I'm sorry, Julie, that you have to know of this situation, but as you already know, a hoarder will not change unless he or she wishes to or is forced to by outside sources (and then they typically go right back to the behavior).

You are not being a bad daughter by being unable or unwilling to help in this situation. You did not make nor maintain the hoard. Is your mother's doctor even aware of the home situation? If not, perhaps he/she needs to be informed.

A home health nurse who observes squalor will, I think, likely be required to report the situation. Perhaps that would be okay since it is then taken out of your hands and the hoarders' hands. Remember, you are not a bad person for not being able to help. Your parents could decide to change their behavior and seek appropriate help. Perhaps you could provide them with the names and phone numbers of companies or persons who could help, including any psychiatric help. Click on National Resources at the top of the board and see what, if any help is in your state. Good luck.

My Mom just had open heart surgery, she is home now and my Dad just informed my sister and I that she has to have a nurse come every day for 2-3 hrs to do in home care. The problem is they are hoarders and we have tried to help several times, by cleaning but by the next week it is back in the same condition. So now they are in a situation where my sister's husband works nights so they can't go there for her treatments and we are not home during the day but my husband and I said if you get a dumpster and start cleaning your house out then you can come here and do your therapy here but he didn't want to hear of it at this time. So I feel like a really bad daughter for saying no at this time . It has been like this since I was a kid what should I do? I feel like Im so mean & such a rotten daughter. Its killing me not to help but when is the right time to deal with this ?

Hello Julie, so glad you found us and these forums and resources.

Its very important as you know that your mom (and dad) have a safe environment to live and recover in. Not wanting to hear about cleaning up is very common. I suggest that if you haven't already to watch the show Hoarders, it will help you understand and see the steps needed for a person to accept help. It is available online at hulu.com and there are several episodes that you can watch.

Another thing is to look around in here for the information areas that explain hoarding and how to help, there are also resources at the top of the page that you may find helpful especially if you are in a position to be able to get outside help such as therapy and organization professionals.

I know you are in a time crunch with this so I hope that helps you, and do post again to let us know how things are going.

You are not a mean or rotten daughter! Understanding is key and you sound like you are willing to listen and learn and you have reached out for help. It is vital that you understand the psycology of anxiety, compulsive and hoarding disoders and you can learn about that with research and watching the shows and talking to us here.

Google - hoarding behavious, hoarding diagnosis and hoarding for more information such as found here:

Tips

Help

Hoarding

My Mom just had open heart surgery, she is home now and my Dad just informed my sister and I that she has to have a nurse come every day for 2-3 hrs to do in home care. The problem is they are hoarders and we have tried to help several times, by cleaning but by the next week it is back in the same condition. So now they are in a situation where my sister's husband works nights so they can't go there for her treatments and we are not home during the day but my husband and I said if you get a dumpster and start cleaning your house out then you can come here and do your therapy here but he didn't want to hear of it at this time. So I feel like a really bad daughter for saying no at this time . It has been like this since I was a kid what should I do? I feel like Im so mean & such a rotten daughter. Its killing me not to help but when is the right time to deal with this ?