know if hearing it from someone else is helpful &/or validating, but I say Hooray, Diane, for being you!!! :D
Hope you stay cool & get some good (& well-deserved ;) REST!

SOOOO HAPPY YOU HAVE WATER Back, Tillie!!! What a relief! =) Way to hang in there during that terrible situation! (I want to call you "Triumphant Tillie" because you continually triumph over so many obstacles! -- and at the same time you consistently help so many of us here :) I know -- I'm a little silly -- But I have been thinking of you & so glad to see that the indoor plumbing is working properly again =)

Diane -- *** !YaY! *** for your courage, picnics with friends, & Lake Visits!!! You, too, are triumphant :) (but the alliteration doesn't work -- How about "Dynamite Diane" because you keep on "blowin' up" the clutter! ;) What do ya think?

Roxie -- Thinking of you! (Also, thinking of your happy teeth :) & mtn.laurel & hibiscus. Hope you are getting better sleep & know that you continue to inspire me with your wise words & clear focus on maintaining a clean decluttered home for yourself :) You deserve it!!!

Hugs to Dianne & MayMay :)

Great work Karl & Ali!

Billie & Kara -- How are you each doing?

SusanL -- I'm hoping to be organized enough by the end of this month (July) to schedule a big garbage pickup. Did you find it stressful leading up to date? Any tips of worked well for you?

Hope everyone else is hanging in there!

Susan, what a great thing you did for yourself, congrats on doing it now, and not later, weren't ready earlier, so just be grateful you were ready and it went well, so proud of you for taking action.
Tillie, so happy for you, heat is tough, and you got through this most difficult time without throwing his junk away and being locked up for murder and $125 is so inexpensive to have your comfort back, so happy for you.
It is already too hot, did go out and water this morning. was in garage for over 1/2 hour, throwing things away, and making myself focus on all the progress I have made. then hung some white fabric up outside to try to stop some sun heat from getting me today, supposed to be 101 degrees, which is hot in a trailer. Will run fan and air conditioner all day today so hopefully won't be too hot to sleep tonight. Yesterday was fun going to the lake, but place didn't cool off enough to sleep again last night, so today will leave AC on all day. Since this place is so old and wiring problems, afraid to leave AC on when gone or sleeping. I plan to do baby steps of work today. Did dishes. Now must tackle pile of papers and pay bills. Think only one is not paid, that got buried, but must find it and get rid of other pile. The camera I bought and took the hoard pictures with, does not work now after I charged it, did I wreck it or is it just a blessing so I don't look at pictures. I will take it back to Costco when it cools down and see what is wrong with it. (or with my tech skills) Without this group, I would be on a shopping binge right now. I had a discussion with my friend about the forbidden topic "money" yesterday. She inherited a bundle of $$$ and I told her my income is so low and savings has to last the rest of my life so not comfortable going to the coast and S.F. with her and paying 1/2. We discussed a percentage plan where she would calculate my % by comparing our two incomes, I don't know her income, she knows mine. We agreed on that then today I emailed and said I would rather pay 1/2 of things I really want to do and say no to things that are not in my price range, like trip to S.F. It was clear yesterday, that she can not give freely, and wants to keep a tally, so I said I would rather say no, than have a list of what she expects of me. I want to go shopping to avoid feeling the feelings of "less than" and the discomfort of saying no to her. I worked hard for all that I have, and she just lucked out and was given a huge inheritance, so part of me thinks if I had that I would be happy to take friends on trips and not keep score, confusing emotions. It felt so good to make a fancy lunch and really make her happy without any thought of being paid back. Too many feelings right now. Lack of sleep, and too hot, thus I rambled on about my confusion.

Susan,

Way TO GO! :D
How wonderful!!! :D

Had a trash hauler come today, they were so nice! Enormous pile of random stuff from the garage . . . just gone. Wish I'd done this so much earlier. At least it's done now. Thanks all for your stories and mutual encouragement, much appreciated.

Good Morning! :D

How is everyone today?
Picnic lunch at a lake with a friend sounds like such a lovely time!
Today I am going to wash some laundry.
So nice to be getting back to normal.

(((hugs))) and thank you all for being here.
Being able to tell my struggles here really kept me from going over the edge.

Stay cool and stay safe. :)

tough time sleeping last night in the heat---got up and made lunch for me and my friend. She dropped her dog off here and we went to 2 lakes, the third had mosquitos, so went back to second lake and ate the delicious lunch I prepared, with much anxiety. First time I have prepared food for anyone in years. Spent too much time, wanted everything perfect. All went well had some good laughs. We got back around 5pm and it was still 99 degrees, it is too hot for me.
Tillie, so happy you have water again, what a treat.

Last night after we were done with the regular chat, three of us did some buddy-system cleanup (pause the chat, start a timer, declutter for 15m, then return to report what we'd done, in real time). This was a repeat of what two of us had done on Tuesday. It seems to be good motivation!

Today I'm going to be out of the house all day, myself, but if others want to give it a shot, try visiting the chat room at about 7pm PDT / 8pm MDT / 9pm CDT / 10pm EDT (or post here to say what time you'll be on). See if you can find a buddy or two. Let us know how it works out!

Tuesday we've got the regular chat, so I expect I'll see you folks there.

What I am doing today......

Taking a shower & washing my hair! :D
Washing dishes & wiping up the kitchen! :D
Watering stuff in the yard, think I may be able to save some of it! :D
Running the evaporative cooler! :D
Washing the kitten, he really needs it! :D
Flushing the toilet without having to use a bucket to fill it! :D

Have a GREAT day peoples! :D

I LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! Mike the plumber!!! :D
125.00 and I have WATER!!!!!!!!

Karl, I love your song idea! Let's mess around with that a bit as we get time. Love the verses you came up with.

MayMay, if you will start wearing more blue - like a nice cerulean or turquoise blue (not light blue) t-shirt or something - and choose that blue if you buy a pillow or decor, it will begin to open your throat chakra so you can speak your truth more easily. Each of us has our truth, and part of learning to love ourselves is learning to routinely speak on behalf of our needs and wants and opinions. I've learned that's the way children in healthy families are raised to act. For some of us, it's an acquired skill, but every time you do speak up the easier it gets.

The reason the doctor asks whether the baby doc can be there is because you do get a choice. Tell him politely with a smile, "Not today." You do not owe him a reason. If you're too quiet and he doesn't hear you, you can say more firmly, "I'd like to consult with you alone." The more you do it, the easier it becomes until someday you speak your opinions, desires, and needs routinely. Everybody else does; why should you continue to be silent as if you were some kind of second class human being?

There is a real actual plumber in my pumphouse right now!!!!! :D

He has found a problem in just less than 5 minutes! :D

Wow, it was great to sign on and see all the postings. I feel like I'm visiting old friends.

(((( ))))

Thanks Dianne,

I would talk to my primary care doctor about it, but whenever I go see him, he always has a "Baby Doctor" with him; and I don't really feel comfortable talking about my issues with depression while some stranger is sitting in the room listening to our conversation. Whenever I go see my doctor he'll always ask me if its okay that the "Baby Doctor" is with him. I always tell him yes even though I absolutely HATE it because I don't want to be rude. That is one of the reasons why I hate going to the doctor so much and why I never go.

I didn't know that ob/gyns prescribed anti-depressants. I always thought that they only focused on the "Hoohoo-shoot" area. Lol.

Considering the fact that seeing a psychiatrist is super expensive, I'm probably just going to suck it up and keep doing what I'm doing.

One of the things that really helps me deal with my depression is getting massages. I go and get a massage once a month and it helps a lot. :)

(((HUGS)))

Chat support is still going -- one idea that came up was to post some songs that would be appropriate to sing along with while cleaning. Maybe we'll have a new topic for that. But I wanted to post this separately, before going there...

What would you think if the clutter's so bad
That you can't catch a glimpse of the floor?
I could clean up if you'll lend me a hand;
I can't live with this trash any more.

I get by with a little help from my friends.
It's a sty without help from my friends.
Time will fly with some help from my friends.

got dishes done, and then realized I forgot to get a haircut, so out in the heat, 96 degrees and got a haircut. Started going through bag and bin of stuff, just too darn hot. See you at 5

I just did a quick skim of the Daily Chat posts & I am so very sorry I haven't been on here to offer replies to you Tillie, Dianne, & Diane. I am so saddened to read what you each individually have been going through.
My heart goes out to all 3 of you right now.
I will write more tomorrow(Mon) -- but please know that you are each in my thoughts & prayers right now.

* Sorry for just adding my last post after MayMay already did the total tallies!
I didn't want to post my stuff from the last few days until I finished dropping off the donation bags -- I dropped off 5 yesterday & the last 2 this afternoon!:)
Once I reached 500, I wanted to see if I could break 1,000 items out by tonight & I'm happy with myself that I did... But, I'm even more thrilled when I think about ALL that stuff no longer being in the house!!!

* Thanks for coming up with the challenge, Tillie, & everybody's ongoing posting -- you all reallly helped to keep me motivated (Big Hugs All the Way Around!)

* I'm going to try to tune in for the first hour of tonight's support group, but then I'll be off to bed -- have ac/heat annual tune-up scheduled for early tomorrow morning.

* I also plan to catch up on the last 3 days-worth of message board posts tomorrow :)
Big thanks to those of you who sent hugs & replies to my "I'm exhausted...This is so hard" message post last Thursday -- I read them before bed that night & they helped me to keep "moving through" Fri - today... Although, to keep my focus forward, I'm sorry to say I went m.i.a. here on the boards -- please forgive me...

CONGRATS to EVERYONE RE: ALL the HARD WORK & ACCOMPLISHMENTS!!!

Hi Dianne,

I'm sorry to hear that your depression has gotten worse. :(

You mentioned in your post that you see a shrink and that she has you on meds. I was wondering... If you go see a shrink because you want to be put on meds for depression, would you have to also do all that "talk about your feelings" stuff too? Or could you just ask for the meds?

Because I've always had a problem with depression too; and I'm thinking about trying to get on some anti-depressants to see if they help with my depression. But I hate the idea of having to talk to some professional doctor about my feeling and problems. I'd much rather talk with people that I can trust and I know won't judge me. :)

Tillie I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, my sister would be totally devistated since she too is a cat lover.

Also sorry to hear about your garden.

I'm still dealing with breaking out in hives; I don't know what from, either some medication I've been taking for over a month now or just a combination of heat and allergies.

Hope things get better for you and all.
Hang in there.

Dianne, thanks for the response, yes it is painful, and being honest about it lessens the pain. Notice I am still on the computer, not rushing back to deal with emotional stuff in BB.
Sometimes it is good to rest, regroup, and then go for it. I have always just worked to exhaustion, so this is different. Ok Dianne, what would you like to get done today? I would like to go do the dishes, well like isn't the right word, I would like them done, not liking the doing part, but I am going to sign off now and go do them. Please let me know what will make you feel better today? We can check in later after our accomplishments? Hugs Dianne

Thanks for the update Dianne. I also tried to taper off antidepressants, it was ok for awhile, then had to go back on. Our brains need the medicine to allow enough neurotransmitters to be available to allow our brains to function normally. Other things I noticed, eating enough protein, not much sugar, some exercise, sleep, challenging negative thinking all work together to keep me positive. It is a daily effort to not go dark, we can do this, especially by not shopping and throwing things out daily. Sure appreciate you Dianne and your honesty.

I am so happy to read that everyone is posting all kinds of great stuff, and I really appreciate support, the pictures really took the wind out of my sails yesterday. Today, I hauled a lot of the tools and nails etc. out in to the garage that were cluttering the deck, and put them in the cabinets. Put an umbrella up over front steps, that is where the sun beats down in afternoon, hopefully will keep some of sun out. Supposed to be 96 today and 99 the next 2 days, which is hot in a trailer. Tomorrow I am going to the lake with my friend that helped me a few days ago. That will be so great and 20 degrees cooler at least.
So I went in the big bedroom today and started again in there. I hauled an old TV out, good will takes them to "part out" also have one in garage, so will haul them when cooler.
Then, took a clothes rack out to donate, that was hanging about 30 skirts, a few too many I thought!!! If there is a place to hang, I will fill it, so out it goes.
Sadly found more spider webs. After about 20
,minutes, I was overwhelmed, so remembered it is OK to work 15 minutes and take a break, so here I am to get encouragement.
I already feel better just reading things you wrote. Roxie, I am happy you found things you need to go through and get rid of so you can join us on July Challenge.
Tillie, I know you are an animal lover but pet skunks and snakes? Ok, just trying to make you smile, I know you have had some tough days, and your life is not easy, and want you to know that I am continuing to send you hugs and loving thoughts, you have helped me so much.
How are you doing today Dianne? Sure hope sharing your thoughts helps you keep going, only with all of us together, can we get some healing.
So happy you are opening up, hugs to you Dianne.
I think I will go back in BB (big bedroom) for 5 minutes at a time. See you all at 5pm today.

Tillie, I am relieved that there is some progress toward resolution of your most pressing issues (water and air conditioning) at last. You sound a bit better today. And skunks and snakes? I love all animals but still. Poor things are desperate for relief just like the humans, I guess.

I'm glad you got DH to haul the water and that he finally made the call to the plumber. I'll bet every service industry is jammed with calls right now with the heatwave going on in the Southwest. You'd think that would prompt me into making my own calls for AC estimates, no? Ha.

Diane, my dear, I am glad you took the pictures. It was important to me to take the before pictures because I, too, finally really SAW what a mess I'd made in my neglect and blindness. Sweets, you have made a LOT of progress, really. A lot. You can review your lists of things accomplished right here on these boards. Don't get discouraged.

Remember that every day you've been working to change things, and one day you'll be able to take "after" pictures and be very proud. And I don't think the work in the garage is avoidance... it's just another step in the progress to free yourself. Also needed. Sometimes folks have to work up to dealing with the harder work, and that's okay, too.

Dianne, I am concerned about you. If you are at a standstill or backsliding, we still want you here and to hear from you. You matter. We care. You are an important part of these boards and this community. What can we do to help right now? Just throw one thing away to today, okay? Oh, and brush your teeth. :D

Everyone else, how's your Sunday looking?

Yesterday, I actually got dishes done, brushed my teeth (three days in a row now), sorted through more mail, did some filing, unpacked another box and got rid of the paper filling in it, ran some garbage out, and had to spend a couple hours fiddling with a crashed computer. :(
I also discovered at least one cat is soiling on my piles of paper I've meant to sort through. Oy vey.

Good morning?
Still waiting for the plumber to call.
Today's high is predicted to reach 107.

A good indication of what kind of day it will be today... went to go out the back door, there was a skunk out there so stepped out the front door and just missed stepping on the snake sleeping on the door mat. :O

Did an online search for the symptoms of a nervous breakdown and saw a picture of myself.
I need sedation.

Diane, a new AC unit would probably cost less to run.

Dianne, my other cats are too feral to take anywhere, they freak out. :)

Roxie, everyone here is giving me the emotional support I so desperately need right now. :)

I will try to be in the group chat today but no promises.

Everybody, stay cool :)

Tillie, thanks for letting us know what is happening, I did find it funny that he waits until 6pm Sat to call, when it will be more expensive than if he would of called during the week. Happy to hear it is cool in your place. I might have to buy a better AC, mine is older and doesn't cool as good as a new one would, we will see. Usually cools down after sunset, not very cool yet, too hot to sleep, so here I sit, chatting with my friends that also are too hot to sleep.

Thank you all (((HUGS)))
It really helps just knowing I have such caring friends.

I got him to cart water over from the big house to fill the evaporative cooler and have the house cool even when it was 104 today.
I also had him fetch buckets of water for toilet flushing.

At 6:00pm Saturday evening he finally called a plumber. Got voice mail and is waiting for a call back.
Keep your fingers crossed.

It is very important that we have this site to share our thoughts, fears, struggles and regrets.
Here we are not alone. (((hugs)))

Thanks Dianne, was so great to hear from you, it is so sad and we at least have this site to share where we can finally be understood, and not feel so alone. I understand every word you wrote, as if you were speaking for me. We have wasted so much time, money, peace of mind, and now we can try something new.

Tillie, keep thinking about you and hope you are OK, would it help to call Cory? Take good care of yourself. more hugs

Tillie, please let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.

Today was hot here, tried to get some stuff done, don't have energy in heat, and will be hot all week. When I put the window air conditioner in the window yesterday, I slipped off the chair and fell back and hit my head, and think I am still hurting a little from that.
Well, the big news, I finally got a camera and took pictures this afternoon. It hit me like a ton of bricks looking at photos. I thought it was too late to take "before" photos because I have done so much work, well plenty was captured.
I went through shock and sadness when I saw the mess left. It was like catching your reflection in a window and saying, when did I get old and fat. It was like looking at someone elses hoard and seeing how deep they buried themselves and yes there was some disgust, how could they live like that? Then realizing how bad my life has become. And I actually didn't think I was a real hoarder when I started this process. Finally accepted that I am a hoarder, and really thought I was getting over it, until I saw the pictures tonight. Had the thought, it is really more than I can ever get done. Then the thought, maybe this will make it easier to toss anything I do not love. I have great stuff in here, now need to be focused on inside house, and let garage go for now. Need to deal with difficult stuff in here and not just escape to garage and throw away easy stuff. Tomorrow will be better, just feel in shock and sad right now.

OMG Tillie. I am so, so sorry.

Hi Tillie,

OMG! He killed your cat?! THAT IS HORRIBLE! I'm so sorry to hear that he did that. :(

(((HUGS)))

But if my boyfriend ever hurt or killed Matt, Cory, or Snuggles, I would immediately leave him. And I would also file a police report saying that he killed one of my pets.

SORRY :(

(((HUGS)))

Tillie, you are in such a difficult situation, so sorry things have gotten worse for you. You are such a wonderful person, you certainly deserve better. Hugs and good thoughts.

Hi All,
I am in Northern California yet again, helping our other office get some new hires and clean stuff up. I am flying home tomorrow at 8:00pm so will be driving to the airport while the support group is going on. Sorry to miss you yet again! I really do not plan on this, but my life is busier than ever these last couple months and I can't seem to get even my weekends off. I will try to get on soon with you. Hope everything is still going great for everyone that takes the time to participate on here :)

Oh, Tillie, that is terrible. There is much I can forgive people for, but killing your cat? I don't think I could forgive it. I really don't know how you are coping, at all. And your garden. I know you love your garden and it gives you pleasure.

What can we do to support you? What do you need that we can provide? We are here.

Hugs
Roxie

Tilliie, I apologize. There's nothing worse than advice from someone who doesn't know the facts. Good luck.

How bad can it get!
When I decluttered the livingroom he killed my cat.

Tillie: what would you say to someone who was having this problem with a stubborn husband, no water, and a deadly heat wave? My guess is it would be, " Enough is enough! Get a plumber and get it fixed!!"

This situation is more than an inconvenience. It is rapidly approaching life threatening. So he gets upset-- does he get physically abusive? If not, how bad can he get? You need to take control for your own safety and well being.

Another sleepless night.
Still no water.
He refuses to do the one thing that I said needs to be done to fix this problem.
Instead he has spent a ton of money replacing parts that are only a few years old and do not need replacing.
There is a part on the very bottom of the pipe down in the well. This part has a valve that opens to allow water in then closes to keep the water from draining back down into the well.
I believe this valve is stuck open and needs to be cleaned or replaced.
We have had this exact same problem once before.
A simple and inexpensive thing to do.
I am not strong enough to undo the screws and do this myself or I would.
My garden is dead.

LynnS, sorry about that drive in the storm! Yow.

I did rally today. Brushed teeth, sorted and dealt with a big pile of mail, unboxed the two shrubs (mountain laurel and hydrangea) that have been sitting outside a few days. They look okay but wrangling with the box had me in a sweat.

I also put away all clean dishes and rounded up the dirty.

Hi Roxie,

I didn't know that that was how Matt got his start. I should totally start doing that. :D

My parents actually have a neighbor that I think might possibly be a hoarder. I think he's possibly either a hoarder or a serial killer; and he hides the bodies of his victims in the house. Because his house is really big and he lives alone in it. And my parents say that he is always gone most of the time and that he never has any company over. I remember once while I was over at my parent's house, I noticed that he had his garage door open and that he had a lot of stuff in it. And I also noticed that there was a table sitting in the middle of his garage. After I noticed the table, I thought to myself, "Okay that is really weird! He has a huge house all to himself and he has a table set up in his garage? Why wouldn't he just put the table in his HUGE house? I wonder what he is hiding in there!" Lol.