| Kent | Posted: 08 August 2015 - 09:23 AM |
I have lots of boxes piled up in my apartment but I DO have an interest to throw them out. I just tend to put it off. My main problem is that I keep buying stuff. I think it's partly due to my extreme loneliness and this fear I have of having my apartment being "too clean." It may sound odd to put it that way but for years I kept doing nothing but clean and it was never "good enough" and I sort of snapped once I cut off the person who would make me clean all the time and punish me if I missed a spot by making me do the job all over again even if it took me hours to do. My loneliness is an even bigger factor in my shopping problem as shopping makes me forget how alone I am. I'm actually terrified to make friends for the most part because I usually get abandoned and most of them never have even been inside my home. I also tend to go in a severe depression state whenever I get abandoned that I get to the state of mind that nothing I ever do will change the fact that people abandon me and there is no point in making my home presentable if no one ever stops by. One person motivated me to clean but when he abandoned me literally a week after my mom died and still refuses to acknowledge my existence, I snapped again and stopped cleaning for a year and a half. I lost my last apartment because I became too depressed to clean and the office didn't even understand that I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and that I was suffering from a severe depression episode. I am finally coming out of that hole after two years and now see in my new apartment that I need help. It is cluttered with stuff and I DO want to clean up but cleaning gives me anxiety. I don't know what to do. Even cleaning in small increments gives me anxiety. | |
Replies (5)
| Tillie | Posted: 29 July 2016 - 12:09 PM |
Hi Lynn 🙂 I recommend that you read a book titled Best wishes | |
| Lynn | Posted: 28 July 2016 - 04:31 PM |
I just started the process of asking for professional help with my hoarding. I feel like I can't trust anyone to touch my things. That they may get rid of things that are important to me along with the junk. I love my husband but my emotional issues, health, and hoarding are harming our relationship. I have so much anxiety and fear that a few weeks ago when I went in for surgery I had hoped I would not come out of it. I know this is not a normal feeling and God must have other plans for me. I just don't know what the plan is and I am afraid of everything. We don't have people over anymore and I am fearful of leaving the house alone. My world is getting smaller. I used to be a social butterfly and it makes me so sad and anxious that I don't know how this got started and how to stop it. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 28 June 2016 - 11:22 AM |
Hello Kent There is nothing in this world that we can buy that will ever erase our bad memories. | |
| Kent | Posted: 27 June 2016 - 04:26 PM |
I forgot to mention that another reason I keep buying stuff is I keep trying to force myself to forget memories of the entire year of when I was a senior in high school. It was pretty traumatic for me and I have been looking for ways to forget it all aside from drugs and alcohol. I don't like talking about it and when I do it never makes me feel any better so I keep buying stuff to make myself forget. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 08 August 2015 - 10:45 AM |
Hi Kent 🙂 | |