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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : how do i escape from the hoarders prison
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how do i escape from the hoarders prison

Posted: 26 March 2020 - 01:22 AM
Hi, just went through this thread. As Tillie and Subclinical know, I hang out a lot in the Daily Chat. But tonight here I am.

Stuck In the Middle, I am amazed at your story. Even if things took a turn of regression with your people and you went through a time of suffering - I do feel things will improve again. Hang onto hope, realistically of course, but do have some hope.

I'm a hoarder trying to become a minimalist. I have ADHD and OCD, and a bunch of other Ds, LOL. I'm a hot mess. I've been hanging out with these amazing people on these boards since 2015. Got to meet Cory when he came to my town a few years back, that was cool.

One thing I can offer as a way of understanding the hoarder brain is that many of us suffer from difficulties in the "executive function" department.

One of those difficulties is - wait for it... decision making! I get really stressed trying to make decisions. I make crappy decisions, the sort that got me into this hoarder mess, the sort that result in my backsliding even when I thought I was really committed to a new way of life, and the sort that hang me up when I'm in the middle of a decluttering session trying to figure out whether to get rid of a single piece of paper.

Hope that helps to know. You can Google "executive function of the brain" if you want to learn more.

It really helps me, as a hoarder in recovery so to speak, to hear the painful truth about how it affects other people. I know it in my mind but I sometimes need to feel it more in my heart so that I'll continue to be motivated.

Being a single person, I fight a different, yet similar, battle. It's between the hoarder side of me and the side that wants a better life. The hoarder side can really push back; that's been my most recent lesson in all this. The wanting a better life me can get discouraged and demoralized when the hoarder pushes back, and when other life stresses sap my energy to fight the battle at all.

I don't want my relatives to have to see my hoard if I should die. I don't want to ruin my chances of enjoying life - I want to reclaim my life.

Anyway, I'm rooting for all of us here. Steady as she goes.
Posted: 16 March 2020 - 03:12 PM
Sometimes, many times compromise is the only way to get anywhere.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 16 March 2020 - 12:04 AM
Compromise... It feels more like defeat. But at least I made some progress and set firm boundaries.
Posted: 15 March 2020 - 05:33 PM
Yes, keep your priorities straight.
You are your number one priority.

I had to compromise too.
The inside of the house except his bedroom are my "NO CLUTTER ZONES" that I keep clean & tidy.
The huge garage, carport and most all the yard are his places to hoard.

At least we have our decluttered and clean home places to live in. (((hug)))
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 15 March 2020 - 05:14 PM
Thanks. I never really left. Well, except to take some time to myself to rest and repair my mind.

I felt like it was important to share what happened and to encourage others that are struggling that they should seek help. Don't do it alone. I had no help. I only had this forum, educational books, and online research. I was fighting this battle of 2 hoarders all by myself. Although I was strong for a long time, the burden of it all finally broke me. It wasn't wise of me to take on this incredibly huge battle all by myself. So, yes, get professional help some way some how if you decide to fight the hoarding battles. Please.

I realized now that I can no longer be The Therapist, The Motivator, The Cheerleader, The Praiser, The Teacher, The Caretaker, The Organizer, The Planner, and The Go-Go-Goer. These are too many hats for one person to wear. I am better now and I will continue to take care of myself, which includes an entire and continuously clean house that I reclaimed some time ago.

While my MIL continues to randomly sort and donate, it is at an extremely slow pace, but she's doing it.

My husband...he has stopped cleaning out his shop all together. He has no self motivation, so I have no hope for future progress. He's lazy by nature, but he does respect the house and actually helps with the chores now.

All in all I won some and I lost some. I'm not complaining. I'm just not going to focus on their hoarding issues anymore. I'm focusing on me now. Me first. 😊

Wishing all of you the best. ((Hugs))
Posted: 14 March 2020 - 07:46 AM
Welcome back Stuck In The Middle :D

Sorry you went through that.
Only good thing is we often return from such an experience stronger than we were before.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 14 March 2020 - 01:14 AM
Update: I had a mental breakdown. My recommendation: Get professional help. No matter how strong you think you are, you cannot do this without professional help. It. Is. Too. Difficult. I. Am. Back. To. Ground. Zero.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 24 January 2020 - 09:20 PM
Thank you Tillie. It is nice to know someone is listening. It is also nice to give hope to those that are struggling.
Posted: 24 January 2020 - 08:26 PM
Hi Stuck in the middle :)

That's really great to hear!
Slow but steady is an ideal way for him to declutter.
YEA! for MIL finding more to donate!
Hang in there, they seem to be really working on it. :)
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 24 January 2020 - 07:47 PM
My husband finally recognized AND admitted to being a hoarder. Now he understands. Progress on his solo cleanup in his shop is slow but it is regular progress at a pace that works for him.

MIL is still progressing; she has moved on to donating items from more than just closets.

I am working through it. Not easy. But. I am not giving up.
Posted: 15 January 2020 - 06:47 PM
Hello Sammie

The best books that I have used are
"Digging Out" and
"Buried In Treasures"

So far a finding good groups in your area I would ask around...
Ask a professional cleaning company that deals with hoarding.
Maybe find out about a local group through online message boards.

Good luck and best wishes :)
Posted: 15 January 2020 - 10:31 AM
What are the best books to use or groups that I can attend. I'm in Philadelphia
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 14 January 2020 - 02:58 PM
Still...more progress. More loads of "things" hauled away. Literally,TONS.

Now...Now I am working on my own mental *trust*. We all deserve that.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 11 January 2020 - 05:43 PM
Well said Tillie.
Posted: 11 January 2020 - 05:23 PM
The self help books written by the professionals who work in the field are written to help people learn to retrain themselves.
Learn and re-train themselves to no longer hoard or clutter or allow their house to fall into squalor.

Every method takes time and at times is very hard but they can work through all the hard emotions and any unwarranted negative feelings.

Some people benefit from attending hoarding/clutter groups where they learn to retrain themselves.
It's all about changing habits into more beneficial habits.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 11 January 2020 - 04:50 PM
Correction to my last post:

...I don't want people out there reading this thread to find false hope or *be discouraged* if they already discovered that professional therapy and training didn't work for them. ...
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 11 January 2020 - 03:24 PM

As with each and every hoarding situation, all are unique and complex on many levels. It would not be wise of me to list the deep details of my situation here. But in a nutshell, my MIL received years of professional help, only for it to go in one ear and out the other. With all do respect to my MIL, she's stubborn by nature, set in her ways, and often has the mind of a child. Some days she has no attention span at all. But. My MIL is continuing to reduce her "things" "one closet at a time".

My husband is showing signs of Alzheimer's and this often results in childlike behaviors. But we are from a generation that fixes what's broken - not just give up. We have always put our children first. And what makes progress with him possible is that we both have a common goal: We know what we don't want to burden our children with. He has started reducing junk from his shop...All. By. Himself.

My MIL and my husband are both fragile at times; can be crazy-mean other times; and are very loving, agreeable, and cooperative at other times. They both have triggers. Sometimes I walk on eggshells. Sometimes we all laugh and laugh and laugh together. We have good days, bad days, slow days, and go days.

I don't believe a specific method or all methods work for everyone and not all people fit-the-mould. That's why I've had to think outside of the box and gather tools from many different sources to keep trying. I found new tools here, applied them (along with all my other tools) and we all seem to be making progress. Patience and repetition is a big part of this.

As for me, I don't drink or do drugs. I don't self medicate. I don't take perscription drugs. The emotional journey is raw and real. And dang hard. This forum was literally my saving grace. My last hope. To be able to share, be heard, learn, and grow holds immense value in my well being.

The kick-starter that got the ball rolling (in my situation) was learning that brains are wired differently and hoarders *see* differently. I thought, well, if they *see* differently then they must *hear* differently too. So I learned to speak in ways that they could *really hear* me. It's working.

I don't want people out there reading this thread to find false hope if they already discovered that professional therapy and training didn't work for them. It's not for everyone. But that doesn't mean they can't find the tools that do work. Don't give up. Keep trying. Just remember, the battle is real. The battle is extremely hard. But I am proof that progress and improvements and headway can be made. Is it permanent? I can't answer that. I don't think I ever will be able to answer this question until I learn to trust it.

(((Hope Hugs)))
Posted: 10 January 2020 - 11:11 PM
Without therapy or intense training, which is what therapy consists of,
a person who hoards or who is chronically disorganized will fall back into their old habits.

To change behavior takes practice and time.
People who never learned how to do general housekeeping need to be taken by the hand and taught.
It's the repetition of these tasks that over time build new habits.

It's too mentally challenging to try to build a whole bunch of new habits all at once.
Best way is to do only one or three new habits every month or more, depending.

To change a lifetime of habits takes patience and repetition.

Stuck in the middle
Posted: 10 January 2020 - 10:02 AM
Hi Tillie,

Ya. I do.

Ah, good! 👍 A more manageable garden and drop cookies; that makes me happy for you! 😊
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 09 January 2020 - 09:58 PM

Progress ... hinted with frustrating signs of a hoarder's mindset. My hope is so soaked with doubt that failure is my most feared element in this journey...only because I do not want to be given no choice but to walk away from loved ones. But I am struggling deeply.

Through so much physical and emotional pain,
I have finally reclaimed the entire my standards. Sanitized. Clean. Organized. Simple. Minimal. Functional.

Will it last?

Loads and loads of "things" donated.

Today my husband admitted to being the happiest that he has ever been in this house since we have lived here. He said that he, "Understands Now".

My husband also said that he is now going to, "...Start cleaning out his shop".
This will be the TRUE test. HIS true test.
I. Will. Not. Help. Him.

My MIL said that she is working on cleaning out more, "One closet at a time."

Am. I. Wrong. To. Not. Trust. After all of these years in the battle of hoarders?

I Hesitate with Hope.
Posted: 09 January 2020 - 11:43 AM
Yes there are moves forward and times when nothing moves.
Take the set backs in stride, be patient, move on to something that may be easier for them.

Heavens no I did not give up my garden
just scrolled it back to what I can more easily keep up with.
Trees, lilac hedge, honeysuckle and flowering plants plus a small patch of grass to cool the air in Summertime.
The cookie cutters & cookie press are gone but this does not prevent me from making drop cookies.
I still have all the things I enjoy but it's better now.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 08 January 2020 - 10:12 PM
I'm so proud of them! I still have doubts though when the process is tainted with set backs. I try to reassure myself with hope.

I haven't heard of the YouTube video. Thank you for suggesting it! Sounds like that would be another great tool to use. There is not one single item my MIL doesn't hoard. You name it, including food.

Good for you! *clapping* I did exactly what you listed. It is very freeing, yes! 😊 Less to dust and clean too!
Preparing for death might seem odd to some people. I believe it is necessary and responsible.

No cookies. No garden. ... Sometimes we can give up too much. I hope you haven't let go of all your joys. I refuse to give up my hiking and community service. They give me strength and purpose. I do hope you still have at least that much left. 🤗

Ya, I'll go watch it now. Thanks again Tillie!
Posted: 08 January 2020 - 08:48 PM
YEA! for another car load!!! :D

WAY TO GO! for MIL letting go of so much!

Great that all this is GONE and not tempting anybody to go through it and pull stuff out.

An interesting book and some Youtube videos is
"The Gentle Art Of Swedish Death Cleaning".
It's not depressing or morbid.
Doesn't dwell on death & dyeing.
It's about letting go of unnecessary possessions that you don't need any longer so that somebody else doesn't have to do it if/when you die.
It's for anybody of any age but mainly for someone's who's been around 40 or 60 years and has a houseful.
With a large family you cook/bake a lot but when they grow up & move out you don't really need all the kitchen stuff any longer.
Furnishings that no longer serve you.
Anything you still have from any hobby or activity you no longer do, etc.

This is what I have spent the last year (2019) doing for myself and have found it very freeing.
No longer feeling like I need to make fancy decorated cookies for anybody because there is nobody to eat them but me.
Also eliminated a lot of gardening that was becoming too much for me physically.
I never promised anybody a rose garden anyways. ;p

Check out Youtube "Swedish Death Cleaning" and see if any of this philosophy helps MIL when you are helping her declutter. :)
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 08 January 2020 - 05:34 PM
Another car load of donations. Gone.

MIL filled 6 large garbage bags with things to donate. Gone.


The Year of the Purge.
I hope.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 07 January 2020 - 04:56 PM
I am The Therapist.
The unqualified therapist.
I have no choice.
It is difficult.

I pray often.
I purge emotional pain through tears while in solitude.
I pray again.

It was another 12 hour day working hard to purge items while I have the rare opportunity of cooperation.

"Keep going."
"Push through it."
"Try harder."
"Work, work, work."
"Am I weak?"
"Am I strong enough?"
"Pfft. Toughen Up."
"Fight the battle."
"You. Will. Win."
"Goals...Meet them!"

These are just a few thoughts in my brain that go unspoken.

I. Am. So. Very. Tired.

I only post today for those whom are struggling in silence and feel alone. I hear your pain while you read this.
Even though the shame is too deep to share it here.
You. Are. Not. Alone.
There will be many hard days.
Remember, not all days are bad days.
Don't. Give. Up.

(((Hope Hugs)))
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 06 January 2020 - 06:34 PM
Exactly, Tillie!

(((Hope Hugs)))
Posted: 06 January 2020 - 06:25 PM
That's the thing about the people here.
Even when they are paralyzed, at a stand still
they are all still trying.

They give me the will to go on.
They keep my spirit and my hope alive.

There are and will be days, weeks, months where nothing is done.
No decluttering or cleaning.
But even then they are all truly still trying and eventually will find their will to continue on.

Stuck in the middle
Posted: 06 January 2020 - 02:30 PM
Hi Subclinical,

"Suckyness" ... That's cute. Sharing "suckyness" is incredibly difficult for me. But I do reach out when I can no longer find the tools that I need to fix what is broken.

Thank you but it is far from amazing and I couldn't do it alone. It is a team effort. "They" are amazing!

This hoarding battle with my husband has gone on for over two decades and it was only semi-recently that the hoarding battle was compounded by a second hoarder (my MIL). Major overkill in my book. So I reached out for help and it was the people here, in this forum, who helped me find the tools that I needed to get the ball rolling again.

Sometimes not all of the right tool(s) are found in books or in psychology or psychiatry. Sometimes the right tools are found in each other, from within, and from sharing. Please know that you contributed. You helped Us. Thank you.

I do believe that it is not the pace or the number of items hauled away that are important. What is important (to me) is "trying". Now that's pretty dang cool. It sounds like you are trying and you are doing a great job! That is commendable. *High-Five*

Yesterday was very ugly, but today was a good day. We are all back on track. Progress.
Posted: 05 January 2020 - 08:20 PM
As my heart daughter and I say to each other - because we are each the only person the other knows who will not try to be comforting in such situations: "some things just suck." Sometimes it is good to just have someone else know about the suckyness.

I think that what you are doing and what you have done is amazing. Your ability to get them to work with you is amazing!

There is no way I could have sustained motivation this long when I began. Maybe a few hours. And then later, maybe a day.

This summer I think I worked every day for two straight weeks before I took a break and that was maybe ten years in? And I was not getting rid of carloads every day!
Posted: 05 January 2020 - 08:06 PM
yeah, I get it.

heavy sigh...
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 05 January 2020 - 07:32 PM
I have tried and tried again today to write my post. I wrote. I hesitated. I deleted. Wrote again. Deleted again.

I. Am. Mentally. Exhausted. I am physically exhausted. I. Am. Broken.

I knew in advance that deciding to take a day off yesterday was a risk. Especially when dealing with two hoarders and having the rare opportunity of motivation from both of them.

Trust Me! I. Did. Not. Want. To. Rest. Yesterday.
But I knew I HAD to. ... For. Me.

I woke up this morning to their excuses about why not to move forward anymore. In one day. Overnight. Just like that. I lost their motivation because I needed rest. In one heartbeat. Gone.

As usual, I found a private place to try to regroup.
Sadness and defeat exploded from me. I cried from depths so deep the pain expelled from me like a raging river.

No. You might ask. It didn't make me feel better. I hate to cry. I have been through a lot in life. You name it. I got the sign. Not easy. I got back up. Moved on.

.... But today I struggled to get back up again.

Please do not respond with sympathy. It sickens me. I only post today about my struggle for those whom are struggling in silence.

It. Is. Hard.
It. Is. Exhausting.
Don't. Give. Up.

Today. I got back up.
I got things back in motion.
But I am too tired to share how I even managed to do that.
Maybe tomorrow.

If you are struggling in silence and reading this...
Do. Not. Give. Up. You are not alone.
I care about You. I really do.
Posted: 04 January 2020 - 06:07 PM
Having a sense of humor is very important.
So much better than taking it all too seriously.

YEA! for being lazy! :D
Enjoy the weekend.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 04 January 2020 - 02:13 PM
Hi Tillie,

Thank you!

I love this: "So it's not really laziness. It's just delaying deciding and not dealing with it now."

I really don't think that my husband and MIL are lazy people, per se. There are several factors in why they hoard, I'm learning about them. "Just in case" is definitely one reason.

Decisions are sometimes extremely difficult for them. That must be so mentally draining. Some decisions are surprisingly simple for them which was a real eye-opener for me. We try to find the balance between difficult and simple decision-making when working together. One bonus in our process is humor; we have tons of it.

Enjoy your weekend!
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 04 January 2020 - 01:18 PM
Hi Subclinical,

As long as labels don't have negative connotations attached to them to hurt a person, I agree. Labels can be important, helpful, and healthy - even encouraging. Labels can also have negative implications and can even be very dangerous too depending on the person receiving one. The important thing, I believe, is to always be kind and gentle to one another.

Both my husband and MIL chose the word "lazy" to use and both were very confident when doing so. The word lazy was used as an action word rather than a label.

I'm might add that I am not educated to diagnose them or why they hoard. Nor do I want to. But I will continue to educate myself to help all of us in this journey. I have learned that admitting to the label "hoarder" is an important step. I attach hope to this lesson. Without the admission, I attach doubt. Who knows, maybe admitting to being a hoarder might not be necessary for my husband and MIL and that is o.k. Everyone is unique in their own way of thinking. As long as we make positive progress and keep the common goal in mind, it works for us.

Today, I am being lazy...all day long. And I'm proud of that. I earned it. We earned it.

It makes me so happy to know that you're not beating yourself up! *High-Five* Wishing you a great weekend!
Posted: 04 January 2020 - 10:58 AM
That is all so FANTASTIC!

Fingers crossed that both he and his mother keep being motivated!!!

Most hoarding is caused by "delayed decisions".
Making decisions takes some hard thinking at times and then there are the doubts as to if it will be needed again some future day.
So everything just gets kept for "just in case"
Who we named Justin Case here.

So it's not really laziness. It's just delaying deciding and not dealing with it now.

But it seems as if they are now in the mood to make some of their hard decisions! :D

Ya'll keep up the good progress. D
Posted: 04 January 2020 - 06:23 AM
Stuck in the middle,
That is fantastic progress!

For some of us, having a label is important and helpful. For others maybe not.

For me, realizing that my brain works differently and I need to work with it helped me stop beating myself up for being lazy and incompetent. If your family feels better being "lazy" that is probably fine.

As long as things are improving, I don't think it matters what people want to be called.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 03 January 2020 - 09:10 PM
Another great day. One full truck went to the dump and another car load of donations went to Habitat for Humanity. My Husband even scheduled Habitat For Humanity to come pick up stuff this coming week! Really?! I. Am. So. Incredibly proud of him!

MIL gathered another pile to donate as well. So WAY cool!

Both my husband and my MIL have admitted that they are hoarding "because of laziness". Neither have admitted it is because of actually being a "hoarder" ...Yet.. I still have hope.

As long as I'm seeing progress at this speed, I will take it!

I also started a "reward system" other than just praise. It's a reward system that is not materialistic. I will share it, if it works. So we will see how that plays out.

I. Am. Exhausted. But...I. Am. Strong.

(((Hope Hugs)))
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 02 January 2020 - 03:13 PM
Aww, thank you, Subclinical for the great advice! Defending clean, organized, functional, space is challenging. I. Will. Do. My. Best.

Huge hug to you for finding that self discipline! Self-imposed "rules" and boundries are so powerful in helping us live healthier happier lives. I am very proud of you!

(((Hope Hugs)))
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 02 January 2020 - 02:49 PM
Hey Tillie!

Yes ma'am! The. Entire. Garage! I pulled up that bucket today, sat on my heiney, and soaked in the glory of it all ... for a whole 22 minutes! Then I got busy and loaded the car with more "things" from inside of the house to donate.

I am so very sorry. I can totally relate. A hazmat team is a good choice. I didn't have that option when I was obligated to clean and organize my MIL's home before we could even bring her back home after fighting for her life a whole year in multiple hospitals. That was a doozer of a year, to say the least. But. It is behind me.

One. Day. At. A time.

(((Hope Hugs)))
Posted: 02 January 2020 - 11:51 AM
Yay for the garage!

It will be great if he works on his shop. Just don't let him bring things from the shop into the house! I tend to move stuff around between buildings. I have a new rule that only pottery related items can go to the pottery studio space, so hopefully everything else will just funnel down to the basement, get sorted out, and shrink.
Posted: 02 January 2020 - 11:27 AM
The WHOLE garage!!!
Enjoy all that space!!!

Don't get burned out with all the hard physical labor. pace yourself.

Fingers crossed that your DH will continue on supporting your plans. :D

The garage here is like your Dh's workshop.
Packed floor to rafters and there is even a loft that runs the full length.
It's a barn like structure and could conceivably hold 4 vehicles.
But there is nothing but a tiny filthy goat path through the center of it.
Stuff stacked precariously high throughout. You can't even see the walls let alone ever reach them.
It's dangerous and scary. Full of garbage and vermin and insects and snakes who eat the vermin.
We do have Hantavirus in this area and Bubonic plague.
I do believe a proper hazmat team should be called.
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 02 January 2020 - 10:26 AM
Hi Subclinical,

I know right! I was so happy I even did the jig.

The garage is considered my space. I had given up hope reclaiming it but with my new form of communication, I thought to myself, "Why not try." It worked. I can now park the car in it. Not today though, because I am going to pull up a bucket, sit in the middle of the garage, and stare at the glory of success. Clean. Organized. Functional. Space.

My husband has his own shop detached from our shared living space. His shop is 1,500 sq ft and it is plumb full. I respect his space and he hoards there to his heart's content. Although, he said (for the first time ever) that he was going to start cleaning out his shop too.

I am skeptical but so far the newfound communication skills are working.

(((Hope Hugs)))
Posted: 02 January 2020 - 06:03 AM
Stuck in the middle - you reclaimed the entire garage?! That is a big thing! Hoarders love garages. Mine has an ever changing line of stuff around my car that I have left there "for now"

That is a big win!
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 01 January 2020 - 08:47 PM
Hallelujah! I reclaimed the garage! Was it easy? No. Was it worth all of the hard work from dawn to dusk? Yes!

Was I ridiculed? Not once! Not even a hint of anger or tantrums out of my husband! He even helped! And he sold stuff!

The change in communication has given me hope again... even if the hope is coated with doubt that this will last.

In the meantime, I'm counting today as WIN!

(((Hope Hugs)))
Posted: 01 January 2020 - 11:59 AM
You're Welcome :)
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 01 January 2020 - 01:01 AM
Awesome Tillie, thank you!

(((Hope Hugs)))
Posted: 01 January 2020 - 12:05 AM
Directly to the right is a blue box titled
"Hoarding Webinars".

Make sure to click on all the links at the top of the page too.
There is a lot of good information.

Right beneath the list of states on the left of this page is a link to
"Hoard No More".
It is a workbook and CD and an other book.
I love it but he will have nothing to do with it.

I believe there is a video about it on Youtube?
Stuck in the middle
Posted: 31 December 2019 - 10:40 PM
Hey Tillie!

Pretty cool, huh! Thank you!

And thank you for suggesting books! I love education, reading, and learning! I've also purchased several books for my husband and MIL to read and use as tools to improve. Reading books is not in their nature. None of the books were read. "Buried in Treasures" is also one of them that only added to the hoarding. Please keep suggesting books though, because one book just might help someone out there!

I do agree. Unless the hoarder "decides" that they want to get better, there is no progress. I'm not saying this to give false hope to those like me out there looking for hope. I just know that if self-help books don't work to trigger the hoarder to want to help themselves, try, try, try again. Try something new. Educate yourself. Try again. And again. And again. Don't give up. Please. Don't. Give. Up.

I'm still learning.

Also, I am having a hard time finding Cory Chalmers' schedule for seminars. I believe that might be another tool I can use to keep things in motion. I'll keep looking.

(((Hope Hugs)))
Posted: 31 December 2019 - 08:26 PM
A good book to read is
"Buried In Treasures".

It's written for people who hoard but teaches them with CBT.
Reading the methods in the book helps in understanding what they need.
The book is a workbook.

But nothing works if they dig in their heels and refuse to work on anything.

WAY TO GO! Your MIL!!!
Good for her!
YEA! for another car load out too!

Stuck in the middle
Posted: 31 December 2019 - 05:37 PM
Another car load of "things" are gone. Win.

And! My MIL is moving forward again and has more "things" to donate too! Win win.

I think one very important key is communication. I've learned from reading through the forum threads that hoarders think way differently about their "things" than minimalists. Then I thought to myself, "hoarders must hear things differently too. So, I must communicate in ways that they can hear me."

I've learned better ways to help my husband and MIL find the LOGIC in their brains when they are deciding to and letting go of "things". It's working!

Of course, there are many other factors that come into play and everyone's situation has unique difference, but I am not here on this forum only seeking help, I am also here to contribute hope too. You can do this. Don't give up. Find what works for you and celebrate success.

(((Hope Hugs)))
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