NOT TO MENTION...spend $20 on a book that quite possibly could help, or spend $140/session with a psychologist.

I empathize and sympathize. I was diagnosed in 1994 with severe, chronic clinical depression, anxiety disorder, and a smidge of OCD. I am working a psychiatrist for those three things; however it's not helping me with just throwing the damn trash out, clean up after myself, and have CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Symdrome). I used to entertain, give dinner parties - it's to the point that NO ONE comes into the house - or even could because they'd fall and trip over something. I've fallen myself several times, and view it as "self-sabotage." If you don't know of or haven't heard of Dr. David Burns "Feeling Good" book, you might want to think about it. For me, it is a "take me by the hand and walk me through the REASONS and CAUSES of behaviors...and an ESPECIALLY good couple of chapters about procrastination. Really, I've been meaning to read it....but....jusssssssssssssst kidding. This is my second read - I am serious about regaining control of my life, having friends again, living an active life. I ask for peace and blessings for us all. ~Kristine

Judy and Staci,
Yes I completely agree that therapy is the most important part of this process. It is very difficult to find a therapist that will spend an entire day at the home during the cleaning process, but if you can it would be a huge asset to the process. They would definitely help both you and the family through this ordeal and work on not only your issues, but all the family issues that have developed because of it. But, yes please seek therapy if you want to change, there is simply no other way. You can clean the house out, but without any treatment for the issue, it is like taking a bottle from an alcoholic and thinking they are cured. Statistically hoarders have a 97% chance of returning to their old ways without therapy and proper after care so please conside this. We have therapists listed on this site under each states page and Judy has listed some good resources as well. I hope you come back on here and read through these messages we are leaving you and take it to heart. This is a process. It took a lont time to fill up your house and it just isn't going to be fixed over night. Do it right and you definitely can succeed!

Staci,

I understand the shame you have for letting things get so bad. I'm going through that myself. I agree with Cory though, that you need to be there to help in the clean up process. I'm thinking the reason humans were given shame as an emotion is to teach us the cost of our behaviors. Without truly facing the consequence of your behavior, it is unlikely to change. Helping with the cleanup will actually give you power over some of the shame and fear because you will be stronger because of it. Yes it hurts. Yes it is incredibly difficult. You have made a great start by being here, by reaching out for help. Keep up the good work and know that there are people out here who are cheering you on.

Catherine

I think having the support of a therapist during the cleanup would be very helpful and ongoing therapy and treatment for hoarding might be very good too. Even if you can only get the support of therapist by seeing them in the office rather than them being physically present during the cleanup I think it would be helpful. I'm not sure you can overcome this disorder without it. It also might help your family understand the disorder. You might have trouble finding a therapist who specializes in hoarding with limited resources or through the state but you should be able to find some kind of support. I'm a hoarder too and I just this week started seeing a therapist specifically for hoarding

This is a link to a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services site that allows you to search by address or state to locate a Community Health Center in your area. Many but not all of these clinics also provide mental health care on a sliding scale. If you are unemployed you should be able qualify for care at a very low rate I would think.

http://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/Search_HCC.aspx

This site will allow you to search for a therapist in your area who may accept your insurance.

http://www.goodtherapy.org/

Also, some states, but not all of them have their own Department of Mental Health; if you not mental health services should be available through your states Department of Health and Human Services, or Health and Social Services or whatever the department happens to be called in your state.

Most state departments have pretty good websites so you should be able to find the locations of community mental health centers and resources that your state provides for mental health support on their website. You should be able to find support services in your area, addresses and phone numbers, through your state's website social services websites.

I was initially concerned about bringing someone from the outside, particularly going through the state, might bring you more trouble than you already have, if they are required by law to report the conditions of your house, but . you said that your animals were taken away so if Animal Control was there, the local authorities are already aware of the conditions of the house.

Also, maybe Cory can weigh in on this one and comment on whether or not I have given you good advice. He knows much more about this than I do; I have only recently, finally, come to terms with; accepted the fact that I am indeed a hoarder, that I need to deal with the issue once and for all, and sought treatment for myself. It's not something that gets better on it's own, or is a matter of just cleaning up and that's the end of it; it generally it only gets worse if you don't deal with it head on.

I wish us both good luck and happy endings, Staci!

Hi Staci,
It is unfortunate that depression has caused you this secondary disorder. However, the best thing you can do for your family and especially your mother is to make things right. If you run and hide while they clean up your mess, this will impact you much more. My best advice for you is to go back, help them clean and face this with them. The best part of recovering from this is being a part of the cleanup process. It is painful, but that pain will help prevent you from doing this again. If you work to clean it up, that is a great first step in ther therapy process. It helps bring home the severity of the situation you caused. You need to step up and make things better for your mother, not make your siblings clean up after you. This is something you can do, you just need to swallow your pride a little to make it happen. Show them you are serious about change and that you are very sorry for what you did, and help make it right. Anyone that understands this disorder will not blame you, but try to get you help. I don't thin you meant to harm anyone or the animals, but it happned, so now the only way to repair the damage is to go back there and actually try to repair it. It is hard to respect someone that runs and hides, but someone that tries to make it better is certainly respectable. Give it your best shot even if it is painful for you because remember, everyone else is hurting too, but they are there doing what they can and so should you.