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Newbie help

Posted: 12 March 2022 - 11:43 AM
welcome Anna!

I am married to a hoarder too, and it has been a huge issue. I don't read about it but I read here on the message board. I find it very helpful.

I found that my own dysfunction layers on top of my husband's. For example, he hoards everything. Saved things I would call trash. Even spoiled food, used paper towels, junk mail for 15 years. So then I tend to leave a lot of my own clutter, like clothes, boxes, trinkets, just stuff... and I don't want to get rid of anything because if I do clear any space, he fills it up with his junk.

The only thing that has helped so far is defining my boundaries. MY bedroom is off limits to anything of his (weird I know, but he has his own bedroom too and it is piled to 3/4 to the ceiling and you can't see any floor). MY bathroom does have some of his things in it, but if it gets cluttery I shove it into his drawers or throw it out. So he has a couple areas he can clutter but the rest, I won't tolerate. In fact, when he goes on trips, I quickly declutter any "spilled-over" clutter of his in the areas he is not supposed to clutter. I would never throw away anything I knew was really important to him, but last time he went on a trip I decluttered 50 or 60 empty cardboard boxes and a whole lot of old paper towels, plasticware, etc that was all over the family room. He did not complain when he came back.

Feel free to come back and share more about your situation!
Posted: 10 March 2022 - 10:06 AM
Hi Anna,

I'm working through the book "buried in treasures" although I came to it after learning a lot already and being motivated to shift directions. It might be a helpful resource for you even if your husband isn't there yet.
Posted: 02 March 2022 - 08:55 PM
Hello Anna B and welcome! There's a small but mighty group of us who post about our trials and tribulations on the thread What are you doing today. We would love to have you join us. We are hoarders ourselves although in very different stages. At least one person has a hoarding husband.

There are two two books that people recommend on a fairly regular basis. One is Buried in Treasures and the other one escapes me.

Anna we would love to have you join us. We will do our best to support you.
Anna B
Posted: 02 March 2022 - 02:22 PM
I've been married to a hoarder for 31 years. I need to address the many emotions I have around this overwhelm. It's depressing.
What books are people reading? What support services are actually useful?

Thank you, in advance.

Anna B
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