I have never in my life dealt with such a fast and paralyzing issue. I've always had spotless beautiful home and so proud. Until 7yrs ago my life crumbled around me and has not stopped crumbling since, one tragedy after another I can't catch my breath before I realized it the house was too that point that point of one person cleaning it up had passed but I kept procrastinating telling myself I can get this done. Fast forward to now, I can not do this and I have to sell my house within next 2 months if that. I'm disabled barely keep electricity on and finding hoarding cleanup help is extremely discouraging like I need that when I hate myself enough. The shame is unbearable. NO ONE has come in the house in MANY years just taken pictures to send fire quotes has distroyed me with each one I take I just can't believe it's like it is. It's not so much that I don't let stuff go it's that I couldn't stand seeing the disgust so I ignored it. Not only do I have to move, walking has gotten tricky. I don't have mental health issues and take medication see a doctor every 2 months for the last 30+years and my ADHD panic disorder is the ones that kick in high gear when I try to even clean 20 minutes. I've taken all the steps read the books down worksheets and I'm no closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.
I guess I'm asking if I should even keep hope, have belief that help without costing my soul out there or come to face I'm going to have to be ridiculed, judged, losing family and friends if anyone finds out just how bad it is. I live in a tiny town north Texas panhandle and everyone here judges disgraces you and you don't get past that social bashing, once you're seen one way no matter what you'll always be seen as so. I don't care what people say about me but this is different I have no shield and sword to fight off the awfulness the town would bring on me. Sounds kinda outrageous and everyone says don't worry about what anyone says.. Usually I'm total agreement hoarder, filthy house is something I've beat, hated myself enough about I just can't have the world knowing especially when I've been known for having a beautiful warm home for so many years. That was the marriage home I loved for 23 years before my husband left me for another woman and I had to leave my home and life I'd built and loved so dearly. That was the beginning of the hell I live now and the ex lives in a home 3 times the size we had with the awful woman and children he left his family for. Yes I'm traumatized but that was just the beginning situation to 7 years of pain, heartbreak, death, loss and being forgotten. I've talked enough for now especially when I just want to knife I'm just dreaming about affordable cleanup help or could it be a actually reality I'd be able to reach next couple weeks and PLEASE I NEED COMPLETE HONESTY. Thanks for reaching if anyone does lol and I'd be so appreciative greatly for any information that could help help my situation.