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Hoarding Help Message Boards : Motivation Needed? : hoardinghusband
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a wife of a messy husband
Posted: 17 August 2015 - 10:21 PM
Get your own home or have a place in your home that is for you and you only. You need a place that is only for you and keep his stuff in his place, as he has his own office. You need a place that is only for you and you can have your stuff in it and keep it as nice as you like. I have my own room and keep it like I want it and my hubby has his own room...I like it that way.
Good luck :)
Posted: 03 January 2015 - 06:13 PM
The book "Digging Out" is for people who live with or know a hoarder.

You have my sympathies, I live with a hoarding man who has no desire to change his hoarding ways.
The house is falling to ruin due to his neglect.

Only advice I can offer is for you to choose your battles.
Rather than trying to get everything done, I focus on one major needed repair and never let up until it gets done.
Took me several years but eventually I was able to finally get our septic system repaired.

Good luck and best wishes.
Posted: 03 November 2014 - 03:26 PM
Hi Miss T,

I'm sorry you're in such a frustrating situation. A good book to read is Buried in Treasures. Check Amazon for other good reads about hoarding.

You won't be able to change your husband but you can manage how you respond to everything. Continue to clean the inside of your home and leave his office alone. Since he is self-employed he'll need to have a system to keep his business running. It may be a messy system but if it works for him and you can close the door that may be the best you can hope for.

I can imagine how pissed you are about how much you have given up only to see what is left getting trashed. This is just my opinion coming from my experiences ~ if you can learn to let go of bitterness about what has passed life will feel better. You could think about things that make you angry now and how you could take control of some of that. For instance since you pay all the bills out of your money would he let you budget his as well? Then you could set aside some for repairs. At the very least if he wants to spend money on his choices that should only come from what he earns, none of yours.

Read some of the older posts on this site. It will give you a wealth of information for free about hoarding and how people are dealing with it, what works and what doesn't.

Miss T
Posted: 03 November 2014 - 12:30 PM
help me. My spouse is a negligent person. Is a self employed, nice person, but has no sense of responsibility concerning his business, property or me. I pay all bills out of my SSDI check. He buys guns, toys for boys and an occasional item for home. Our homes foundation is falling apart and he doesn't take the time or money to repair it. This home was given to him and I had to give up my home to keep this for him when we filled bankruptcy. My home was worth 125,000 and this one 22,000!!!!!!! I stepped away from my hard work to be nice and allow him to engage in his inheritance. Now to watch him destroy it really pisses me off!!! I took care of mine before and now I physically can't. I clean the inside totally, except for his trashy office. I leave it alone after cleaning it for the 5 th time. He can hardly get into the room now. How do you help those who don't want to help themselves?? Is there any hope?? Or do I just leave him to his mess??
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