I just realized tonight that the reason I am a hoarder is because I had an abortion. I "threw my baby away" when I was 17 years old and I deeply regret it. Now I am afraid to throw anything away in case I'll regret it later.

Some people's motivation to declutter & clean is so they can have friends and family in their homes.
Some people's motivation to declutter & clean is just so they will have the freedom of no longer being the caretaker of all the stuff. All the free time they would have if their homes were so much easier to function in.

Just because our homes are clean and uncluttered does not mean that just because someone knocks on our door or calls on the phone telling us they are coming over that we have to/must let them in.

We are allowed to decide for ourselves if, when and who we will allow inside.

The inside of my house is clear & clean even though I live with a hoarder.
The outside is cluttered and all hoarded up as well as his bedroom, but the door is closed.
I do not allow just anybody inside my home, my personal private sanctuary.
I only allow the people in who pass my very strict criteria as to their character and motives.

Please do not use the clutter to keep people out of your home.
You have the right to refuse access to anyone.
When they ask to come inside, just hold the door and say "NO".
We all have the right to deny them access into our personal private sanctuaries. :)

It felt like just one day I woke up and things were a mess. A big mess

Because I have been working at this for awhile now, closing in on a year, I have had a chance to really think about the things that brought me to this state. Really distill it down to the real issues

I have come to the conclusion it is because I am not emotionally able to enter a relationship. I know that sounds weird and there's a lot of things that lead to that, but in my case the hoard was more of a symptom, a solution of a way to justify not becoming involved a wall of sorts to keep things out or more properly feelings or people.

I find as I am getting to the point where things are now more normal I wrestle with the emotional part more. It is funny because I was told the therapist helps you cognitively deal with the letting go- that was actually not that hard. Not as hard as the letting in will be.

Just thought I would share that in case someone went thru the same thing