AC is breaking and scared to seek out repair service
Tatoulia
Posted: 27 July 2015 - 07:05 PM
Checking in. Write if you can. Thinking of you and your mom.
G
Posted: 01 July 2015 - 09:11 PM
Gem,
I am sorry things have gone from what looked like some possible support to a group of people taking complete control over you and your Moms lives. I will keep you two in my thoughts and hope that somehow someway things end with you two being empowered and stronger with more supports that so many should be ashamed of themselves for not offering over the years of your asking.
You are not alone and I know how isolating this is and cannot even imagine with your severe circumstances.
Are you sure they are planning to clean your place out now with you guys not there and that the cleaning they did that day was not just to help make way to get your Mom to the hospital? If it is of any comfort, I understand the fear of going into nursing care with the concern of not being able to return home. I have seen it with very severe cases and he person returned home even though they were unable to walk unaided(with of course the assistance of home health care). Hope that is what will be possible and plan. Go with it as though it is, as like Joan said and your concerns are....if they have an agenda that is not in your best interest it is best not to add more fuel to it.
You are NOT alone. Know there are people in this world thinking of you here. Not judging you. Who are wanting to see you and your Mom returned home with the proper supports in place(and be and stay in control of how your personal belongings are handled).
Easy to say here I know, although while this is super scary and emotional in all ways...keep the faith. Do not ever give up. Never let hope be taken in the darkest of times. Hopefully the agenda is about empowering you two, although again I agree with Joan and your fears...also knowing that the system and those with experience to help just do not seem set up to do so in a way that mostly seems to be humane, kind, caring, empowering and being of service.
What a traumatic story... I will keep checking in here as will others because you are in our thoughts and while you may not have physical friends and family, you have us. Do not let anyone make you feel less because of that, as it is the very outcome of the sever circumstances you have fallen.
HUGS HUGS HUGS
G xx y here I know, although while this is super scary and emotional ierience to help just do not seem set up to do so in a way that mostly seems to be humane, kind, caring, empowering and being of service.
What a traumatic story... I will keep checking in here as will others because you are in our thoughts and while you may not have physical friends and family, you have us. Do not let anyone make you feel less because of that, as it is the very outcome of the sever circumstances you have fallen.
HUGS HUGS HUGS
G xx
Tatoulia
Posted: 01 July 2015 - 08:04 PM
Sending you my support from afar, Gem. So very sorry about all of this. Please keep us posted.
Joan
Posted: 01 July 2015 - 08:53 AM
Gem, you don't know me, but I have been following your posts for a few weeks. I know how these systems work against people. My advice to you is to get a lawyer, pronto. ! ! ! You are entitled to a lawyer if they have strong-armed you into the "mental health" system. ! ! !
If you cannot get them to divulge which agency you should contact for free legal representation, search under mental health legal services for your state. NAMI (The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) is a nationwide nonprofit with a legal assistance hotline, but their response will be slower. Let me know how you make out.
Good luck.
Gem
Posted: 01 July 2015 - 03:27 AM
This is long so bear with me. :(
The social worker called at about 6:30 pm and said he was coming out with a co-worker to give me some news about my Mom. Little did I know that he was using that line so I'd have no problem inviting him in. Once I let them in that was when they basically strong armed me into coming to the hospital to get checked out then I found out that involved being admitted for multiple tests and taken to a room. Since it was the mental health people calling an ambulance to come and get me to take me up there (which was embarrassing) a cop showed up too.
So just to take me up here an ambulance, fire truck, policeman (I think he had a partner but I didn't see much of him), firemen, paramedics and 2 social workers. That was with me putting up no fight whatsoever and giving into them. It turned out that social worker guy was moving this weekend and fully acknowledged he didn't show up or call to say he wasn't going to when I mentioned he had been a no show. To me if you're going to take on the responsibility of giving people bad news like he did Friday you should make sure your follow up with that person before 3 1/2 days go by and not make empty promises to them either when their vulnerable already.
They want to send my Mom to some kind of nursing home but they aren't telling her why. The nurse said for rehab so she can come home probably but my Mom and I get the feeling that may not be true. It's like they waited for her to get near the time for discharge so we wouldn't be in the same place for long. She could use some physical therapy but there are therapists like that who come to people's homes through home health.
Something just seems really fishy and my Mom and I are scared of what they are going to try and do to us next since they know we don't have any friends or family here to object to anything only each other. So basically they've gotten both of us out of the house so we won't be there when they clean it out. The social worker said neither of us being there wouldn't affect the court related stuff that's going on regarding the house but he's lied to me more than once so now I'm scared he was lying about that too. So we won't be there at all to know what they are going to throw away and what they won't. I was there when the guardian and the guy cleaned up some and I didn't get in their way or try to stop them at all but I was THERE.
I'm fat and they didn't bring the stretcher up to the door and we live on that small hill. They made me walk from the door to the ambulance hanging onto the arms of one of the senior paramedics, then I had to climb into the ambulance with help and get myself off the floor of the ambulance onto the bench on the side that's inside and I rode to the hospital sitting on that not being strapped in at all. I feel humiliated, frustrated , scared, mad, sad and all sorts of other feelings. The social workers and etc were all saying they were there to help but it was all in that tone of voice people use when their patronizing someone. Hearing it said that way from so many people made me so frustrated on the inside.
So here I am at 3:15am ct in the hospital bed alone typing this message while watching Big Brother After Dark worrying about what the hell they are going to do to us next. Sorry this is so long. I didn't get up to this room until after 10pm.
Roxie
Posted: 30 June 2015 - 11:22 AM
Well, shoot, I made a post but it didn't "stick." Anyway, just to send hugs. Could you bring yourself to tell the social worker how you felt? Maybe he had other pressures on him that didn't permit him to stick around or return?
I think it is important that you perhaps think about what you can do in the future to meet other people and form friendships so you do not feel all alone.
Hugs
G
Posted: 30 June 2015 - 10:26 AM
Oh Gem...it is so very harsh is so many ways. You take as good care of you as you can and I am soooo sorry for all you are going through and the upset on top of what was already not ok.....both for you and you Mom.
Thanks for posting and hang in there. It is hard not being in control, especially when so much is out of control. No one knows who is not in your shoes....
HUGS G xxo
Gem
Posted: 29 June 2015 - 10:51 PM
Thank you to everyone for being so caring and supportive. When the social worker and his co-worker came out to tell me on Friday my Mom had no idea they were doing so and didn't even ask her permission. She's not happy about that fact.
Gem
Posted: 29 June 2015 - 10:49 PM
My Mom is still in the hospital. There's supposed to me some sort of meeting with the guardian, social worker and others tomorrow somewhere and they are going to discuss how they are and can help us. It just hurts that the social worker thought it was fine to only spend 5 min when he came to tell me about my Mom and then not to show up or call at all afterwards over the weekend and then again today when it was clear to him and his co-worker that I was upset when they left.
G
Posted: 27 June 2015 - 10:26 AM
it was supposed to say great big HUGE hugs for you and your Mom(sorry about the technical difficulties....
xxox
G
Posted: 27 June 2015 - 10:24 AM
Gem, I too am very sorry to hear about this news with your Mom. Thank you for sharing with us and staying in touch. After all the hard work to get someone to help and realize you need help, it is very sad to also find out this new news with your Mom I am sure. Glad it sounds like there are now people who are there and want to help, as well as people who are upset at how your many efforts were responded to. Maybe just maybe whatever the outcome will be for you Mom, it will be more supported now that there are what appears to be supportive people who know your guys circumstances involved.
I too will keep you in my thoughts and hope you come back to chat to share maybe for Sunday meeting? We ARE here for you and as much as I know this is all very scary and overwhelming......please keep us updated here.
May everything that cannot be changed be supported and helped with as much kindness as possible. For anything that can be changed! I wish from the bottom of my heart for the kindest most skilled patient and understanding support.
Great big HUGE huge for you and your Mom......
G xxox
Roxie
Posted: 27 June 2015 - 09:52 AM
G\((Gem)) I know you are hurting and I wish I could help. If it can help, rely upon us here at the board. There may be also other online groups or boards in which you could get involved, or if possible, a real-life support group.
I am actually very heartened to hear about the kind of support your are now getting. Remember that it is true that "this, too, shall pass." What can we do to help you feel not so alone?
LR2014
Posted: 27 June 2015 - 07:48 AM
Gem, I'm so sorry to hear that news about your mom. I'm also sorry that you didn't have much emotional support right after you got the news. I'll be thinking about you both!
Gem
Posted: 26 June 2015 - 07:55 PM
Well our lawyer for the house and the court guardian came to the door Wednesday and after some prodding I let the guardian in. She was nice about it all and even if she was disgusted she didn't show it. The lawyer stayed outside I think he could tell how scared I was about just letting the guardian in.
The guardian called the mental health center who sent their mobile support team out who were a guy and gal. The pair talked to my Mom and then me and were very understanding when I told them how I had been trying to get help and how the police and even a social worker (who was the first person to tell me) I'd go to jail or needed to. The social worker from the MHC wanted to know if I knew who the crisis counselor was I talked when I called there because he seemed surprised when I told him all she had told me to do was make an appointment.
Fast forward through some other stuff like the guardian and a guy helping clean up a bit in the den so the paramedics could get in because the social worker and her wanted my Mom to go to the hospital to get checked out yesterday. Our lawyer even went out and purchased a new bolt lock and knob/lock set and installed it (our old ones had been in the door since before 98 when we moved in) for us while my Mom was at the hospital and the guardian and the guy she brought were cleaning.
As I mentioned before my Mom has had kidney cancer and had to have one removed and may have to have the other one removed too. Now while she's been in the hospital since yesterday they've found something in her head and I'm absolutely crushed. I only found out a a few hours ago. I'm just so sad and scared because my Nana died from lung and brain cancer when I was 12 and having to see her deteriorate like that was so hard because my Mom and I lived with her and she was like my other Mom. I don't know how I'm going to make it having to watch my Mom go in the same way if it comes to that.
The social worker from the mental health center came to the door at the house with one of his co-workers and said he needed to talk to me about my Mom and I knew it was bad but I didn't think it would be something similar to my Nana's ordeal.
I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. I know I shouldn't worry about something that hasn't happened yet confirmation I mean. When the social worker and his co-worker from the MH kinda came, told me and I started crying and then left I was just stunned. He said he'd be back tomorrow when he could spend more time with me but it kind of hurt to be left alone so quickly with that kind of information being so fresh.
Roxie
Posted: 15 June 2015 - 11:01 AM
Gem, I also don't want you to think badly of yourself. I don't hear you make excuses.
Has anyone near you or related to you offered anything at all besides criticism or non-helpful advice?
You could go to GoFundMe.com and see how people post fundraisers there since you have a computer. Might get some money to help?
LR2014
Posted: 15 June 2015 - 12:03 AM
Gem, I don't think you're trying to make excuses. Yeah, I understand about the frustration with the "outside person" thing. I think that part of the problem is the "theme" of this particular season of the show.
Instead of thinking of this as "begging," think of it as persistence. I'm hoping that your persistence is eventually going to pay off in terms of some kind of help! Sometimes, help comes at surprising times and in surprising ways.
I'm glad to see you've posted. I was thinking about you earlier today! I don't know about your blood relative situation, but you have a "heart family" out here who is thinking about you and is cheering you on in this difficult situation.
Gem
Posted: 14 June 2015 - 09:16 PM
I know it sounds like all I do is make up excuses and I'm sorry about that. The producer wants to contact the people I tried asking about the show but I don't want them to think I begged the producer to try and get them to agree. I wish having an outside person wasn't a requirement. I don't want my Mom and I to have to go on TV to get help. Really just ready to give up everything.
Gem
Posted: 09 June 2015 - 02:36 AM
Nobody that I called ever called back. I didn't get a name for the lady at the health department. I think I'm going to try calling there today and see if I can get the same lady. Here's to hoping I remember her voice. Cory referred us to some cleanup company that's not really near here but said would try and work with us. After I sent pictures though that place said my best bet was the TV show because they would charge us $10,000 to $15,000 or more.
Gem
Posted: 09 June 2015 - 02:29 AM
The TV show seemed like it was our last hope but it doesn't seem like that's going to work out either because we don't have any friends or family to drag onto the show with us. We just want this stuff out of here so bad. Some of it has been falling and when you try and pick it up more falls. I'm a member of a group about this on FB and had to quit responding there because people kept telling me all I did was make up excuses. I don't know if they didn't get how bad it is or didn't believe the health issues my Mom and I have. I was honest with them but some of the stuff they were suggesting wasn't possible. It gets so tiring having to explain things in such detail and even then so many people don't get it.
Tatoulia
Posted: 13 May 2015 - 01:20 PM
Just popping in to say hello. Write when you can--no pressure--just want you to know I'm thinking of you!
LR2014
Posted: 11 May 2015 - 01:37 AM
Ditto to what Tatoulia said!
You have friends here who are cheering for you! (I wish I were in a position to do more than just "cheer" at the moment!)
Tatoulia
Posted: 10 May 2015 - 06:49 PM
Great work, Gem! You did a lot on Friday! Congratulations on your hard work and for not giving up when the going got tough! I am happy you posted. Keep up the good work and keep us posted! I am right by your side. I sure your mother is very proud of your perseverance.
Gem
Posted: 10 May 2015 - 03:58 PM
Friday I called places and got varying results.
I tried calling Catholic Social Services and they told me they had never been asked about hording help before and if my home was cluttered with actual stuff that I should box and bag it up for the disabled veteran charities or other places here to come pick up. She told me to call the mental health center to get myself some counseling. She wanted off the phone with me ASAP. This place made me feel like we were the only hoarders ever to live in MS.
The mental health center and the crisis counselor could only tell me I needed to come in. It's not near us and if I did get there once for an appointment there's no guarantee I could get back there and would probably get discharged not long after for not showing up to appointments. She told me to call churches too, call human services myself and admit our issues and call the health department.
She told me I needed to put stuff in trash bags and get it out of the house even if it was just on the lawn. I old her if I could do that our house would have never gotten this way. She got on to me for waiting so long to seek help. I told her I've tried contacting places and they either tell me it will be big $$$, don't know what to do or tell me to call other places. I waited so long because the social worker a couple years ago when the house was barely messy was already telling me I would probably go to jail. The mention of jail was enough to make me want to crawl in a hole and die.
Oh and the counselor said I may need to call the police again for help if I can't get any other help. I thought to myself "yeah right" after the verbal beatdown the cop today gave me I don't know of anyone who would want to call the police for any kind of help after that.
I found a name and number for a hoarding therapist in New Orleans on the Louisiana resource listing here which is kinda near and talked to her for a bit when I called. She called back and said her brother who lives in this city and is a hoarder too who she's helping and that she would call the TV show and try and see if she could get us any further with that. She also said she'd try and see if she could find any other resources here in MS that might be able to help.
I called the health department too yesterday and got a nice woman who was a social worker there and said she and a co worker were going to brainstorm this weekend and try and see if they could find some help for us.
I'm just scared about tomorrow and feel like I'm on death row and my execution is tomorrow. I'm doing the best I can to make my Mom's Mother's Day somewhat enjoyable though.
Tatoulia
Posted: 10 May 2015 - 07:35 AM
Hi Gem, just checking in. Write when you can.
Tatoulia
Posted: 08 May 2015 - 06:53 PM
Oh Gem my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that this happened today. Please, it is not your fault and you shouldn't be afraid to post here. I'm so glad that you did. You and your mother have a serious situation and no one should yell at you or abuse you. I don't know what to say to you. this must've been very frightening for you and your mother. It sounds like the police escalated the matter when you needed some compassion. That is unfair to you and to your mother.
I am so sorry about all of this. Thank you so much for posting. I don't know anything about the show's requirements or screening process but am praying you find help. Real help, not just some jerk yelling at you.
Please, please keep us posted. And know that if I could swoop in and help, I would. And if I knew the righ thing to say, I'd say it. But for now, just know that I am standing by your side and I am so glad you wrote,
Gem
Posted: 08 May 2015 - 02:02 PM
I tried calling the Ph.D guy listed for Mississippi under the listing here and got the respatory department of the hospital he was supposed to be at. The gal hung up on me when I tried to explain who I was calling.
After some Googling I discovered that guy who was the Ph.D and who's name is all over the internet on lists for help in MS died in 2009.
My fault for waiting I know this so please don't tell me that in any replies. I've been kicked and verbally abused enough today.
The police were here again about an hour and a half ago. I guess someone in the neighborhood called again this time because of the mailbox being full. It was either that or the pizza guy last night who comes here often because we order a lot from there and other places because we can't cook in the kitchen. That pizza guy "jokes" a lot about all the boxes behind me that he can see. So I'm wondering if it was him who called last night because he was acting really weird.
I was so exausted last night that I forgot to lock the door so I got woken up by the policemen already in the house asking if anyone lived here and where we were. Even though this is a house it's laid out more like an apartment and the size of it too. My Mom's room is catty corner to mine and I stood at my doorframe trying to talk to the one policeman out of the four who came in who was doing all the talking.
He was screaming and yelling at me but my Mom couldn't make out what he was saying because she's hard of hearing. He kept asking how I could make her live like this, why I thought it was ok and how disgusting the house and I was for letting it get this way. I told him I was trying to get help and he told me I needed to do a hell of a lot more then that and that he was calling Adult Protective Services and that I will probably go to jail.
He thought my Mom was completely bed ridden because she has a hospital bed bed she can get up and walk around. He and some policeman I couldn't see were saying if she did get up she'd probably break her neck. I asked the main guy if he had ever seen the show Hoarders and of course he said no and said again how wouldn't have to see it to know that I'm just a disgusting human being who likes to live in filth and that I have no problem letting my sick Mom live in too. That I should be ashamed of myself. I kept begging them to just leave and call human services because I couldn't take being yelled at, called names and being told what an awful person I was anymore by the one guy.
I called the Hoarders people back and sent Cory Chalmers another message on FB saying I needed to speak with him as soon as he had time. I got off the phone with the producer for the show who had called before and told her everything that went on and our situation. She said this season they have to have a family member or friend who hasn't been in the house for years that they can talk to too. The problem is we don't have any friends and haven't seen family in over 20yrs. I just gave her the name of a cousin I talk to on FB who is really nice but I'm doubting he'll want to be the "family member" they speak to to help us get help.
I don't want to go to jail. I'm too sick for jail. They think because I can stand up and talk to them that I'm fine and should have been able to prevent all of this.
Concerned
Posted: 07 April 2015 - 12:07 AM
Hi Gem I read through some of the post but not all as there is many and i don't have much time. I have recently reached out to hoarders tv show for help with a friend. I have to say these people are very helpful and they are not out to make you in a worst place. They actually need people in a crisis so from what I have read you guys would be a great case for them. We actually start taping this week, just like you I did NOT want to be on TV. But in the end I had to let my self pride go to help another get in a better and safer place in life. They will NOT make you homeless no take your mother away. THEY DO NOT INVOLVE ANY CITY OR STATE WORKERS. They offer out help after they are gone too. I would really reconsider you decision not to reach out to them. I think you will be happy with everyone you come into contact with that is apart of this show, as they are very nice and only want whats best for you. They are very helpful and do put a lot of money into helping you get back to normal. I am grateful that we have this opportunity to help my friend. As I can you see you have called many places for help and there is none and the cost to cover it yourself is not in reach. Your mother and you need a safe house to live in. Please email Hoarders your story. As they just got picked back up by another network so they would probably be able to come very quickly. They receive thousands of stories daily so you will be very luck to be picked. Again you need to be in a crisis so do not hold back with your story. They will come and help you if you will allow them. Best of luck to you and remember who cares what others think. This show is only an hour long and most that watch it you will never see, they are across the whole country. The only thing that matters is you and your mother being safe. PS I read about your mother opening the fridge at night. Go buy a lock that you can add to the fridge/freezer at night time so you will not have to worry about food going bad. We can all better ourselves one way or another. Look for a positive and stay focused on that. Our self pride is not worth losing the help they can offer out. Again apply to hoarders, at least talk to them and see what they have to say first, before you make a call that you don't want their help. Best of luck to you and your mother!!!
dave
Posted: 01 March 2015 - 08:01 PM
I found this for Gulfport, if that's useful. You would have to ask Cory if he has any comments about the company (ies).
There is a national organization called Love, Inc. that has affiliates in a few communities around the country. I do not see any listed for Mississipi. There is one listed in Lafayette LA. You could try contacting them and see if they are aware of any groups in Southern Mississipi that do a similar type of thing.
Dave
Posted: 01 March 2015 - 05:02 PM
Gem, What you have presented is a very challenging situation. You will have to work out the proper choice for you for yourself.
Unfortunately reality TV is one of Modern America's substitutes for games at the Coliseum. One positive thing I see that you can consider in all that is that you would have the opportunity to provide a positive "6 months later" followup report to encourage others. ( but you would have to plan for how that will happen during the cleanup phase too. )
Gem
Posted: 01 March 2015 - 01:52 PM
I contacted Cory on FB and called him back after chickening out the first day because I was so nervous so called him back on the 2nd.
After telling him how my Mom and I are on SSI and the Sahara Desert drought of help in MS he said the only option it sounded like we really have is the TV show since we don't have $3,000 to $10,000 to pay a company.
At first I thought well it's not like anyone gives a flying fig about my Mom and I so being on TV wouldn't be as bad. Now that I've had longer to think about it though as much as we desperately need the help I'm nervous and afraid of the thought of appearing on TV and people who watch the show regularly seeing my Mom and I and remembering us. Also the fact that a TV show would be a permanent visual record of how badly we allowed our home to get, what it looks like in here and the sad state of our lives.
dave
Posted: 13 February 2015 - 08:11 PM
Gem, see the stuff about the tv show. Maybe that's a possibility for you.
Dianne
Posted: 21 December 2014 - 08:34 AM
Gem, I totally agree with what Tat and Mel said.
It is so easy to blame ourselves but regardless of our circumstances and health problems of any kind we must remember that we are worthy of love and respect.
You have shown tremendous strength in continuing to search for help as well as taking care of your mother and yourself. Getting out to doctor appointments is not an easy thing.
Give yourself credit for that strength. That comes from something very solid inside you that will not give up. You have a huge gift in that quality!
Do contact Cory for advice. He makes himself accessible to everyone.
To reaffirm what Tat and Mel said ~ you are an important part of this community and we love you, we accept you as you are and we are here to support you.
Use every resource you can for physical, mental emotional and spiritual support. A clean home is in your future!
God bless ~~
Mel99
Posted: 21 December 2014 - 02:55 AM
Hi Gem,
Just want to second some of the things Tatouilia said in her last post. You are always very welcome here. Sometimes discussions get missed but you are a part of this community and we care about you! You are important.
I also want to tell you that dealing with mental illness can be incredibly difficult and getting the right meds in place to get you on track can make all the difference in the world.
Please take care of yourself and keep us posted on what's going on with you.
Much love from me too!
Tatoulia
Posted: 19 December 2014 - 09:58 PM
Gem, mental illness is as serious, and in my opinion, more serious than physical illness. (My apologies for all offense, it's really comparing apples and oranges and I know that's unfair). But what is unfair is that people always say, when talking re someone with mental illness, "is she taking her meds ?" And blame the ill person when things fall apart. It's not that easy. No one would ever get on a cancer patient's case for a relapse, why do we as a society blame a mentally ill person for a situation? It drives me nuts because I take care of someone who is mentally and physically suffering and everyone asks if he's off his meds when he has an episode. No, he's not off his meds, he's suffering from a debilitating mental disease.
So you have my full and passionate support. You are not fat and lazy. You have illnesses and you are overwhelmed and your house is a shithole. (Pardon my language). We have all been there, to some degree or another. I cleaned out a trash hoarders house last April/May and got him beautiful new disabled housing and guess what--he's kept it neat and clean. He talks about loving his bedroom. He does laundry and folds it and puts it away. There were 14 years of physical and mental illness reflected in his old place and it was disgusting. I could only clean an hour or two because I couldn't use the bathroom. And afterward I'd go to a local public bathroom and change my clothes and throw out the ones I had worn to his house, put the shoes in layers of plastic bags and start up again.
What's the point of this rant? You are not alone, don't give up, this is possible. You are loving, caring, and deserving of a better life. With all my heart, if I had the resources to help you I would.
Ps please stop apologizing to us! We lovehaving you here! You are important to us and I feel 100% comfortable speaking on behalf of the community here.
Much love ftom Tatoulia
Gem
Posted: 19 December 2014 - 08:51 PM
I forgot to answer the question about if I had anyone for support if I called APS. My Mom and I have absolutely nobody at all and that's the other reason I'm scared to call them. I'm scared they'd take my Mom, not give her back and then leave me homeless with nowhere to go because they'll probably think I'm fine like everybody else does because I don't look sick. They'd just think I was fat and lazy.
Gem
Posted: 19 December 2014 - 08:31 PM
Thank you for your replies and that your still replying at all.
I closed the freezer as soon as I found it like that. It's still freezing and the fridge is colder then it was yesterday.
I'd be more then willing to try and contact Cory directly for a reference. I'd rather do that then calling APS right away. I have the feeling that if I did call that they wouldn't do much to help me get it cleaned. I've been reading stories from people on different sites where their local Adult Services wouldn't help them get help with cleaning either.
My Mom isn't so bad off that she needs to be put anywhere. That sleep med isn't for someone with renal issues and I didn't know that until I looked it up. I felt so bad when we were both at the Dr's office that I forgot to ask. He knows her condition though so he should have known the med wasn't for her too.
If we could just get help to get this place cleaned out the home health people would come again as long as I got my Mom out of the house to appointments regularly enough. I got the Dr. to prescribe me something for my Bipolar too since trying to get to see someone here is so hard. I'm feeling better mentally since the antibiotics are starting to work.
I think they have a program here for people on Medicare/Medicaid that helps with keeping the house clean, house chores and etc.I don't think they help with hoarding though as they only mention light housekeeping.
http://www.nminursingmgt.com/index.php?id=34
If we could just get all this crap out of here I could keep the house clean with a little help from that program I linked to above. Well that and getting some more things that would provide storage in different rooms.
Tatoulia
Posted: 19 December 2014 - 03:05 PM
Gem, you have my support as well. Do not blame yourself for anything. I agree with Dianne's lovely post that it is time to look for a solution--focus your energy on a solution. Calling yourself names or saying bad things about yourself is counterproductive. We understand your feelings of hopelessness and shame and worthlessness. We value you. Would you be willing to email Cory and ask him for a direct referral for someone to help you? Do you have someone who could support you emotionally as you go through the process of calling Adult Protective Services?
These are tough decisions. But we will be here for you and you will get through to the other side of this situation. And we will be there for you, too. You are not alone.
Dianne
Posted: 19 December 2014 - 11:22 AM
Gem, my heart goes out to you.
Just shut the freezer door maybe it will kick on again.
I say the following with love and concern. There is no condemnation in my words here at all.
It's not all your fault but you are desperately in need of help. Circumstances have gotten way beyond your control.
In my opinion it's time to call Adult Senior Services to get your mother out of there. I can't imagine they would take her and tell you you're on your own.
Yes, it's right before Christmas but it isn't going to be any better next month. There will never be a good time to call so it may as well be sooner rather than later.
You've said you're scared of what the results of calling Adult Senior Services will be and how you're going to be blamed. But it sounds like you've tried everything else with nothing working.
I really do understand that horrible feeling of helplessness and that all the awful circumstances are all your fault and that people will make you feel worse than you already do if that could even be possible.
You're pretty much in a place of which choice is worse ~ dealing with the fallout now of calling in people who will take over or continuing to get worse where you are and having to deal with the authorities in a few months or a year?
Gem, only you know how truly bad your situation is and only you can make the choice of how to deal with it. From what you've said I think you've tried your very best to be a good daughter and take care of yourself and your mom with all the hardships you've had.
Please trust that there are people in your community who will help you with love and acceptance. Reach out to them.
And keep letting us know here how you're doing. God bless ~~
Gem
Posted: 18 December 2014 - 07:03 PM
My Mom got up to get an ice cream bar out of the freezer in the middle of the night not long after I went to sleep which was just before 3am. I woke up after 11am and the freezer door was wide open and everything in there was room temperature. I have to throw away so much stuff. She was so doped up on the sleep med Trazodone that the Dr gave her that she takes even when she's been up soooooooo long when she's too tired to be taking it.
I had a pie in there I had gotten for us to eat during Christmas that wasn't real cheap and was supposed to be a treat for us since it's always just her and me. Now it's not only thawed but spoiled and I feel like I should be able to stay up 24hrs a day to make sure nothing happens. I'm sick again with 2 infections and so exhausted and seem to stay that way because I can't sleep because of being so on edge and stressed out all the time.
I was looking up online what to do if the fridge wasn't cooling after the freezer door gets left open that long. The only solutions I could find was unplugging the thing and having it defrost for a couple days which we can't do because there's nowhere else to store anything cold and it would mean we'd have nothing cold to drink. To bring this back to the hoarding issue there's not enough room in the kitchen to even pull the fridge out that far to unplug it and when there was that thing doesn't move easily.
I can't call a repair person because of the incredible mess and he'd have no room at all to work.
It's all my fault anyway since I didn't get my butt out of bed in the middle of the night to get her whatever she wanted when I heard her going to the bathroom. I'm so tired of being tired.
It's so bad here that even attempting to clean up a little causes so much other stuff to fall that I've almost gotten stuck in place. So even when trying to do what I can it turns into being more then I can do.
G
Posted: 12 December 2014 - 01:54 AM
HUGS Gem..... I just read this thread and feel for you. Am new, so do not have anything to add outside of not to give up and even if there is 5 mins of something(bag gathering) a day possible to make it to the car for next outing to Dr.(except of course take it to the trash can by car? Still progress.....every little bit helps and every step forward no matter how tiny it is, is a step in the right direction. I understand what it is like to be blamed for things whether at fault or not....with a hoarding situation and the fear around your and your Moms very well being and ability to stay in the house or even keep your freedom, sounds very frightening.
Hang in there, stay in touch and even just some bag prep and getting bags into car for outings could help? If not possible, I hope the suggestion does not upset you. Thought I had nothing to offer until I started typing and then that idea came out. Since bags are relatively light, I am hopeful it can be a start until something else falls into line. Keeping you and your Mom in my thoughts.....
Mel99
Posted: 09 December 2014 - 03:02 PM
Gem, any update? Other people just don't understand what it's like. It's awful to be harassed and blamed. I'm glad you at least have your mom on your side. Hang in there and keep us posted.
Gem
Posted: 07 December 2014 - 06:04 AM
I never heard back from the fax. I guess I'll try calling Monday. I just want this stuff out of this house so bad for my Mom the most and for me. That company didn't contact me back either to say if I was wrong.
I want to call the Adult Senior Services but like I mentioned before I'm scared about what kind of results that could have and especially before Christmas.
I just know when I do eventually call them I'm going to be the one that gets treated badly, criticized and told how everything is my fault and how I should have known better then to let things get this bad. I'm always the one who gets blamed for everything. Not by my Mom but by everyone else.
Dianne
Posted: 25 November 2014 - 10:24 AM
Gem, that was a good idea faxing a link to this site to the Ph.D. so he/she can get an idea of your needs. If it gets lost in the holiday week work load go ahead and make the call next week. It will be time consuming but worth the effort.
And it's good you caught the mistake with MS and MO. It's easy for people to confuse the two with both Mississippi and Missouri beginning with Miss.
Wishing you and your mom a Thanksgiving filled with love and gratefulness for each other and the blessings in your lives. :)
Gem
Posted: 24 November 2014 - 01:01 PM
I sent a free fax online through a site that does that to the listing for the Ph.D on the MS resource page with a link to this thread asking for help in finding someone to help locally. I thought that might work better then trying to call that behavioral health center and trying to explain all of this on the phone. Hope they'll take the time to read here.
I also used the link to contact the company listed for MS to confirm that they don't help people here. I think that listing is supposed to be for Missouri and other Midwest states.
Dianne
Posted: 21 November 2014 - 09:48 AM
Gem, Katrina was a long time ago but the effects of a disaster that large put ongoing pressure on an already strained system. And sadly, in today's world, news jumps to the latest tragedy (I say that with respect) and people tend to forget the struggles and sufferings that can take many years to overcome.
I had a small experience with Katrina but it's clear in my mind. I was working at a new facility that could house over 400 dogs and dozens of cats. We had top of the line vet facilities. One day a massive truck pulled in packed front to back, top to bottom with dogs in crates. It took many months to care for the dogs to the point where they were healthy again, physically and emotionally. All had been traumatized. Most were hound mixes. Some were micro chipped but the owners could not be located because they had been displaced. Since some dogs had been running loose for weeks before being caught they were pregnant. Eventually every dog was adopted out. I can only imagine the pain of the owners who were separated from their pets wondering where they were, if they were still alive, if someone had taken them in.
Rehoming pets was such a tiny part of the overall rebuilding. You have to have massive strength to have dealt with such loss and destruction and trying to come back from that. Mix in the physical issues you and your mom have had/do have and it's not at all surprising that years later Katrina still affects your lives.
I hope you've been able to see your doctor and that you're both feeling better. You'll be able to tackle other things after that.
Glad to hear you're not giving up! Setbacks are just that ~ you *set back* for awhile, assess the situation and get back at it. :)
Gem
Posted: 19 November 2014 - 09:12 AM
I'm used to people loosing interest or balking when mentioning anything having to do with Katrina. Most people are of the notion that it was so long ago that people who were affected should be over it by now.
I'm not giving up on this. Got no replies to my emails. My Mom and I are both sick right now though so I'm trying to get us appointments with our Dr. So trying to contact anyone about the house situation is on hold just for a bit.
Thanks for everyone here who've been so understanding and compassionate. I keep forgetting to or falling asleep when the chats happen in the chat room. Hoping to make it Sunday. I fell asleep for what was supposed to be a nap yesterday and slept until about 5am. Oops. :)
Dianne
Posted: 15 November 2014 - 10:02 AM
Hi Gem,
My computer was broken for a few days. It's still not where it needs to be but I wanted to catch up here before taking it back in for service.
First, WTG! for plugging along trying to find help. It can be very frustrating especially in an area that was hard hit by Katrina. (I'm assuming Katrina.) So many resources are still spread thin.
I just tried Cali Gal's suggestion and googled Mississippi Home Health Care Agencies. Sorry I can't do links. That site has a place to search the state by zip code. There was also a phone number ~ 601-359-4929 or 4525. I prefer to email too because I also express myself better in writing but you may get a quicker response by trying to get a real person on the phone.
They have a Homemaker Program that sounds perfect for your needs. Although the site lists home care costs at $16.50 an hour in MS compared to $15.00 in Louisiana and $16.90 in Arkansas the site says the service is provided at no cost to an older person. They do solicit contributions. Even though your mom is only 62 maybe in talking to you on the phone the service representative could make an exception. Or at least give suggestions specific to your area.
Tat's suggestion about local colleges is good too. Or maybe a local church group would volunteer an afternoon. Your trash doesn't sound like a health hazard. I'm leery of Craig's list too. My brother uses it with no problem. But you need to follow your comfort level with who you allow into your home.
Gem
Posted: 15 November 2014 - 09:09 AM
I'm not sure what to look for on Craigslist. Honestly I'm kind of scared to invite people to our home from there if that makes sense. Did I chase everyone off with my last two replies? If I did I apologize.
