I was very sad when I read your reply about the many losses in your life, Barb.....and thought how tender that you have worn your hubby's shirts.

Thank you for the wonderful list of steps.

Thank you very much for the replies. Very, very much.

I've just bought the suggested book-- ha! digital--since my house is already covered in print books.

I did have a huge moment of denying when I saw a definition of hoarding--"Items that others would say are useless or unnecessary." The problem is that I have tons of actual "useful" stuff...but then my eye kept reading. <sigh> "Unnecessary" Yes, I do not need all this stuff....and it's actually causing me harm.

Thank you for being here, and responding.

Hi Whew,
I fully understand what you are going through. I have lost all four grandparents, both parents, two aunts, and my husband. Each loss was painful and I wanted to hang onto everything that reminded me of them. It felt like letting go of things meant that I was losing a part of them all over again.
Here are some things I found helpful:
1. Deciding a few things that I knew I wanted to keep. I kept and slept in one of my husband's T shirts and often wore my grandmother's sweater when I wanted to feel her close to me.
2. Starting by giving away things that I knew were needed by others. My local Salvation Army needed warm winter coats and work boots for men working outside. I could donate those items first knowing someone else needed them.
3. Having a dear friend come in and help me sort items. We could talk and cry and share memories while we sorted. That was healing.
I wish you well as you deal with your grief and work through letting go of things. I know the sheer volume of things can be overwhelming at first. Just take it a step at a time.

Hi Tillie! Hi and welcome Whew! :-)

Oh, yes, is so hard to let go the things of our loved ones!
I only want to say that I, we understand you. You are not alone.

Hi :)
It is hard deciding what to keep or let go of a beloved relative's possessions.
You did FANTASTIC! on the bathroom :D
A good book for you to read is "Buried In Treasures".
Working through this book can help with decision making and all the emotional struggles.

I did decide to tackle my bathroom....what could possible be in there that had a memory attached to it?! Well, just a few things, but I kept looking at this message board and writing in my journal and I managed to get THREE boxes out of there and a bag of garbage.
But I had to lie down several times in the process because it was so emotional. I just told a friend I feel utterly ridiculous to have gotten so attached to "stuff," but it's like I'm pulling teeth.

Does it ever get better?!

I am reading all the posts, and am just very relieved to have found this group.

I inherited quite a bit of "stuff" from clothing to heirlooms and now have very little space in my own home. I feel like I am living in a mausoleum. But every single piece I try to get rid of feels like I am ripping away pieces of myself and the people I love. I miss my deceased relatives something fierce some days--my mama included. My closets are stuffed with clothes from people 50+ years older than me because the clothing is cute, or I have memories of them in them or maybe one day I will look good in them. The fact that some of them aren't even my size! doesn't seem to help me get the clothing out the door.

I have boxes of stuff I haven't unpacked because every time I do I go down memory lane and get sad all over again and then I pack the stuff all back up.

I also feel guilty for not actually selling some of the items that I do want to get rid of because some of them are "collectibles." I think I have watched too many "Antique Roadshow" episodes. I just don't have the time or energy to go through ebay or such...and again it would break my heart to see it go out the door.

It's been too many years of living like this, and I want space for my grandchildren to come play.

Thank you so much for "listening."