Well, we did good this time. This past weekend on both days we worked for an hour and a half each day to try and clean some of the junk. It's not great, but we're trying. It just feels like we're only moving stuff around though, I don't feel like stuff is getting cleaned. I told my sister we need professional help and she has finally agreed. I have sent another email to see if somebody will help us this time. I hope so because this is too hard to do alone with two women only in the 50's! We have nobody else to help.

AnneL, don't give up. Do 5-15 minutes of cleaning today, no matter what. Send another email, too, and/or reach out to another local cleaning crew from the list. Let us know. You'll get there yet!

Tillie, love to read your posts.

Yesterday I finally DID something so today I hope to do a bit more.

Anne
Please try sending another email to Cory.

Sometimes there is a problem with our internet servers and emails get lost in the clouds.

Just last month that happened to an email that I sent to a friend.

Well, I heard from from Cory actually and he said he needed to get more information from me. He said I could email or call to set up a meeting time to discuss what I wanted. I chose the email since I can't face people just yet, but I never got another response, either from Cory (who I know is very busy) or anyone else. I have since gone back into procrastination mode. We attempted to try to clean on Memorial day weekend but didn't get very far. It's too overwhelming and it's so hard to sort and pack at the same time. I feel frustrated!

Okay, ladies, please update us! I'm anxious to hear more from each of you.

AnneL: If you are a hoarder who has tons and tons of stuff, then it becomes too tempting to "churn" the piles (i.e., move them from one place to another) rather than purge the piles. Have you heard back from whomever you contacted yet?

ann, you still here? Let us hear from you.

Kindred Spirit, hoping to hear more about your adventures in decluttering. I hope you are feeling a bit better?

The past couple of days I've done next to nothing but procrastinate and ignore. With the sun coming out again I hope I'll get up some energy to DO instead of just BE.

Kindred Spirit, you have managed to organize this whole intervention on your behalf in ways that allow you to handle it. I'm impressed, especially that you had "on call" support if you needed it.

Keep us posted with all the steps. Go girl!

The crew is taking pictures and will be leaving me with the pre-post album. I know that will aid me in staying the course plus the support from these boards. Tomorrow will be more clothing clean out with the volunteer team then Tuesday will be back to the paid crew. Initially the paid crew wanted to come in with 2 teams of 2 and I was able to speak up and say that it would be too overwhelming. That was probably the smartest thing for me. I had a good friend on call just in case I needed support. I have not needed to call upon her and it felt good to know it was an option. Everyday I read these boards even if I did not have the energy to post.

Dianne and Kindred Spirit, so glad you posted! I've been thinking of you.

Kindred, it sounds very tiring but I am glad you are holding onto the realization that you can expect some physical and emotional upheaval as you go through the cleanout and cleanup of the hoard. Did you take before and after pictures, or did they? I've kept mine on my computer and hope one day to take "after the after" photos when the placed is more gussied up and painted, etc.

I am now four days into the process and the clearing is a relief and I wish to be able to let go of more. I had a team of two men from an agency listed on our national resources. They have been super. Small glitches...sure however compared to my slow painstaking approach this is easy. On Friday I had a team of two women volunteers who helped to go through clothing. I was connected to them through the paid agency and they have handled the donations. I am not feeling physically great and am not expecting to as this is a struggle of letting go and having faith that life can be better. I will have about three days more of paid help before I hit my budget limit. Hope that will get the rest of the house. It is an amazing positive process.

I am anxious to read updates from KindredSpirit and Dianne.

Anne, I wish it were different too. Thanks for writing that, made me think. I often think things will be different, that one day I will wake up and without effort, will be an organized minamilist. Now I know I have to go through the anxiety and pain and tears, that I had today, when I couldn't finish bathroom, wondered what is wrong with me, why can't I just finish it. Procrastination is part of the problem, and thinking I will all of a sudden be inspired and an organized person. guess I just have to keep going through the actions, even though not an inspired cleanie. Keep thinking it should be more fun than it is. Thanks for being on here.

AnneL, congratulations on a very big step. Don't forget we are here for you on each step!

Roxie

Yay for me! First step past my procrastination, I sent an email and asked for help, finally! Perhaps I am on my way to getting free.

I thank you all for your kind words of encouragement on this board, you have all been my inspiration. It really has made a difference realizing that I am not the only one feeling like this! I wish it was different, but I accept that it's not, I just have to deal with it. I hope I can post that I am a success soon, and then I can help others who may feel like I do how I overcame it.

ann, I hope you'll keep reading and posting to the boards here. I think it'll help. I have (among other this) CFS, so I can really relate to feeling exhausted even after small tasks like taking things out to the garbage. Are you experiencing physical fatigue or is anxiety the major issue?

AnneL, I think I meant not to be so mentally hard on yourself. Do 15 minutes a day of cleaning if you can manage it. If not, pick a small amount of time and commit to it. As for picture taking, take the pictures but don't look at them right now if you cannot. They'll be there for when you can, and you will in future appreciate having them. After all, one day they will show you how far you have actually come.

If you go to Squalor Survivors website, you can look at other peoples' before and after pictures and read about their journeys. They don't identify as hoarders but... well, you'll see. It helped me to eventually come to the point where I reached out. Yes, it took years.

AnnL, I appreciate so much what you wrote about trying to organize and it looks worse, I have experienced that so many times lately, want to give up then realize, there is a mess before the order and push through it. I have now gotten to the point where I am so disgusted, I can toss more and more junk, there is no way to clean and organize all the stuff I have. I ached for you when I read about your frustration, because I know it so well. I think working on it daily for as long as we can will get us to the point where we will be ready to let it go, to have freedom from the bondage we are in with all this crap, no matter how valuable it is, it controls us, and we deserve better. I still feel so overwhelmed when I see how much there is to do, and I am not willing to quit, so I focus on one area, like today I did 1/2 of bathroom, and can see the difference, but I did have to throw away a bunch of stuff, curlers, old cleaning stuff etc. Please hang in there and keep working on it, and hopefully you will get to the point you just start tossing stuff. You can do this, just takes time. I have been working on it for years, then 2 months ago I got on this site, and work on the hoard daily, and things are finally changing. It takes time, and the desire for a different life will become stronger.

So tired. Just carrying three bags of garbage to the trash room exhausted me. Anxiety is an issue.

Hi Roxie,

Thank you for advice to not push yourself too much, but that attitude, I think, is what put me in this mess to begin with, when I tried to clean before and felt overwhelmed I would say to myself, hey, don't push yourself, just do what you can. But perhaps you're right, it would help ground me in reality if I go to each room and take "before" pictures, I never thought to try that. However I feel to embarrassed to see it in pictures though!

I have already tried to sort stuff out, but I ended up making the mess a little worse because I piled stuff on top of stuff, whereas before it was all in it's place. Now I feel like I made it worse. I really feel pressure too because this house is not my own, it's a rental and all I can think of is, would I want to find out my tenant lived like this if this was my house? Which makes me feel sick!

I have actually tried taking a few things out at a time, but it seems so minuscule in comparison to what is left behind that I feel that doing that is useless. I will keep trying to push myself though to get past this. I know I can overcome this.

KindredSpirit, I am so happy you've come back to post your first successful day. You can do it. You can handle the physical protests and the emotional fallout, and if you need follow-up assistance you can seek it. I think these boards are helping me continue the journey of change. I'm excited to hear about your next cleanup tomorrow.

AnneL, dear, don't push yourself too much. We are or have all been anxious, ashamed, scared, lonely, etc. about our situations and about taking any steps in any direction. Perhaps it would help ground you in reality if you go to each room in your place (or any other messy areas) and take "before" pictures. I did that TWO YEARS before I finally reached out, and I am glad I did. Looking at before and after pictures still amazes me and confuses me why I just could not see what was my reality. Fifteen minutes a day for now, okay, and keep posting.

Dianne, you made me laugh with your handful of trash then putting it down "for later." Can't count the number of times I have done that. One thing I found about cleaning up after myself was the voice in my head from my son saying "take something with you when you leave a room, and move it there." In other words, things like pick up dirty dishes from the living room and actually put them in the sink or dishwasher. It helped me become more aware of my vast tendency to just let things stay where they may.

Tillie, love to hear from you.

Roxie

Kindred Spirit
WAY TO GO! :D
I am so very proud of you!
Yes, this is not at all an easy thing to do but you have done it! :D

Take care of yourself & rest up today.
Looking forward to hearing how the next step goes.

(((hugs)))

Well yesterday was the garage clean out ....it was amazing and it is done. Thank goodness today is a day off. I was able to let go of great quantities of the past, not easy however so glad to have the assistance of strong guys and not something I could have expected friends to do. The good stuff was donated....yes I could cry over the dreams of wedding crystal that was never used in 12 years of marriage however I have no plans to use it and frankly I always thought it too fragile to want to use it. Life turned out different than planned. That is the past.

I did get a huge flare of pre-existing GI problems and had to excuse myself to use restroom. I am in severe pain in the gut today and yesterday however thanks to Roxie I had no illusion that it would be easy. I am working on believing that I will be equally successful inside tomorrow. I also need to be committed to maintain the gains and stay active on the board. I am also figuring out if I can make my iPad access the support group or use another device.

This is tough stuff and I had to make the choice to change.

Roxie, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It's so tough taking that first step. I know I will be much better off once I do it, it's just getting there that's so hard right now. I feel sick when I think of continuing to leave things as they are but I feel so overwhelmed when I think of trying to clean it. It's a 3 bedroom 2 bath house and every room, plus the garage, is full of stuff. But I keep forcing myself to come back to this site and keep reading what others in similar situations are doing and it's giving me courage. I'm hopeful that perhaps this weekend I will finally take the plunge.

Kindred, I am so excited for you. PLEASE post to us anywhere on this board as you go along. I recently went through the cleanup crew thing (see success stories) and although it was tiring, it was also liberating.

AnneL, I can definitely relate to procrastination. I'm doing a good job of it right this minute! Anyway, don't be so hard on yourself. It's part of the whole picture. Start with 15 minutes of cleaning a day, period. See if you can do that. You'll come to a point where you actually reach out for help. It may not be today or next week, but you will, I think.

I watch a lot of hoarding shows and that helped get me to the point of realizing that years had passed and I was nowhere near getting a handle on things on my own. I finally reached out. It was scary but I'm glad I did.

Thanks Kindred Spirit for sharing with me. It's nice to know I am not alone.

Welcome Anne :)
At 5:00pn PST today is the ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP.
Just click on the red box and you can join us. :D

You have company. I believe my procrastination has to do with perfectionism. Tomorrow I will have help from a company listed on the national resource list.......it is long overdue and I need objective eyes on my "collection" of wanted items that were never used and have added "paralysis of action" on top of procrastination. I in turn was inspired by so many of the voices on this board. I will do my best to share my experience of "letting go" of the past and future and embracing each day. I need these helpers to help me take care of myself by removing the obstacles that I have falsely seen as protection. I can no longer live in procrastination nor be comfortable removing the clutter with a teaspoon. Thank you AnneL for adding this thread and welcome.

Hello,

My name is Anne and I am a hoarder and I also procrastinate a lot! I keep telling myself to do something to clean up, but then it feels overwhelming and I put it back on the "back burner" and forget it for awhile until it comes back and attacks my subconscious. Is there anyone else out there that is like this? I feel so useless and defeated. I know it's all in my head, but I can't shake it. I am trying to call or email this Hoarding Cleanup site so that I can get on the road to repair, but I keep "putting it off" waiting for a better time. Well, you know what? That "better" time never comes, another weekend passes and another, then what, I'm still where I was before. I need to know if others feel like this.