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Posted: 24 July 2013 - 03:13 PM
Jean Ray, "handling" a hoarder can be a very tricky thing to do. I suggest you read up a lot on the subject and get the daughter to do so, also.

It is true that you cannot help a hoarder until the hoarder wants to change. But there are ways to encourage (in a positive not punitive or judgmental way) the hoarder toward a desire to change.

Have daughter read Matt Paxton's The Secret Lives of Hoarders for a start. He has many good ideas for intervention that actually work, and shares examples of what backfires. Judgmental, critical, demanding intervention absolutely backfires. A hoarder already lacks self-esteem and is often the harshest judge of himself or herself. Hoarders get into denial of the actual conditions and literally do not see it. It's self-protection. Hoarding defends against unwanted feelings and fears.

There are posters on here who live with hoarders who offer great advice. Tillie is one. Read, be kind, and good luck! Post any time you want input.
Posted: 24 July 2013 - 12:30 AM
Sorry you have to go through this, if you read posts on here, you can learn a lot. If she wants to change, suggest she check out this site and join this group.
Jean Ray
Posted: 23 July 2013 - 07:56 PM
A friend has been a hoarder for at least 15 years and now her daughter is living with me when she comes home from college because of the house condition. How do we get her the help she needs.
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