Hi Tom, I am not an expert but I know that the book Digging Out can be very helpful. What a shame and I am sure you are worried to death. See if the book can help you find a way to approach the situation, and please keep us posted.

My 91 year old relative will not allow anyone to enter her house. I think that she is embarrassed by the condition of the house. She does not know that I entered when she was not there. I cannot let the situation continue, but I think that it will be a disaster if she loses trust in me. How do I communicate with her so that I can help?