Hi,
I am 28 years old and my mother hoards. I have watched the a&e show and her house is not as bad as those shown but that is because my dad and sister still live with her and try to clean. Her excuses vary depending on whose asking. If I or my dad or sister ask it's our junk we left out or in my case didn't take with me. Tried to counter this by getting stuff that was "mine" only to get interrogated about what I was taking and felt like I was stealing stuff that was mine. If another asks, she works all the time(not) and is too tired when she gets home and recieves no help from hubby or kids. She is the trodden upon servant.
When I lived there I was constantly scolded for not cleaning but if I tried to clean I got in trouble too. (thus the name a refferal to the phrase darned if I do/don't) For example: "Can you at least get up and vaccume the floor?!...What are you doing?" "I'm picking up this stuff so I can vaccume" "Leave that stuff alone! There's floor right there you can vaccume!"(reffering to the little paths kicked out between the junk) "If I'm going to vaccume the floor I'll do the whole floor." "Go to your room!"
The same goes on to the current residents (my sis and dad) My sister showed me a pic she took of our dinning room table (I hadn't seen clean since the showroom floor) My mother didn't talk to her the whole weekend. There have been great friends and family who have come and cleaned a room or once the whole house (note: nothing was thrown away just organized) and instead of thanking them my mother just complained she couldn't find anything.
Now with the addition of my little girl (3) it's breaking my heart. I never got along with my mom a well know fact to all. But I had hoped since my mom loves babies she would at least clean up for my little girl. Not so, she hardly even visits and when she does it's only convience "I was on my way to X and thought I would stop by." She never comes to my house just to come to my house. I wish she would clean up so my little girl could stay the night with her "Sugar" but I guess it wouldn't matter we've packed my little girl a bag and told my mom to take her and she still wouldn't. Now I notice my little girl saying "Granny and Paw-paw come see me" (my husbands parents) "Grampie (my dad) come see me" He works nearby sometimes and will visit on lunch breaks. But she says "Sugar go home", "Sugar at home"

We can't afford therapy and even if we could I posed the question to my mom and we are the ones with a problem not her.

Anyone have any ideas on how to encourage her? I thought about withholding what little time with my little girl she gets but I know my mother and how she works. She would just cry to everyone what I was doing and how terrible I was and still do nothing. She is an expert at being the victim. Please help.