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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Cleanup Help : Dad
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Dad
   

Dianne
Posted: 09 August 2013 - 07:32 AM
Hi Shannon, my heart goes out to you and your sister. In addition to your dad's health you now have the ongoing concern of his living situation.

I must agree with Tillie and Roxie. Before you jump into anything talk to your father's doctors and find out what type of ongoing care he will need. For him to come home and find everything has been cleared out will be extremely stressful.

You may have moved into the territory of adult children taking care of aging parents. Maybe he will need to move into a rehab facility for a time or relocate to live with one of you. Maybe he has a sibling or other relatives near where he lives to help out.

During his transition period you'll address his home situation. Squalor does need to be cleaned. Maybe you can concentrate on basic areas and when he returns he can participate in the decisions of the larger hoard of his possessions.

Whatever you decide please you and your sister take good emotional care of yourselves. You may need to come to a realization that there is only so much you can do from a distance depending on your own families and responsibilities. Your father's doctors could probably help with resources of groups that could give you advice on elder care from a distance.

Please keep us updated and all the best to you.
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Roxie
Posted: 07 August 2013 - 11:51 PM
Hi, Shannon. I am sure you are in shock and upset with the whole situation. Is your father able to talk to you? Do his doctors know of his living situation and will they be willing to release him back there, or do they have other plans?

You can talk to you dad about not being able to return to a home within which he is not safe. And try to get permission to make it a place he could return to (if in fact he will be permitted to). If he gives permission, you could contact some folks listed on the National Resources above and talk to them. Professional help can be pricey, though. You could order a dumpster delivered and unload actual trash and broken things into it. Be sure you know the things your father most importantly wants (all of it may seem like treasure to him, but...). Above all, approach him in a patient, understanding and nonjudgmental fashion, letting him always know that you want to help him.
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Tillie
Posted: 07 August 2013 - 11:49 PM
Hi :)
Sorry to hear about the state of your dad's home.
Hope he is doing well.

You didn't say what you found at his house.
If it is just squalor, trash not taken out, messes left uncleaned up, neglected repairs, etc.
Then cleaning it yourselves or hiring a company would be alright.
Talk to him about his health and safety and needing a clean clear space.
But...
If your Dad is a hoarder clearing out his possessions without his agreeing to this would be a very bad idea. Especially since he is recovering from surgery.
Hoarders stress over having their possessions touched or removed.
Even in the best of health a hoarder would have a total melt down.

If you look at the links above, click on "national resources" you will see a map.
Click on your state to find a listing of help in your area.

Good luck and best wishes.

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Mare
Posted: 07 August 2013 - 10:54 PM
Hello Shannon, you have come to the right place here.

Its often overwhelming and difficult to know where to start.

If you have the means, go to the main page and at the top click on NATIONAL RESOURCES then choose your state to see what help you can get from professionals. I hope you can do this as it is the easiest and fastest, but do keep in mind that your dad may be upset to find everything gone which can make his hoarding even worse. He will need a lot of understanding and support in a non-judgmental manner but it is imperative that his home be safe especially for his recovery and on-going needs.

Please come to the DAILY area for more support and chat, the people in there will have more ideas for you and I will direct them here as well.

Best wishes and do stay for more.
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Shannon
Posted: 07 August 2013 - 05:58 PM
Our dad is 75 years old and just had triple by pass surgery, my sister and I came to be with him (we both live away from him) we had to go to his house to get some of his things and we could not believe what we walked into. We don't know what to do at this point and there is no way he can live in that filth. Where do we start?

Thank!!,
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