That's great that you can put some pots up for sale, SubC! Sometimes not having prep time makes things easier. You can bring what you have and see how much you can reduce!

Forgot to add - bought two bags for pottery I've been wanting because they were on sale.

Happy birthday Tatoulia!

Good job on the decluttering.

I started the kiln at school.

I also dropped the trash and recycling.

I found out tonight that I can put things for sale on my shelf at the pottery studio next week during the conference! Pretty cool! Wish I had more warning/prep time though.

I did buy frozen food for dinner that has hard to recycle packaging. Packaging is my albatross.

Ok, chores, set up coffee, basic prep for tomorrow, bed.

Hello everyone! I am still here but not caught up to date.

I took yesterday and today off in honor of my birthday. On Sunday I got rid of five plus bags of clothing and household things. I felt so much lighter. I've been going through my house and weeding out things for relocation. I had a big Rubbermaid thing of Christmas stuff that I put by the garbage last night knowing that someone would come along and take it. All good stuff but I didn't want to take Christmas to good will in March. So that plus the five or more bags to goodwill. A lot of recently purchased clothes because of the weight gain and subsequent weight loss. I'm saving a few dresses for my mother. I should mention that I do not have much in Rubbermaid containers here. Mainly just all of my cards and postcards etc. most things are on shelves. The organization products dont work for me.

I am determined to pare down my place. And it's going pretty well. My friend Emiko will help. I have the momentum going. Some of the houses hold things leaving are things that don't make any sense to me anymore. Others are decorative items I bought at goodwill and it's time for them to go back be donated back. I've added a few things recently but nothing too bad. I am very excited to be cleaning and clearing and making decisions

I am at 29 lbs off. Amazing. I tried on a dress in my closet today and it doesn't just fit, it looks fantastic. So I washed it and a few other dresses to see if those fit yet. They may not. But they are washed and hanging in the bathroom.

I spent some money this weekend but ultimately not too bad. Just stuff from thrift shops that I will be fine if I end up donating those at a later date.

I had a girlfriend and her daughter over on Sunday for cake and ice cream. They wanted to take me out but BF and I had an art gallery to go to so we had them here. They loved the new kitty. And it was fun having them over. I did a little sweeping up. I realized that I do own way too much stuff which was helpful to see. It's okay not to keep the stuff forever. So I will be working hard he next three weeks to get stuff out of my house. I've decided which blankets new kitty will enjoy and I have washed some of the older ones to donate to the shelter. I'm also reaching 5e point where I have to look at my towels realistically and pair those down. I like to have four towels and I think I'm at seven. So three have to go.

Oh! When my friend and her daughter were here, I served their cake in fancy glass bowls and BF and I had ours on my every day plates. I mentioned that I have two or four of everything and not more and my girlfriend said exactly, why would you need more? And that was reaffirming. She, despite living in a very big house with her husband and two kids, tends to own only what she needs and she is a good roll model for me. They go through the kids toys every year to donate what the kids don't play with. Very healthy habits.

So that's me, I'll have to read up to see how all of you are! I'm feeling strong and capable of getting rid of things to make more space here. Space to stay as space and not space to fill up. BIG difference and I hope I can live up to it.

I'll wash the dresses for mom some other time. BF is heading over now.

Going to pick up a cake and go over to mom's soon. I've been on the phone since 7 with well wishers and friends calling me from all over. Pretty nice!

Good morning!

My Bean arrived safely at my parent's house last night and I was sent pictures of him joyfully eating cookies with my dad and having story time with my mom.

Meanwhile I have started my day by accidentally luring scalding hot coffee down my front and giving myself a first degree burn that is going to make some of my clothing very uncomfortable today. Sigh.

I do have my car loaded for school - including a good sized box of recycling and a feed bag full of trash! But I do not have my lesson plans ready. Must really get on that.

This week will be very full with commitments in the studio after school today through Thursday and kiln loads to fire at school. It's a dash to Friday night.

Tatoulia, how are you?
Road, I am still;worrying about your son.

* I got and orchid from school, not an orchard!

Oh dear CM!

I didn't realize your roommate had things in your room! So you really have not one space in the house that is all yours. That's rough.

I hope the mouse is gone.

I wonder if the church has space that you could just bring your leftovers straight after the sale? It might not hurt to ask. I feel like usually they collect for those things for several weeks anyway.

Can you park your van to cut the wind?

Dh and I finally got back to yoga this morning! Then I worked outside today and cleared more of my lost garden space. Cutting brush - mostly blackberry canes, and mowing. I also pruned a bit more and finally got my seeds started. The seed starting resulted in the tiny improvement of three seed packets recycled and one lid cut up and used for plant markers.

I've been bad about keeping track of my in lately, but aside from a few pottery pieces I've made, I think it's just the plastic animals, magazines that are actually slowly decreasing, and an orchard that was a gift at school. I'm basically not buying anything but food. The animals were an exception.

I do have to confess though - one of the animals was for me. I bought a badger. I'm not sure how I'm going to use him yet, but he seemed like a good reminder. I used to have a camel by my phone to remind me not to agree to things when people called - because of the story about if you let a camel get its nose under the edge of your tent, it won't back up, the only way out is through.. I don't know if that's true about camels, but it's definitely true about volunteer positions!

My dishwasher is running and I put away a load of laundry. Off to do chores!

Yep, SubC, you have a point - here we can brain dump or get accountability (and badgers), or vent, or whatever else we need. It probably does help us think and work better!

No mouse update. I got aggravated trying to replace the sticky trap after checking it so I put it in a different location. Then I tried this newer type of trap that I'd thought was going to be really great, and it probably is good except that it wasn't going to fit down in this crevice where I needed it to go. It's the type that is round and flat. So my roommate can put it elsewhere. I'll look for something with a more narrow vertical design.

Roommate and I are discussing plans for my bedroom where some of her stuff still is - logistically challenging but perhaps will lead to her being able to get stuff out of there, I'd have more space, etc. for the worthwhile things, instead of having double parked shelving and stuff inaccessible, which has been a nightmare.

There are other areas in the room meanwhile I can continue to declutter - e.g., there's crap right out there in the open and all I need to do is grab some of it and get rid of it! Like those diocesan newspapers I mentioned the other day and sort of forgot about with the mouse drama and remembered again today.

Also, we know now of two excellent opportunities coming up. The senior center is going to have that sale event on April 21st, where we can rent a booth cheap. I would like to sell some items because I could really use the money - hoping I will be able to find some items that will sell. I know that's not always possible, and perhaps I'll discover that I should've just donated them, but I'd like to try just this once.

Then, for whatever doesn't sell, my church has announced that their garage sale will be the first weekend in June. That's a bit earlier than they usually have it, but not a problem for me, and not super long to keep my leftovers from the April sale.

In all of this, I do intend to be going over to the storage unit and pulling stuff out whenever the weather cooperates, which right now is probably about a third of the time. Hope it will increase. Rain is likely this week. Wind is pretty much always something to dodge in Kansas. I wish that unit had an inner door down a hallway besides the big pull-up garage door. Because on windy days if there was an inside door I could manage small armfuls of stuff to carry out. As it is, once I open that big door, the wind wreaks havoc. But I will try to seize opportunities.

Hoping this week finally to initiate my long delayed return to exercising in some way, shape, or fashion. It's sad; in 2016-17 I'd lost that weight and felt so renewed, and now most of it's back plus I'm just lacking in muscle tone and energy. Yesterday, after the quilt bingo, I was ridiculously fatigued, sleepy, and achy, and I figured out that a lot of it was sitting on the hard chair. Had I weighed less, the soreness would surely have been less. And my mood would have been better. I mean, I still had a nice time at the event, but I had to decompress for quite awhile and was still just toast physically and mentally in the evening afterward. That shouldn't be. Getting my muscles revitalized, more oxygen through the circulation and brain, etc. will make a big difference.

I'll be more decisive and energetic for the decluttering work, too, if I get more in shape.

CM,

My posts lately haven't had much to do with decluttering either.

But this "place" is a significant part of my social landscape, and working on myself and managing my time and other aspects of my environment are foundational to working on the stuff, if that makes sense - basically I just need to feel a connection to you guys even during periods when I'm not making progress so I feel like someone cares and I don't give up.

I'm glad you are making real life social connections.

DD's family was at a cabin for the weekend and are going to reattempt their visit to my parents tomorrow. I thought I wouldn't see Bean, but they stopped on their way home to fix a bolt on DD's car, and I got to spend most of the afternoon with him.

Threw a bit of a monkey wrench into my plans for the day, but that little monkey is always welcome!

I do have a day without him tomorrow, we'll see what I get into.

Frivolous post that has little to do with decluttering

I did make spaghetti last night with the can of sauce, and it was tasty. Actually only needed half the can to make one serving, so I have enough in the fridge to make it again, or pizza or tortellini. I get those pouches of tortellini and ravioli from Aldi. For pizza, I frequently find Naan flatbread on the bakery markdown rack at Dillon's. These are easy meals that I enjoy.

Well, today is the quilt bingo at church. Looking forward to it. I connected with a friend who will go to Mass with me and then we'll head over to the school for bingo. I am glad to be getting together with her, and hopefully will be with other friends and family I've missed soon. That's a goal, because between burnout and Covid I had gotten into a pattern of social isolation. Just need to pace myself and it can be positive and life enhancing.

The mouse I have not heard. I will check the trap again. It would be nice if it just vamoosed. My roommate is more scared it went elsewhere in the house. Hard to say. Right now it is Schrödinger's Mouse, status unknown.

I hope this coming week is calm and productive and not confusing, chaotic, or frantic and emotionally draining like things were with the mouse drama there for awhile. It's already March; I want to get things done and feel a sense of accomplishment.

Maybe I can make spaghetti using one of my cans of Contadina tomato sauce. ;)

Oh dear. Sorry that wasn't helpful.

I'll give you an easy one - eat something from a can today - lol!

The sun is out, chores are done, and I have taken a short walk - nothing fell on my fences or any of our buildings, and the driveway is clear, although a path is blocked by a cedar with a ten inch trunk. The neighbors I can see from the road all have intact roofs.

I think my next task is seed starting.

Another cross post!

Actually the bulk of the pans are already at the storage unit. *blushes* I will have to reckon with them at some point. Part of my personal Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Here I have just been using an ordinary 9x13 for cakes.

There is little to no extra space anywhere in this house. I need to get my misc. baking things off the dining table just because they shouldn't be parked there indefinitely. I have designated wire shelving in the pantry. Been using down the canned food that I bought a little extra of various items when there were intermittent shortages in the stores, and during winter and holiday season so I wouldn't have to go to the grocery store much. So soon there will be room to put the cake decorating stuff away.

Roommate and I are both finding that her retirement has not yet led to the rapid and dramatic reduction in clutter that we had envisioned. Hoping it will pick up soon. We need fewer fires to put out, and more focus. Longer days will surely help, and they are on the way.

Lol, SubC, we just cross posted! How scary about the storm and the tree. On May 3, 1999, there was a bad tornado in Haysville, which is just south and a little west of Wichita. I had been at an evening class in far northeast Wichita, and because I was worried about my bunnies, decided to try and hurry home to my apartment in the mid/southeast part of town. Big tactical error, as I failed to factor in that if I drove 40 mph but in the direction of the tornado's track and it was meanwhile heading in my direction at about the same speed, you add those together and the result is 80 mph - you're gonna meet, very soon!

By the time I was within a mile or two from my home, it was terrifying, and I considered parking my car and just running up to a house and banging on the door, but the lightning was so constant and intense, I was scared of it too. So I kept going, praying aloud. Trees, the big old ones like elms, swayed wildly and looked like they could come down on top of me at any moment.

I made it, and the next day I saw my apartment courtyard littered with debris from the Haysville mobile homes. I walked over to the park about three blocks east of my house. Huge pines and cottonwoods lay uprooted on the ground. The tornado I thought they said was an F5 (although the NWS page says F4). In any case, there had been fatalities where it was strongest, and the track was fairly long - when I was driving through it I think it must have still been F2 or F3 judging by the damage like those uprooted trees.

Needless to say, I will never knowingly drive into a tornado again. Nowadays we do have better prediction technology, which helps. I probably would've just stayed home from the class that evening had I known. But sometimes like you last night, we get caught out in it. I'm glad you are safe!

https://www.weather.gov/ict/haysville

Badger is still broken.

CM, I have a thought.

Decorative cake pans take up a lot of space.

You currently have a horrible oven that probably won't get replaced this year.

Box up all the decorative cake pans (if you see any you can part with while you are doing this - donate them - maybe you can make it a goal to choose one?) and take them to your storage unit.

Use the space this makes to sort something that you feel like you can make progress on. Even if it means you have to do something weird like take things off a table and stick them in a kitchen cabinet until you are done using the table for sorting.

You need to break the gridlock so you can make progress.

Here, I send this with love:?

Post written 3-3-23 that I couldn't get to post yesterday, due to site glitch:

Mouse update, and other stuff

Yesterday was awful. It got progressively worse after my previous post. Lots of cognitive befuddlement, anxiety because of overload, franticness, bitchiness, tears, general sturm und drang. Roommate insisted, I resisted, regarding interrupting the flow of my tasks to divert priority to the mouse. Yet I understood, and the rational part of my brain said yes, this is important, it's not going to get better on its own so we need to do something.

So we did something. I took two traps down into the creepy crawlspace. The mouse may be in my actual bedroom, though, between roommate's tall bookcases and the wall; listening to the sound it seems likely. So I put another trap as close as I could get it to that location. Had to use a dowel rod to poke it into place, since there's too much crap in the way. Tied a string to it for easy retrieval to check it; let's hope I discover deceased Mickey and can just dispose of the trap. Then we can block the place under the eaves until someone can come fix it properly.

After these things were done, I tried to bake a simple pan of brownies, having lowered my expectations yet again for being able to have something decorated cute and appealing for the church this weekend. The brownie batter sloped to one side of the pan. I don't know if I got the oven rack in crooked or what. So, back to square one or else skip it like so many other disappointing years. Tearful sigh...

Today I may be able to bake a cake, or I may not, because it's payday and there are errands. And extra mouse traps to get. Regarding the mouse, though, it has been quiet, so there's a possibility he has been caught. I'll be checking as soon as I feel like it's gone long enough without hearing anything. Years ago when I first knew my roommate, there was an elderly lady with Alzheimer's in the house next door who had a terrible mouse problem. My roommate had had to battle them back then, in the opposite end of the house by the kitchen. But she had gotten rid of them and had no issues for a long time.

The rabbit rescue, as it turns out, I found out this later via Facebook, yesterday right at the time I was feeling frustrated with them about my overwhelm and the pressure to get a flyer done, had just been in the middle of taking in a bunch rabbits from a breeder who threatened to set them loose. Just when they had gotten the numbers down. So I felt all sorts of feelings, from dismay at what they have taken on, to guilt for being impatient and irritated just because she called me at a bad time and I was too upset yet to be able to say if or when I could get the flyer done.

In all this, my Lenten practice that had begun to get established with daily Mass and prayer and working on being more kind and peaceful within and when interacting with others, got pretty badly battered. I know that it would be giving into the devil to let the discouragement cause me to give up. Still, I will need to regroup.

So I guess I better go and figure out how to do that, along with the mundane things that are also on the docket for today and into the weekend.

Decluttering is always pushed further back by stupid glitches like this.

_____________________________________


Current status:

It has been quiet since I deployed the bedroom trap, although it does not have a mouse in it. Dare I hope that Mickey got spooked and exited whence he came, via the eaves? Or did he flee elsewhere in the house? That wall only goes to the hallway though of course there are probably places a mouse can find to squeeze through and access the attic or something. I bought extra traps yesterday to put in other strategic locations.

My second attempt at baking, a cake this time, was yet another flop. It refused to get done in the middle without risking overbrowning the top. After it had been out of the oven a few minutes, the middle sunk. My roommate's oven is awful; it bakes too hot and possibly uneven; I have tried compensation strategies with little success.

Perhaps next time I want to bake for church or some other event I will just forget trying to do cakes and go with something like lemon bars or pie or whatever. Cupcakes would work for some things but for this event I needed a sheet cake that they could cut up. I know there exist pans nowadays that make single serving individual mini-cakes and those might get done better than one big cake. However, I hesitate because I already have so many specialized cake pans that I bought back when I was taking the Wilton classes, and had big ambitions of a cake decorating career. If anything, I should be downsizing my cake pan stash.

The kitchen here is so small and cluttered that it's not conducive to things like rolled out cookies where you need counter space. Even with drop cookies, there needs to be more space for the pans that come out of the oven and taking the done cookies off and putting them somewhere, and putting new cookies to be baked onto the pans. So I do think bars or pies may be more the way to go in future.

Again, I have to try and get past the frustration that I cannot do what I see other ladies at church and elsewhere do easily - ladies who have had good jobs, husbands, roomy uncluttered kitchens, sewing rooms, ample retirement income, and on and on. Ladies who are probably neurotypical and efficient, for whom the steps involved in doing projects are straightforward, and task initiation and follow through are a breeze. Who don't clutter up their spaces and derail their lives in their befuddlement and angst. Lord help me not to have an unholy envy towards them...

It's okay, though. I'm going to use this latest baking fiasco as a learning experience. I'm done with deluding myself about that hateful oven, thinking I can beat it in the Battle of the Cakes. I'm sure it is gloating. But no matter. I have a few tricks up my sleeve. In future, I will find something it can't ruin. I'm sad that it won't be cake, but if I can find a go-to dessert that will consistently turn out well, that will be good enough.

Good morning!

CM, I was waiting for your cut/paste to show up, but apparently you've gone to do something else. (Taking a chance on that apostrophe - you said the site was down, maybe it was getting fixed?)

We had a nasty storm last night. My drive home from work was nerve wracking - sirens going off and radio emergency warnings, had to reroute 4 times because of trees or accidents. Watched a tree fall next to my driveway right before I drove down it.

The bread lessons went well, although my legs are tired from going up and down the stairs all day and I brought home a lot of dirty dishes.

I actually got up around 8 today, but I am taking it slow. Think I will just focus on starting seeds and going out with Dh tonight - it's a concert night. Maybe some dishes and laundry.

Testing 123, couldn't post yesterday; fortunately was able to copy and save what I wrote so I can post it if this shows the site is back up...

CM, I'm sorry about the mouse. They can be very worrisome.

I am waiting for the coffee to kick in this morning. It is a struggle. My school days have been a lot this week. Yesterday I had a class that was emotionally exhausting for everybody. Part of the fallout from that is that I need to meet with my administrator this morning (my own need for some support and direction) and with a student at lunch. I was hoping today would coast now that I have the bread process worked out.

Two students I am fond of will be out today and miss the bread!

It was good to see Bean last night. It was hard because I only had three hours, and when I hugged him before I left he put his arm around me and looked into my face and said "I want you to stay a little while."

My lunch yesterday was a meeting- productive and worthwhile for a change, but it resulted in action items. And Dd2 called last night right after I got home. We had a good, but long conversation. I simply have not had anything left for extras the last few days. Or in some cases basics- the laundry is piling up.

I have a feeling I will sleep very late tomorrow.

Worrying about road and family and missing Tatoulia.

This may be my only time to post till after the weekend, just depends.

And it's kind of a rant; I'll try to be brief.

A few days ago in the wee morning hours I was hearing this intermittent and irregular clicking, snapping, tapping noise. It sounded like the snick-snick made on the window by sleet. But it was dry out. So I go to Googling, and read various things about noises in houses from things like expansion and contracting of the ductwork and other components.

But then along with that was the mention of critters. And in subsequent mornings, I hear the sounds again, and they're sounding more and more like chewing. So it seems there is a mouse in the wall between my bedroom and the bathroom. This hypothesis is bolstered by the fact that outdoors right by where that wall is, there is a place where the handyman guy had replaced some rotted wood but the piece he put in has slipped out of place, leaving a gap plenty big for a whole army of mice to enter. Which I pray fervently has not happened, and that we can catch the (hopefully) single one I am hearing.

Besides all the bad about having a mouse at all, of course, is the thing about having clutter that isn't out of the way near that wall and is too much to do in a short time. But hopefully we can lure it back up whence it came and trap it and block the opening until it can be fixed properly. That handyman, I'm not gonna go into that whole sad tale yet again, let's just say for now he is not in the picture so roommate will have to find somebody else and that's probably for the best.

And here I am with the quilt bingo this weekend and had hoped finally it would be a calm, open time to bake stuff and not be stressed. But now we have this mouse crisis and roommate wants to DO stuff - which of course I understand, but I don't WANT more things to think about and do. Dammit!

And then, the rabbit club lady calls right in the middle of my trying to wrap my head around all of the above plus a few other tasks I need to do today, and I ended up all stressed and whiney and impatient yet apologetic because by that time I was practically hysterical... that has happened too often with them, because they are so devoted to the rabbit rescue stuff and I don't mean to imply they expect me to drop everything, but they don't realize how much I'm juggling and how limited my brain's bandwidth can be at times.

Yuck.

I've gotten a couple of the tasks done, though, so going to try and regroup and regain my calm. Maybe things can get back on track and still go okay.

#*$&%*#@! MICE

There were a few glitches with the bread, but not enough to cancel the lesson plan for Friday. Going to do it again tomorrow with a few adjustments to see if it is better.

Put my plans for tomorrow on the board. Shopped for supplies for Friday. My boss gave me my schedule for next year and it is fine. I'm working the hours I wanted and teaching the classes I requested. The order isn't ideal, but it is fine. And my maximum student load will be 88.

I cooked dinner tonight for the first time in a long time. And I threw a small thing in the trash. Ran the dishwasher.

Tomorrow after school I get to go visit Bean.

The ferns I ordered arrived. Dsil says he will plant them.

Pretty much status quo today. Thinking about a progress. Contemplating counting the bread because I learned a new skill and gained a lesson plan...

Good morning!

White rabbits and happy March.

Yesterday I signed myself up to work ten volunteer hours at the clay studio for the national conference. Two three hour evenings moving stuff and prepping for the conference and a four hour gallery shift during the event. I'm a little nervous about this, but I want to do it. The conference is during my spring break.

Yesterday I dropped two bags of recycling, cleaned a thing off my desk, and got an unfinished project closer to completion. I also repotted some of my tomatoes and fed the sour dough starter, ran a load of laundry, and glazed four out of 21 things that I made in class.

I have my lesson plans on the board and my demo prepped and set out for this morning.

Today I am going to try baking sourdough rolls in the kiln (while also managing my normal, full, wednesday schedule. If it goes ok, it will be my lesson plan for Friday. (Along with making butter). This week is shaping up to be crazy.

SubC, yes, now that roommate has been retired for a few months, and we are currently not having work done on the house, I have been able to observe her routine and formulate my morning one around it. The evening one also - though it's harder for me to do my own thing at nights. Well, and we've been watching a TV series so that's been fun; it ends this week and I might take a short break from TV to catch up on a few things.

Today I gave the quilt to the other lady to finish; felt good handing it off. And there's no rush for her, as we have a rack full of quilt tops already that'll keep us going for two or three years. So I can relax. I guess you could say I've learned a bit of a lesson about my tendency to get overambitious with such things. But it was not all bad - I had some good success with things like making sure some of the small motifs in the fabric that I had to fussy cut and wasn't sure I'd end up with enough seam allowance - they turned out just right. And framing others with a 1" border and having those come out straight and crisp. So good skill practice for me.

Focusing my attention this week towards Friday when I hope to bake for the Bingo event, and decorate my baked goods just a bit - I think I have ideas that will be cute but not frustrating to execute. And on Saturday hopefully will have time to help them get ready - if they need me to I can help cut up the cakes and pies and box them in individual containers for sale on Sunday. I like being a part of things - I just need tasks that don't require a lot of decision making, social poise, or multitasking. So we'll see. If they have enough volunteers and don't need me, I'll just go on my merry way. Bingo day should be fun as long as the weather is good. Right now it looks like a little snow thing will pass through on Friday but hopefully not amount to much.

My afternoon got very stressful because my mom did not call to update me about my dads heart procedure when I expected her to. I distracted myself with a movie. She finally sent an update that he was fine, but the procedure did not work, so he will have to meet with his doctor to discuss the next (surgical) step soon.

Dh and I cleaned up the kitchen and he made dinner.

CM, working around another person can be hard. Does your roomate have a predictable routine?

Great idea to get rid of the physical papers!

Remember my local magazine pile? It is down to 9. I have three March issues - including the current one, but NO January or February!

I slept in this morning since Bean was not coming. The weather said overcast and cloudy all day with rain from 9-10 and 11 to evening. I got my chores done before 9. Then when it stopped raining I cut brambles from 10-11.

Worked in my basement and found two plastic grocery bags of recycling and then put away a load of clean laundry.

Had lunch with Dh, and the sun came out at 12:30. I just came back in from cutting down four little trees that were growing in my garden space because I had neglected it for so long. - they were trash trees, not good ones worth moving. I also checked on my chickens, and a fourth of their coop was flooded. I'm so sick of this! I got the shovel and the wagon and dug a three foot ditch down the slope behind the barn. There is still a big puddle in the end of the coop, but it is much better. I'm worried about overdoing it when I have not been working all winter. I dumped the dirt in a low area in my field - 2 for one!

P.S. Lila, a staging area if you have it is an absolute godsend! That's been one of the major things holding me back here, because this house is like a Chinese puzzle, no place to sort things. And as we know, mess tends to "fluff" before it can get more dwindled down again and compact. Good luck!

A new week begins...

We had quite the springlike thunderstorm last night, and I'm sure the nice amount of rain will be helpful. My roommate's little bulb plants are already poking up, as well as the big iris.

I'm a little annoyed right now with my executive functioning again, but I'll get over it. Last week on Ash Wednesday I did so well getting to the 8:00 a.m. Mass that I thought "I want to try and do this as many days as possible!" during Lent and maybe beyond. You see, I won't bore you with too many details, but trying to get up and get ready in this small house with weird layout and shared bath and me hating to have to squeeze around another person, makes me tend to not try to go places in the mornings. (And seriously concerns me if I were to attempt to work outside the home, but that's a worry for another day.)

If, however, I am going to try the morning Mass routine, I also will need to have some things ready the night before, like my tote bag that goes with me, my hair washed if needed, clothes planned, and just setting the intention in my mind to wake early and not forget. (Alarms are problematic because they disturb roommate, plus I tend to do battle with them - for some reason here lately my body clock by itself has actually become more reliable, which is surprising given how unreliable my brain is in other ways - but it works, if I engage that power.)

And then if I'm going, I would want to have a breakfast item to take along, to eat after Mass because we are required to not eat 1 hour before receiving Communion. So it's just easier to me to wait - I can drink plain water, that's permitted, and my stomach will not be too pesky and the morning Masses are short. Then I can eat. But the food item should also be packed the night before.

Plus in the early morning I go back and feed the rabbits, which is also easier to do then before roommate gets up, again that dodging around each other irritates my personal space issues, perhaps that's silly of me but there it is. To me it is just better to avoid trouble when I can, takes up much less mental bandwidth and has less risk of interpersonal aggravations and hurt feelings.

Okay. So. I just totally spaced it off this morning (the days after Ash Wednesday were when roommate was sick so I let it go then, thought today would be a good day to begin). But, as I say, I totally forgot last night to plan for it in my mind and on a practical level, so this morning it hit me, too late to do anything about it. I may go to a daily Mass at noon or 5:30 at a different parish; must see how the day goes as I badly need to do tiring things in the afternoon (rabbit pen deep clean).

However, I did do one small thing that I have been thinking of each morning when I take my pills in my bedroom then forget to follow through on - I finally remembered to come into the living room and get on my computer here and order 2 refills. Woo hoo.

It's going to be okay, I know - poco a poco. Lent is not meant to be a time to drive oneself crazy - it's just that I'd really looked forward to the spiritual uplift of going to Mass. I must not give up hope - it'll happen, I'll get a new rhythm going.

Yesterday afternoon we had the meeting for the rabbit club - a few things I'll be doing graphic wise and press releases for our end of March event. Nothing too taxing - just the remembering; the actual doing is not that hard.

Quilt Bingo is this coming weekend and I really do hope finally this year, with roommate not working from home, I can spend Friday baking, Saturday morning taking the baked goods to the church, and other prep for the Bingo. I don't do a lot of "church lady stuff" other than my quilting, and sometimes that's because I am not into the socializing aspect, but making things and baking are fun if I just can make it happen, which always seems to get thwarted in recent years by one thing and another. I must try to keep my expectations reasonable, and if something prevents it not be heartbroken, but I'm gonna try.

My payday is Friday - another thing to juggle which I wish wasn't so, but hopefully not too bad. Still, if I ever win the lottery I am SOOOO hiring a secretary / personal assistant. Well, heck, if I did win it, I'd also be able to afford a roomy, efficient HOUSE which would spare me tons of aggravation, and I'd hire Cory's bunch to come help me wrap up the decluttering in record time!

IRL*, though, for now I deal with what is.

After Bingo, aside from doing the rabbit club stuff, perhaps I can resume my decluttering more diligently. I will have solved the problem of that one quilt when I take it to the other gal tomorrow, and although I'm not ready to plunge into a lot of quilt piecing just yet (because that would be another distraction right now), it still feels lighter with that resolved. I have some targets in mind - like diocesan newspapers that have piled up. Those come biweekly, on Fridays, and I tend not to sit down right away and read through them which if I did would 9 times out of 10 allow me to get the paper out of here. Instead, I flip through, see something to come back to later - y'all probably know how it is with stuff like that. Well, I have found the online archive, so I know anything I would really want to keep** I can download, therefore the paper ones are going to be pulled out of their various stash places and gotten rid of.

Anyway, this has probably been a bit of a ramble, but felt like I should touch base. Hoping to feel like this week will be the time since the first of the year that I start to feel like the year is really beginning to take shape - only 2 months in, lol!

*In Real Life

**I promise not to keep that much, but once in awhile comes along something like the obituary of the nun who taught me 8th grade catechism and was so sweet to me and my dad - I need that for remembrance. Special stuff like that, that's all. The electronic version suffices - a reason to love living in this age.

Lila, you did great! Awesome about the dresser. Are you gonna clean out the dresser?

I broke the cool pot. It's ok, it was a learning experience.

I went to the school talent show. Some of it was terrific. Some of it was..not. But all of the kids did their best and were brave to even get up there.

One little one played hot cross buns on the violin. Literally 17 notes. So cute.

My ears are tired.

Bean is not coming tomorrow.

accountability post:

- vacuumed the guest room
- sprayed the floor with powerwash and let it soak. The teen who was in there was messy.
- mopped the floor and got it clean
- moved one box and one bin from my bedroom into that room
- folded a quilt from my room and put it in that closet
-hung up a couple things from my room in that closet, and more items in my own closet
- put 3 things I was saving, but are just taking up space, in the trash
- put 2 items, including an old sweatshirt, in the donate bin
- moved a few things around in my bedroom and vacuumed up the resulting dust bunnies
- moved things around in the guest room so that the friend can more easily mop up the sticky mess

I am beat. That was a lot. But I feel good about it because for the first time in many months, I can now get to the dresser in my room and open the drawers! This is a win, for sure.

Thanks SubC! I will try it!

I went into the room the teenager guest was in to start making it ready to move bins from my bedroom into, for now. The other room, which I would like to be my sorting room, is not available yet. The guest spilled some kind of sticky liquid in there - not just a little, but looks like several cups - and did not notice until they moved out. It dried in a very thick layer on the floor. So thick the bed was stuck to the floor and several boxes stuck to the floor. She felt bad and insisted on coming back tomorrow to clean it for me. I said yes because it is not a simple mop job. It is a scrape-up first, then scrub job and I have bad knees so it would be very hard for me. So for now I am going to put the bins into the other room. Then after she cleans it I will move them again. I know it seems like it would be easier to wait, but I want to work on this today as I will be very busy for over a week. And, the rooms are beside each other and the boxes are not heavy.

I went into the room the teenager was in and it is filthy. I started by picking up all the trash. I also got a few items she left, and put them in the other room for them to pick up. I took a while bag of trash out of there, donated a few items that were not hers, and emptied the stick vacuum. My next step is to vacuum it and then it has to be mopped, it has spills and is gross. Then if I have the energy I will move some bins in there and work on my bedroom.

I also made an online grocery order for pickup today, so I don't have to waste an hour wandering around the store finding things. I have to go pick it up in a couple hours.

Now I think I will eat an orange.

Thoughts - YES!

If I had an extra room I think I could clean out every room in my house. You can just go through the bedroom and all you have to decide right now is belongs here/does not belong here/do not know. If you can trash or donate along the way, great, but if not you can just literally remove everything that isn't belongs here (I hate not having quotation marks) arrange the room, and then sort the storage room and add back whatever else needs to be in your room.

You must sort out the extra room once your room is done though, and guard your room!

I have tried stuff like that, but I am always using a space that has to do something else, and something happens and everything gets stuffed and jumbled again.

Made a cool pot today. It's fragile, so I hope it makes it to firing.

Have parties!! (looking aghast)
Well it is a skill I want to get more comfortable at. I am such an introvert but it would be nice to at least have a few friends over for dinner. I used to do that. Before covid.

I skipped church to stay home and rest.

Here is a thought. I now have a little more space in the two very small bedrooms that my company was in. One of those rooms is going back to being a playroom/guest room for my grandkids. The other room, perhaps I could use it as an intermediate sorting space. This is one way I could get my own bedroom in order. I have boxes and tubs in my bedroom taking up a lot of room. If I moved them into that small bedroom, I could make more progress on my bedroom, I think. And could go in that little room and sort a box at a time. With the boxes and bins out of my bedroom, I could have space to go through dressers and set things up like a nice bedroom.

There is a lot to sort, but maybe this would help me not feel like I live in a trash heap.

Thoughts?

Oh, and I forgot - Lila, you can't replace people with stuff (you know that) you have to replace them with people. I don't know how many rooms you have, but Bean fills my house all by himself!

Make a room for your littles to stay over

Make a playroom

Make a gym where you can hang a boxing bag for teen

Make yourself a hobby room or an office

Have parties

There are so many possibilities once you open up the space.

Oh Lila! Please get out your soft cozy blanket and put it on your nice clean bed! This is the point of all this! To have a space that is safe and comforting and healthy and relaxing.

I am envisioning the cozy blanket on your bed radiating a warm glow of peace out into your room and slowly transforming everything that is dirty, broken, tattered or out of place like a Disney magic spell.

Road, how are you? How is your boy?

I am finally rested. I woke up naturally before 7. I'm still worrying about my dad tomorrow a bit, but I know he is in good hands. The director of the hospital is planning on him fixing her dinner on Wednesday.. (Everyone is pretending that it is not because she wants a good look at him to be sure he is recovering ok - procedure on Monday, 24 hours bed rest, dinner on Wednesday.) my dad loves to cook for people.

My dishwasher soap arrived yesterday. It had been out of stock and I had to buy a box of powder. I decided to sign up for the discount subscription - it will probably be too much, but like my laundry sheets, I will let it build up until I have an extra box and then cancel and resubscribe later. Both of them arrive in only small amounts of corrugated cardboard packaging. And the dish soap used paper tape!

Not sure what the day holds, but I will report back.

Good points SubC. And yes, the nice soft cozy blankets must have been a comfot to the teenager who suddenly was torn from her home amidst trauma. I am glad they got some comfort out of them instead of them sitting unused in the closet another ten years.

In fact, as I was putting them away, one was SO soft and comforting that I wanted it! But put it away. Kind of silly right?? I have them, I may as well enjoy them! I think I will get that one back out and start using it!

I ate some granola and now I feel better.

I went into the big freezer and looked to see what was left after they took their stuff. I think I mentioned how the breaker got tripped and a lot of stuff got warm and thrown out. The things that might be good were left in. I went in there today and looked through the bottom drawer and tossed all the meat that had been purchased on its "too old to sell" date a couple years ago, and tossed it, plus some other things old and frostbitten. See, I was hoarding food too, but not eating it. Now it is wasted. I am probably going to sell that giant freezer and maybe get a small chest freezer. I only need a little extra room, not a whole huge upright freezer.

I will use what's left in there, then sell it. That will make space in that room as well.

I had a thought also. Getting rid of things makes me feel more alone, too. I feel the aloneness, the emptiness, and maybe I am sort of filling the space where my children and husbands used to be, with stuff.

Lila- hoard money. Instead of buying extra things, if you have extra money, put it in the bank! A blanket is no good when you need a toaster, but money is flexible.

Meanwhile, use some of your nice things! Those nice new blankets the teenager unpacked - put them out. If you cannot bear to donate the older blankets (pet shelters often take blankets too worn for thrift stores) at least pack those away for an emergency instead of never using your nice stuff. Also, maybe cut the teen some slack. It probably did not occur to them that those blankets were not for use and maybe they liked them better and having them made a stressful transition better. You can still use them.

Are the things from teens childhood special to you or to teen? If you, maybe those things should move to your room. If teen - maybe they should move to teens room. I know teen breaks things, but those are their things. It needs to be their job to care for them eventually or they need to accept not having them.

Yay for putting all of ex things in his room!

My chickens have a cleaner coop with their second perch reinstalled so they do not have to be so crowded and their computer casing egg hut returned.

More of the feral part of the garden is under heavy mulch.

And I showered and washed my hair. It is weird, because I love to swim, but getting into water is really hard for me - especially when it is cool or cold.

I am going to drop my patties to be fired at the studio tomorrow (patties are free)and go to the school talent show. I will probably also pick up some seed starting mix and potting soil.

SubC, thank you for the encouragement and suggestions. I feel like this whole thing is as much mental/emotional work as anything else. I'm glad you found your rhubarb! Strawberry rhubarb pie is so yummy.

My friend who lived here is back to get the rest of her things, right now. I am feeling anxious in the pit of my stomach about all of this. I will miss her, we had fun together. Yet glad to reclaim my spaces. And nervous about the people she is about to bring inside to help her.

...

And like that, it's all gone, and a lot of clear space is back. I can see the floor in the family room, and the hallway is clear. The 2 bedrooms are back to being available for me to use. Although the room that was for my grandchildren and was Teen's before that, is in complete disarray. The teenager who I said could 'sleep' in there went through my closet, took brand new blankets (3) out of their packaging and used them even though I gave them 2 warm blankets to use plus they brought their own. And they dug through the closet. And they took everything I had arranged on the shelves and put them into boxes and baskets and put them on shelves. Yet did not use the shelf they cleared. I am hoping none of those special childhood items of Teen's were broken or ruined by them doing this. I am NEVER letting anyone come to live with me again. I will have guests who come to visit stay in a guest room, but this is the final live-in person. I have done this a few times when friends were in crisis and it always ends up being much longer than anticipated and I have to put everything back together in the end. But at least now I can do it.

Now I will take anything that is anywhere else in the house that belongs to my ex and put it in his rented room. I only want my own things in the rest of the house from now on.

I am so stressed that I can't even think.

A processing post. Feel free to skip unless you too are sorting out the whys and hows of hoarding behaviors and fixing them.

I look around my bedroom at all the piles, boxes, and plastic tubs and I wonder what happened to me. I KNOW it wasn't like this when I was a kid. I had a normal home and bedroom. I know it wasn't like this in my dorm in college. When I got married at 20, I know it wasn't anything like this even though we lived in the same house for about 7 years and had several kids. It never occurred to me it could get like this, back then.

As a young wife and mother, I kept the house clean and "lived in" but organized. The only disorganized space was the end tables in the living room, which had doors on them and I would toss magazines and papers in there when company was coming. But they never got full and I always sorted and got rid of that stuff. I don't remember having any extra junk or stuff. We had some boxes in the storage shed but nothing unusual, not a lot of stuff.

Then we moved to the house I am in now. It was fine. It was clean and organized. Then I got divorced. That's when I started hoarding. I knew we were going to get divorced so I started buying extra things: paper towels, toilet paper, maxi pads, toiletries, food. I hid it in closets. I shuck it in boxes in the garage. When we did split up I was so poor I had nothing. But I had the stuff I had hidden. It let us get by.

Finances have been tight most of the time since then. Ten plus years ago my new husband who made plenty of money told me he didn't love me anymore and was divorcing me. I was in a panic. I started saving everything, buying extras of everything. But then he never divorced me. So for a decade I kept saving and hoarding because I knew he would someday.

That's part of it. Another part is just not having money. So when I get rid of anything, even a soccer ball that's been in the garage for 15 years, there is a fear. "I will want a soccer ball to play with my grandkids in a few years and I won't be able to afford one." That is actually realistic. But it turned into sooo many things.

I have brand new sets of dishes, glasses, pots and pans and knives in my garage for when I need new ones, because I won't be able to afford them then.

I have so many blankets. Lots of new ones, old ones, thick and thin ones, because I know someday I will need blankets and won't have the money for them.

I have so much stuff but nothing really nice is out.

My home looks like I am broke. My dining room table looks awful, with unstable, mismatched chairs. All my furniture is second hand. I have no art on the walls, no photos on the walls, but plenty in frames in boxes. If I hang them Teen will throw them.

I have clothing in every size from 10 to 3x because I know as I lose weight I will need clothes and not be able to afford them.

I wonder if I had plenty of money, if my hoarding would disappear. I kind of think it would. But who knows.

Hi Lila!

Progress is good!

It doesn't have to be sparse, it just has to be orderly and cleanable and only have things you want in there.

Keep moving out from the bed and clearing the floor. If the area around your bed starts to feel too empty, think about what you could put there - a chair? A rack to hang clothes on that you are going to wear again, or maybe a robe? A screen of some kind to make a smaller defined space around your bed?

I am cleaning out the chicken coop. In the process of moving the bedding out to the garden - I found the rhubarb! I have not harvested any rhubarb for three years, because the whole area around it was overgrown. But now, I can see where it is, and if I keep it weeded and feed it, maybe I will get a pie this year!

Ideally I would move at least one clump to a new fresh spot with lots of good compost this fall. But one thing at a time - first I will try to weed it.

But for now, my water break is over, so back to the coop!

Happy Saturday, SubC. Good you are being productive while caring for yourself.

I went into my room and sat on the bed and tried to picture how I want it to be, without the clutter. I can't imagine it. I don't compute how it would look or feel. Sigh.

But I just decided to work from the bed out, and try to get the piles of papers off the floors. I went through most of the piles, threw out anything I don't need, put one document into the safe, and stacked the rest on the other side of the room with other papers that should be filed eventually.

Plus I threw out an old medication and donated 3 items. So it's progress.

I do wish I had a picture in my head of how I want it. But sparseness makes me anxious.

Lila, good job giving your body the nutrients it needs!

I got the feed. I unloaded three of the bags directly into the feed bins, saving myself more work later with some work now.

I made a dozen clay patties- laymanexplanation - emergency drip catchers for the kiln. They are semi-consumable and I was out - they are another thing that saves you more work later.

I labelled some more things in the studio to avoid hassle later.

I fed the sourdough starter.

And now I am going to go do some barn work because it is still sunny and is the warmest part of the day.

accountability post.

- sorted the vitamin/supplement cabinet in the kitchen, and found 3 old items to dispose of. Added them to the Daily Tally.

- cleaned my dog's ears and trimmed his nails.

- took probiotics and vitamins.

Wow, the inertia is real. I don't want to do anything. I will let myself sit here and relax with coffee and then will work on my room and the terrible, piled-up, layered-in-dust bar/counter.

Thank you SubC for that. Caring for yourself is a worthy task. Let that stress go so it doesn't make you sick. I have found that being stressed does literally cause physical degradation in some form - whether illness, disease, headache, tiredness... so I will heed your wisdom and also care for myself today. Too stressed.

I had a barking neighbor dog who was also howling, keep me up most of the night. I did message the owner who was gone for the weekend. The poor dog is so sad and lonely he goes outside in the 15 degree freezing cold and barks and howls, hoping to call his family home. He has a dog door but kept going outside to bark and howl in his misery. I felt bad for him and Son is going over to visit him this morning, and we will ask neighbor how we might help next time they are gone for days.

I had decaf coffee and egg salad on bread. I feel like nibbling more. I am lagging, so will make myself some real coffee and take my vitamins to perk me up.

I do need to get some work done around the house, and have not significantly added to my Daily Tally in some time, so will try to do that as well.

Dd and dsil are both negative, but on Wednesday dsil was at the zoo with one of the people who tested positive. So he won't be sure until Monday.

I feel like I lifted a car. I have been storing so much stress in my muscles, I ache from the base of my skull down my back and ribs and the sides of my rear. Also across my shoulders and into my upper arms. I slept until 9 and still haven't done chores.

I took my vitamins. My biggest goal today is to be kind to myself. Healthy food choices, shower, maybe a bath no specific goals. Right now I am sitting in the sun.

I ran across a quote once that said You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. I need to remember that my body is a biological creature, and like every other creature on this farm, it will react positively to care and compassion and negatively to abuse and neglect.

Chickens don't decide to lay eggs. If you take good care of them and they get enough light, they lay eggs. And if you stress them out or starve them, they stop laying eggs.

I just remembered I need to pick up feed before noon!

Carry on!

We did go and I am glad. It was a good trip. I had a nice time with Teen. Five and a half hours later we are home and I am tired. But while we were out, our live-in company got most of their things moved to their new apartment! Not all, but maybe 75%. There is more space now, but their rooms still have some things in them and so does my family room. I am glad that is done, and it will be nice when they have completed their move and I can really reclaim the spaces.

Now I am just resting, and thinking about having some nice hot tea. I bought 5 kinds of citrus fruits at the store on the way home, which makes me happy. I love to try different varieties of citrus in winter.

Lila, I am glad your son is helping you. I hope things worked out with teen.

CM, I think it is lovely that you are able to pass part of the quilts on! Anything that looks like quick success sounds like a good thing.

My school is weird at the best of times, but usually it is a good weird. Since covid it just feels like things have shifted so much. Some of it is that I have just come to see how the sausage is made more. Some of it is my recent increase in understanding in how my own brain works, some of it is just change. I do not know that the uncertainty and chaos have increased, but my experience of them has. Relationships are very hard for me to begin with. If you are anything but honest with me, even if you are trying to be kind, it makes it harder.

Dd, dsil, and Bean are on their way home. They got almost halfway to my parents and started getting texts that many of the people they were at a party with on Sunday night now have Covid (first symptoms as early as Tuesday)

I don't know what my weekend looks like.

But they know about my dad now. So I told Dh. He is still at work. He has another work meeting at 8 a.m. tomorrow. He is also exhausted.

I want spring too. It is very cold here. But, sunny, so that's something. Too cold to go out though, low teens.

I am slow going today. Still not sure if we are doing the road trip appointment or not, but need to decide in the next 20 minutes or so.

I made some French toast and had a leisurely breakfast. On my task list, I sorted the meds/pill bottles, threw out some empty ones, consolidated and locked them back up. I have a bag with some old/unused pills to put in the prescription disposal bin.

Working on the kitchen a little bit. Made calls.

I sure wish this coffee would give me energy!

Miscellaneous...

SubC, sounds like the vibe at your school has been a bit weird lately? I hope it gets better. As you may have guessed, I struggled a lot on jobs, hence I am on disability now. Jobs are hard - the work not so much, but all the people and other things (sensory, time pressures, memory tasks, etc.) that go with being in a workplace. Wondering if at some point when I really will need to be making more money I can find a remote job. If I can avoid the scams.

My roommate got sick with a minor tummy thing today. We were supposed to go this afternoon to the senior center to do crafts. I'm thinking I may skip it too; this will be the second time, unfortunately. This has been disappointing - I'd hoped more for a place where it was set up for people to do crafts on more of a casual, drop-in basis than have to schedule it, and that being only once a month. Well, I'll have to investigate - perhaps the larger center would be more able to do something open ended. This thing today is at the one that's closer by but has little space.

Wondering if my time would be better spent really working hard at decluttering the home workspace after all... I was just thinking that going someplace else to do stuff would kickstart the stash busting. But may need to rethink that. In any case, there are certainly some decluttering things I can spot around here that would be quick successes, so maybe I'll just start there.

Still feeling really good about having made the decision to have the other lady help finish that one quilt top so I can move forward.

It's still cold and dreary here. Bleah. I want SPRING!

Good morning, day off, supposed to be going on road trip appointment with Teen but they texted me at 6am saying they did not sleep and can't go. I hate not knowing what my day entails (especially if it is a matter of being home for 4-5 hours of being gone for 4-5 hours) but I am letting them sleep until closer to time we would need to leave, and then will gently encourage.

SubC it is hard to cope sometimes. I too eat my emotions and watch too much online stuff. Hopefully today will be better and you can u-turn it.

I am relaxing and having coffee. I just watched the trash truck come. I must be pretty odd, as one of the things I don't want to miss is watching the trash truck. I hear it coming and jump up and stand at the window with my coffee, watching it dump my bins, and it makes me happy. I really love feeling like "all that stuff I put in there is gone!" Seeing it go is part of my decluttering reward.

I have so many things to attend to today, but can do it quietly and in my own time. I need to sort meds, clip the dog's nails, clean up the kitchen etc. My dear Son washed all the dishes and ran the dishwasher AND cleaned the dirty stovetop the other day for me while I was asleep, without being asked. What a wonderful young man he is. So I am motivated to keep it clean for him, so he feels like what he did mattered.

Will post later and hope to hear from others on what you are doing today.