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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Welcome to the new board! : Three major obstacles to digging out
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Three major obstacles to digging out
   

Tatoulia
Posted: 16 October 2017 - 11:00 AM
Hello Sarah! I'm working from home today so doing laundry at the same time. My stomach is growling after having a good dinner last night--and I'm dieting today. I may have mentioned that I fast two days a week and today is a fast day.

I generally don't feel all that hungry when I fast but my stomach just growled! Out loud!

I didn't get my sheets changed yesterday (I do once a week) so I'm doing it now. It's garbage night so that means kitty box and other things too. But I'd like to go beyond my maintenance tasks and accomplish something today. I'll check back later.

I have to be in office be the rest of the week--generally only in office three days. Oh well.
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Sarah
Posted: 14 October 2017 - 08:51 PM
Thank you guys. I appreciate the understanding! Tillie...hm, broken down vehicles is pretty genius (we happen to have one sitting broken right now but I hope it's temporary!) But I'm sure sorry you have so many to deal with...that must be really hard sometimes. Or are they kind of out of sight? It kind of put my problems in perspective. We rent, so at least vehicles can't sit too long without attention...I hate renting but try to find the bright side of it, and because our house and yard isn't really ours, the hoarding (maybe) has limitations it wouldn't have otherwise. Thanks for helping me reaize that! And Tatoulia, you just inspired me to go do the dishes before going to bed! Thank you!!!
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Tatoulia
Posted: 14 October 2017 - 03:53 PM
Oh Sarah how frustrating! Just keep doing your thing. Keep making your decisions for your life. I know that's simplistic but please don't give up!

I have a little unexpected time to myself right now so I'm puttering and doing laundry and dishes and shredding papers and making a bag for goodwill and dancing. And I'm doing it with Stevie Wonder! The music helps me!
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Tillie
Posted: 13 October 2017 - 10:19 AM
Hi Sarah :)
I know how frustrating that is!
Have that same problem here with things I have gathered up for a charity rummage sale.
Before I can get them delivered he grabs everything out.
What I finally did to hide the stuff has worked.
He has many derelict vehicles on our property that just sit there and rot away.
So I have been putting things as I gather them in a vehicle.
Used to use a Dodge truck but can't open the doors any more now that trees have grown up surrounding it.
Used to use a VW bug but the pack rats have built nests in there.
The Jeep truck was fine until the wasps took it over.
Had used in the past a camper shell and a travel trailer but they are now dangerously decomposing.
Been using the Ford Crown Victoria with great success the last few years.
There a few other vehicles I might be able to use if I could get to them through all the clutter someday.
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Sarah
Posted: 13 October 2017 - 09:45 AM
Sorry, just a rant to get it off my chest.

I put two rather large games into my consignment bin in the garage last week. My husband never would have missed them (how do I know this? We've been married over a decade and are a family that plays games but these two have never been played. Not once.) But he saw them in the bin this morning, and decided to take them to work. That is where he takes any of his junk I try to get rid of. I worry his cubicle will become a storage unit. He cited the fact that it was so fun when his family used to play the German-version Scrabble when he grew up there...30 some years ago. Uuuggghhh!!!! (Picture me pulling my hair out.) Sure, his family is fluent, but our kids and I don't speak it, and we rarely play the TWO English Scrabble games we already have...!!! So that was how my morning started. I sell our items in a consignment sale that is twice a year. I've been doing it for years, so it's not a concern to me to have the bin sitting around - I can trust myself to consign it all; I always do. But I'm at a loss to keep my husband and kids from finding the stuff!! There's no "out of sight" storage in our house big enough for that bin. :( I'm getting desperate enough - especially with him removing those two big-box games this morning - to ask a relative to store it for me until the sale, just to keep my family from finding it! But I need to add to it continually, so that doesn't entirely solve the problem. And anyway, the real PROBLEM is: I'm trying to change my hoarding habits, while living with someone who maybe never will change his (though he is still the love of my life). It is so, so, so hard.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 13 October 2017 - 07:12 AM
Great work, Sarah! We can do this! I started a habit here and it has stuck with me, which is to fold and put away laundry. It is possible to build new habits--esp when you learn how little time some of these good habits take. I went through a phase where I'd post a Five Minute Miracle, where I'd discover (for example) that it takes five minute at most to unload a clean dishwasher. And I found if it took longer, it was because i needed to pare down my amount of dishes and other stuff in my cabinets.

I will look for you where you post -- the Daily Chat/What are you doing today is pretty active (we are on Phase 8 now). Just keep posting, successes and set backs--it's the best way to find strength.

If you decide to stay here, that's great too! Just keep doing it!!
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Sarah
Posted: 12 October 2017 - 01:01 PM
Hi! Tatoulia, nice job on the bathroom stuff!!! Happy to hear it!

If I could see the other posts I could reply more directly but I'll just say another big thank you for all the encouraging words. They help so much.

Oh, and Tillie I sure agree that minimalism is a big fad these days, and (hopefully) won't last "as is;" because I think there needs to be some healthy balance. That being said, I know without a doubt which side my family falls on that spectrum, and am so happy to be aware and working on improving!!!

This week has been about getting back to normal everyday life but with new, "bite-sized goals," I guess you could say. Here's what that looks like for me:

-put away clothes as soon as I change (even when the weather changes multiple times per day and so do I!) Hard to believe I'm as old as I am and still need to learn this. :(
-make the kids pick up what they've left lying out (rather than do it for them)...takes time and patience.
-try to use any spare 5 minutes I have to quickly declutter a small area.
-have a mindset of getting rid of 3 actual things every day. That doesn't include trash, but I am also working on throwing away more little bits that should be thrown away, even though it's tiny stuff. Building those muscles, like some of you explained. :)

None of these habits address our hoarding-at-large problem or improve the major trouble areas in our home but I'm hoping they keep me from getting overwhelmed and prevent further build-up, since I reached a kind of functional level while my mom was here. (For example, our "project room/school room" is actually being used to do schoolwork!! It has a looong way to go but is at least basically functioning as a room again!!)

Well, sorry for rambling. But I am so excited about all this. It's hopeful right now (even though like I said, our "hoards" remain)... I might start trying to put some short progress reports on that other thread area you mentioned... Bye for now!!!
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Tatoulia
Posted: 10 October 2017 - 07:09 AM
Hi Sarah--quick drive by to tell you that while getting ready for work I threw out two lipsticks, an old deodorant and an old hair gel. You motivated me to really take a look at the drawer in my bathroom!

Have a great day!
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Tillie
Posted: 09 October 2017 - 12:44 PM
I always copy my post before trying to post it just in case it doesn't post so I can then just paste it in and try posting it again.
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Tillie
Posted: 09 October 2017 - 12:42 PM
Sorry that you were made so uncomfortable by those women.
(((HUGS)))
Hope it will help you to know that right now
"minimalism/minimalists" are the new "IN" thing.
Many people have jumped on that band wagon and have become quite snobbish about reporting on how few items they have.
They have turned a simple/personal lifestyle into some kind of a ruthless competition.
Sorry you were a victim of this snobbery.
Last "fad" was gluten free and soon there will be another fad for them to get all up into with their self righteous snobbery attitudes.
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Subclinical
Posted: 09 October 2017 - 12:41 PM
Hi Sarah, nice job!

Sometimes when I post it doesn't show up, but then if I immediately refresh the page it does. Maybe try that?

I'm sorry about your friends. I don't have very many friends, but sometimes I think that is because I have a very different definition of "friend." If they were really friends (people who really matter in your life and could not be replaced by similar people), I probably would have spoken up, but if they were just acquaintances (people you do stuff with because you get along and like to do the same stuff) who cares what they think?

In the "things I wish I had done" category - your best bet is going to be to make sorting and discarding decisions a normal part of your everyday life. Especially with that hoarding little one. My youngest is another hoarder and it really hurts me to watch her struggle, but I am able to help her with some of the skills I am developing and it's good that we can do this together. It would have been better if I had started when she was younger instead of modeling and encouraging bad habits.

Do your kids have any regular habits/structure in their day that you can build on? One good one is putting away toys - if you have a designated space for toys, then you can talk about where a new toy is going to go before you get it - that may involve getting rid of an old toy and helps with the concept that there is only so much space. (One thing about hoarders is that we always seem to think there is more space. I have caused two closet organizing units and a kitchen cabinet to come off the wall and collapse on the floor. My Dd did the same thing with a closet shelf.)

Start by thinking about what you are bringing in - it is often easier to avoid stuff you don't own than to get rid of stuff you already have. Practice saying "no thank you." And "we don't need that." Especially with little kids, it's easy to accumulate piles of cheap plastic trinkets and stickers.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 09 October 2017 - 12:23 PM
Congratulations, Sarah! You did it! Please try to celebrate your accomplishments WITHOUT putting yourself down--we ALL start with the easy stuff! This is a great accomplishment! Focus on that as you move forward.

I probably would've been embarrassed at dinner too and I'm not sure if I would've spoken up. Maybe today I would, but I might not have several years ago. You kept the peace during the dinner, and I'm proud of you for that!

Today I have off from work and I'm going to seeep my hallway and my living room/dining room & den area. That means dealing with the stuff on the floor.

Great progress!

Hint: sometimes when I'm my post doesn't appear I use the back button then try to post it again. Sometimes I end up with double posts but better than none!!

Three more things today?!?
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Sarah
Posted: 09 October 2017 - 11:53 AM
Yes, I tried posting twice on Friday morning because I followed through, and by 9:30 am I had thrown out or donated at least 6 things! But neither post showed up. :( It was frustrating, because I had no time to post until now. But I truly did what I said I would. Granted, I was working on the kids' room that morning while Mom took them to the store, so it was their stuff, but not stuff they cared about and I took a picture of the 2 things my daughter would care about. Anyway, I am still manager of their stuff for now while they're little. But I have a goal of getting them to learn to manage and process it themselves. My oldest is already a worse hoarder than I ever was; tries to save paper towels, candy wrappers, and bottle caps. I throw a lot of that away but the problem is already there, isn't it. It's sad. :( So we all have work to do. My parents leave tomorrow and I've gotten my "sorting" to a stopping point knowing the pace will slow waaaaay down now. Back to having basically no "extra" time for decluterring. It has to become a way of life, though, right? I have to learn (and teach my kids) that decluttering is something we do every day, maybe for the rest of our lives. Sigh. Thanks for encouraging me in it.

Oh, I wanted to tell you guys that last night my DH and I were in conversation with 2 other couples and the women were really going on about parents or in-laws that "saved the most ridiculous things, like school papers and programs" etc, etc, basically making fun of it for being so absurd to save ANYTHING (I almost said, "Well your kids might want a FEW things from their childhood or even yours!") but it was all I could do to keep my cheeks from blushing bright red. I thought, "They're describing me, and my family, too - both extended and immediate !- but as if it's sooo repulsive, or at least incomprehensible, to them." I felt so rejected. They had no idea, having this conversation right in front of me, how hurtful it was. I'll admit to hoarding habits that do need to change, but I'll probably never be as "anti-saving things" as these women...they are quite dear friends but they unknowingly just placed a huge barrier in our relationship! Plus, their moms/in-laws meant well saving all those mementos...they could've at least acknowledged the love that was behind it. I think so many hoarders are the most tender-hearted, compassionate people. Our saving can go too far, yes, but it's often motivated by the strong connection we feel to people (wanting to "preserve" every happy memory of them or for them; knowing - sometimes, sadly, by experience - how quickly a loved one can disappear from our lives)... All this to say, I thought of those of you on this site, and how you GET IT, both the sentimental issues as well as the need to confront the problem (without coming down overly harshly on it like those rather heartless women), and I cannot express how grateful I am to be both understood and helped! Thank you!!
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Tatoulia
Posted: 07 October 2017 - 05:38 PM
Hey, Sarah--any progress on getting rid of three things?

Thanks for the encouragement on my weight. I'm a third of the way there and it feels good,


BF Woking tonight and I had a harrowing day with my mentally ill brother, so I'm doing some laundry and cleaning the kitchen and running the dishwasher. How are you today? Write when you can!
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Tatoulia
Posted: 06 October 2017 - 08:02 AM
Great work, Sarah! Three lipsticks down! Excellent! Yes you can build up your muscles by starting small!

I love the three things idea! Pick your three things, dispose, and report back!

I'm super late for work so need to read the posts more closely. But keep doing it!

Expensive spoiled face creams= garbage. If they are spoiled, they will bother your skin. The money is spent, the money is gone. No need to keep them any longer. Their usefulness is gone. We've all been in this spot, but space has its price, too. And getting rid of things that remind you if wasted money...clears up physical space and mental space.

Your thoughts? Yes this is tough and I'm excited we are doing this together!
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Subclinical
Posted: 06 October 2017 - 05:20 AM
Good morning Sarah!

You can post wherever you want. I think more people check the other thread and more often, but it is more "group therapy" if you need to stay here and just focus on you right now, I think that is fine.

What you described with the lipsticks - that is AWESOME! That is the beginning. This is like training for a marathon. You don't go out and run one cold. If you haven't been exercising at all, maybe you start by walking around the block. You are exercising your decide and discard "muscles" try to do it every day. Even days you only decide are good.

I am a sentimental saver too. I recently found matching clogs that my girls wore 18 years ago in a box in the basement. My wonderful son in law takes great photos, and he kindly took them outside, "posed" them cutely in some garden locations and took half a dozen digital photos for me (I am putting off the printing part) so that I could donate the shoes and some other little girls could enjoy them.

You didn't say if you work or if you are home with your little ones? I asked because having done both I know that makes a difference in the kinds of time you have, so I would make different suggestions.

Like, if you are home and they nap, can you dedicate the first ten minutes to your picture project? I know the impulse is often to get some housework done. The housework will never be done. Teach them to help with it as young as possible - then at minimum they won't be increasing the mess while you are cleaning. Also, preschoolers usually like to help and it developes good habits. Hoarding is partly genetic and I have one daughter I wish I had started helping sooner - but I hadn't learned how to help myself yet.

What you did in your project room sounds great! Even if it is "just organizing" it is decision making (exercise) and anything that helps you feel less overwhelmed will leave you with more energy for the challenges ahead. Also, if you got rid of anything - one damaged sticker, one paper scrap, that is actual progress.
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Sarah
Posted: 06 October 2017 - 12:38 AM
Subclinical, thank you for being honest and real. I am happy to know your kids are supportive (proud of you), but it also is a good reminder to me that if I ignore/deny this problem I could truly end up with regrets. Hearing from you tells me that my frustrations and concerns are valid, and doing something about them is worth it.

One type/cause of my saving things is sentimentality - though there's the "keep this to save money by not buying a new one" items, too, for sure.

In the sentimentality category I kind of had a breakthrough today, though. I found a photo album I'd started years ago called "things," which is photos of anything I had chosen to give away or throw away but wanted to remember. Along with each picture was a note explaining why I had liked that thing. This album reminded me that my saving is all about memories. I have a TERRIBLE, terrible memory. "Out of sight, out of mind." Which breaks my heart - I don't want to forget my kids' growing-up years! Or special times I've had with my husband. The "things" help keep my memories of events alive. My breakthrough was realizing that the album - as long as it had explanations - was enough. I know every hoarder is different. But I felt the exact satisfaction I needed as I looked through that little album. It brought back the happy memories, without the burden or bulk of the STUFF! That was so exhilarating, to rediscover a process that a younger-me had started: take a picture, PRINT it (that's where I get stuck), and write the explanation/memory. I think if I could get back to doing that, I could get rid of more stuff that falls into the "saving for sentimental reasons" category...
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Sarah
Posted: 06 October 2017 - 12:02 AM
Tatoulia, I forgot to say: congratulations on losing the 14 pounds!!! That is SO exciting!!! It must have felt so good to fit into those clothes, wow.
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Sarah
Posted: 05 October 2017 - 11:56 PM
Wow, thank you so much to both... I did find the other thread/chat (had to change settings on my phone) so after this, is it preferrable that I go there? Or update here?
Tatoulia, I've worried all day that if I didn't post an update, you'd think I got scared away! So first I want to say a huge thank you...what you said was exactly what I was hoping to hear! You were really that kind of "voice" that I need for this. So...I got the makeup down from the shelf (two different containers - and they actually had less than I'd thought, yay) but then couldn't do it! Bleh! BUT, I tried again later and managed to throw several lipsticks away. I know, that's pathetic, a few lipsticks!, but I'm proud of even managing that much. (And I had to take the bathroom trash out to a bigger trash immediately so I wouldn't be tempted to retreive any...wow, I'm worse than I thought.) Later I tried again but just pawed through each container and didn't throw more away. Tonight I threw out some skin care products (yay!) It wasn't easy; they were expensive (well, to me - it's relative!) and barely used, but old, so it's progress. I hope. I keep hoping that throwing out little bits will help me become better at throwing out bigger things...can it work that way? :/

On a brighter note, I made lots of progress in our "project room," the one with all the craft stuff, scrapbooks, etc. It's still a too-full room but has gone from where you couldn't even walk in it to being mostly usable again. I twirled in it, I was so happy for some space. I guess it was more organizing than purging, but I hope it was still a step in the right direction. It's a little less overwhelming now...if only it'll stay that way.

With that, I'll make a separate post for Subclinical now. Your Goodwill bags sound amazing, by the way! I'm so impressed you can do that. And your laundry and recycling, too! Goal: I am going to find THREE ITEMS to donate or toss by day's end tomorrow, okay? I will report them to you to keep accountable. (If I find more than 3, great, but I'm trying to be realistic since tomorrow's kinda full.)
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Subclinical
Posted: 04 October 2017 - 06:08 PM
Hi Sarah!

I am the ghost of Christmas future! Three kids in their twenties and if only I could go back to where you are now... I am making progress, and they are proud of me, but I left a mark on each of them, and I missed out on a lot, and I let them down.

I completely get the being broke with little kids thing too. It's freee, you might need it, they'll grow into it...

I do not have a hoarding husband though, he has just been another very patient victim.

If you click on the "hoarding help message boards" link above and to the left of the reply box, it should take you t9 a menu that shows "the daily chat" if you click there, the top thread should be where most of the action is.

Meanwhile, you're here, so that's good.

How does your school age kid feel about the hoarding?

Can you start by not bringing anything into the house tomorrow your kids don't absolutely need? Help the school kid clean out back pack and lunchbox as soon as you get home (do you work?) enlist the kids in starting a new routine, kids love routines.

You have movies and something to play them on, so can you work with the kids "first we will collect all the paper in this room" and then reward them "then you can watch a movie while I sit with you are sort it" maybe have them help you make a place for each of you to keep important papers.

I don't really know what your situation looks like. What is your hot spot - one place that you think would really make a difference.
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Tatoulia
Posted: 04 October 2017 - 08:34 AM
Hey Sarah--glad you are back!

Let's start with the makeup! Great place to start! Throw it out! Your kids don't need it for play and you don't want to deal with kids and conjunctivitis!

Just so you know, I live alone and had a big ckeanouf a few years back and still struggle. So what I suggest comes from MY experience and is not said in a condescending or superior way-it reflects where I've found my peace. And if you disagree-please say so. Not judging-I'm pretending to be at your house right now.

Kill the makeup. The money is already wasted. It could give you terrible infections and it won't look or smell fresh. Let's do this! The fact that you might find a use for it doesn't make it useful. No one wants it, not even you. Could you pick a percentage to deal with today? Say 20% or 50% of it? You have no emotional stock in the makeup (hopefully--unlike a baby blanket) and it's good to learn to throw stuff out. Let me know what you think. Pretend I'm right there in the bathroom, holding up sticky gloppy mascara and waxy lipsticks.

Let me know your thoughts! I believe in you! And I am prodding because it might help you--if you decide you want a different approach, say the word. I want you to succeed, and you are helping me too!!! This helps so much to learn to throw out the unusable stuff. Let's do this!!

I will work on a bag to Goodwill today. I was going thru my closet on Monday and found a skirt that fits (i am dieting and just lost 14 lbs). That makes three skirts that I've recently reclaimed to wear again!
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Sarah
Posted: 03 October 2017 - 10:32 PM
Wow, thank you so much Tatoulia and Anonymoniker...your replies meant SO much to me. In fact, I got a lot done yesterday and today because of them.♡

Tatoulia, I would like to join the support group (?) you mentioned, except I couldn't figure out how yet...I've not used things like online groups much.

Maybe I'll try to answer the questions you gave me, that I can remember. THANK YOU for asking and getting me to think.

One thing I save is papers and mementos from/for my kids. I'm working on getting them into scrapbooks but I've let them pile up for years so I'm terribly behind. BUT, while my mom's been here this time, I've made more progress on them now than any other time. I have a little hope now. Still, it's like Mt Everest and sometimes I get so overwhelmed I can only do 5 minutes at a time. I feel like giving up, because even my best progress looks like a drop in the bucket.

Then, in general, between my husband, me, and our kids, we have way too many books,too many clothes, too many blankets, too many craft projects, too many files, too many towels, too many shoes, too many games, too many DVDs, CDs, and even VHS cassettes (we do have a working VCR, though)!! So while having too many of just one of those items might be tolerable, it's the combination of too many of ALL of them, amongst our family, that overwhelms me. I chip away at what's mine and the kids', but have little influence with the excessive books, blankets, clothes, etc, etc that my husband hoards. Plus I resent having to choose parting with, say, a sweet handmade baby blanket when he won't part with a single one of his ugly, worn/torn/outdated - did I mention ugly? - bulky blankets. He also has hoards of tools/broken things/memorabilia/more books/car stuff in our garage that I just can't even talk about - it makes me so angry (even though I love him)!!!

But let me move on and take up your challenge to find something I can get rid of: our bathroom is small and jampacked but I've almost convinced myself to part with the too-much old makeup that I keep there. I get afraid that I'll end up with no makeup somehow (despite the fact that I rarely even wear any!), because I know buying new makeup is a luxury we can NOT afford... So I need that little nudge to be able to throw the old/unused away. It's hard because "it cost money." And I tell myself "my kids could use it as play makeup." And "it's better to have old than NONE," etc. See how I talk myself out of it? I went through it a year ago but still saved too much of it...it has a shelf life, after all! It could cause reactions in my skin if it's expired...right? :/ Maybe if I do run out I could ask inquiring relatives for the most-needed items for Christmas, like mascara or foundation. I should take the plunge and pitch it...but it's easier said than done. :(

Ugh, there you see my back-and-forth over something so small/simple as makeup. :(

Well, thanks again. -Sarah
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Anonymoniker
Posted: 02 October 2017 - 03:25 PM
Hi Sarah!
I totally hear you. I am having the same struggle. Decisions are a huge problem for me as well. The only thing i have found is just to keep chipping away at it. I have looked for ways to make it easier or faster to no avail. As it gets better, i do feel better about it & am able to do more. Good luck to you! ~♡~
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Tatoulia
Posted: 02 October 2017 - 03:24 PM
Sarah, we can be that person for you! From afar! We have an active & supportive group on The Daily Chat called Ejat are you doing today? We can help you!

What types of things do you have? I'd love to help you make some decisions. Where would you like to start? Do you have trash that could go first? I love a made bed--maybe start by making your bed? We will help you! You are not alone!

I'm sure other people will also check in with some suggestions!

Head on over and we can get started! Today I did laundry then folded it and put it away. No more letting clean laundry get tangled up with dirty laundry. I also took my recycling to the curb and later will take my garbage out. I also cleaned my toilet. All little stuff/I'm trying so hard to get my house in order.

One challenge for me this month is one bag to goodwill a week. Yesterday I dropped off sweaters and a pair of shoes. Care to join me in this?
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Sarah
Posted: 02 October 2017 - 02:08 PM
Hi,
I'm new to this site and am not one to make internet posts but I could use encouragement. I've known for a couple years now that I am a hoarder, and that my husband is even worse (ie, 1) his "stash" is rarely touched or usable, whereas I am constantly TRYING to organize and lessen mine and the kids'; 2) I admit there's a serious problem, but he cannot).

Our kids are young; two still at home weekdays and one in school, and it breaks my heart to see days, months, and now years on end slipping away because our hoarding (whether admitted or not) devours his and my mental and emotional resources, leaving very little of us for these innocent kids who never asked for this to be their life. They rarely get to have friends over because the house stresses me out so much I can't handle having extra kids around making the messes worse. :(

I do have depression and anxiety (as I'm finding most hoarders do) as well, and from time to time through the years I'll get counseling and/or medication for a while and then take a break and coast.

As for family, both my husband's and my mother are hoarders, too, so they cannot help me sort or purge. :( They do try to support my efforts (even if they don't really understand why it's so important to me), but they both live far away. When my mom can travel here to visit, every 3-6 months, she does spend loads of time with my kids, freeing me up to tackle my hoards. I do make progress, but in between her visits I basically get NOTHING done because I simply don't get enough time apart from my kids to make any real progress. My husband works hard at his job to support us, but doesn't have much extra time (or energy, or $) for taking the kids out of the house so I can work on it.

I just feel SO overwhelmed and paralyzed. And depressed. At various times I've reached out for help - such as bringing a neighbor who's super clutter-free into my home to see my problem, hoping she'd offer some help - but I think she was just shocked and sorry for me. Others have similar reactions when I confess, "I'm having such a hard time managing the amount of stuff in our home!" They basically shrug and say "Hm, that's tough, I'm sorry." It would mean the WORLD to me if someone volunteered to come for even a couple hours a week to guide me. I WANT to GET RID of stuff; I just need someone to encourage me in the process, because as it is, I'm doing it utterly alone WHILE trying to raise a family. I wish someone could come say: "That [item] would be perfect for Goodwill!" or "I know where there's a computer recycling place for those!" or "You can donate that to so-and so's garage sale" or "Let's set up a system for pictures so you don't need to keep that," or "You'll feel SO much better if you just throw that away. Try it!" :) ETC. A lot of my hoarding is because I can't make decisions anymore; my brain seems to have burned out on being able to make decisions. I WANT to change, I believe it's possible, and I admit to needing help. I want to LIVE, and fully love my kids before it's too late and they're grown up! Can anyone see themselves in what I'm saying? (Well, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, so part of me hopes not...) It's such a lonely problem to have because the only people who "get" the struggle are other admitted hoarders (not in-denial ones like my mom or husband) but they can't physically help you dig out, and the people who maybe could help don't seem to want to. And, like many on this site, paying a professional is out of the question because we struggle just to get by...

Wow, I've written a lot, with tears in my eyes. I know it's helped me just to share this, but sorry it was so long. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read it (!), and hugs to anyone who can relate! Having visited some of the poorest places in the world, I'm so ashamed to have the problem of "too much stuff," and I'm sorry for all of us who do. We're not really living, are we! Anyway, thanks, to anyone who's "there." ♡
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