"Stepping out of squalor" "take one step at a time" is for hoarders and messies ONLY.
People who are not a hoarder or messy should not post there. But reading there is very motivational and encouraging.
I am tolerated there because I seldon post and NEVER give out any advice.

Cory's message board here, "HOARDING CLEANUP" is the only online site that is for everybody.
Hoarders, messies, people who know a hoarder, children of hoarders, people who want to work with hoarders and neat & tidy people who live in a squalorous hoard with a hoarder.

Cory's message board here is so very important to me.
It gives me encouragement when I want to give up.
Seeing you all work so hard to declutter gives me hope that some day maybe my hoarder will get on board too.
🙂

Lynn, one thing we've learned is that a hoarder won't change until he or she is ready to take at least a first step toward more healthy living. It must be so very frustrating for those who love a hoarder. I'm lucky insofar as no one lives anywhere near me (relative wise) so they've never known the depth of my problem. And now I'm on my way OUT of the problem and two of them helped me financially for paying for almost all the professional help, which in turn helps me to pay for things like new, working appliances.

When Squalor Survivors ended, a new place called Stepping Out of Squalor came into being. I post there on occasion under a different posting name.

Lynn,
It doesn't really matter why.
All that matters is that she is not willing to change.
If she were willing to change then the why issue could be worked out through her therapy.
Of course she will blame you and everybody else under the sun rather than accept that she did/does what she is doing because it's what she wants to do.
I don't believe she would tell any body anything that could help you or her.

Remember, we can not change others, we can only change ourselves. (((hugs)))

Tillie,
my mom says that there are two sides to a story (for what she's doing, (hoarding)). If I can get in contact with Cory is it possible to email my mom so that she can say what her side is to you?
She said that she won't contact anybody but will respond to someone reaching out to her.
I believe that she'll blame me for something on her side of the story.

She won't join open chat Sun.
Is there a way I can contact you to contact her?
Maybe through Cory?
What to do?
She won't tell her side of the story to me.

Dianne, to this day I try to end each day thinking of things and/or people or experiences to be grateful for. It helps me to sleep, even, and keeps me from overwhelming myself with "things to do" lists, which are not conducive to living well or sleeping well. hehe

Hi Roxie,

Without a doubt my tendency is towards negative thinking. I'm finding focusing on things to be grateful for is a big help. 🙂

Dianne, what do you mean by you "fired the taskmaster?"

Negative thinking is a major drag. I had a hyper keen critical inner voice that I know I inherited from my mother. I worked hard to eliminate that. The most useful thing for me was to pay attention to when I did it and stop myself, and then think of things to be grateful for.

Also, google Stinkin Thinkin (or stinking thinking) and find wonderful guidelines for stopping old and useless inner dialogue and replacing it with better "voices" in one's head. Helped me a lot.

Thank you Susan, there is a level of anxiety. Sometimes lower, sometimes higher, but always there. Much of my life is lived in the past. So easy to stay in my mind while doing routine tasks. I'm trying to be more present. Good luck with those family coats. I really connect with the sadness of missing the family you raised.

Thank you Roxie for your advice also. Definitely OCD here. Part of me loves it when I am in a flow. Literal movement which is lyrical and I am accomplishing. Many, many years ago one of my bosses in a large Greek flower shop was imitating my way of working quickly. He looked like he was dancing and to see me like that from another's perspective was embarrassing but pleasing. I never forgot that. But chasing perfection has its down side as does anything else. On these beautiful days I have been spending a little time laying in the grass to feel grounded. Also holding some rocks, moss agate and hematite. I love the way they feel in my hands. And I am devouring the website Out of the Fog. Thank you so much! {{{hugs}}}

Dianne, big hugs to you. I think maybe most of us or all of us have at least a big of OCD, and maybe your particular lists are part of that? Dunno, just talking outloud here.

Grounding yourself. Hmmm. Stamp your feet and really feel the earth beneath you. Know that you are grounded to the earth no matter how much you may feel you are spinning out of control. For me, dancing can ground me. Some kinds of music, especially rock for dancing, or opera for listening helps me. Sitting down here at the keyboard and communicating my experiences is helping. Listen to someone else's voice instead of the one in your head telling you negative things. Check out "stinking thinking" on the internet.

Also, it is important to know that YOU CAN STAND to feel your feelings. They can't kill you. They are just feelings. Let go, go through and be more at peace.

Hugs
Roxie

Hi Dianne 🙂

Meditation is how I clear my mind and center my focus on what in all reality really matters.

I would like to make a suggestion about your list.
Seems that list is a very stern and relentless master.
How about firing it?

Then make up your daily, weekly, monthly To-Dos
as a menu of suggestions that you may or may not choose from
depending on if they actually need to be done or can wait till tomorrow.

I have a list of suggestions such as....
wash livingroom drapes
weed in garden
straighten bedroom closet & drawers
wash bathroom walls
wash out fridge
etc....

I can choose to do one or two from this list or totally ignore it.

Then I have my daily To-Do list
some things that really should be done today
like water garden
wash litter boxes
do laundry
clean kitchen
etc....

With a menu of suggestions you get to decide what you will do and if it doesn't really need doing every day you make that decision.
Going around in circles doing and redoing the same tasks when there are other things that need some doing is fruitless.

Hope I have explained this well enough and not confused you. 🙂

Hi Dianne,

Feels like there is an element of living in the past in your high anxiety about the cleaning and lists.

What would you like your life to be like now? Just as we let go of objects, need to let go of the anxiety that is quicksand pulling us under.

Deep breath . . . do a little each day, doesn't matter what. Step by step it adds up to progress.

I'm working on sorting through family coats. It's a sad process because reminds me that the children are grown and the now ex husband is out of the picture [I am happily remarried though.] But need to work through this to clear the way for new experiences.

There is new life ahead, but need to let go of some of the stuff in the past. Best of luck on your journey.

Oh. I forgot to say the problem is I can't stick to my list and say that chore is for tomorrow. I have to keep doing it all over again each day.

It feels like an endless loop and even my mind can't get off it. Does any of this make sense?