| Spouse of hoarder | Posted: 13 August 2016 - 04:42 PM |
I can't explain it all but basically my sister in law and brother now see the hoarding and its effect on our daughter and this is just the rental car, not our house. He had to drive over there to take stuff out of the car to make room for me when they come to meet me at the airport. this is the start of my vacation! They've been away camping and I'm joining them; now I can tell he's angry because he knew my sister in law talked to me. He phoned and I explained about my daughter talking to her aunt and this is now not a secret. He actually denied filling their garage and said it was a few kayaks. I know he's mad at me because of his tone of voice. This is the most shameful part; knowing that my poor 8 year old is suffering. I knew it already as she loves to go on websites and games where she gets to decorate houses. She told her aunt. I have been suffering in this clutter and doing everything. I have confronted; I have gotten angry. I have taken responsibility for my own stuff and read the Magic of Tidying Book and brought like 20 bags of my own clothes to donation. I even ordered the Kondo book on audio books which got my husband to check it out; he ended up critiquing the mental health of the author. I confronted him on the phone about the stuff he left in their garage. It was so bad my brother took a picture of it. I didn't mention that. He said it was only some kayaks and a few things. He actually spent his time at their house unloading the car. He is in denial and I know he's angry at me because of how he sounded the last few phone calls. I know it's not his fault and it's an illness. But I have several illnesses including bipolar and I take meds and do DBT on my own. I have a psychiatrist and I take care of myself and I don't pretend it doesn't exist. I have told him that this issue makes my mental health in danger. Now that my sister in law heard it from my daughter, I have to not care that he's angry at me. She's going into 4th grade and doesn't have a real room. He started putting up walls and didn't get the door in. He was supposed to get the room done before vacation. The rest of the house is filled with boxes and you know the drill, procrastination, denial, got to make her room and then deal with the stuff. Moving stuff around, refusing help on pretext that we are broke. By help I mean hiring someone to help build the room, not even support groups. Also getting controlling when I and my daughter go through her stuff and get rid of stuff. He's taken things out of the garbage and said not to get rid of a stuffed animal because of who gave it to her. I am now motivated to fix things for our child. He is a loving father but his stuff is getting in the way of our family. I have been severely unhappy, overwhelmed and stressed out especially all of third grade, very upset about the situation and damage it does to our daughter. He dumped the stuff at my brother's house because they are coming to get me at the airport and I would not have fitted in the car. How can he say it's just a few things? Doesn't he know that my sister in law can see it's not normal? She's been through Alanon and all that and isn't dumb. I had a fit of crying and feeling like it's too much and I'm going to get sick with bipolar stuff because I can't handle it. My plan I will post in next topic | |
Replies (2)
| Tatoulia | Posted: 14 August 2016 - 12:04 PM |
I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about your situation. It is distressing to read and I feel for you. The only thing I can suggest is you need to realize that he's not choosing his hoard over you-- it's not that simple, I'm afraid. I've been a part of these boards for a while, starting when I realized that I had too much stuff and I needed to clean out. For me, I attached a lot of sentimental value to my items and I wanted to always have stuff and multiples of stuff, just in case. I was extremely fortunate not to have the terrible situations that many hoarders suffer from. But from being here, it may feel like he's choosing his hoard over you and your child, but he's not. He doesn't see the "choice" and he doesn't see the problem. So perhaps you could find some solutions by changing your perspective--don't try to convince him to pick you over his junk, spend your energy trying to come up with a workable situation for YOU. If you read through some of our posts, you'll find that Tillie has cleaned and cleared out areas just for her, and she jealously guards them and protects them. Would that be something you can think about? Sending you much love. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 14 August 2016 - 11:41 AM |
Hello 🙂 Just wanted to say that I have been reading all your posts. Sorry. | |