I started a new thread on this, because it is feeling very emotional got me and I wanted it to be more focused and not woven into everything else.
I know the book is for the person who is trying to help the hoarder, especially Isley when the hoarder doesn't think there is a problem.
So, I am the hoarder, and I have been working on the problem for a long time, so it is not the same. But I still struggle to communicate with dh and I thought it would help.
The section on forgiveness was really hard for me. I don't feel like I need to forgive anyone who struggled with (or still struggles with) me, because I don't blame them. I understand why they did/do the things they did/do I understand where they are coming from, and it makes sense. I don't see them as having done anything "wrong".
Things that didn't work, things I didn't like, but not "wrong". More like when my Dad made potato salad and put bacon in it and forgot that meant I couldn't eat it. He always puts bacon in his potato salad. And technically, I could eat it. The not eating it was totally on me.
I, on the other hand, have done many things wrong. When the book started talking about focusing on how you wished things had been different, and accepting the reality of how they were, mourning losses and healing, I just wanted to yell NO!
I don't want to think about all the ways I screwed up my kids lives, I don't want to think about all the things I did wrong. I don't want to think about how I hurt them. I did my best. And it sucks that my best wasn't good enough. And there is nothing I can do to fix that. And I don't want my kids to think about all the ways I let them down. And I definitely don't want to hear them!
So now, I just don't want anyone else to read the book.
And I feel really sad about all the lost time.
Also, Tillie, I really want to know, if you don't mind sharing, if you have forgiven Steven?