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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Cleanup Help : Need coaching/intervention help
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Need coaching/intervention help
   

Tillie
Posted: 05 July 2015 - 01:19 PM
I would contact Steri-Clean and ask them if they would be so kind as to answer my questions.

hoarders.com

Good luck and best wishes. :)
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JMX
Posted: 05 July 2015 - 04:23 AM
Still trying to finish hoarding recovery actions (cleaning and repairs) with little to no support resources (the ordeal has had major financial impact over the months it has taken). Critical requirement is "professional sanitization" level cleaning. Trash and debris are long gone, but surface cleaning remains to be done (multiple pets, etc.). Bare hardwood floors, drywall/plaster walls). Major "accredited" services have either been unresponsive or quoted prices that are simply unaffordable. Looking to get specific details of cleansers/equipment (if any) used by these services, to try to do the cleaning myself with a couple of helpers. Any info/insights? Thanks.
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JMX
Posted: 23 February 2015 - 06:30 AM
Another pivotal inspection this week - and WAY behind. Hoarder is a constant interference, and can't get any psych "real time - on site" intervention help. I am at the end of my rope!
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Dianne
Posted: 08 January 2015 - 08:58 AM
JMX, have you had the inspection for this week? If so it sounds like you have been given more time.

Isn't it amazing how we can know how much progress has been made but to someone seeing just that stage of work it looks like the beginning? Are you taking pictures? Are you able to get much done in this bitter cold?

That's great to see light at the end of the tunnel! Keep at it, your goal of clean-out is on an unstoppable roll!

I hope the hoarder has some level of gratitude under all the opposition.
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JMX
Posted: 08 January 2015 - 04:37 AM
Thanks, unfortunately still a long way to go before authorities are satisfied. Initial focus was largely on trash/rubbish/squalor (and still some to go), but significant clutter remains on one floor. Night and day from what it was at the time of discovery, but someone not seeing the original conditions would still see a cluttered mess .... But there's light at the end of the tunnel.
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Dianne
Posted: 04 January 2015 - 08:23 AM
70 plus yards in the rearview you are almost at awesome touchdown, yeah!

Look out Bugs, Sammy's got you in his crosshairs haha!

Seriously that is amazing work! Aren't you happy it got down before any major snows?

Keep up the great work!!
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JMX
Posted: 03 January 2015 - 05:27 PM
Thanks, I'm picturing Yosemite Sam, although without the mustache. Prior to this point, a good 60+ yards had been dug out and hauled off ..... About another 10-15 yards to go.
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Dianne
Posted: 03 January 2015 - 03:29 PM
Yeah, jumping up and down in a cartoon rage, steam pouring out the ears, fists clenched, eyes bulging.....what would life be without a good rant now and then. :)

10 yards of trash hauled off!! You go JMX!!!
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JMX
Posted: 03 January 2015 - 01:24 PM
Thanks for the support and recommendations every little bit at this super stressful time helps. Had about 10 yards of trash hauled off today by a trash service, after I foolishly allowed hoarder to pick through the bags. This after making an effort to sort out recyclables from trash and to save items such as ruined but perceived still valuable clothing in separate bags. Regardless, the trash removal threw the hoarder into a fit of absolute rage, borderline violent. I guess I wouldn't want this process to be too easy .....

Thanks.
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Dianne
Posted: 03 January 2015 - 09:08 AM
JMX, the correct address for the other site is

takeonestepatatime.proboards.com

This site is excellent for getting to know posters easily and offers the best resources for getting help that is kept updated. The other site has a larger group of active members in all stages of recovery.

Bottom line ~ a person uses all resources to figure out how to heal.
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Dianne
Posted: 03 January 2015 - 08:51 AM
Just my opinion, but from what you have said, I would agree with your attorney and associates.

The house is yours and you could lose it thru no fault of your own.

The building/land is in good shape, utilities functional. It is definitely worth keeping. It's not a tear-down you're trying to save.

You have been working very hard and critical inspection is coming up next week. Are you willing to let your efforts be in vain?

Hoarder will be homeless if efforts fail.

All that plus the indeterminate nature of authorities' final inspection seem to be good reasons for blocking the hoarder as a trespasser and getting the rest cleared out. If you give a crew a rough idea of what possessions should be saved they will do that if they come across it without too much inspection i.e. family albums, jewelry, a specific painting, etc. Or you may ask the hoarder what his/her top 5 possessions are to look for. He/she will probably be too distraught to give a rational answer but at least you will have made that effort.

You have been very compassionate in making the efforts to resolve this problem while keeping the concerns of the hoarder foremost. But it's clear he/she is not in a mental state to be reasonable in the face of saving some vs. losing all. Hard as it will be you may have to make those decisions.

The fall-out from an extreme clean-out against a hoarder's consent could be tremendous anger and resentment, severe depression and a need to start accumulating possessions again. In addition to therapy to learn to release possessions the hoarder will need therapy to get beyond all the rage.

If he/she continues to live in your home the problems will probably reoccur without vigilance on your part. That might mean supervising access to money and credit. It might mean having a cleaning service once a week if the hoarder tries to save used paper goods or old food, etc.

My thoughts and opinions here aren't professional in any way. They simply come from my experience as a hoarder who can be rational to some extent and very irrational when threatened. The compulsions to save may be incomprehensible to a non-hoarder. Who would want to live that way? Why would they value junk over personal relationships? During times of rational thought the hoarder can suffer extreme guilt over the destruction they've caused/are still causing.

I really hate to advise a person in your position to "drop the hammer" because I know how devastating that would be for me as a hoarder. But I also realize sometimes it must be done.

This experience could be rock bottom for your hoarder. To give him/her some focus on crawling out of the pit of awful feelings you could suggest reading this site or check out onestepatatime.proboards.com

Amazon has a list of hoarding books. Check out the reviews for the ones that would have the most value for you and your hoarder.

Please keep us up to date on how this goes for you. I'm imagining you are under just as much stress as the hoarder. You sound very logical, compassionate, responsible and thorough in your search for help for yourself and the hoarder. I'm sure you'll make the best decisions for all involved.
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JMX
Posted: 03 January 2015 - 04:28 AM
The house is mine, hoarder lived there mostly alone as I have been on the road working out of state for a number of years. Deadline with authorities is a moving target, with periodic progress inspections every few weeks. But an extremely critical one coming up next week.
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JMX
Posted: 02 January 2015 - 07:17 PM
Thanks for the insights. Clean up must happen or I could lose the house. Place is structurally sound, has electric, water, heat, septic all functional, but hoarded mess persists in a few pockets. Authorities require nonspecific cleanup of the excess accumulation, followed by professional sanitization of the premises, before any consideration of allowing re-occupancy. Acceptance criteria appear to be subjective; i.e. just because a dwelling is messy/sloppy, this should not be a basis for declaring it uninhabitable, but the determination is pending. Hoarder would be rendered homeless if the recovery effort were to fail. Hoarder could be kept away by being declared a trespasser, then I could have a crew just scoop out the remaining debris and be done. But I'm trying to make an effort to save whatever possessions within the debris the hoarder holds dear (which unfortunately goes well beyond what is rational).

Guidance of attorney and all associates is to "drop the hammer" and get the hoarder blocked as a trespasser, then simply scoop out the remainder of the mess. While initially too difficult to do, the confrontational, raging, and just irrational behavior of the hoarder may make it easier to make that decision......
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Dianne
Posted: 02 January 2015 - 10:26 AM
JMX, don't blame yourself for any of this. Hoarders are very adept at hiding their situation. That's how it gets so bad.

It sounds like you have made tremendous progress on your own getting the hoard cleared out. I don't know what the authorities will base any decisions on but I would guess they want to make sure the building is structurally sound and that there are no fire hazards. There should be access to all doors and windows and plenty of room for emergency personnel to get in if necessary. I don't think they expect a super clean, well-organized home. Neatly contained boxes and a basic level of cleanliness may be fine.

Is there a lead person involved who could tell you what is acceptable and will give you some leeway in getting a therapist involved?

Your situation sounds like it needs the extreme, fast help from a clean-up crew like Cory Chalmers. He has been in those situations with the hoarder blocking progress and knows how to handle it. You can try contacting him at cchalmers@1800hoarders.com or call 1-800-hoarders ext.111 and maybe he can recommend the best service in this area. He does have help here in Maryland.

You mentioned having the authorities, "....release it back to me...." Has the hoarder been blocked from entry? I don't know what's involved with having the hoarder legally kept away but if you can do it that would be helpful for you. If he/she is threatening other people that might be a good basis for some kind of restraint?

What is the end result if this clean-out doesn't happen? Will the person be homeless? Will you have to take him/her in? Is the house family property that would have been passed on to adult children? Are you the only one who can help in the situation? What's your deadline from the authorities?
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JMX
Posted: 02 January 2015 - 04:57 AM
I guess what I had naively envisioned was a therapist/coach who could be involved onsite during the initial cleanout phase (which I am still very much in), to assure the hoarder that nothing of value was being taken away. But the sense I am getting at this time is that from the standpoint of involving a mental health professional, I'm looking at a rather glacial pace of moving toward an improved condition for the hoarder - nothing that is going to help over the coming weeks(?) It appears that the only way to get to "done" sufficient to satisfy the authorities is to have the hoarder legally blocked from the house until it's over. Which will further traumatize/enrage the person, but I can't have the individual blocking every step of the process (ranting at trash hauling crews/chasing them away, ripping open packed trash bags and strewing the contents, searching through the trash bit by bit, etc., etc.).

Basically at the end of my rope with this. Thanks.
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JMX
Posted: 02 January 2015 - 04:45 AM
Thanks. The willingness to change, or lack thereof, may be a problem. This is all research I should have done a year back, if I were aware of the ongoing problem and its severity -- BEFORE authorities got involved. Unfortunately now it's a case of trying to get the place to at least a point where authorities will release it back to me, undoubtedly still containing a lot of "stuff", but perhaps neatly binned/stacked until it can be worked through with the hoarder receiving help. What makes it worse is the subjective acceptance criteria, and the time pressure imposed. None of this works well with trying to turn around the hoarder - no doubt a long term process, if it can succeed at all. Situation quite desperate at this time, so I'll randomly try someone from the list. Thanks.
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Dianne
Posted: 01 January 2015 - 06:06 PM
Hi JMX,

I live in your area and see a psychiatrist who is not on this list but is very well qualified to deal with OCD/hoarding issues. You mention time is of the essence. In my experience the best therapists limit their number of clients and they may have a waiting list which is why they refer. So even if you found an excellent prospect they may not be able to help your hoarder directly and immediately. I would still suggest calling the people on the list this site suggests and see what the availability is.

I think there are two major criteria with helping a hoarder. The first is that they MUST be willing to change at some level. Without that willingness the best therapist or program in the world isn't going to matter. The second criterion is that the therapist must be able to connect with the hoarder in a way that makes the hoarder feel understood and accepted. When the therapist has a good handle on the personality they will have a better sense of how to motivate the hoarder without alienating them. Unfortunately that takes time and can be an ongoing process.

I do understand your sense of urgency. But please realize that the more a situation has reached a critical point the higher the risk of failure will be. No one can offer an iron-clad guarantee of success.

It's clear you are working very hard to help the hoarder. He/she is very fortunate to have you. All the best to you ~~
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Tillie
Posted: 01 January 2015 - 09:57 AM
Mojo Life Coaches prepared a program called
"Hoard No More".
It contains a rescue book, a rescue workbook and a CD/video.
You can learn more about the program by clicking the link here that is on the lower left side of this page.
I have the material and have thoroughly studied it.
My problem is not with the "Hoard no more" series.
My problem is the hoarder in my life refuses to change.
As long as the hoarder is willing to/wanting to change, Mojo Life Coaches can make it happen.
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JMX
Posted: 01 January 2015 - 06:13 AM
Has anyone here heard of or used "mojolifecoaches.com"? They were referred by one of the advertisers on this site, and they claim significant success in dealing with OCD/hoarding cases. But I haven't found any independent reviews. Thanks.
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JMX
Posted: 01 January 2015 - 06:05 AM
Thanks, but what I'm trying to do is avoid randomly selecting someone from the list who may not work out for this situation, since the status is too critical to risk a failure, and time is of the essence. I'm more interested in networking with anyone in the Maryland-DC area who has used one of the listed professionals (or anyone not on the list), to benefit from their experience. Thanks for any links!
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Dianne
Posted: 30 December 2014 - 07:25 AM
Hi JMX,

Click on the National Resources link at the top of the page on this site. On the map click on Maryland and you'll see a list of therapists. One of them could probably answer your questions and offer help.

Congratulations on the massive progress and best wishes for continued success!
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JMX
Posted: 30 December 2014 - 06:41 AM
Trying to complete a hoarding cleanup, with huge progress made, but still a long way to go to satisfy local authorities. Problem is hoarder is present at the site whenever cleanup is attempted, and blocks/intervenes every step of the way. No effective way to keep hoarder away, so I'm stuck between a rock and hard place. A local (Maryland - DC suburb) OCD qualified coach/therapist is probably the answer, but can't get any recommendations locally. Suggestions appreciated, thanks!
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