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Hoarding Help Message Boards : The Daily Chat : Selling the house (and so much more)
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Selling the house (and so much more)

Posted: 29 December 2022 - 02:36 PM

I think I remember your other post, vaguely. I don't know a lot of answers, but if it helps any, I'm a devout, traditional Catholic myself, and I will pray for you - and for your brother. You do sound calmer this time around and I'm sorry you've gone through so much. Does your order, spiritual director, et al have any advice and/or support? I realize they may not feel they can get that involved.

One thing that has helped me recently with some of my own spiritual struggles has been a little video by the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, on the theme "Poco a Poco" - about taking life "little by little." It may sound deceptively simple, but I've gotten much inspiration from it.
Jay W
Posted: 27 December 2022 - 03:18 AM
BTW, if anybody wonders why I didn't go to the police after my brother threatened to kill his girlfriend, know this. I had tried several times to go to the police over his drug issues. The police at the station were useless. They didn't listen, and were quite rude as such. One even said I might be the druggie and I wanted to get him in trouble.

Had I thought of it at the time, I would have gone to the store, bought a drug test kit, gone back to the station, found the idiot who said that to me, and said to him, "Here, I'll do this right in front of you, to get you to stop with the stupid and pathetic drivel you dished out before."

And I'm not sure if it was before or after the murder threat, but at one point police were at the house and had six guns drawn on him. In my humble opinion, that's not a solution and I didn't want that.

Believe me, you may think correctly in hindsight what to do about something, but when you are in the middle of it your mind can be clouded.
Jay W.
Posted: 27 December 2022 - 03:06 AM
It's been years since I've posted here. My family story has been rather unique, as hoarding was only one of many problems. Some of this will sound hard to believe, but it is true. Please, understand I am not trying to violate any rules by talking about other subjects or anything. I need people to understand the incredibly severe trauma I have been through.

I have an older brother who is a severe hoarder. But in addition to those things, he has:

--Used powder cocaine, crack, crystal meth, and possibly opiates;

--Been addicted to pornography;

--Threatened his girlfriends and others with murder;

--Stole $160,000 in inheritance money from me (stolen out of a trust for me put by our mother under his control, in the greatest mistake of her life);

--Once tried voodoo in order to put a hex on a rival (after he got a book on voodoo while going hunting for items to hoard);

--Has engaged in transvestism (please, nobody try to inject any ideas here. I'm not talking "trans" stuff. I'm a younger brother whose image of him was shattered when I learned this and who had to suddenly see the only man in the family I could rely on was within);

--Failed to pay taxes for years on the house, and likely insurance as well;

I have OCD. I've had it for decades. We are now in our 50's. When I was in my 20's I was the one who needed all the help from OCD and he was the one who was stable. Now in our 50's the roles have reversed. He, unfortunately, is in control of our house. Our mother died in 2015. We had a combined total of maybe 600,000 or more in inheritance money, all of which went directly or indirectly (through the trust) to him. The trust was set up because I am a Catholic religious brother and my mother had problems with the Church, so she didn't want the Church to have it. The sad thing is, my congregation's bylaws state that a person could give their money to anybody or any entity that they want before joining. She did this out of a mistake. I could have given my inheritance to other family members and charities.

Now he has blown through nearly all of it and we have to sell the house. The house, now filled with junk and in severe disrepair, must be sold. It is the only way to save it from the hoard, which the house has groaned under for over seven years. The house has been in our family for over 50 years, and both of us lived in it for many years as adults, though I have not for the past 13 or so. In fact, I have not stepped inside of it for the past seven, all due to the hoard.

The hoard for me caused PTSD, which took the form of about 185 dreams about it over a few years after our mother died and it started to spread.

I promised my mother before her death that I would do what I could to try to save the house from the hoard. But I couldn't do it. I was legally shut out.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone by saying this, as I am not trying to brand all hoarders as the same, but I am SICK of the TWISTED EVIL (the drugs, the the violence, the threats to kill, the bizarre sexual practices) that has gone on in my family home, both by my brother and the riff raff off the street he allowed in.

This past Christmas I had to do something extraordinary. I had just learned he stole $160,000 out of my trust. And on Christmas Eve, I received texts from him about how yet another one of the riff raff threatened to harm him. I invited him to church, trying to get him out of there. The next morning I learned from additional texts that he broke his TV in anger, and tore down his Christmas decorations as it seemed there was to be yet again no Christmas for him. Most avoid him because he can be very toxic.

So I scrounged up some things I had no use for, including an expensive robe that I had never worn, and wrapped them as Christmas presents or put them in a bag. I drove an hour from my location and braved the sight of the outside of the house. I left the gifts on the front door and left, as he had told me via text that he wanted to be left alone. But shortly after I came back, fearing that the riff raff would take the gifts. I yelled out his name from the street, because I didn't want to knock and then see the interior with all the hoard when he would open the door.

We did indeed have a few good moments outside. I'm glad I did it. But what it took out of me, and what circumstances it was under. I had just learned he had stolen $160,000 from my trust. It required every ounce of forgiving strength to go there.

But now I am feeling so down, so depressed today. We face the loss of our home, our beloved home of over 50 years, in the coming months. He wants to leave and move somewhere else where the riff raff won't follow. And leasing doesn't appear to be an option.

In terns of a car to drive and a roof over my head, I am OK. I live on a good property of a religious congregation. But I have suffered so over the past 17 years, in some ways beyond the scope of this board and would take too long to tell. Let's just say I went far and wide to find a solution to his drug problem, before the hoarding developed (as far away as Europe, but that's another story).

How do I emotionally deal with the impending loss of our home? It has to happen, to save it from both the hoard and the near Satanic stuff that has gone on there. But it feels like putting a dog you've had for many years whom you love very much to sleep.

From what all I have suffered I should no longer be alive. I should have died of a heart attack years ago from this. To give just one example, years ago he threatened to kill a former girlfriend, who was also crazy. She was another severe hoarder, who claimed one night that she could go "all Satan" on people she would get mad at and that "people would be dead." But one day he threatened to kill her to me, and was deadly serious in his tone. Days later I found out she was missing. She was reported missing to the police, who came and questioned him. For two weeks I feared he'd killed her and maybe buried her body in the backyard. Only after then did I find out, through texts from her, that she had committed herself to a psychiatric hospital and didn't tell anybody. She got out, promptly threatened to kill herself in my brother didn't allow her to get her stuff back, forcing me to alert her own family to her suicidal threat.

Not a hoarding issue? True. But it is a part of the ABSOLUTE TERROR I have been through, which includes the horrible hoard.

HOW do I get over the impending loss of our beloved home? And why did 17 years of all these horrific evils have to happen to me?

Today was the first day ever in my life that I prayed to God that, if it be His will, to take me tonight. I'm not suicidal. I'm not talking that. I just wish He would take me in my sleep tonight. That I suppose is not the right idea for a religious, but then most religious do not have to deal with what was thrust on me against my will.

I'm talking about handling things emotionally. I'm not interested on this board in talk about lawyers, the police, or anything like that.
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