| helprejected | Posted: 25 May 2019 - 04:12 PM |
The hoarder who barely escaped a forced eviction over the winter is now facing some deadlines including making space for mandated repairs and getting their stuff out of other people's homes. They refuse to donate many items which are on a list for numerous major charities AND they can donate in person to a person anytime they want during the business day 6-7 days a week. Don't have to schedule a pick up and leave a pile of stuff around. They can get rid of it immediately with a 10 minute car ride(even pulled up the locations and guidelines for them and sent it to their email so they would have a reference). I told them many of their items are useable, won't be wasted, destroyed or thrown out if they donate. NOPE, they think usable they think money. They have not made one trip to a flea market, consignment or antique shop this calendar year. Nor have they opened an Ebay account or sent things to auction. Not one of their items has been put up for sale this year yet they want enough to cover storage unit rent and then some. That's basically selling on regular monthly if not weekly basis. A feat they will be unable to achieve. Because she has been in possession of somethings for so long she runs the risk of the technology becoming so outdated that not even a charity will take it or use it. That and physical age increases the chances of something not working and/or showing signs of visible aging. She got upset when opening and pulling out old stuff that was in a box for 25 years and 'disappointed'(implying others who handled it damaged it) it showed signs of aging/damage.Umsealed boxes in a basement, garage, storage unit for a 1/4 century at least and she wonders why it aged??? Then after sorting through her things more than usual over the last 6 months she's complaining she's never had to work so hard in her life??? In the meantime she has things like a first generation computer gear from the 1990s she refuses donate, recycle or throw out. Including a huge printer-scanner. Nope have to check multiple places to see if she can sell it. | |
Replies (29)
| Tillie | Posted: 19 March 2020 - 03:12 PM |
Hi Help rejected 😀 Great to hear from you. I am afraid that after this latest "new" settles down the economy will be in a serious financial depression. If you are able to sell high now I believe it would be in your best interest. Her logic is so frustratingly illogical. You can buy a very nice laptop for <$250.00> nowadays. Does she honestly believe her plans will work or is it all just procrastination? Anyways, if you get a good offer on the house take it and let her chips fall where they may. Stay well | |
| helprejected | Posted: 19 March 2020 - 02:23 PM |
Hello Tillie Hope you are healthy in light of current events. That being said the hoarder tried to lecture me to WAIT to sell the house until we get a good price. But in reality not even taking current events into account the offers we've gotten are on the high end. And after things ease up closer to 'normal' we might not approach those prices again. Long story short she briefly & quickly during 'the debate' wanted to loan me money to pay carrying costs-which would be about 5 years of storage unit rent. Not only doesn't she have costs in proper perspective it shows she desperately is hoping the house won't be sold-she is/has been waiting for a reprieve. She also made about he 5 or 6th trip to the storage unit she'll probably rent at but yet won't sign up for a unit delaying again hoping to convince staff to help her as needed. To top it off we're back to saving money for the nursing home she can't afford. She needs her computer repaired or replaced but doesn't want to pay for a diagnosis unless she's 100% sure it can be repaired. At the same time she won't shop a new computer. Recommended get a $200-300 laptop temporarily-nope the 500$ in repair or replacement will keep her out of that home that requires a 1/4 million dollars in savings and net worth to get in. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 28 February 2020 - 06:38 PM |
Hi Helprejected Been a very hectic busy week here. LOL 😉 So typical that "not my fault" syndrome. Blaming others, believing things are being stolen, swearing that something was definitely in a specific place and now it is gone. In reality it's impossible to remember what and where so many unseen, unneeded packed away things are. Take care of yourself. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 26 February 2020 - 10:53 AM |
Hello Tillie I didn't realize accusing people of stealing or losing items was that common. You're absolutely right about the item might never have been there. She has an entire room with boxes left in the same exact place the movers placed them(so she says) around 2 decades ago. Chest high in boxes & stuff and 2 dozen in the back of the room that haven't had access to since moving day. She likes to throw in some detail of the bits of knowledge she may have to legitimize her stories. The missing item came up after I told her where her boxes were; says it wasn't like that 20 years ago. It's a side issue but now she's on a war path against a cable tv company she never had service with. They accidentally left service hooked up for a while and has since gotten a plan with another company. She insists she has a current plan with them and yet I've reviewed her current one for her several times over the years including this last year. She seems to remember things a certain way. For some reason she's been in "victim" mode a lot lately including playing dumb on some conditions in her home. 'Not my fault' syndrome. 'It wasn't me' And no storage unit yet. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 26 February 2020 - 09:51 AM |
Hi Helprejected You sound so strong and determined! 🙂 Been so long dealing with this issue you know exactly what her excuses will be and you are determined to not give into her unreasonable procrastinating tactics. Claiming that something is missing (stolen) or damaged is very common. So sorry she has been verbally attacking your life decisions about how and why the property is being sold. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 25 February 2020 - 03:59 PM |
Hello Tillie Other than a firm deadline I'm just going to tell her if she misses it her stuff will become the new owner's problem. And that will entail a formal letter telling her to remove her stuff or it will be tossed or donated. When I say excuse building she frequently tries to portray herself as the victim yet her problems started long before she almost got evicted a year ago or her health issues of the last few years. It's obvious in the house and her place that too many issues, stuff or projects had been barely touched or worked on. We have signed offers which I should show her because for now we can go to these buyers and it's a done deal. And after a certain point it will pay to take an offer. Really don't even want to wait a month since were real close to our number. Also for the most part we didn't stage or renovate so we're attracting flippers/investors which means a major renovation which means they'll need stuff cleared. I've told her and will tell her that again. This isn't a case of her being even able to negotiate a storage agreement. I should note one lawyer thinks the length of time her stuff has been there could/might be an issue if she decides to go legal. But no contract was signed. She's also claiming we lost a book yet I've brought over a dozen boxes of books to her place over the last year alone and family member brought her stuff piece meal over the years. She's also mad that her stuff wasn't left the exact way and place it was placed around 2 decades ago. She remembers being told or saw it in a particular place 20 years ago. She doesn't understand why her stuff had to be touched period. Can't clean or paint behind a pile unless you move it. Can't make room for other new stuff(frequently hers) unless things are rearranged. She pretends to admit it's her responsibility but she's giving lip service. Knowing how she normally is she is being disingenuous. She did her best to stall a sale by constantly criticizing our strategies, attempted to shame us(oh that's family legacy and what they worked so hard for) along with saying we should wait until we get a higher price. I think she's just starting to get it. Doesn't mean she'll act on it. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 25 February 2020 - 12:28 PM |
Hi Helprejected So do you have a plan if the house sale depends on getting that stuff removed? I would just take it all to her house and stack it in the yard. I know that sounds harsh but she is really leaving you with no other options at this point. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 24 February 2020 - 03:10 PM |
Hello Tillie, sounds like the sos in more ways than one but yes focus on what one can do right there and then. She's at it again-excuse building. Instead of asking for boxes of her stuff to be pulled for pictures of contents to sell now she wants to the boxes pulled so she knows they are clearly labeled so when she goes into storage she knows what's in them. All be it over a decade and fading ago all her boxes have numbers and list of contents already. She insists thick black lettering. She doesn't get how much space her boxes took up and cannot just leave them out in the open exposed so she has easy access anytime she wants. Asked when do you want to come over and look-can't give me an answer but then goes into 'Well if I had access over the years' this wouldn't be excuse mode again. And has yet still to sign a storage unit lease. Eh, one day at time working on we can and will do. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 23 February 2020 - 07:58 PM |
Hi Helprejected So she is still using the same old worn out excuses. Nobody takes film photos any more to try selling stuff. YEA! for the potential house buyers!!! Thank you | |
| helprejected | Posted: 23 February 2020 - 05:54 PM |
Hello Tillie. I was hoping to post one day that her stuff was out. No such luck yet. I'm glad you're still here. I will say I think maybe just a little she gets we're serious about selling the house and her stuff has to get out. Offered to assist again just so she could visit/check out a storage unit. I warned her the day I offered help I was still showing the house to potential buyers. Got a house shopper. When I told her I'd be running a late she was ticked but seem to understand had to show the house. Called her later in the day she actually went storage unit shopping or so she says. Yet her excuse for months was her health wouldn't even allow her to walk into an office to rent. She's still stalling because the one place she talked about she was supposedly been there three times prior. She said under new management so she wanted to check it out. She isn't going to get much closer or easier access to this one. She calls a day later wants stuff pulled unboxed etc to take pictures to sell. Told her no again. Then the didn't have 24/7 access to another persons house excuse/rationalization came up again. "Oh I could've had this stuff done a while ago if I access to it". Access was always a simple request a way. The family member who let her store it enabled her by getting stuff themselves or dropped what ever else they had planned for her. In over a decade she didn't even make to the house once a year for her stuff. To top it off she's old school and wants to take pictures with a regular camera, get them developed then put them on physical bulletin boards in various location. The potential buyers we have already want a 30 day closing, they want the house asap. And of course she refuses to donate anything yet. Same old. Hope things are going better with your situation | |
| Tillie | Posted: 21 February 2020 - 03:17 PM |
Hi Helprejected So very sorry things with her have not changed at all. Fantastic that that house will be sold soon. You're right about clothing. Consignment shops have discovered that those older china sets are not selling. You are in no way being stupid/crazy because you donate things you no longer have any use or need for. Very relieved that you are standing strong about not renting the storage unit in your name. So sorry she's still digging in and refusing to let you help. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 21 February 2020 - 10:49 AM |
Hello Hoarder still delaying/obfuscating removal of their excess stuff from their home and others involving a house for sale. Now have several offers on house that will close relatively quick. Same old excuses to delay and this with the offer of free transport to a local storage unit of her choice. She insists she must see it. I mention this because they're a units/companies that allow for a rental over the computer. I think she is also hoping we'll sign for one for her. I told her before those final 30 days is the last good time to get help moving her stuff. And mentioned her stuff will become the new owners(several of which want to renovate the associated storage areas). She won't admit it but she is waiting until she hears the word 'sold'. She's even called several times just 'wondering' if house was sold yet. Anyway I told her just donating her boxes and bags of clothes would create a huge amount of room in her living spaces and existing storage units. Nope still on insists on wanting to try and sell it. And clothes of all things are the hardest to consign or sell. Most places want them in excellent condition, cleaned, ironed etc. She is not capable of that prep nor does she have that kind of time or health. I told I've donated alot of my stuff and then accuses me of being stupid/crazy and losing money. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 31 August 2019 - 03:29 PM |
Hi Helprejected 🙂 Yes, sounds like she is gearing up to have a big knock down drag out fight with any authority figures who may show up there. She sure has dug in her heals. Not being easily able to prepare even simple, wholesome, sanitary meals is so often a BIG problem. The authorities are usually very agreeable when a person is showing visible progress. Maybe if you spoke to a social worker they could give you some support? Wishing you all the best. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 31 August 2019 - 12:48 PM |
Hello Tillie Spot on again. She has over a dozen boxes of glassware and chine she insists will sell either at a consignment shop or the right antique/vintage store. I've tried selling good china myself over the last year to no avail. She says hers will sell because it was imported, not just made overseas but imported. You get a lecture on how hard she worked to get all that stuff and is not just going to give it away or donate it. She has to learn to move on. The neighbor that enables ironically is really pushing her to go into a home but she likes to help out even getting or cooking her food. When social services found out someone was bringing food to the hoarders door they accused her of not being able to cook for herself. Not quite true but she does goes days without cooking taking snack food, peanut butter and jelly and bread into her bedroom. Inspectors saw that too, doesn't help her situation. One last thing when she does bring stuff in I ask where are you going to put it. "I don't know I'll just leave by the door. "#$%! them" if they come inspect in very aggressive language and tones almost like she's looking for a confrontation. Other than that she has no answers. How about you move this or that. NO! | |
| Tillie | Posted: 31 August 2019 - 11:04 AM |
Hi Helprejected I'm so sorry she has a "friend" who enables her to bring in even more stuff. That kind of "friend" is just reinforcing her beliefs that what she is doing is right and a good thing to be doing. Now she will have even more stuff to try to store and storage rents are more than all the stored stuff is worth even when it was new, clean and unbroken. Is there any way you could put something up for sale for her? The market is over saturated with stuff, even good, collectable and antique stuff and that has brought the prices way down on resell values. The economy is in an uncertain future. For the most part, younger adults who are just starting to set up their own homes don't even like the older style of dishes and furnishings and are not buying them. A lot of antique and collectable shops are overly full and the merchandise is just sitting on the shelves stagnant. Please do demand that she works at a better work station/staging area. Best wishes (((HUG))) | |
| helprejected | Posted: 31 August 2019 - 10:24 AM |
Now we're back to sellable. She blaming her slow progress on sellable stuff in waiting to be sold mostly through a consignment shop. She's about to pay for multiple extra storage units which will offset any gains. Very few of her items will go to an antique shop. To make matters worse she's now trash picking again. Apparently she's brought smaller pieces of furniture and other misc items into her living room on her own or with a friends help(who begs her to go into a home now but enables the crap out of her). The most frustrating thing about this is this is the person who won't take responsibility for the piles of stuff in one room claiming she never had the ability to bring it in. Yet by her own admission she boasts how she got items into her home even though it took an hour were a healthier person would've completed it in 5 minutes. She says she's accumulating sellable stuff with a 30 day deadline to clean out her storage units. And I'm all but demanding she creates a new work/staging area but insists she'll work from her favorite chair or bed which extremely limits her use of space which is used up anyway. She says she just needs a few good healthier days to get things done but were at the point she can only do alot of physical stuff about every 3rd or 4th day. No concept of time of urgency. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 02 June 2019 - 10:05 PM |
Her talking about wanting to save money and not wanting to waste money spent is her way to try to justify everything she has hoarded. My hoarder does that too. He believes he has saved a fortune by having his hoard. So sorry she is being verbally abusive/profane. You are a very generous and giving soul. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 02 June 2019 - 09:28 PM |
Hello Tillie. Thanks for being here-again. The last week has been like an episode of Hoarders and we're only talking about it on the phone. As far as what she remembers. Somethings she draws a complete blank and other things she remembers like yesterday. Everybody says just toss it but out of respect for the family member who let her store it there it will stay for now. She'll frequently ask about an item like it's a relative she hasn't seen in a while. She's talked about suicide,Oh I'm overwhelmed, can't go on I'll just end it. I tell here that's your choice not mine-she calms down. But extremely colorful language is popping up much more often. You can sense her gritting her teeth over the phone. She is bitter, distraught and cracking under her self imposed pressure of trying to keep her stuff and save money at the sametime. Once she gets a storage unit for this batch of stuff it will be her 5th unit. She has a two badroom ranch size house full of stuff as a single person. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 02 June 2019 - 07:42 PM |
Hello I sure hope the person who's house she has things stored in sticks to their guns and makes sure that stuff gets removed, even if they have to just toss it all out themselves. She probably doesn't even remember what all is stored there since it's been so long. No, I don't see this ending well for her. She will also lose her independence. This is all so tragic and you have done everything to help prevent all this. But a person who hoards who does not want to change, they won't. Make sure to keep yourself healthy and please don't allow this to eat away at you. (((HUG))) | |
| helprejected | Posted: 02 June 2019 - 07:29 PM |
Deadlines are approaching for her to remove her stuff from another's house and all the hoarder is doing is virtue signaling-stuff must get OUT-Where to? I don't know I'll get storage yet hasn't toured a unit yet. I then get a laundry list of health issues(most of which she's done nothing to address). She talks about all the stuff she had to do but she includes getting out of bed and getting a meal. Like it's a project. She was offered help again-NO! I must do this myself. And she wants to pre examine stuff she must remove and was offered several opportunities with help and said she couldn't make it. She has so much stuff some areas must be unpacked which I told her. She complains and mentions conditions in her home. I asked if she found some takers for some stuff. She complains about 'having to get' storage yet won't free up space in her own home. Stuff must get OUT! I tried to explain to her the worst case scenario is donating stuff. I get a lecture on how I wasted money by donating alot of my stuff-I'm not like you I worked hard for all my stuff(she inherited over half of it)-almost lost it there. Then she twists the conversation to why are we focusing on removing stuff from her home when it should be on getting it out of another persons home. Wild emotion swings from screaming to crying and we're not even on site dealing with her stuff. Just talking about it triggers her. This is not going to end well for her I'm afraid-forced into a nursing home with her stuff put into a storage unit not of her choice, that's if officials don't toss or donate it. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 27 May 2019 - 06:17 PM |
I'm very proud of you standing your ground and not moving that large item. Please don't let the frustration get you down. You have been doing a great job in an impossible situation. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 27 May 2019 - 03:50 PM |
On pile shifting Hoarder has a book case size item behind ALOT of stuff. Says she has a potential buyer(no details worked out yet let alone an actual taker) First she says pull it out for her. Said WHERE will it go?-I don't know the living room. Reminded her she got cited for too much stuff in the living room and should always be inspection ready. She said tuff poop, THEY will just have to live with it in another righteous indignation filled tirade. Plus she frequently conveniently 'forgets' what ever yet I remind if I pull that big item out of the packed room I'm not putting it back in there period. She brings that item up a lot and I frequently simply remind her I absolutely will not put it back in there, I don't care if she has an inspection with in hours. She angrily replies don't remind me I won't have YOU put it back in there. Meaning she'll probably grab who ever she can to put it back. Her existing storage units are STUFFED and strategically packed to accomedate the volume of stuff. She's mad items aren't accessible to her or who she would send there to retrieve something. You pack the unit for accessibility OR a large amount of stuff, can't have it both ways with the amount of stuff she has. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 27 May 2019 - 01:12 PM |
Please, please, please Do not waste your time, energy and resources. If the rightful property owner decides to act they are legally in their rights to come in and toss it all into the dumpster and then turn around and charge her for the cost of the clean up and disposal. Do not put yourself in that position of breaking the law and possibly being sued along with her. The hoarder here finally learned the hard way that cardboard boxes are the worst way to store things. You need to take a stand. Good luck! (((HUG))) | |
| helprejected | Posted: 27 May 2019 - 12:13 PM |
You nailed it protecting the hoard. She has mentioned all that you mentioned-she fears people moving, stealing or taking it away. Rage of the day is that she wants me to pile shift some stuff into a storage locker that isn't hers. She says no one cares or used that locker for years. She's squatted/stored stuff off and on through out the years. Yet she's worried about staff removing it That storage unit building is unkept/maintained with leaks so she's gotten away with a lot. She won't officially complain/push getting leaks repaired because she doesn't want to raise awareness that she's been using it. She says she wants stuff she intends to sell in the near future with no dates put in there. But the pile shifting. The second issue is because of condition everything must cleaned if wants to use it or sell it. She doesn't even like buying plastic storage containers but offers no other solutions to keep her stuff dry. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 27 May 2019 - 10:34 AM |
Hi 🙂 Maintaining and churning a large hoard is a full time physically exhausting job. If A person who hoards does not want to change they will dig in their heels and fight tooth & nail not to change. Unfortunately, where I live there are no inspectors that could force the issue with citations. Her insisting on using the old camera... Steven has a massive collection of VHS movies... VHS tapes are worth nothing. The old technology does not need to be preserved. There is not enough time in a lifetime to do all the things he plans to do, someday. There is hope for him and others like him but they must accept the help. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 27 May 2019 - 09:06 AM |
Tillie you are darn right they complicate/over complicate things. I forgot to mention one thing about them taking pictures on film. They don't even know where the camera is. But they did come across a vintage camera they're thinking about using to put pictures on ebay. They don't understand they need a crystal clear picture online. And yes any metallic trash, junk, things scrappers will come to your home in many cases for free or actually pay you. Funny how they think working on their hoard or normal daily tasks like sort/read mail is like they are in the process of inventing the wheel. Plenty of times you talk to them on the phone and they say they have too much work like they are an iron worker building a bridge or something. My favorite is "I have to go through it" whether a pile of mail, papers , things and/or even trash/recycling-they always think they accidentally got rid of something. I've learned when visiting get any existing trash or recycling out right away or they'll ask to see it one last time. I wish I could get them to keep a clutter free zone. For a month or two after the big clean out and inspection they were pretty good at keeping the kitchen and living room clear. 6 months later not so much. Here between their attitude and health I can't much but see more citations, inspections and social worker visits. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 26 May 2019 - 09:16 PM |
Hello Again 🙂 Thank you I have noticed that if there is a way to complicate something, they will do it! Find excuse after excuse as to why they must do even the simplest thing in the most absolutely hardest way they can think of. Here, hiring a dumpster would be the best way to get the trash/rubbish gone. But... He excruciatingly slowly sifts through tiny little things like screws & nails. He insists that most everything is very valuable and he will sell it all. He retired from his job this past December and he has "retired" from doing anything here too. When he does do something like take some stuff to donate And any helpful suggestions are received with anger and insults about how ignorant I am. So I just keep my "Clutter Free Zones" clean & clear and watch as he does this all by himself because he refuses to allow any one to help him. | |
| helprejected | Posted: 26 May 2019 - 08:42 AM |
Tillie, Sad to hear you are dealing with an active hoarder. I'm right there with you and hope things change or progress. Your experience and wisdom has helped me and others. Keep on posting One of the more frustrating things unlike a drug addict or alcoholic there isn't one thing that can be removed from the equation and things hopefully change. The biggest thing now is keeping the hoarder motivated on reducing their hoard at their residence & others. I think you nailed when you mentioned the hoarder is being 'forced' to get rid of stuff which is stressing and tiring them as much as the physical labor. But those 'valuable' things and their selling techniques/plans. This person has enough money to buy a smart phone with a camera. Yet to sell their stuff they want to take pictures with an old 35mm mechanical camera, get them developed then post,mail or show them to prospective buyers. For them that's a 4-6 week project yet they are under deadlines with volumes of stuff to reduce. I'm trying to convince them even antique dealers have cell phones now and you could text them a picture. Nope, they have a 35mm camera and they're sure as heck going to use it. They say they worked too hard to get the stuff they have and hate to see it go to waste. By their own admission they can't shop things around they way they did 20 years ago because of age and health but even that technique wasn't that great judging by the amount of stuff they have. But they still have plans to sell it. Ask for too many details on those plans and it winds up being I'm trying but there is no A for effort here. | |
| Tillie | Posted: 25 May 2019 - 06:17 PM |
Ownership of something tends to make people believe it is more valuable than it really is. Plus now days with eBay and other places selling things the prices of many things have come way down. What used to be a moderately valuable collectable no longer is because the market is saturated with so many like items that are easily purchased for pennies. People with hoarding tendencies tend to believe their things are so much more valuable than they actually are. They don't want to sell items because if someone is interested in buying it then it must be much more valuable than they realized. The technology with electronics has advanced so fast that within two years many things become obsolete. Even museums have a hard task storing and keeping precious items in good condition for future generations to enjoy. There really is no way to convince someone who refuses to be swayed that their items are not worth much, especially not worth the cost of storing them for decades. Yard sales, flea markets, selling online, Craig's list etc. are very physically exhausting, time consuming and at times even dangerous and for so little profit. She thinks she has worked so hard these last 6 months because she really has It is so sad when they can't see that it is so much easier to just let go of all the excess so they can enjoy and use their homes and all the items that add true value to their lives. As I write this post I am thinking of the person who hoards right here in my house/garage/carport/yard... | |