Dave, I appreciate your honesty so much and your willingness to look at what is stopping you, and how bad it feels and remember how well you were doing, and know you can pick up the pace again. Your honesty and insight makes me really want you to succeed.

All I can say is, "Wow! Thank you, Dave!"

@Dave - GREAT POST
What you said are things I "know" but can't seem to connect to. I had fallen into such an emotional slump, I lost all momentum. Reading your words helped me reconnect to the practical, logical thoughts I need to work my way back out. Thanks!!

diane gave you the nutshell version while I was busy typing.

HoardNoMore workshop thread, Tillie's post of the 16th Jan.

When you say not well enough to do the cleanup, what do you mean with that.

Are you well enough to do some things?

Like, does the apartment complex have dumpsters?

Are you still working right now so that you have to fit cleaning in with work?

Do you have your own vehicle so you can move things you can lift?

If you talked with your parents and said you have screwed up and you want to change to make a better life for all four of you, would your mom help you with some cleaning? Would your mom and dad come help you get full trash bags to the dumpster?

Do you have a church group or some friends that might help you with some heavy lifting or hauling AFTER you have done some initial work?

You now have a very good value meter to help you with thinking about the things in your apartment when you pick them up.

Is this more valuable than my daughter?
How does this make me feel? (Happy, sad, etc.)
How would it make my daughter feel?
Does this support my making a home for my daughter?

Here are some starting points I would consider were I in your situation.

I would buy a box of trash bags and go to the apartment.

I would empty off a chair, sit down and close my eyes.

I would think of something I liked about the apartment. I would think of something I liked about living in the apartment. I would think about being able to make a home for my daughter here. I would rest in those thoughts for a little bit. (Repeat that each day you come over to help you have a focus about what you are doing.) Your attitudes are EQUALLY important as your actions in clearing clutter and hoards.

Then I would get up and walk around the apartment seeing if I see trash. Plastic bags (I'm big on plastic bags, way too many of those) newspaper, food cartons, broken things, etc.

I would then get my box of trash bags, pick a room to start with and go through the apartment in trash radar mode. If the room is piled so high you can't get to the whole room, that's fine. (DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW. I AM FIXING THE PROBLEM. I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS PILE TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY AND DEFEAT ME.) Get the trash that is accessable on the front of the stack and move on the next room.

Stop and admire the big pile of trash bags beside the front door. (LOOK WHAT I DID!!)

(Again, remember this is me-by now you may see a different spot you would like to start.) Kitchen and bath would be next, both for livability and for a negotiation with the landlord. It doesn't sound like you've been there for a year or two. Empty the refrigerator. Remove all the food items from the cabinets. If you see any broken stuff, throw it away. Do a second quick trash run around the kitchen.

Bathroom. Throw away old medicine, toothpaste, toothbrushes etc. Throw away opened containers of old toiletries. If you have them, see that you have toilet paper on the holder, a hand towel, a wash rag, and hand soap in useable positions in the bathroom. (Add them to a list if you don't have them.)

Back to kitchen. Cleaning will be next. Clean refrigerator, sink, counters, table, chairs floor, etc. Get a box for important papers that may be on the counters, floor, table or chairs. Get the cleaning supplies you need to accomplish that.

Bathroom next in same way.

There's a post I'd like you to read. I'll find it and post it above.

Is that any help to give you some focus and starting points?

Sounds like you are overwhelmed, like I was when I joined this site. I was told to start in one area, the one that makes your apartment most unliveable. Take a big black garbage bag and fill it with anything old, broken, rotten, trashy, get it out of apt. Then work on kitchen to make it sanitary. Then the bathroom. Can not organize so much stuff, so have to be willing to let it go. could family come and help you make decisions. Most of us waste a lot of time trying to make decisions, so it is faster when some caring person is there to keep you focused. Ask your self if you love the item, is it something you use, is it necessary, Tillie can help with this stuff.
For me, once I had all similar items together, it was easier to see the excess. Also taking pictures of the mess cuts through the denial, and lets us see the mess more realistically. Work for short sessions, visualize how you want it to look, remember the goal to make a safe clean environment for you and daughter to live

Sorry I missed the chat. It did start before the medical issue. I had a toddler and worked overnights so things just started getting out of hand (my parents watched her during the week and we stayed at our apt on weekends). Then it turned into just stopping over to the apt to drop off "stuff." I don't want to screw up my daughter's life but I don't know where to begin to start to fix things. She is my world.

Hi Nat. Welcome!
No guarantees of the right answer but you could give the chat session tonight a try. The link is in the upper right corner of the screen.

We take 15 minute turns to give everybody a chance to ask about their issue, how long you would have to wait to do that would depend on how many others have signed in ahead of you.

Regards.

I think I'm a hoarder and need help and I don't know where to start. I have an apartment I don't stay at that is a disaster. I had medical issues and needed help taking care of my daughter so we started staying with my parents. I'm well enough that my daughter and I can be on our own but not well enough right now to do the clean up. My landlord had to come in and do a repair and now wants to talk to me. I'm scared to call him back. I can't lose the apartment because my daughter will have to change schools. I'm scared. I don't know what to do or where to begin. Can someone give me some advice?