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Hi Lori, long posts are good. They give a better understanding of what you're going thru.
You're dealing with a tremendous amount of stress right now. It's not surprising at all that you can't find the strength to clean. It has nothing to do with how much you love your kids. I'm sure you love them with all your heart. Think of it this way ~ if you were tied with heavy chains no amount of loving your kids would break those chains. That what stress, worry and fear do to you; weigh you down to the point where you can barely get out of bed (or the couch, etc.). Your love for them can be a motivator but it doesn't kick your ass into high gear. Loving them and wanting them back will motivate you to take each tiny step needed. Those steps may take awhile.
You've made excellent choices in taking your meds twice daily and in seeing a Christian counselor. Could you up those visits to several times a week, even if just by phone? Please focus on whether or not you should have contact with your husband after he is released. Your children's safety is paramount. There may be legal issues with whether or not your children can live with you if he has access to your home.
The group of recovering hoarders here spend most time on the Daily Chat section. We'd be happy to help you with the baby steps of dejunking and the emotions that go with it.
Please know that my advice about your counselling and personal matters are my opinions alone and not representative of others here or of the website.
All the best to you Lori. Hope to see you in the Daily Chat.
Dianne
p.s. While you're waiting to get your kids back talk to them daily. Keep the reasons simple and let them know you want them to be secure with their aunt until you have the house in better shape.
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